Chitchat LG-B-T?

[Error 420]

I am a bisexual male. I am very sure of my sexuality. However, I have never been romantically or sexually involved with another man, and I am quite happy with my girlfriend. As such, I'm never associated with the gays from an outside observer. I'm told by gay friends that I'm "not really gay", which I agree with, because I am not. However, gay friends keep me out of things and say I don't understand things because I'm straight. I don't face any of the public backlash of homosexuals, but for some reason I am always a "gay ally". I'm not allowed to show pride. When I do I get accused by straight people for pretending to be something I'm not and by gay people for trying to hijack their movement. People look at me and they say that I'm a straight guy who just happens to watch a lot of musical theatre and sing and dance.

I'm always an outsider for pride festivals, gay rights events, ect., for reasons I can't comprehend. If I were to get a boyfriend and write "I'm gay" on all my clothes, I feel like I would be treated differently and I don't get it.

I know, I don't have to deal with the same stigma and social inequality that my homosexual friends do, but I still think it's bullshit that I can't be as vocally proud as others around me. What do y'all think?

 

[Project Naiad]

As long as you feel attraction for both sexes that makes you bisexual, and anyone who says that you're not stigmatized enough to take pride in yourself and demand to have rights has got it wrong. Social stigmas aren't something to compete for.
At least this is my opinion as a gay man.

 

[depozyt]

You're still a valid member of the LGBT+ community as a bi guy. Anybody who says different is wrong. And you should be able to take pride in yourself. Yes, you don't deal with the exactly same stigma that gay people do but it doesn't mean you don't deal with bigotry and stigma.

 

[Downlink]

I am very sure of my sexuality. However, I have never been romantically or sexually involved with another man

How can you be sure when you've never been romantically involved with a man? That's like saying that you love bungee jumping without ever actually having tried it.

 

[PanOtterPus]

How can you be sure when you've never been romantically involved with a man? That's like saying that you love bungee jumping without ever actually having tried it.

You don't have to have been romantically involved to know that you're sexually attracted to a certain gender.

 

[Error 420]

You don't have to have been romantically involved to know that you're sexually attracted to a certain gender.

That is exactly what I have to explain all the time!

 

[Cychotic]

How can you be sure when you've never been romantically involved with a man? That's like saying that you love bungee jumping without ever actually having tried it.

I would like to point out that being sexually attracted is completely different from being romantically attached.

One night stands void of so called romance most definitely exist.

And as for not having any sexual relations, but still being attracted - it is completely valid. A straight girl or boy may be attracted to the opposing gender without having sexual relations. Or could be interested romantically without sexual activity or thoughts.

The two could have never been in a romantic relationship with anyone, but they nonetheless still feel attraction.

I am a bisexual male. I am very sure of my sexuality. However, I have never been romantically or sexually involved with another man, and I am quite happy with my girlfriend. As such, I'm never associated with the gays from an outside observer. I'm told by gay friends that I'm "not really gay", which I agree with, because I am not. However, gay friends keep me out of things and say I don't understand things because I'm straight. I don't face any of the public backlash of homosexuals, but for some reason I am always a "gay ally". I'm not allowed to show pride. When I do I get accused by straight people for pretending to be something I'm not and by gay people for trying to hijack their movement. People look at me and they say that I'm a straight guy who just happens to watch a lot of musical theatre and sing and dance.

I'm always an outsider for pride festivals, gay rights events, ect., for reasons I can't comprehend. If I were to get a boyfriend and write "I'm gay" on all my clothes, I feel like I would be treated differently and I don't get it.

I know, I don't have to deal with the same stigma and social inequality that my homosexual friends do, but I still think it's bullshit that I can't be as vocally proud as others around me. What do y'all think?

This is a problem I also face, but not to that extent as I'm not as vocal. (Bi female) I completely understand where you are coming from, but as others have said, you deserve to be treated fairly even within the LGBT community.

And even though you may not face as much stigma, the fact that you face it at all is a problem and needs to be addressed.

Sexuality, even if questioning should be something treated with respect and not held to stereotypes. I think you should be valued in both communities as well as the rest of those in the community.

 

[mulled]

You are completely valid! Since I live in a rather small town and have only ever dated cis boys (with the exception of one cis girl and numerous crushes on nonbinary friends), I've gotten the whole "how do you know if you're really pansexual" spiel multiple times. Honestly, most people in my hometown don't know what pansexuality is or just don't believe in multiple genders so I often just resort to saying I'm bi. So I just want you to know that you're not alone and that you are a completely valid member of the LGBT+ community. Anybody who says otherwise, especially other members of the LGBT+ community, are honestly being jerk-faces. You should show just as much pride for your sexuality as any other queer person!​

 

[marorda]

How can you be sure when you've never been romantically involved with a man? That's like saying that you love bungee jumping without ever actually having tried it.

It's people who say things like this that make it so difficult to talk about or explain sexuality when you're not cis. I'm an ace girl with little interest in relationships. It's almost infuriating how many people don't accept being ace as a thing.
"How do you know you're ace if you never did the do?"
Well, I don't know. My total lack of interest, maybe?
"You're just not ready yet. You will change!"
Pretty sure I won't. Really. I'm the age where so many people around me are getting pregnant, while I'm just sitting here, not giving a shit about not having a relationship or having sex. I. Don't. Care.

 

[Eivonroth]

Nobody gets to define you except for you. Sure, plenty of people will try, but that's simply their perception and sadly there's nothing that can be done about that. Societal roles and communities will accept or deny anyone for whatever arbitrary reasons they choose and change whenever it suits them. Such is the whim of humanity in it constant struggle to define itself.

Just be cool and do what you want. As long as nobody gets hurt, don't worry so much about labels and what other people think.

 

[The Cheshire Cat]

The sooner you let go of identity politics, the sooner your life will become better.

 

[Supernumerary]

Honestly sexuality is not meant to be something solid, it's more fluid than anything else. That means that not everyone has to fall under a label and if they do, they don't have to fit exactly what the label specifies. What you choose to identify as and who you're attracted to is totally valid. Don't let other people invalidate you. They don't have that right.

I find that the LGBTQIA+ community has a lot of issues- gatekeeping, internalized homophobia and a lot of racism- it's better to keep it at a distance sometimes.

 

[Idea]

Out of all the causes for being gay or bi or anything alog those lines, none of them had an action as a requirement, simply a disposition. Therefore, there is no specific action that can move you in or out of the category.

One thing I don't understand however, is this hunt for stigma, positive or negative alike. I know I'm gonna sound a little cold here, but if any type of relatioship deserves special status it's heterosexual relationships. They are, after all, fundamental to humanity. However, a question might be legitimally posed as to whether ANY type of relationship deserves a singular status.

To simplify, if you are gay or bisexual, it doesn't matter what you do, you just are. I think it is a known fact at this point that it isn't something someone is by choice. However, being gay or bi should under no circumstances give any more rights than a fully heterosexual person, and that heterosexuality should in fact be promoted rather than attacked as it currently is.

 

[Rachael of the Shire]

How can you be sure when you've never been romantically involved with a man? That's like saying that you love bungee jumping without ever actually having tried it.

Saying that someone who has only had straight sex but is attracted to males can't be bi... is like saying all virgins must be asexual. Attraction is attraction and love is love regardless of whether or not romance is achieved. Deal with it.

 

[Project Naiad]

Out of all the causes for being gay or bi or anything alog those lines, none of them had an action as a requirement, simply a disposition. Therefore, there is no specific action that can move you in or out of the category.

One thing I don't understand however, is this hunt for stigma, positive or negative alike. I know I'm gonna sound a little cold here, but if any type of relatioship deserves special status it's heterosexual relationships. They are, after all, fundamental to humanity. However, a question might be legitimally posed as to whether ANY type of relationship deserves a singular status.

To simplify, if you are gay or bisexual, it doesn't matter what you do, you just are. I think it is a known fact at this point that it isn't something someone is by choice. However, being gay or bi should under no circumstances give any more rights than a fully heterosexual person, and that heterosexuality should in fact be promoted rather than attacked as it currently is.

I don't think heterosexuality should be either promoted nor attacked. I doubt humanity is at risk of becoming extinct because of gay sex.
And even if the whole world population was to somehow become 100% homosexual, I'm sure there'd be programs that promoted hetero sex for the sake of the species.

 

[Rachael of the Shire]

If I'm to believe what I've read on conservative sites, only 2-3% of the population identifies as gay. According to that statistic, the human race isn't going to go extinct anytime soon from the rise of homosexuality.

 

[Rachael of the Shire]

And if the birthrate was, in fact, decreasing, that would be more due to heterosexual couples choosing to have few or no children and people staying single than due to a couple of people who weren't having kids in the first place becoming more open about their sexuality.

 

[Noble Scion]

Well, bi means attracted to both sexes, it's also in the acronym LGBT, so it seems rather illogical that you're being treated differently given that equality is such a big thing. I don't have much to say other than the fact that people essentially want to be treated the same as everyone else, right?
Thinking on it now, It shouldn't really be something everyone should be vocal about and should just sort of be.. Accepted, like everything else.

 

[MonsterGlacier]

How can you be sure when you've never been romantically involved with a man? That's like saying that you love bungee jumping without ever actually having tried it.

If he finds men sexually attractive and if, not taken, could see himself with a man he's bisexual. That's like saying someone can't be straight unless they've been romantically or sexually involved with someone of the opposite sex.

 

[MonsterGlacier]

Hi, fellow bisexual here in a hetero-passing relationship. I don't go to pride anymore. I feel like straight allies are more accepted there than I am, all because I'm with a man and not a woman. They make me feel like I'm betraying the community.

 

[Idea]

I don't think heterosexuality should be either promoted nor attacked. I doubt humanity is at risk of becoming extinct because of gay sex.
And even if the whole world population was to somehow become 100% homosexual, I'm sure there'd be programs that promoted hetero sex for the sake of the species.

I don't believe I ever said humanity was currently in risk of extinction. Nor did I say we necessarily should promote either heterosexuality or attack it. I said, if either sexuality were to be promoted with any rights, that would be heterosexuality.

 

[Scripted Away]

I don't believe I ever said humanity was currently in risk of extinction. Nor did I say we necessarily should promote either heterosexuality or attack it. I said, if either sexuality were to be promoted with any rights, that would be heterosexuality.

Gotta disagree here though.
The question I'm asking myself right now is 'why should it be promoted?' (If anything was to be promoted.)
Is it more valid?
Is it healthier?
Are gay relationships unnormal?
None of the above.
Love is love, attraction is attraction, no matter from what gender to which.
Second question would be: how to define genders if hetero relationships were to be promoted?
Biologically?
Easy enough- BUT: is the biological gender more valid than the psychological? And what makes it So?
And what about trans men and women then, who maybe had surgeries and hormone therapy? Would they count as female or male?
Just trying to say, I think it's not that easy to say what a hetero relationship even is.
Take me, I'm genderfluid and have a boyfriend. Gay relationship? At times. Hetero? Also. At least from the psychological viewpoint, and I don't see how that should be less valid or count less than the biological one.
(And now I hope i didn't offend anyone and made my point clear (; )

 

[Idea]

Gotta disagree here though.
The question I'm asking myself right now is 'why should it be promoted?' (I'd If anything was to be promoted.)
Is it more valid?
Is it healthier?
Are gay relationships unnormal?
None of the above.
Love is love, attraction is attraction, no matter from what gender to which.
Second question would be: how to define genders if hetero relationships were to be promoted?
Biologically?
Easy enough- BUT: is the biological gender more valid than the psychological? And what makes it So?
And what about trans men and women then, who maybe had surgeries and hormone therapy? Would they count as female or male?
Just trying to say, I think it's not that easy to say what a hetero relationship even is.
Take me, I'm genderfluid and have a boyfriend. Gay relationship? At times. Hetero? Also. At least from the psychological viewpoint, and I don't see how that should be less valid or count less than the biological one.
(And now I hope i didn't offend anyone and made my point clear (; )

I understand the point you're trying to make, but you're also taking your own position under assumption. Yes, moraly and metaphysically one can conceive gay relationships and things in that vein as just as valid- hence why you can pose the matter of whether any of them should be promoted at all- but healthier and more valid? Yes, because in addition to being valid in terms of attraction, the way we function biologically supports hetero relationships.

Is biological gender more valid than psychological, you ask. Indeed it is.
I think this is increasingly becoming a lost fact of common sense, but your feelings don't change reality nor do they necessarily reflect it. Feelings are a response to a perspective, yours, your limited perspective, just like my perspective is limited. Nomatter how much you "feel like a woman" that doesn't make you a woman nor prove you are one. While the biological validity is there for the eye to see, the psychological one only exists so long as you accept it, meaning it can never hold the same degree of importance in a discussion or decision.

This isn't to say you are not free to live your life as an individual as you wish. But when it comes to large-scale principles and decisions, and I my apologies if I offend anyone when I say this, one has to work with what presents itself as real, not constructs of your mind or misinterpretation of your feelings.

If you have any interest regarding what I have to say on the matter of transgender people and anyone whose actual physical body has any dubiality regarding being male or female, there is another thread like this titled "how many genders" when I extensively discussed it.

 

[Project Naiad]

I understand the point you're trying to make, but you're also taking your own position under assumption. Yes, moraly and metaphysically one can conceive gay relationships and things in that vein as just as valid- hence why you can pose the matter of whether any of them should be promoted at all- but healthier and more valid? Yes, because in addition to being valid in terms of attraction, the way we function biologically supports hetero relationships.

I think you're confusing sex and romance.
Biology indeed supports heterosexual sex for reproductive ends. But on the romantic side all relationships are at the same level.
Should heterosexual sex be promoted? Maybe, if we ever experience a huge decrease in world population (and right now, its kinda the opposite). Should heterosexual romance be promoted? Not as much as any other romance.

 

[Idea]

I think you're confusing sex and romance.
Biology indeed supports heterosexual sex for reproductive ends. But on the romantic side all relationships are at the same level.
Should heterosexual sex be promoted? Maybe, if we ever experience a huge decrease in world population (and right now, its kinda the opposite). Should heterosexual romance be promoted? Not as much as any other romance.

No I am not confusing the two, however, I am reminding that they are related. Romance and sexuality don't identify, but they are not completely separate either.
That "romantically" speaking, platonically, such relations are at the same level, that I have even expressed myself over this discussion, I am not denying that. But in favoring one or the other, then considering they are at the same level romantically, but biology favors heterosexual ones, if any were to be promoted (and I took the time to underline that cause it's a set of words that has already been missed three times by the people who responded to me, or ignored at least), that would be the heterosexual relationship.