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Let Me Be Your Saving Grace (Continued)

Psychedelia

Psychedelia

Lonely Stoner
Alivia




Last Post/Repost

By the time that class was over, Olivia had covered almost an entire page with random, senseless doodles. She didn't bother to even look over any of them before shutting her notebook this time. Instead, she just placed the notebook on top of the rest of her books and took them to the next class. As the first one had, the next period and the next passed by quite quickly. Olivia felt as if she hadn't truly picked up any information that day, but, of course, they didn't exactly do much anyways for the first day back.


After school was out, Olivia made her way carefully to her locker. The last thing she wanted to do was be approached again by Jeremy. Though she was happy she stood up for herself earlier, she knew if he came back for a second shot she wouldn't be able to turn him down. Looking around in an almost paranoid fashion, she couldn't see Jeremy anywhere in sight. Thank God. Quickly opening her locker, Olivia shoved her books carelessly into the top part of her locker. She didn't bother even bringing anything home because, if they had homework, it wasn't getting done tonight. Olivia closed her eyes as she shut her locker and tried collecting herself. She wanted to be happy again and not think about this. She didn't want to ruin her time with her best friend over some stupid guy who shouldn't mean anything.


As Olivia walked out of the building, heading for her and Jace's spot, she began wondering what to say about Jeremy approaching her. Or, if she should even say anything at all. Jace would probably just be upset but at the same time she wanted to tell him she did good and told him off. Olivia tried to figure out how to word the situation before reaching him. Once she did reach Jace, she smiled brightly at him, genuinely happy. Happy to see him again and happy because she now knew just what to say.


Not wanting to stay any longer at the school, Olivia simply stood beside Jace. "Before we go anywhere I'd just like to let you know that Jeremy came up to me in the hall after lunch and tried to convince me to get back with him..." Olivia smiled more brightly, her pride kicking in once more. "But I told him to f*ck off." Olivia stared at Jace excitedly, waiting and hoping for a good response. The last time some guy did this, Olivia took him back almost immediately. Granted, they dated for just a bit longer but still... She shouldn't have and Jace told her that angrily after.
 
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Jace was going through the daily motions as he always did. School never really fazed him much, and he certainly wasn't about to let it start fazing him today. He knew it'd just make him over-think about everything, and then he'd be irritated, and then he'd shut himself away from everyone and everything he cared about. Better not to go down that path in the first place. So, he made it a goal to not let anything get to his head. He promised himself he wouldn't do that to Olivia. To his mother. So, as soon as the last bell rung happily through the empty hallways, he stood up, gripped his heavy backpack, and walked out of class, ignoring his teacher's protests. He didn't really give a damn today. It made him smile a bit. It never felt so good to let go of everything. To not worry about anything or anyone. To just go through the motions like any other day he would.





The sun was shining, the clouds were parted, showing a sliver of blue sky. There was a light breeze, and it wasn't too warm. Everything was just right. But he still felt it. As if something was, somehow, still off balance. Like he was missing something that should have been very obvious. It drove him insane on the inside. But he pushed the feeling aside, and instead, plastered a smile on his face. Life was good. He was doing good in school. His family was being taken care of. And, most of all, he had Olivia. The one anchor in his life, keeping him sane, keeping him feeling secure. She helped him, more than she would ever know. He just wished he could find a way to repay her. Repay her for having patience when he blew up, or just simply being there, even if neither of them talked. They didn't need to talk; just simply being in each other's presence was enough to calm him.





He had been waiting for more then a few minutes. But it was fine, he told himself. He was sure she was just being held back for a while longer. It happened every now and then. He was, of course, tempted to run down the halls, looking for her, to be sure she was okay. But he knew it'd annoy her. She would say he had too much to worry about, and that he shouldn't worry about her. But the thought in his mind stood out like a needle in a haystack. He wanted to, but he didn't. He played it cool, and sat on the bench, hands clasped, head bent downward. The sunlight shone down on him, making his blond hair look more like gold then anything. He exhaled, hearing the chatter of classmates and friends and boyfriends and broken hearts. Jace wondered how many, right now, thought that their life was miserable. Or how many thought their life was good. Or how many were just simply unhappy. He knew that there were probably a lot. Who knows. No one would ever know.


His foot was tapping against the concrete as he waited. It felt as if he'd been waiting for hours. Not that he didn't mind. He'd wait for days just to see Olivia, if he had to. He would do anything for her. Anything to make her happy, to see her smile one more time. Thinking about these thoughts, he flexed his arm, wincing slightly, and looked up upon hearing footsteps inching near him. It was Olivia. She looked slightly torn, as if she was deciding something that could change things. She sometimes got this look, he noticed. He wondered if she even knew how easily he could see her. He didn't really want to find out, so, he remained silent. His mouth curled upward in a smile, a genuine smile. He was happy to see her, whether or not he'd been mad at her earlier. It was always like this, he thought; she got a new boyfriend, she gets used, she comes running to him with a broken heart, meanwhile he's felt mad, and then he explodes, and then things go back to normal. Round and round this cycle goes, he thought with a small sigh.


Jace, before he could say something not so nice about Jeremy, stood up beside her. The sunlight was shining down on both of them, now. It made her eyelashes stand out, he couldn't help but to notice. His dimples poked out when his smile widened. If only he could always protect her. If only he could always make her feel happy. Make her feel wanted. There was always "if only's" in life. But what mattered is if he would change the "if only's" into real life. He wanted to. But he didn't. Couldn't. "That's my girl," he lightly bumped her shoulder with his fist, a full on grin on his face now as he looked at her. He wasn't exactly lying. He was proud of her. He was glad she stood up for herself. But he was also saddened that he wasn't there to defend her. That he wasn't nearly as much there for her as he wanted to be. His smile faded. But he continued on. "I'm proud of you, Olivia. I always will be."

​
 
Olivia wasn't sure how Jace was going to react to what she had told him. She was worried that he would still be upset and that he would be more upset that she didn't tell him a full story, rather, a short tidbit of information that could have been clipped from anywhere. Nonetheless, she was full of excitement and worry as she watched Jace stand up beside her. 'That's my girl.' He had said just before bumping her lightly in the shoulder. Immediately, she smiled and hugged him, squeezing him gently. She was proud of herself, too. Olivia thought she may be even more proud but that seemed unlikely. Jace had always been there for her through her rough times as she was there for him but he always kept the faith in her that she had lost. Olivia was now simply happy that he had reacted in a very good way, though, she now realized it was a bit foolish to think he would react in any other way.


Stepping back away from Jace, Olivia looked up at him and smiled. She wanted to leave everything about Jeremy behind; thoughts and feelings. And she did. Olivia knew Jace wouldn't want to talk about it much longer and she didn't really want to explain how Jeremy tried to get her back so she tried to figure out where to go from here. Various thoughts and ideas clouded her brain but the simplest choice was to ask about later that evening. It was now almost 3 which meant she had Jace would only have a few hours of each other's time before Olivia was left alone once more.


"Were you planning on going home first before coming over? I figured you would so I was just going to stop by the video store on the way home... Is there anything you want to see in particular?" Olivia adjusted her standing position slightly, looking over at a few people who were passing by and eyeing her and Jace suspiciously. She flashed a smile their way and they quickly turned their gaze in another direction. still clearly talking about the two. Olivia shrugged softly and looked back at Jace, quickly distracted by his hair. The sun was shining almost directly on them at this time of day and was giving a special glow to Jace's hair. In the lighting, his hair was now a bright golden blonde color as opposed to it's usual dirty blonde. Either way, Olivia loved his blonde hair and always wished she had it, too.


Olivia's mother and father both have very dark hair, as most of their family does. So, although she always wished for light hair, Olivia was born a brunette. Once or twice she had dyed her hair blonde but it never came out any lighter than a golden brown color. Olivia's mother would never let her bleach her hair so she never did. Instead, Olivia began dying her hair a deep red color. The first time she dyed it, Olivia hated it but other people seemed to really like it. Over time, she grew to like the color change. Olivia occasionally lets the color fade out on it's own but tends to go back and forth from brunette to burgundy every other month or so.
 

Olivia said nothing, but instead leaned in closer to him, pulling him into a gentle hug. It put a smile back on his weary face. He hugged her back, and for a split second, closed his eyes and let the moment slip away. The next thing he knew, he was slowly pulling away from her, and she was pulling away from him. He looked up, and immediately regretted it; a few students were directly staring at them, a skeptical look on their faces. He bit his lower lip to contain his laughter. He always found it amusing to see other people's reactions, and it made him laugh. He wasn't quite sure why, but it did. He grabbed his backpack, slung it over his left shoulder, and began walking side by side with Olivia, the way they had always been doing since they were kids. Close, almost close enough for their shoulders to be touching. He didn't want this to ever stop. The thought made him hesitate. In a few hours, he'd be gone.


Jace was tired. He needed a break from everything. He wanted to spend a whole day with Olivia, and no one else. No worried filled thoughts. No guilt. No regrets. But that was a dream that would never come true. Not now, anyway. As long as the bills would keep piling in, he'd be working and working and working. No time to waste. As much as it sucked and hurt, he had to do it. He had to leave her to work through the night, to work until dawn, and then sleep for a few hours, get ready for school, and begin the whole day again. Even on the weekends, he had to work. Too bad he wasn't rich enough to take a long vacation in the Bahamas. Or even a small trip out of town, in fact. Not that it'd matter. He wouldn't leave this town. This was his home. And he wouldn't want to leave Olivia behind, either. He wouldn't be able to. So, he'd stay. He'd work. He'd work like there's no tomorrow.


The backpack was weighing down on the blond's shoulder, crushing the flesh beneath it. It wasn't so bad. It felt good, to feel something. To know this was real. To know he was walking beside Olivia, to feel a few strands of her hair tickle his arm the way it always did in the breeze. Of course, he kept this to himself. It seemed he kept a lot of things to himself. Besides, who would want to listen to what he had to say? It'd be, frankly, boring. He once had to write a poem in sixth grade, and read it in front of the whole class about what he thought beauty was. And the whole class laughed. So, who would care what he had to say? Who would care what he thought about? No one did. And he was just fine with that. In fact, he'd rather it be like that. All he really cared about was his family, and Olivia. They were his meaning to life. Literally.


"Yeah," his voice broke the silence that he had let linger in the cool air. He didn't really mind what movie they saw. Anything to keep his mind occupied, he loved. And she knew that. "Anything is fine, really. As long as it's not depressing, anyway." He smiled. He didn't need to be depressed. He didn't have time for that. Besides, life was too short to be in a depressed state. His mother had told him that once. So, ever since then, he'd been convinced he didn't have time to be depressed or sad. Sure, he got a little sad sometimes, but he always got over it. Sure, he got a little mad from time to time. Alright, that was a understatement. He got upset frequently over the past few months. But that didn't stop him from trying to do his best at everything he did; school, his work, and being a good friend for Olivia. "I'm sure you'll find something good, so don't worry about it." He smiled again.

​
 
Olivia walked beside Jace as they did basically everyday. Soon enough, they would go their separate ways and down different streets to their homes. But for now, they would be side by side, enjoying the warm weather. Walking home had always been the best part of Olivia's day since she met Jace. The feeling of having her best friend here to talk to, laugh with, and simply enjoy being near followed by being alone to collect her thoughts for a few blocks was very unique. As much as she hated being alone, after being with Jace for those brief moments she never really felt alone for the rest of the walk. Instead, she felt as if he never really left her side because, in truth, he would always be there for her when she really needed him to be.


Watching the people pass by them was always something Olivia liked to do. She liked to picture everyone having happy lives. When she saw someone who was upset, her first instinct was to comfort them but she never could because every time she tried it seemed like people assumed she had no idea what misery felt like. But Olivia knows that feeling far too well. And when she would see couples, holding hands or kissing each other goobye Olivia couldn't help but feel jealous, heartbroken, and happy all at the same time. She had always wished for a relationship like you see in the movies but she had never gotten the chance to have on yet, or so it seemed. She was always left in longing as she admired the people in what appeared to be those type of relationships. Olivia would always want that kind of happiness but she would never let herself have it.


Olivia nodded in response to Jace before responding, "I'll grab a few options and we can decide later," she said confidently. She glanced up and over at Jace, his hair still a bold golden color in the sun, then back in front of her. They had now managed to walk a couple blocks away and the video store was just ahead. Olivia's gaze wandered over across the street to the store. She sighed softly before speaking up, "Well, I guess I'll just wander over there now. What time do you think you'll be over?" she questioned, stopping and turning to face him.


Olivia always felt as if asking him to come over was more of a burden than anything. Of course, she knew Jace was her best friend and he seemed to enjoy being over but she couldn't help but feel like her needs were irrelevant in his daily life. She knew his family life was crazy and expecting him to make time for her was a big thing to ask. Olivia wished they could do more normal teen things together because she felt like maybe then she would be able to find something stable. Instead, Jace was forced to work hard shifts to care for his family and she was constantly partying and putting herself into bad situations and even worse relationships. Olivia just wished that for once the two could get to a good enough place in life where they could just travel together and enjoy their young lives... But that would simply never happen.
 

He could see a dove casually hopping from one tree to the next along the sidewalk. On a small branch, he could see a tiny little brown nest hidden by some green leaves, and a few twigs. As they walked, he watched in slight interest as the small dove nestled inside it's home, covering it's eggs. Soon enough, the eggs would hatch, and the dove would begin leaving the nest to gather food for it's babies. Over and over. Gather food, take care of the young, and gather more food. That would be the dove's life for a week or two, and then the babies would grow up, they'd learn how to fly, and then the burden would be passed on down to them as they started their own families. Round and round the cycle of life would go on. Jace blinked from the trance, and looked around the street he had become so familiar with. It was the street where they parted ways to go to their homes. He held back a sigh.





Jace liked to think he didn't have a burden. He liked to think he was just another teenager with too much homework and too many chores and too many annoying younger siblings. But he wasn't. Who was he kidding himself? He wasn't really much of a teenager at all. Sure, he went to high school. Sure, he had too much homework. Sure, he had annoying younger siblings. But he had something most teenagers didn't have; a burden of responsibility of a family. It was what made him separate, and made him different. Of course, his fellow peers wouldn't understand why he had too many jobs. They wouldn't understand why he had the need to take care of his crazy family. But Olivia did. She was the only one that realized he wasn't another hormonal teenage guy. And he was glad for that. Olivia, in a lot of ways, helped him. She helped balance his life; she did normal teenage stuff teenagers did, just to have a little fun while he could.





She nodded, as if she had expected it all along. He just looked at her for a long moment, speechless. She glanced at him for a moment, her eyes searching for something. He could never tell what she saw when she looked at him; it was as if she put up a brick wall when she did, and he couldn't see past it. It drove him nuts. But, once again, he said nothing. He sure knew how to not say anything. "Decide? That sounds too civil. I'd say 'argue' is more accurate," he jokingly said, a crooked smile on his face. It was slightly true. Sometimes they argued over movies they wanted to see, but they always compromised in the end, and called it even over a large bowl of buttery popcorn. Jace's stomach growled at the thought. He hadn't eaten since lunch. Not that he ate much at lunch, anyway. "Around four thirty, I think. That good? I'll have just enough time to get ready for work after." He frowned. Work already?


The walk home was lonely, but at the same time it was calming. It was peaceful, even. He could hear the neighborhood kids playing out in the street, a few teenagers laughing, and a few adults chatting. The doves were cooing in the background, and he could still hear the light breeze, and feel the sun on his skin. Everything was good. Kids were laughing, the parents were happy. It felt like he was still missing something. He wanted to desperately find out what it was. But he didn't know how, or if he was simply tired and needed to rest. Not today. He promised Olivia he'd spend time with her, and he would. Just like he said. Maybe he'd even get a small break on the job and take a ten minute nap. That sounded good. Too good, though. He shoved his hands inside his pockets as he approached his front door, and entered in silently. He bit his lower lip. Let chaos begin.

​
 
Olivia smirked at his comment about arguing. It was honestly quite true. They usually argued about little things sort of like an old married couple but better. They made things work and eventually compromised. Olivia loved that about their relationship. That they could argue over something, big or small, and quickly get over it because they both knew that in the end it wouldn't matter. All that mattered was that they were there for each other when they needed to be and sometimes the arguments were for the best. Sometimes the argument led to some things being explained or even brought to light that had never been thought of or spoken of before. Then again, sometimes it just left a very empty feeling in their chests until they made amends once more.


"Four thirty sounds good. I'll change into something more comfortable and have the popcorn ready before you get there," she smiled and waved as she crossed the street and Jace headed in the other direction. Olivia glanced back once more then turned her gaze on the store just as she entered. She flashed a smile towards the woman working the counter as she walked towards the movies. Olivia searched through the new releases, comedies, romances, action, and horror movies before choosing a few movies to take home. She wandered over to the counter with them and paid, then began her way home.


Opening the door cautiously, Olivia rolled her eyes. Her mother had once again forgotten to lock the door when she left. For all Olivia knew, there could be some psycho murderer in the home waiting for someone to return. Of course, there wasn't but the thought did cross her mind and she panicked slightly. Her mother tended to leave the home in a hurry to get where she was going and she never seemed to remember anything important. Olivia had learned how to make her own meals and survive pretty much on her own because of this but she didn't exactly like doing it.


Olivia wandered upstairs and to her room. She sat on the bed, took off her shoes, and laid down for just a moment with her eyes closed before getting back up to change. Olivia debated whether to pick out a new outfit that was simply more comfortable or just put on pajamas. Of course, she couldn't decide and kind of did both. She put on a pair of black sweat pants and a grey t-shirt that was slightly loose against her thin frame. Olivia then proceeded to pull her hair into a high pony and looked at herself in the mirror. It amazed her that even though it was just Jace coming over she was still worried about her appearance, as usual. She debated whether to take off her makeup or not and settled for simply removing what she could with a wet rag.


After about 30 minutes had passed, Olivia was back downstairs and in the kitchen. If she made the popcorn now, it would be cold and gross by the time Jace got here so she didn't worry about that just yet. For now, she just grabbed a bottle of water and wandered back into the living room and took a seat on the sofa. Sitting crossed legged on the couch, she turned on the tv and proceeded to watch a bit of SVU. She never really got into any other Law and Order so this automatically made the favorites list. Olivia figured she had a good hour or so left so she wouldn't worry about making popcorn for awhile. Now, she could relax and enjoy a bit of television and try to keep herself awake as she grew more tired by the minute.
 

Homework was never enjoyable. Sure, he was decent at most subjects. But that didn't mean he liked to do a pile of homework. What teenager did? Though, he doesn't mind homework when it's with Olivia. Anything with her was fun, or at least bearable. Jace, knowing he had a busy schedule almost every day, always finished his homework right away. The moment he walked in through the door, he got to work on the math problems and the drafting a essay due in two weeks. It was stressful and boring, but he pushed through it, as he always did. Of course, the chaos around him made it difficult to focus, but that never seemed to stop him or even faze him. Today, he decided a while ago, he'd let nothing faze him. He'd just roll with whatever happened, and try to make the best of it. That was all anyone could ask for, right? Right.


Jace sat alone at the dining table, a granola bar in one hand, a pencil in the other. His elbow was resting on top over the massive pile of completed homework and essays and other things. He had dozed off for fifteen minutes, still sitting upright, his head resting on the table. His mother had come home and woken him up with the younger siblings. They, not knowing what else to do, climbed onto his back and started laughing and screaming. Stuff kids usually did, even if they were teenagers now. He, being a good sport, laughed along and proceeded in playing with them for a while, and then snacking on a few granola bars. Just another day in the life of Jace and his wild family. He, eventually, put away his homework, changed into more comfortable jeans and a old t-shirt, and headed out to her house on a path he had grown to love over the years.


The sun was still high. The breeze had died down, and the heat was beaming down. He didn't mind, however. He was comfortable in his t-shirt, and that was all that mattered. He looked around the scenery as he walked on the sidewalk, his breathing steady. By the time he had reached her front door, he was beyond tired. He wanted to lay down and fall asleep and forget he even had work to begin with. But he stood up straight, and knocked four times, paused, and knocked twice more. Their 'secret code' they had made since they were seven. He took a step back, let his hands hang at his sides as he waited. He smiled.


(sorry for the short reply. I have to go to bed; night! I'll make a longer reply tomorrow, I promise.)

​
 
Olivia gawked at the television. It was nearing the end of the episode and they still had yet to show any signs of taking the guy to trial. The episode ended with them taking him into custody, rather than to court. Olivia groaned slightly and shook her head. She hated the way some episodes ended like this. She always wanted to see the bad guys go to jail or at least trial. It's kind of what made the show. Other than Benson and Stabler's relationship, of course. Nonetheless, she loved the show and she would watch the same episodes over and over for years and it wouldn't bother her one bit.


Hearing four knocks at the door, Olivia paused and waited. Upon hearing the next two, she made her way excitedly to the door to let Jace in. Just as she opened the door, the popcorn finished in the microwave, beeping several times to signal it was finished. "Hey there, handsome," she said with a little giggle, opening the door wider for Jace to come in. Honestly, she always wondered why Jace never just came in. Her mother had even told him once that he could always wander in whenever, there was no need to knock. But, Jace kindly turned her down and continued to use their old signal and so Olivia did the same at Jace's house.


Olivia walked back over into the kitchen and took the bag out of the microwave, adding it to the other bag she had emptied into the large bowl they always used for popcorn. Carrying the bowl back into the living room, Olivia placed it on the coffee table and looked over at Jace. "So, I picked up Superbad, The Expendables 2, and Insidious 2... Which one are you in the mood for?" Olivia waited beside the table, picking up the three movies and waiting for Jace to choose. Olivia had always had decision-making problems, though, that was kind of obvious. She could always pick out several movies that sounded interesting but she could only ever narrow it down to two. Mostly because she always tried to take her and Jace's opinions both into account. Olivia made her way to the tv and switched it's setting to dvd. She looked back at Jace again waiting for his response.
 

Jace could hear the microwave go off as soon as he took a step back. Olivia always seemed to know when he'd arrive. Then again, she was never as late as he was sometimes. There was a lot of things about Olivia he wished he could be like; being patient was one of the big ones. She seemed to be the polar opposite of him, but at the same time, they were so close. They were different, but not too different. They balanced each other, and still had fun while doing it. He never really knew why he was so hotheaded. He never thought about it, but just knew he exploded from time to time. He hated himself for it, of course, but he kept repeating it over and over. He didn't know how to stop. He didn't think it was really possible at this point in his life. Olivia helped a little with his problems, but no one could completely cure them. Not yet, anyway. He was just hoping one day he'd be alright.


The door opened after a few seconds lingered on after the last two knocks. Olivia's mother had once told him he was free to roam around in their house whenever; after all, she had told him, he was close as family and he would always be welcome in their house if anything ever happened. Jace, being the polite guy he was, declined the offer. He always felt as if he was intruding on Olivia's family. He was just a guy with a not so nice house and family, and here this decent family wanted him inside their nice home? No, it didn't work like that. So, he settled on knocking ever since her mom told him that. He never would tell Olivia these things, obviously. She knew he had a reason for everything, but this time, she didn't need to know the reason. So, they left it unspoken. Or, well, he left it unspoken. He'd let her think whatever it was she thought about it. For now, he figured. Someday he'd explain. Just not today.


Olivia was standing at the door, holding it wide for him with a welcoming smile. He could already smell the popcorn. He smiled back, "Miss me? Sorry I'm a bit late. I dozed off at the dining table after doing homework." He laughed, too. Olivia had been to his house a lot. At his house, they had built forts in the living room with cardboard boxes and blankets, they had played hide-and-seek, and even pulled a few pranks on each other. But lately, he hasn't wanted Olivia to be at his house; it was in bad shape, and why would she want to see that? So, ever since, he's been making up excuses for her not to go to his house; the family is sick, there's water problems, or even his siblings have friends over. He didn't really want her to see the small cracks growing in the ceiling. He didn't want her to see the sink leaking. So, it was better if she didn't go over at his house at all. For now.





Jace walked inside the familiar house. It always smelled of vanilla, or of cinnamon. Her mother liked candles, Olivia once told him when they were young. There was always fresh flowers sitting pretty on the side table in the living room. The walls were cream, the couches were clean. Everything looked perfect. But, of course, Olivia wouldn't ever see it as he did, not knowing what his old house has looked like over the past few months. He knew she'd start asking him why she hasn't been to his house lately. And when she did, he'd tell her the truth. The whole, honest truth. He didn't like keeping anything from her. But some things needed to be kept from her and everyone else. But others didn't. "Insidious 2 sounds great right about now. It'll keep me awake," he joked, though his heart wasn't completely in it. It was partly true; he didn't want to fall asleep through the movie. So, horror movies could keep him awake, he figured. So, why not?


Sitting down on the couch they always used for movies, he glanced up at her. In her small hands was the large bowl of popcorn. He grinned. "Remind me to go to the gym tomorrow." It was a small inside joke of their's, knowing that his mother wouldn't let him go to the gym after some accident that nearly ended a kid's life that was around his age. His mother was paranoid about things like that. She couldn't lose her oldest son. She would lose everything. She'd lose what's left of her heart, she'd lose the house, and then her job. So, she forbade him from going to the gym, explaining he could always run on the bike path, or workout at home. He, of course, agreed with her terms, and never argued about it. He would do whatever made his mother safe, whatever made his mother happy, no matter what it was. Olivia knew that. And he was glad he didn't have to explain that to her.

​
 
Olivia yawned slightly, her back turned to Jace so he couldn't see. She had always been self-conscious of the little things like yawning in front of people so she always tried to hide it. Of course, yawning never meant you were actually tired, in fact, it really just means you need more oxygen. So, technically, there wasn't anything to be ashamed of but for some reason Olivia couldn't help but feel uncomfortable doing it in front of people. Maybe it was because once in eighth grade some kids made fun of her for yawning and joked about what it meant and made some disturbing sexual remarks. Or maybe it was simply because Olivia was odd and she did odd things sometimes.


"Works for me.. It might keep me from falling asleep,. I'm not making any promises, though," she responded as she removed Insidious 2 from it's case and placed it in the dvd player. Olivia stacked the dvd cases neatly and placed them next to the dvd player. She grabbed the remote off the entertainment center and placed it on the coffee table as the movie registered and the previews began playing. Olivia shook her head at Jace's gym comment, "I think we could both use a day at the gym.. Or several," she said jokingly back before handing him the bowl of popcorn. They usually ate the majority of the popcorn but there were times when neither of them ate very much of it at all; Olivia had a feeling tonight might be one of those nights.


Olivia wandered back into the kitchen and grabbed two sodas, one for each of them. Honestly, she didn't care what they were as long as it was fizzy and tasted better than water. Her mother had recently began enforcing that Olivia drink plenty of water to help cleanse her body. Of course, Olivia would listen to what her mother said but when she wasn't around Olivia was going to cheat just a little. She walked back into the living room and placed the cans on the table, plopping back onto the couch beside Jace. She turned her body ever so slightly so she could talk to Jace hile catching glimpses of the previews before the movie began.


"So.. How was everything at home?" She asked curiously, hoping to hear honestly good news. Olivia could always tell if Jace were making things up or simply pretending everything was okay. For instance, she could tell his shoulder was bothering him earlier but she let it go because she knew pushing him to get help would only anger him. When she asked how his home was, she would get one of three answers; false good news, honest good news, or honest bad news. Though she always hoped for honest good news, she got one of the other two more often than not. But what was she to do? If she offered to help, as she had many times before, Jace would be upset and practically push her away. If she did nothing, she would feel terrible inside and guilty for days. So, depending on the answer he gave, she would return with something similar.


Olivia picked up the can of soda and opened it, taking a long sip. She placed it back on the table and smiled softly. She had almost forgotten how sweet and delicious the taste truly was. Before today, Olivia had gone nearly a month without drinking the stuff. Of course, she only substituted it with alcohol but nonetheless she hadn't touched any soda which made her mother happy. Thinking now about alcohol made Olivia develop the urge to wander to the liquor cabinet and take some. But, knowing Jace probably wouldn't be okay with it, Olivia refrained and decided she could go without for the next few hours. Of course, that only meant that after Jace left she would be left alone with the bottles with which she would think and cry and drink until she just couldn't drink anymore or the hurting stopped; whichever came first.
 

Jace stood up, and wordlessly, flicked the light switches off, and closed the curtains. They both always liked it nice and dark for movies. Now in darkness, he sat back down next to her, their shoulders touching. He could barely see the outlines of her face, but he could sense she was smiling. It made him smile, too, even though he knew she probably couldn't see him, either. Not that it mattered much, but the thought that she couldn't see him right now, smiling like a goofy guy, made him want to smile even more. And he did. The previews flickered on, surrounding the dark living room with noise. He couldn't even hear the traffic in the background. And he liked it. He liked knowing they were alone, knowing no one could ruin this. No one could take Olivia from him. Well, not completely, anyway. He relaxed, and let his guard down for once. It felt nice, too.





The two best friends had always loved watching movies together. Even when they were eight, they enjoyed watching a variety of movies; Disney movies mostly, though they sometimes secretly watched a PG-13 action film their mothers didn't approve of. Though, once, they got caught when they were nine, and both of them were grounded for a whole week. Neither of them were allowed to visit each other, and he remembered sneaking out of the house to see Olivia. But that was once. He never planned to sneak out of the house again, knowing his mother would be disappointed in him. Jace shook his head slightly at the memories, stealing a glance at Olivia as the preview's green screen lit up her face. A loose strand of hair was on her face, and his fingers itched to tuck it behind her ear. He didn't, of course. He looked back at the TV instead.


She got up eventually, walked into the kitchen, and came back with two cans of sodas. He raised a eyebrow, though he knew she probably couldn't see him. "Where'd you stash them this time?" he teased, opening the soda with ease. He didn't remember the last time he got a treat like this. Back at home, all he got was cloudy water and sweet juice the kids liked. The juice was alright, but much too sweet for his taste. He'd been craving a good can of soda. Popcorn, he could live without. Popcorn and soda were treats. They were used for special occasions. But then again, being with Olivia is always a special occasion for Jace; it was a break from his crazy life. So, he took a huge gulp of the soda, and smiled in satisfaction. He held the soda in his right hand, and stared at the screen as the previews continued. He never really paid attention to previews anyway.





The bowl of popcorn was handed to him, and it took him a moment to realize this. He hesitantly grabbed a small handful, and popped a few in. He didn't really feel like eating much tonight. He knew she knew it, too. It was funny how sensitive they were about how each other felt. They were closer than twins, at least it felt like it. They knew when the other was upset or sad. They knew when was a good time to joke, and when was not. They knew everything about each other. Well, of course, in every relationship there's a secret. So, yes, there was some things left unspoken, and yes, there were some secrets. But that's life. He hated it, but he knew it had to be this way. At least for a while, he promised himself. One day, he'd tell her everything. Everything. How would anyone tell their whole thoughts, their whole fears, their dreams to a person? Impossible. But he could always try.


She broke the silence. She was the one to always break the silence, he thought. He tilted his head at her, his eyes staring into hers as he searched for a answer. He was debating on whether or not to tell her the truth, or to sugarcoat it. He hated sugarcoating it. So, this time, he'd tell the truth. "Terrible. There's a lot of things that need to be fixed or repaired, then mom got cut back on work. The bills are coming in, but it could be worse," he shrugged. It was true. It could be worse. He could have no mother. He could have no best friend. He could have no home. As bad as things were, it could always be worse. His mother told him that when he was young. His mother was a wise woman, he realized, and he would take whatever advice from her he could get.

​
 
Olivia kept her eyes on Jace, even in the dark. She wanted to hear what he had to say because it was incredibly important to her. She always worried about him, as he worried about her. Olivia never told him that sometimes she stayed up at night worrying that he and his family were doing okay and everyone was healthy, safe, and loved. She felt that it would be too personal, despite how close they were. Olivia knew her life was better than Jace's in various ways and she took it for granted. He has to work long shifts to support his family and care for his siblings while Olivia gets to live practically alone where her mother pays the bills and Olivia can go out whenever she likes. There are really only a few problems that come anywhere close to the problems Jace deals with in Olivia's life.


Ever since her father cheated and moved away, she hasn't spoken to him. He started a new family and now had two children that Olivia would consider family if only they were ever around.. As she wished her father and mother both were. Olivia continuously relies on guys to fix her problems. She feels as though she has never been loved and the only way to find that is to be with these horrible guys. Guys along with booze. But, the booze is more of a secret.. Kind of. She tells Jace everything and he knows about her father and his family and he knows about all the guys and he knows she parties often but he doesn't know about the partying she does alone. Every night before she sleeps, Olivia opens up the bottom drawer of her dresser and takes out the bottle of alcohol she keeps there and takes several shots just to sleep. On bad nights like tonight, she sits on her bed and cries for hours as she drinks and drinks her thoughts away. Though her pain may not be as bad as some think, it is still there.


Another thing Jace doesn't know is the full story of the night with Jeremy. Of course, he probably thinks what everyone else does though he would never call her the names other people do. That night was just another night full of partying but it turned into something else very quickly. Olivia can only remember blurs and bits of what happened but she knows something doesn't feel quite right. Olivia knows she lost something she can never get back but she refuses to let herself accept that. She told Jace what she remembered at the time; the pushing, the hitting.. As much as she could without crying, anyways. Slowly throughout the day she has continued to get little flashes of memory back and none of them were good. After focusing more and collecting her thoughts, Olivia now remembers just enough to hate herself and more than enough to hate Jeremy.


Olivia listened intently as Jace spoke and she held back a sigh as he finished. She turned her gaze on the television and bit her lip as she clicked play on the movie. Leaning to the side, Olivia rested her head on Jace's shoulder and closed her eyes, cuddling up next to him some. "I'm so sorry..." she said softly, almost a whisper. She knew there was nothing else she could say because nothing she could say would fix his situation. Olivia wanted to help him and she wanted to make his problems go away but there was simply nothing she could do. So, instead, she would just continue being the best friend and release she could be and sit here and enjoy this movie with him while they could.
 

The movie was rolling in the background, but neither of them were really paying attention. It didn't really matter when they were talking; nothing did. When she was talking, in his mind, it was only them, and nothing more. No movies, no homework, no late shifts. Just them, and no one else. He'd almost rather it be like that for a while longer. He'd rather not have work to take care of. But he did have a family to take care of. To make sure they were fed, happy and safe. It was a lot for a teenager, but then again, they were no ordinary teenagers. Olivia was heartbroken and alone. Jace had too large of a responsibility. But they would always be there for the other, they would always offer a shoulder to cry on. That's what best friends were for. Jace and Olivia, the inseparable ones. Closer than siblings. Nothing could separate them. Not small things, and not large things.





Jace often dreamed of what could be if they both had normal lives. He wondered what it'd be like if Olivia's father hadn't left. He wondered what it'd be like if his family had enough money. Of course, in another alternate universe, they'd be strolling down the boulevard in California under the sun, laughing and smiling, and have more money than they knew what to do with. The dream was, of course, too far fetched. He knew it. But he still couldn't help himself from wondering what could be and what should be. Pushing the captivating thoughts aside, he glanced at Olivia, his eyes scanning hers. And for just a sliver of a second, he saw it. She was heartbroken. She was heartbroken for him, and for herself. He could see it clearly. It made him heartbroken, too, knowing neither of them would ever get what they wanted. Get what they deserved.


He drank some more soda until it was nearly gone. Jace had never really drank alcohol. Sure, he had a beer or two once, but that was it. He didn't have much time to get wasted or drunk. Sure, the idea appealed to him, but he never would do it. Just thinking about his younger siblings seeing him drunk made him turn away from the very thought of it. So, he usually stuck with water, juice, or soda occasionally. This, not surprisingly, provoked some of his classmates to make fun of him for it, for not "being cool" or whatever. He did his best not to let his anger get in the way, knowing if he did, he'd just get into a fight, and possibly suspended. Then again, it wouldn't be so bad; he could work more if he didn't have school. His mother, however, would be disappointed in him. She wouldn't be happy. And he couldn't let that happen. He needed to be sure his mother, and siblings, was happy and okay.


She hit play, and after a few seconds, leaned closer to him. She rested her head against his shoulder, and he exhaled slowly, his hand shaking. He hated talking about how his family was. He hated telling her how things really were; shitty. It sucked. But it was better than lying to her and holding it all in all the time. It was nice to tell the truth for once, sometimes. And for now, none of them would talk. They would watch the movie, and say nothing more. That was how it always was. Her body was now pressed against his side, warming his skin. He wrapped an arm around her, the way he always did, and shut his eyes, too. He smiled sadly at her words. It was all she could really say. It was all anyone could say, really. Though, hearing it from her, he believed it. She really was sorry. It wasn't from some random stranger with pity. She truly, honestly, felt heartbroken. "We'll all be fine. We always will be. Don't worry about me, okay? Just watch the movie, Liv," he cracked a smile at the last sentence, knowing it would potentially make her elbow him in the stomach, where she always did.

​
 
Olivia smiled softly as Jace spoke but was quick to elbow him when he called her Liv. "You know how I feel about that stupid nickname, Jonathan," she said with a slight laugh. It really didn't bother her as much when she heard Jace say it as opposed to other people but she still hated it. Liv was what her father used to call her when she was younger but she felt as she grew older the name got old and she just grew out of it. Besides, most girls went by Liv anyways so sticking with Olivia seemed a bit different.


Trying to stay focused on the movie, Olivia forced her eyes open. The movie itself wasn't really boring or bad but it had been a long day and she was growing more tired by the minute. Scary movies were one of her favorites, though, so she was trying to stick it out as well as be awake for Jace. Olivia felt herself jump slightly in response to a door slamming in the movie. She laughed a bit at herself then shivered, feeling a bit cold. "I'm gonna go grab a blanket... You don't have to pause the movie." She slowly stood up, glancing at Jace for his response before wandering upstairs to her bedroom.


Olivia returned a few minutes later with a blanket. She sat back on the couch and leaned against Jace, covering herself with the blanket. "Are you cold? I can share." Olivia wouldn't sharing because at this point she knew he wouldn't either. Sharing a blanket wasn't exactly something they hadn't done before so it didn't make them feel uncomfortable. Actually, it made Olivia feel more secure and it felt nice to be comfy and with a guy who wasn't going to make any moves on her just because they were sharing a blanket. Though, Olivia had never really thought of that before. She just figured she was cold and there was really no harm in cuddling some with a friend, right?


As the movie played on, she felt her eyelids drooping and she had a feeling Jace was probably tired, too. She wanted to fall asleep but she didn't want to ruin their movie time together, especially because he had to work soon and this was the most time they got to spend together. Then again, maybe if she fell asleep he would, too and then he would at least feel somewhat better and rested before work. Still, Olivia continued to force herself to stay awake, occasionally yawning and jumping slightly at abrupt sounds from the movie. She picked up her soda, took a few sips, then put it back on the table.


For a moment, she stared at the popcorn but decided against getting a handful because she just wasn't hungry. Olivia finished off her soda and, rather than throwing the empty can immediately away, she decided to leave it on the table and take it to the kitchen after the movie finished. She was still awfully chilly and getting up would only make it worse. Olivia had been dealing with random chills for long enough to know that moving around didn't actually help. She would much rather stay curled up with a blanket and something warm to drink, if provided.
 

"And you know how I feel about that name, Olivia," he elbowed her back, a smirk playing on his face as he laughed along with her. It was great to laugh after a long day; there was a long night ahead of him, too. But he refused to think about the work ahead of him, and instead focused on the movie and the characters in it to stay awake. And it worked. For a while, anyway, until he felt his eyelids slowly closing just as a jump scare came about, causing him to flinch. He laughed quietly, his eyes now half-open. He was beyond tired. He wanted to let his eyes close, but at the same time, he didn't want this moment to slide by. He wanted to treasure this, hearing them breathe together, feeling their skin touching, since he knew it'd be gone in a short while. In a few hours, he'd be working, and thinking about this very moment. It blew his mind away and made him all the more tired.


About halfway through the movie, she got up, explaining she would be back with a blanket. And then she was gone, and though she told him he didn't have to, he grabbed the remote and paused the movie. He smiled, knowing she'd playfully scold him for waiting for her. A few moments later, she walked back into the dark living room, a large fuzzy blanket in her arms. He remembered they had used the very same blanket for a picnic in tenth grade while on summer break. They had pizza, and all the junk food they could find by the lake. It had been fun. He smiled sadly, and resumed the movie. He rested his head against the couch's cushion, his eyes slowly closing from time to time. He was sure he dozed off for a while when he opened his eyes, not sure what was happening in the movie. He didn't really mind. He was half-awake, and nearly asleep anyway. It was fine if he dozed off, even for a few minutes. It would be good for him.


Jace didn't realize he was freezing until she mentioned it. It took him a while to respond, but when he did, he looked up at her with a small, curled smile. "Sure. Thanks," he moved over on the couch to make room for her, and once adjusted, spread the blanket over both of them, cutting off the cold air blowing against them. He felt warmer, but still a little chilly. He didn't really seem to care. He put his arm back around her, and looked back at the TV. He jumped and flinched during the moments of abrupt noises, and occasionally felt his eyes close. He fought against it as much as he could, but eventually, he could fight it no more. So, he let his eyes close finally, and let sleep overcome him. It felt good to give up for once. He had a few times where he was awake, and a few moments spent asleep. He wasn't sure if he was awake or asleep after a while, and stopped trying to figure it out and just went along with it.


The movie was over. Jace was now beginning to wake, and realize where he was and what had happened. He didn't sit up, knowing it would wake her up. That is if she was asleep. He didn't know, and couldn't tell. The movie was still running, but it was over. He reached for the remote, and turned the TV off. He slowly took away his arm that was tucked underneath her body, and tucked the blanket in instead. He leaned down, whispered a few words, and stood up. He put the movie back in it's case, set it on the table, and looked around. He walked over to her, scooped her up as gently as he could, and carried her to her room in his arms. He did this sometimes, even as a kid. When her mother wasn't home to tuck her in, he was there to do so. So, as he laid her on her bed, he smiled as he watched her for a long moment. And then he shut the door behind himself.


He walked downstairs, and opened up the curtains, switched on the lights, and sighed. He grabbed the still full bowl of popcorn, put it in the kitchen, and threw away the soda cans. Once everything was cleaned up, he wrote a small note on the mini-whiteboard that was on the fridge. They had it ever since they were five, and had been using it for small notes ever since. Once done with the note, he took a step back, tied his shoes on, and walked out of the house. It was going to be a long way back home.


Dear Olivia,





Found you asleep on the couch. Don't worry ─ I cleaned up everything, and the leftover popcorn is in the kitchen. Hope you sleep well.


I'm off to another work shift. I'll text you in the morning. Thanks, Olivia. For everything. I really mean it. I guess I'll see you tomorrow.


Try not to have too much soda without me.





From,


Jace

​
 
Olivia woke up the next morning, opening one eye at a time, and realized quickly she was back in her room. Her first reaction was to panic as she thought about how and why she was here. She began wondering if she had gotten drunk last night and completely blacked out somehow and just didn't remember being here. Olivia shook her head not believing this to be what happened but, then again, she did have a problem. She slowly made her way out of bed and downstairs cautiously, hoping not to run into or wake her mother who may or may not be home. Olivia reached the kitchen and opened the fridge to get her usual glass of milk and a granola bar before she got ready for school.


Upon closing the fridge, she immediately noticed something written on the whiteboard. She read through it as relief slowly washed over her. She hadn't gotten drunk, in fact, she didn't drink it all because Jace saved her from that. Olivia felt a twinge of guilt as she realized that meant she had fallen asleep on him. She shook her head to remove the thought knowing Jace probably didn't mind at all, anyways. Olivia was thankful that he returned her to her room and she would be sure to tell him today at school, well, before school anyway. She cleaned off the whiteboard and responded with a simple 'Thank you' with a large heart and a smiley face. Olivia wasn't sure if or when he would even see it but, when he did, she was sure he'd appreciate it anyways or at least get a laugh out of it.


Olivia made her way back upstairs to get ready for the day. She took a long, relaxing shower before getting out and starting on her hair. In all honesty, she didn't feel like doing much of anything with her hair so she just decided to let it dry and wave on it's own as she finished getting ready. Olivia walked back into her room and picked out a simple outfit to wear. She put on a small amount of makeup and played with her hair a little before brushing her teeth and heading back downstairs. Out of curiosity, she yelled quite loudly from the bottom of the stairs, waited for a response, then continued out the door and on her merry way.


Though she only had to walk a few blocks alone, she quickly popped in her ear buds and played one of her favorite songs. She hummed along gently with the words as she walked rather casually towards school. For some reason, listening to music before school always put her in a really good mood. Not to mention that getting to spend time with her best friend the night before also helped. Olivia felt herself start to sing out loud occasionally and her cheeks immediately flushed. Someone walking beside her had given her an odd look, chuckled, then crossed the street -- something Olivia almost forgot to do.


After crossing the street, Olivia continued on the next couple blocks then stopped where she usually met Jace. She decided to leave her ear buds in and let the song finish before taking them out. Olivia glanced around to see if he was nearby but she still didn't see him. Figuring it would still be a few minutes, she put her ear buds back in and played another song. She glanced at the time and noticed she was a bit earlier than usual. They still had nearly a half hour before the first bell rang for school. Normally, she wouldn't be here until there were just ten minutes left, if that. There have also been times where Olivia didn't make it at all and had to meet Jace at the table because he couldn't wait here any longer for her.
 

Across the house, he could hear them yelling and laughing. He awakes to it every morning, it seemed like it. The twins were probably playing a board game like they always did in the mornings before school. He didn't really mind. He liked waking up early to get the day started anyway. So, in a way, they were his alarm clock. It was nice, but still a bit annoying since it never really stopped. He sat up in bed, took a moment to wake up completely, and shoved the sheets off of his sore body. He wished he could sleep in, but he knew he had to get up; and he did. He fixed the bed, mostly out of habit, grabbed some fresh clothes, and showered as quickly as he could. Everyday was a busy day for Jace.


Once his hair was damp and sticking in odd directions, he fixed it, pulled on some jeans, and a random t-shirt, and brushed his white teeth. Good thing his teeth were naturally straight; he couldn't ever be able to afford braces. He tied on his converse shoes, looked around his room, and grabbed his backpack and shoved his homework inside. He sighed, hearing one of the twins screaming, followed by something being slammed. He rolled his eyes. They were such drama queens. Not that it mattered right now. He went downstairs, and was greeted by his crazy, loud family. It was strange to think Olivia was having a calm, quiet morning right now.


The walk to school was the one peaceful time of the morning he got. It was silent, and he was alone. No siblings following him, screaming at him. Just him and his iPod. He played a few of his favorite songs, and let his tense shoulders relax for once. Everything was going to be alright. He worked a hour later then he was required last night for extra money. He would get the paycheck by the end of the day tomorrow. Jace would be fine. He could pay off the bills. He's done it plenty of times, so what's to stop him now? He's just worrying over nothing. He turned the volume up loud, blocking any more thoughts. He smiled. He liked to turn up his music loud.


Jace walked for a while alone. He watched the passing scenery, his iPod clutched in his hand. A few people stole a glance at him, but he never acknowledged them. He just kept on walking, his eyes set on the path in front of him. Soon enough, he arrived at the school campus. It was fairly empty, though a few kids were hanging around the stairs. He walked past them, unplugged his iPod, and began to walk towards their usual meeting spot. He smiled, seeing her sitting with her iPod plugged in. Wordlessly, he slid down beside her. The right corner of his mouth lifted into a smile as he looked at her, not saying anything for a long moment.


"So, you crashed pretty hard last night," he began with a grin, playfully nudging her.

​
 
Continuing to listen to her music, Olivia sat at the bench and closed her eyes. She knew some people were probably looking in her direction but she didn't mind. Well, she wasn't going to acknowledge them anyway. Honestly, it didn't bother her when people stared or made faces or whatever it is people do because she just refused to let it bother her. Olivia was the kind of person who was more secretly insecure than openly. Her thoughts were the ones that bothered her not anyone else's. Her thoughts could eat her alive while the words of other people rarely made any impact on her at all. Sometimes, she found it hard to believe that she managed to keep this up and avoid being hurt by the words of others because it is hard. But, the majority of the time, it's fighting her own words against herself that's the real feat.


Olivia jumped slightly when Jace sat down beside her. She smiled and quickly took out her ear buds just in time to hear him speak. Shaking her head softly and nudging him back, Olivia let out a soft laugh. "I'm sure you did, too." Olivia wrapped her ear buds up and stuck them in her pocket figuring that during one of her study halls she might as well listen to some music. Granted, they weren't supposed to but most kids did it anyways so what was the harm, really?


Turning her gaze on Jace and shifting slightly, Olivia spoke once more. "Thank you for last night, by the way," she paused briefly and put a hand on his arm, "And I don't just mean for taking me to bed but just for being there for me in general." Olivia smiled brightly and moved her hand away from his arm. "I wish we could do that all the time like we used to..." She said more softly, looking down at the ground and sighing lightly. For a brief moment, she thought about the fact that it was their senior year and they would soon be going off to college. A part of her quickly got excited for the future but another part began to grow upset. Olivia still didn't know what she was doing after school and she still didn't know where she and Jace would stand after school, either.
 

Olivia had, he noticed, recoiled slightly when he slid down next to her. It amused him. She was easily startled. On her ninth birthday, Jace had plotted against her with a few other neighborhood kids. They ambushed her with silly string, and while distracted, he jumped up behind her, and caused her to scream. He had laughed, and later felt rather guilty about it; after all, it had been her birthday. So, he gave her the option to either pie him, or to a whole can of spray silly string at him to make it even. Olivia, of course, pied him with his favorite pie: cherry pie. It was a silly memory, but he still thought about these kind of random memories every now and then. It reminded him of the good days.


"I did ─ for a while, anyway." Jace leaned against the bench, and turned his body so he was facing her. She, in response, laughed softly, and bumped him with her arm playfully. He smiled lightly, his eyes lighting up the way they always did when he looked at her. He rested his arms beside himself, and rolled his shoulder back, wincing as he did. It could be worse, he reminded himself. After a brief moment of silence, she spoke up. His eyes met hers, and her smile met his. Her hand was on his arm, warming it. Olivia thanked him, and again paused. He studied her facial expression, trying to figure out what she was explaining. She looked happy. Genuinely happy, but a little worried, too. He could always tell when she was worried. He didn't say anything. He just smiled.


"You don't need to thank me, really. That's what best friends are for, right? God, how long have we known each other? Since 1st grade?" he rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes staring out into space as he tried remembering their first memory together. But he had too many; he didn't know a time when they were apart. It felt as if they were together since birth. He didn't remember a time in his life without Olivia. It blew his mind away. "Me too," he said quietly, his eyes lowering. He wanted it all back. The peace. The security. The honesty between them. Everything. He wanted it all back before he had to grow up too soon. He wanted it all back before her heart was broken. But there was no going back. All they could do was move on. That's it.


Jace had been thinking about college a lot. It was hard not to. He never really thought about what he wanted to do. He did everything for his family, and for Olivia. He didn't have much time to spare to do anything he wanted to do. He never complained about it, but he had been craving for something to do for fun. Something he wanted to do. He just wasn't sure. And now with college coming up, he wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to do what he wanted. And that was fine. As long as his family and Olivia were there right beside him, he didn't care. He would do anything for them. He'd die for them if it came down to it. He just needed to know they'd be safe. They'd be happy. At whatever cost; life or death, money or his own dreams. Anything.
​
 
(Sorry about the super later response... I made an entire post days ago but I lost it when the site shut down so I had to start over completely xD )





Olivia smiled faintly at a group of guys who wandered past them and one waved in her direction. Honestly, she wasn't in the mood to be hit on or even approached by anyone of the opposite sex. She would rather take her chances with a girl right now. Olivia felt sick and tired of being mistreated by guys but that's all she has ever known. Of course, she has always wanted more but nobody was willing to give that to her. She wished it was easier to find someone who actually cared about her in more than just a platonic way as Jace and her mom do; or, at least the way she thinks Jace does anyway.


Olivia watched Jace's facial expressions as he responded. He just seemed so.. happy. Surprisingly happy. Olivia was glad he was in a good mood and happy, though, despite the work he had to put in last night. She was sure he needed the bit of rest he had gotten and she knew he did deserve it. Olivia let a smile play across her face the entire time he spoke, never wanting to see his smile fade. It was one of those little things in life Olivia did appreciate; seeing him smile. She knew it wasn't too often he got the chance to just be happy and enjoy himself but she was really pleased to see his smile and know that it was partially due to her own actions that made him smile rather than frown as she occasionally made him do, also.


Her thoughts quickly began to wander and she bit her lip gently, turning back to her original position and closing her eyes. She yawned, covering her mouth with her right hand, and then took a deep breath. Olivia felt as if she could feel eyes on her but she refused to let it bother her in the least. She would rather have unwanted eyes on her opposed to unwanted hands any day. Olivia couldn't help but overhear some things surrounding people were whispering. Out of nowhere, she heard her own name pop up in conversation and, seconds later, Jeremy's, too along with something about his party and definitely a lie about what happened that night in his room.


Clenching her teeth and opening her eyes, Olivia got up off the bench quickly and turned to Jace. "I think we should head into the building now... It's getting close to the bell." She glanced over at the group who had now lowered their voices slightly more and a few had ceased their talking completely. Olivia faked a smile their way, adjusted her purse, and turned to walk towards the school. At first, she didn't even realize she had began walking in a rush until she noticed Jace was not beside her. So, she slowed her pace and tried to relax, plastering a new, brighter smile on her face so Jace wouldn't see her distress; though, he probably would anyways.
 

(Dx I'm sorry about that! I've had that happen to me in the past, so no need to apologize. :3)





Jace watched as her expression changed as her eyes scanned the surrounding area, her attention dropped for a few moments. He tried seeing what it was she saw, but all he could see was a group of guys. Immediately, his smile faded somewhat. He looked back at her, his eyes looking at her, trying to give her reassurance. As long as he was here, no one would hurt her. He smiled in attempt to lighten the mood, and, hopefully, distract her from the group. He didn't want her worried. He didn't want her to be afraid. He wanted to tell her that as long as she was with him, nothing bad would happen to either of them. But he didn't want to make false promises, either, so, he said nothing. He just looked at her.


He tried to not let his smile falter, but, eventually, it did. She looked so... stressed. No, distressed was the right word. He wanted her to be happy. He wanted both of them to be happy. He looked down at his hands for a while, trying to find words to say. But nothing came to mind. He was distracted. He couldn't focus. He rubbed his forehead, and held his head like that for a while more. He released a long, uneven sigh. He was tired. He just wanted everyone he loved and cared about to be happy. Even if it costed him his own happiness and time. He ran a hand through his hair, something he did a lot when upset. He looked at the group of guys long and hard, trying to listen to what it was they were saying. He gave up.


Jace stood up, and looked into her eyes hesitantly, afraid to see the fear in them. But there was none. All he saw was hurt. Hurt and pain. It made his heart painfully skip a beat for a moment. He caught his breath, and opened his mouth. "You know that no matter what happens, I'm always here for you, right? And that you can tell me anything," he said, his voice quiet. He needed her to know. He looked her in the eyes, and held it. He blinked, and he smiled a bit. "I just need you to know that I'll be sure you're safe, but I don't know everything that goes on. I know you party, but I have no idea what you do in the parties. I can't help but to feel like it's my fault for not being there enough for you, not keeping a closer eye on you."


Then the bell rang. He didn't look up. He didn't move. He just looked at her, a smile still on his face. Olivia looked back at him, and for a moment, they just smiled. They didn't say anything; they didn't talk about heartbreak, ex-boyfriends, or their home life. They smiled as if everything was fine. It was a moment that would last through it all. It made his smile widen that much more. And then, as soon as the moment came, he said goodbye, told her he'd see her at lunch, and then he was gone. She was gone, too. He looked over his shoulder one last time, and glanced at her. The wind was gently blowing against her, strands of hair on her face. Her mouth with uplifted in a smile, and her eyes on him. He smiled back, and walked away.
​
 
Olivia took a deep breath before entering the school building. Her confidence began to falter instantly after she overhead those people talking but she was trying to regain it. Olivia smiled weakly, trying to pretend everything as okay, but she knew the people around her knew the truth. It seemed as though Jeremy had told his friends some kind of story that, go figure, everyone would believe. On it's way through the grapevine, Olivia was sure the tale had changed several times though no matter what it was false. She was used to hearing rumors about herself and used to hearing the whispering but something told her this was different. Maybe it was just her mind telling her this but either way she hated it.


Getting to her locker, Olivia glanced at the two girls next to her locker and they quickly wandered off. Turning her gaze and practically glaring at her books, Olivia hesitated for awhile before gathering her things. Her plan from here on out don the halls was to remain calm and avoid running to the bathroom or leaving school altogether. Her initial plan this morning was to enjoy her day and get her work done but now she had a feeling that would all change; it usually did. Olivia closed her eyes, took a sharp breath in, and closed her locker. She kept her head up and made her way down the hall just a little faster than she usually did. It wasn't until she reached her first class that she realized she was holding her books so tightly that her knuckles had become ghostly white and her palms instantly began aching.


Olivia slid into her desk and stared up at the teacher. She refused to let herself look anywhere but the front of the room whether her mind was all there or not. Voices taken down to whispers as the announcements came on became slowly clearer to hear. People within earshot seemed to be the ones directing their words towards her but the others kept their conversations more to their group. Of course, there was that handful of kids that refused to dig into drama or were too busy worrying about other matters than to delve into the issue. And, right now, those were the only people Olivia liked in this entire building aside from Jace.


Barely making it through first period, Olivia jumped at the sound of the bell. She had worked furiously on copying all the notes she could and answered 'Ms. Forester; is everything alright?' several times before class ended. Olivia scribbled down the homework assignment as quickly as she could before the traffic blocked up in the halls. Olivia closed up her book and notebook, tossing her pencil carelessly into her purse and rushed out of the room, faintly hearing Mr. Dawson say her name as she passed by. Normally, she would have stopped to talk, but the only thing Olivia could think about right now was all the things she heard about herself and finding Jace. She really, really just needed to find Jace before she imploded.
 

Every footstep felt heavy and out of balance without Olivia by his side to keep him company. She always calmed him down, even by looking at her and seeing her smile. Jace released a sigh, and continued walking, trying to make the best out of everything. He was still alive. She was still alive. His family was still alive. The house wasn't taken away yet. He had a place to call home. He had clothes on his back. He would be fine. She and his family would be fine. They had to be. He convinced himself of this as he ignored the passing students, making his way to his locker. He didn't know what to do; he would never be free of burdens. He would never be without stress and worry, it seemed. He hated it. He just wanted to be normal. He wanted to be with Olivia. But not everyone got what they wanted.


Walking into his first classroom, he lazily glanced at his classmates. A few looked at him, and a few nodded at him or smiled, as if they had known him. He wasn't sure they even knew his name. Not that it mattered; Jonathan would never be his name. Legally, it would be. But not to his family and Olivia. To them, he would always be Jace. Not Jonathan Christopher. And because of that, he smiled like he had a secret as he walked to the back of the classroom, taking his usual seat. He slid casually onto the chair, his arms folded on top of the wooden, chipped desk. He could hear the clock ticking away in the background. He buried his face in his arms, sighing. He still had a full day of school ahead of him, and after, more work. Good thing he didn't have work tomorrow.


First period was always the worst. The first and last. Always. Time passed by in what felt like days, and he was bored out of his mind half the time. He enjoyed school, yes, but most of the teachers did little to nothing in the classes, and handed out packets of worksheets and tests. He had thought about ditching a few classes, but what would he do? He would probably just walk around the town all day, thinking about everything. But he didn't want to do that, either ─ once he starts thinking, it's nearly impossible for him to snap out of it unless Olivia is with him. Scratch that plan. He, in frustration, tapped the end of his pencil against the desk loudly, causing the teacher to look up from her phone, casting him a warning glare. He rolled his eyes.


The period was finally over. The teacher, who had finally put her phone away, spoke up, dismissing the whole class. Of course, she pulled aside Jace, and had a small "talk" with him about not disrupting the class. He just blinked through the whole five minute conversation, and nodded along as if he was listening or even paying attention. He normally would be back-talking, but he didn't have time for detention today. He really just needed to be with Olivia. So, if he just went along with the stupid teacher, it'd be over faster, and he'd be with Olivia faster. Mrs. Wallace eventually let Jace off the hook, and he was running down the hallway, his eyes scanning through the crowd of faces. Then he saw her. He smiled, walking up behind her, tapping her shoulder lightly. "Hey," he spoke casually, rubbing the back of his neck. "Miss me?" He laughed.
​
 
After searching the crowd with her eyes frantically, Olivia gave up. She didn't realize she might have looked a bit on edge but that wasn't exactly the first thing on her mind. She could feel tears welling up in her eyes and a small lump in her throat annoying her with its existence. Seconds ago, she had seen Jeremy and his friends walk by casually. Nothing was wrong with him. Not a single worry was on his mind and nobody was speaking ill of him. As a matter of fact, he had a smug look on his face and his friends seemed to almost be celebrating something with him. So, of course the scene bothered her. Though, the tears now were forming more out of anger than hurt.


Olivia took in a sharp breath as she felt someone tap her shoulder. She quickly closed her eyes and wiped away any liquid that had made it's way down her face. Olivia was scared to turn around. She knew it was Jace because he had already spoken but she was still scared. Olivia couldn't process her thoughts at the moment but the one that stuck out was worrying about ruining his day. He was in such a good mood and, even though she wanted to let it all out to him she felt she couldn't ruin his mood. Olivia smiled wryly and turned around to face him, trying hard to avoid looking directly into his eyes. Olivia knew her attempts would fail because, by the look on his face, she knew that he already knew something was wrong; he always could tell. That's why they were best friends.


Swallowing the lump, Olivia nodded her head in response to his earlier question. "I did miss you... A lot, actually," she said, her voice cracking slightly. Olivia could no longer keep her eyes averted and, as soon as she made eye contact with Jace, it was over. Olivia took one step closer to Jace and wrapped her arms tightly around him, burying her face in his shirt. She remained silent and simply held him tight. Olivia kept her eyes closed and tried her best to block out the surrounding noise. Jace's ever familiar scent instantly began to soothe her and Olivia relaxed slightly. Simply holding her best friend in her arms and smelling that familiar scent was always the best way for her to relax and forget about those tears trying to work their way out moments ago.


Ever since they were little, Jace had this scent to him that Olivia always loved. To her, he never smelled bad. It was hard for her to describe his scent, however. Honestly, there was no scent to compare it to. And that's what Olivia loved most about it. Even if he was wearing cologne, she could still smell hints of it if the wind blew a certain way. The way Jace smelled had always been better than any perfume or cologne she could think of. Maybe it was just soothing because it was something she had known her entire life. Maybe there was something more to it. All she knew was that no matter what the situation was; if she could just be around him, everything would be fine in the end.
 
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