Other My Rant Thread

[-.-.Lucifer.-.-]

If you ever had anxiety about life, food, or anything you'll know how shitty it can be. If you've ever had some kind of mood disorder you'll know how much your mood can affect certain things like appetite, libido, sleep schedules, ect... ect...


WELP Today I was having a decent day. I didn't eat as much as I should but I ate enough to where I was in a decent mood and my meds were working... Well I have this thing about bringing food to work because I can't STAND eating crap fastfood and pizza and junk like that. I always MAKE my own dinner, I always enjoy/look forward to it too.


So I heat up my vegetarian rice and vegetable dish I had made specifically to eat at work. I'm all happy, ya know, because I'm a fantastic fucking cook.


Oh shit the phone goes off! So I grab the work phone to answer the call aaaaaaaaand


Boom...


Food everywhere.


All over my thighs.


All over the floor.


Some in my hair.


I'm furious


Fucking angry as hell.


So what do I do?


I throw the rest of my food away and drink some water.


WHAT EVEN IS MY BRAIN!?


I'm hungry now, but too pissed off to eat anything. Too angry at myself for wasting the food.


Too mad at the food for being all over the place.


So glad I only have an hour until I'm done with work.

 

[-.-.Lucifer.-.-]

I didn't expect anyone to ever read these ramblings and now that I see I've had 15 people view this thread I'm slightly shocked and a wee bit shameful----


Just kidding I don't give a shit what you guys think of my crazy brain. READ AWAY YOU GLORIOUS BASTARD.


Anyways.


Work


I fucking hate work. I don't hate it for the reasons I would normally hate work: stress, co.workers, rides, authority, pay...


I hate this job for some pretty different reasons... and that's really weird because people would die for this job.


SO HERE GOES


1.) I can't get overtime

My boss is an asshole, and he's hardcore racist towards white people (Luckily I'm pale as hell but I have the face of my ancestors-- Israeli.) He doesn't like paying people overtime and while I was training he was making a big stink about more then one person being behind the front counter at a time. (Lol hello fucker am I suppose to figure this all out by myself? I don't think so) Well because of this it took me FOREVER to train in and I'm still trying to learn shit because whoever trained me SUCKS at their job.

2.) I'm always fucking bored

You have no idea. Busy days are the greatest and even then I'm entirely sick of the day after only a few hours. There are a bunch of pros to this: I.e. I get to slum it on this website and I have pretty much freedom to do whatever I want as long as I get my work done. (Honestly that isn't even all that much.) BUT I DO THIS FOR 8-9 HOURS. We're super slow pretty much 80% of the time and the fact that my shift consists of literally saying hello to someone, clicking around my screen for two seconds and sending them on their way makes me feel like I'm hardly contributing to society AT ALL. There's soooooooooo much down time, I'm hardly use to it at all. I ended up having to cut my food intake by like half because I'm hardly active during my shifts. EVEN IF I HAVE TO FOLD LAUNDRY. I feel like for the amount of work I don't do... I'm getting paid way too much (But shhhhh don't tell them that. I secretly like getting paid to do nothing). BUT I WISH TO BE ACTIVE!! I came from jobs such as: Retail, Fast food, Baristas, Commercial cleaning, Waiting... and now my 8 hour shifts are spent ON MY ASS. It's great but horrible.



3.) Lack of human communication

It's only me during these boring 8 hours. ONE EMPLOYEE is on at all times. Only one. The only shift that has more then one person is the morning shifts-- and that's only because we have housekeeping. AND THEY DON'T EVEN DO THEIR JOBS CORRECTLY!! Don't get me wrong though, I totally fucking hate other humans getting in my space and I ADORE the lack of human stench breathing down my fucking neck and watching everysinglething I do. BUT-- I'm alone when shit goes down and that happens all the time. Everyone has trouble with their TV's. Everyone has trouble with their AC. OH MY GOD they even have trouble understanding that this motel is NON SMOKING. I get bitched out everyday about shit I can't control. "Have you seen this room!?" Lol nope because that's not my job sweetheart I can move you into another room but goddamn this place is cheap what the fuck did you expect? I'm an introvert... hardcore... but this is just ridiculous. I go crazy talking to myself. Not to mention the likelihood of me getting robbed makes my anxiety go on the fritz. Although... getting a break to eat or go to the bathroom is kind of a hit and miss, you have no ideas how many times cute people have walked in while I'm eating and my face went BEAT red. And... I have so many shameful stories about old men coming in looking for me while I was on the john.



4.) Old people

I don't HATE old people... but I hate old people. They're always soooo crabby here. They can never get their TV to work and boy oh boy are they CHEAP. I've given some of them the lowest discount I can and that's pretty low for a motel room... and they

still ask if I can give it to them cheaper

. And hell or high water they WILL get a working TV or they'll leave... which will put me in a bad spot because they paid to stay here and that means *shivers* refunds. Refunding people is the worst because I end up having to call 3 different people to get permission.



I know what you're thinking: "Wow Haru you complain a lot." Hell yes I do.


But this job doesn't come without it's amazing perks.

A.) I don't have to fucking wear shoes. HA. Stick that in your peacepipe and smoke it! You'd think that someone working in a motel business would have to dress the part. HAHA not me. I go with DC slip ons, dirty jeans, and whatever shirt I throw on in the morning. I strut through the hallways with mis-match socks.


B.) Cartoons at work. I watch Cartoons like a mad man while I work because daytime television sucks ass and I'm a child inside.


C.) I work alone. I don't have to worry about other people doing their jobs, and they don't worry about me doing mine. There are no arguments or gossip or drama. This doesn't come without it's horrible cons but whooooooooooo cares?


D.) I get to visit with you lovely motherfuckers. I have free reign of TWO PC's. Plus there is an incognito tab so most of my search history is lost in the void (I promise it's all rated pg-13 I just hate nosy co. workers. I'M LOOKING AT YOU JACK)


E.) PAYMENT. I get paid reeeeeeeeally well for the lack of work I do. I've already got a car I'm waiting on repairs for. It's paid for... I just need that baby to run. I feel like I'm stealing though-- even if it's legal.


F.) My brothers and friends can come bug me whenever the fuck they want. I feed them our breakfast foods-- they love me becasue I have access to an unlimited supply of doughnuts and mini muffins. BWAHA.


G.) Time flies when I work here. I'm glad that the unbearably boring shifts go by quickly, otherwise I'd have no more hair left to rip out.

xD

 

[yaint]

are you ok

 

[KyanoTzoker]

<p>Hahahahaha, Twixt. </p>


<p>


Yo Haru, I have nothing to contribute, but I'm gonna let you know I'm listening. <img src="<fileStore.core_Emoticons>/emoticons/laugh.png" alt=" xD " srcset="<fileStore.core_Emoticons>/emoticons/laugh@2x.png 2x" width="20" height="20" /></p>

 

[-.-.Lucifer.-.-]

are you ok

Yes I'm okay. lol


I just have a tendancy to complain about everything.

Hahahahaha, Twixt.
Yo Haru, I have nothing to contribute, but I'm gonna let you know I'm listening. xD

Thank you for listening c:


I didn't really ecpect anyone to read... and I don't epect feedback either lol. This is just where my appropriate-ish thoughts go


I'll probably be ranting sometime here in the next few days beeeeecaaaaaaause I'm being put in Partial Hospitalization because I'm crazy xD


SOOOOOO stay tuned :v

 

[KyanoTzoker]

I eagerly await. xD

 

[yaint]

this is somewhat entertaining, to be honest. i'll be waiting for the epilogue of your fury.

 

[KyanoTzoker]

Right? It's like watching a dodgy reality TV show.


The Life of Haru /rage.

 

[yaint]

more like the strife of harage ahahahahaahah

 

[KyanoTzoker]

hahaha, god damnit xD

 

[yaint]

kyahahahaha

 

[-.-.Lucifer.-.-]

The hospital is probably one of the most interesting places to go. The ER in particular.


My first hospitalization was my own choosing, but soon ater I kind of regretted it for a little bit. I'm getting ahead of myself.


It started off like any other boring day, I won't go into details about the shit that was going on in my brain becasue it will just make me feel like a puddle of self loathing. I was sitting around in my room waiting to be picked up for work. This was back when I did commercial cleaning for a little while. I usually watch Youtube when I want to pass the time. The rest is sort of fuzzy, I start crying out of nowhere, and I'm upstairs talking but I don't remember exactly what I'm saying. I keep telling her "I don't want to ever wake up" or some angsty shit like that.


Somewhere in there she asks me if I need to go in because I was scaring everyone out of their pants. I had an issue with self harm of different varieties and my ma was pretty pressed for getting me into a psych ward becasue this wasn't the first breakdown I'd had and they were getting...worse. I agreed to going, but still the salt water poured from my freaking eyelids. When we got there I was already thinking about running out and going to my ex's place but there was no way I'd make it. The receptionists in the ER are behind a film of bulletproof glass and you have to stick your hand through the little hole at the bottom so they can tag you like sick cattle. Damn this is pretty dark. I got a cup of coffee and sat in the pool of patients over by the kids section because there were cartoons on and there's no way in hell I was going to sit next to someone that could possibly be contageous. No fucking sir. So sitting there like the child I am, watching--- I can't even remember what was on, I want to say Chowder-- my mom tells me about this woman who had a plethora of disorders. She became an author after a 20-ish year struggle with her bipolar and manic depression, apparently ending after one single epiphany "Fuck everything, I'm being fucking happy" She said she was going to be "Furiously Happy." At the time it didn't make sense, and it still doesn't in some ways. I guess I'm still learning.


I was called back to get my blood drawn and taken into a bed. This is one thing I hate about hospitals sometimes.


When all the good nurses are taken, I always seem to be stuck with the ones who suck at drawing blood. This doesn't always happen, but it happens enough to be annoying. She stuck the needle on forefront of my arm, like where your arms bends (what the fuck do you even call that?) BUT she missed the vein. I have no idea what they teach you when you become an RN but she wiggled that needle around like there was no tomorrow. I stared at it in disbeliefe and it stung like a mother. She deided that it was no use and tried again with a different spot. wiggle wiggle wiggle. Bingo, blood. What did they think they were going to find?


Well they found nothing. Duh.


Then finally I was brought to a bed where they asked me to strip and I kept my pants on because fuck you very much. Then they wanted a urin sample?? Does my brain leak into my bladdar? Are you looking for the reason in my pee? I don't understand this, but I piss in that weird little cup and wash the fuck out of my hands before giving it to the smal stumpy RNA assigned to be my little bitch. I only see her for a few minutes. I spend most of the time talking to people and telling them I'll be going out of town for a bit (total lie x-x) A nice man, I believe from Middle-eastern descent walks in and does your round of the mill questions.


"Is there a history of deprrression in your family?"


"What meds are you taking?" (none at the time)


He leaves and another man coms in asking me the specifics of my self harm background and mental state. I hawk up a summary of some of the crap I don't talk about and he has the audacity to see my SH scars. I stare at him and blink several times and say No. That's a little bit of a step over that little thresold called personal space. So after my mom brings me some pretty good hospital food they deem me too unstable to go home. I had the opportunity to ride there in an ambulance... but no thanks. I kind of really wanted a cigarette.


My mom and I go grab some smokes and have one outside of her car. There was snow and slush on the ground, and I was standing in a puddle of murky water while my mom talked to me about plans for thanksgiving. I kind of sigh becasue it hasn't even been Haloween yet. After that she drives me to the hospital where I look around my room for one second and start getting pissed off becasue it reminds me of jail. (Maybe for another story) My mom stays for visiting hours (Which are 5-7) And then she leaves to grab me a few changes of clothing. My room is empty and white. The shower and toilet are on the left side, in the same litte closet sized room. I had to roll up a towle and place it under the door to keep the water from leaking into my room. I don't use itthe first night though. The closet is on the right side, always locked becasue we wouldn't want anyone trying to hang themselves in such a small space. The bed was crinckly and I made sure my room was cold. I slept awfully, becasue they check your bedroom every hour to make sure you're still breathing and still in your bed. I woke up every time.


------


I'm just going to leave it there and write more later.

 

[-.-.Lucifer.-.-]

That took place last year.

 

[KyanoTzoker]

Damn, dude. Sounds rough. I was having big issues with school attendance for years and my mum was always on my ass, so by the time I started SH we were right about to start medication. I'm all right now, about a year and a half on from there, medicated.


She did insist on dragging me to the ER when I hadn't even harmed myself, but I am grateful for her concern.


Hearing the hospital experience is super interesting, you have me wrapped around your little finger yo. Hope you're doing all right now?

 

[NekoQueen49]

My mom gets really sick sometimes and has to go to the hospital for it, so I know (admittedly mostly second-hand) how effed up hospitals are. And she's had the pin-the-needle-in-the-arm-hahaha-nope thing many times too. They seem to accept almost anybody to be a nurse nowadays!