Lady Gabrienna Fromm

[Elle Joyner]

This character is for the RP https://www.rpnation.com/threads/chivalry-a-pilgrimage.89503/] Chivalry: The Pilgrimage[/url]. Feedback is welcome, but please remain constructive!


~ Lady Brien Fromm ~

• Details
• Appearance
• Traits
• Backstory

• 
  
  
  
  
  
  
  The Eastern Fire
  

  

  
  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  
  
  Order:
  
  
  Vinoviloc
  
  
  

  
  
  
  Name:
  
  
  Gabrienna Anleigh Fromm

  
  
  
  Gender: Female

  
  
  
  Age:
  
  
  Twenty-four

  
  
  
  
  
  
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  Appearance
  
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  Fairest ivory is the canvas upon which Gabrienna Fromm is painted, with features far more delicate than her disposition might suggest. Long curls of ebony hang to the middle of her shoulder blades, the style of which is typically a plait. Under thick lashes are pale green eyes, the color of the field of Machtigen in fall, containing a depth of wisdom beyond her youth. Full pink lips, gently bowed and straight, even teeth make up her mouth, and a narrow, round nose complete the image.
  
  
  Her form is thin, her musculature strong, but feminine. Her waist narrows in the middle, with hips and bust well endowed. Her limbs are long and lean, ending in graceful hands and feet.
  
  
  Her armor is of Roman design - metal breast and shoulder plates and gauntlets, a red leather apron, a thick maroon tunic of wool beneath thin mail, dark leather chausses and black boots.
  
  
  
  
  
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  Social Class: Gentry
  
  
  Province: Mächtigen Schild
  
  
  Weapon: A expertly crafted arming sword, roughly 33" from point to grip - a long, blood red hilt centered with gold filigree and a double fuller cross section. The blade is sheathed in a poplar heater shield, plated in metal. In her boot is a long, thin knife. While she does not carry one on her person she is also skilled with a staff and has been known to utilize anything within her general vicinity as a weapon, if necessary.
  
  
  

  
  
  

  • Greatest Strength: Her unerring devotion to anything she puts her mind to. She will never give in or give up. Those things to which she sets her mind are fixed... no matter how improbable.
    

  
  
  

  • Greatest Weakness: Her determination and resolve occasionally come across as stoic and frigid and she lacks a lighthearted quality often attributed to one so young.
    

  
  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  Mount: A black Friesian draft horse, sixteen hands high. Well-broken, even tempered and extremely loyal. The horse was rescued during the Black War from enemy soldiers and has since remained a faithful companion of Brien.
  
  
  Politics_____________________________________________________________________
  
  
  Canticlar: Brien has never been impressed with the piety of the Canticlar Order, preferring a more private measure of devotion herself. She finds them at best showy and pretentious, at worst, hypocritical and dangerous.
  
  
  Leonhart: The Leonhart Order, to Brien is unequivocally ridiculous, their pompous, flamboyant manners bordering on foolishness. Still, despite her lack of enthusiasm for her neighbors to the west, she bears no animosity towards them.
  
  
  The Dragons: Brien is both awed and frightened by the dragons, having grown up on the legends of their infamous beginning and man's triumph over their infamy. Their unprecedented aid in the Black War only helped to cement her duel minded opinion.
  
  
  ________________________________________________Quirks, Proclivities and Soft Spots
  
  
  
  ​
  
  
  An effect of the expectations pressed upon her in her youth, Brien has become something of a perfectionist. She takes great pride in her accomplishments, but is greatly troubled by failure. On such occasions, however rare, she has been known to be indulgent and under the influence of strong drink is prone to tendencies of brashness - not limited to but largely centered around brawling and extremely loud singing.
  
  In battle, Brien never wears her hair plaited - this is strictly a matter of vanity. She fears having the braid cut off, resulting in what she imagines to be the loss of her one girlish feature.
  
  While not common knowledge, Brien has a tender disposition towards children. Having grown up quicker than most, she enjoys the freedom she sees in the young and spirited and cannot abide the mistreatment of them, for any reason.
  
  Character___________________________________________________________________
  
  
  
  
  You would be hard pressed to find a more persevering, determined sort in the whole of Mächtigen Schild Province, something Brien prides herself on. She is of noble mind, possessed of a strong code of honor and sense of morality, and this is the very thing which drives her. It is also the thing which can, at times prove her detriment. She is benevolent, but not without fault - believing strongly in justice, occasionally to the point of seeking vengeance. She is gifted in combat, particularly with a longsword or staff, a magnificent rider and can, to her credit, drink more men under the table (though she rarely caves to the temptation).
  
  Despite her upbringing, or perhaps in spite of it, Brien harbors no ill-will towards her family. Strength and honor were, after-all, the Fromm way, as much as the Vinovil way.
  
  Despite her stoicism, Brien can be, at times, quite passionate. She is generally uncomfortable with the advances of the less-fair gender, however, and has yet, in her twenty-four years of life, found someone worthy of the arduous pursuit. Her platonic relationships are met with nearly unconditional loyalty and consideration.
  
  Though rarely incensed, the fullest extend of her anger is both incredible and formidable, manifesting in an almost unworldly rage. Only twice has she succumb to this monumental fury - once, when witnessing the assault of a young girl from her village and again, during the war, upon the loss of her dearest comrade at arms.
  
  
  
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  The Coming of Ostfeurer
  
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  My name is Gabrienna Fromm and I am the only child of a man, desperate for a son. I am not, however and most contrary to those commonly in my position, a victim of my circumstances. What some would see as misfortune I see only as opportunity. I have both the skill and fortitude of a man and the graceful distinction of a woman. I am able both to hold my own in battle, a necessity of those of Vinoviloc patrimony, as well as exist in the more dignified milieu pertaining to a woman of a certain societal bend.
  
  
  In other words, I am as perfectly knowledgeable about needlepoint as I am knowing where the pointed end of a sword goes.
  
  
  This, I credit towards my parents; A father who most comprehensively willed a male child but could not produce one, and a mother who refused to allow her daughter to be raised all boy as punishment for her sex. I am in every way a product of two worlds and in my views, the better for it.
  
  
  In my youth I was sent to a neighboring land where I was to receive my apprenticeship training as a knight. Several years later, war came... shattering Vinovilan. I was barely eighteen when I was called to take up post on the front lines. We were not expected to survive, but I was proud to do my duty and I served my land with fervor.
  
  
  Of my small brigade, only three of us escaped with our lives. We were, for all intents and purposes, immediately advanced, under the merit of valor... and, to some degree, sheer dumb luck, into knighthood. In the light of Mächtigen Schild's veritable destruction,I honored my title to the fullest of my abilities, helping to rebuild and protect what was left of my home. In time forged quite the reputation. Some, I've heard, though rumors are rarely completely accurate, refer to me as Ostfeuer... Eastern Fire
  
  
  Soon I will begin the Pilgrimage - Mächtigen Schild is healing, slowly, but there is very little left there for me. Only time will tell what might come of my journey, I can only hope to bring justice to that title and honor the knighthood I have since birth been called to.
  
  
  
  
  

 

[SkyGinge]

Greetings, good-Fellow Joyner! My, I really need to stop addressing you with that abhorrantly clunky nickname Nevertheless, I'm not here to poke fun at my own critiquing voice, I'm here to, y'know, actually critique! So, without further ado, into the review!


The first thing I must proclaim is the brilliant graphology of your form. Everything is beautifully set out, with lots of nice little pictures, nice big pictures, columns and segregated sections. Clearly a lot of work has gone into making this form presentable and neat, and it really pays off. Another thing that I especially love about this form is your general language choice. I love how the entire form is written in a way that reflects the period and context of the RP the character is involved in; it really helps to bring readers into the world. 'course, I am yet unacquianted with you normal writing, so you might just write like this anyway, but nevertheless, it's a nice touch xD Grammatically, you are almost faultless, though there are a few instances of unneccesary commas perhaps spurred on by this writing voice. They are sparce and harmless, but seeing as we're on the subject of critique, I thought I might as well point them out.


The character herself is interesting and decently developed, which is probably exactly the right amount of detail you want to start an RP with. It addresses everything you would want it to address without divulging into gratuitus amounts of unneccesary factoids. My favourite bit in particular is the appearance section! It's quite easy when you've found a good picture to just be lazy and put 'she looks like the picture duh lol', but your description is detailed and beautiful, artistic and relevant at the same time, which is really nice! Her personality seems realistic given her upbringing. I would however have liked to have seen a little more in it though. For example, you mention she has a soft spot for children due to the freedom she sees exhibited in them. This could have made an interesting part of her internal character; a character so stoic, yet beneath all that, perhaps even unwittingly, a character who desires some of this freedom. Nevertheless, all the detail you do put is neat and interesting and good.


One of the only things this form suffers from is a lack of context. Obviously this was not a problem on the RP thread itself, but as a seperate item, it's a little hard to truly grasp the world this character lives in without context. This could be remedied with a few little lines, things like just adding in a single sentence to the sections about the different provinces explaining roughly what they're like. Another things that surprises me is, given how much it is given reference across the form, what little explicit description is given to her upbringing in the background. This is perhaps due to the form you undertook for it; the first person is definitely cool, but it does mean that knowledge of her background is left to inference. I must admit, it did take me a few flicks past to truly get that she was brought up strictly by mother and father in conflicting manners, and whilst, like I said, the first person background is cool, for the purpose of data that character forms usually want, it might have been better to explain these things outright.


Ratings:


Style/Design: :5/5:Beautifully organised, written and laid out.


Appearance: :5/5etailed beautifully and relevantly.


Personality: :3/5:Realistic and understandable, however, lacks any standout traits in comparison to characters of a similar disposition.


Background::4/5:Really interestingly written, but lacking in specific moments that explain your characters personality, and also not too explicit in parts.


Extras::4/5:Sensible amounts of relevant detail without being pushy or unneccesary.


Overall::4/5:


I hope this is helpful!

 

[Chordling]

Review for Lady Gabrienna

@Elle Joyner

Details: :5/5:


Appearance: :5/5:


Traits: :4/5:


Back Story: :3/5:


Overall: :4/5:


Additional Notes:





This character sheet is very well done and beautifully formatted! I am reminded of my own character whenever I think of Lady Gabrienna. Have you met my girl, Gwendalin, yet? I think Gabrienna and Gwendalin would hit it off pretty well. Perhaps we should set them up for coffee one of these days. ( )


Though I would have never written them the way you did, your descriptions for you character work really wonderfully. In a way they seem to describe her attributes and imperfections without really having to state the fact. Your descriptions speak for themselves.


We understand which personality traits she possesses, but we do not get to see which instances where these personalities are portrayed. Nor do we get to see where these personality traits actually come from, even in the back story. We are also left asking why she was sent to the neighboring land to receive training. Was it a custom? Did her parents send her? Was it out of rebellion? For me, some of the pre-character development is missing for Gabrienna.


I believe some of my confusion may come from the fact that his CS is very roleplay associated, which is okay! But, if you ever wanted to use her in the future for other roleplays, I would suggest focusing your edits on globalizing this character. (^.^)


Cheers!