Just want some feedback on my Character

[Loli]

Name: Sebastian
Age: 17
Birth Date: 7/1/2001
Gender: Female
Height: 5’ 0"
Weight: 115 pd
Skin tone: Light brown
Hair color/style: dark brown. She dont care what style
Eye color: light green
Clothing:/Accessories: A black beanie. A grey shirt with a pentagram on it. Leather jacket, blue jean shorts with purple knee high socks (usually are crumpled near her ankles) and black boots. She also wears Boxing tape around her knuckles at all times. Just in case she gets in a fight
2 strengths: Great boxer. The speed from being tiny helps. Smart. She can get out of problems fast.
2 weaknesses: Doesnt trust people easily. Has weak temper control.
sexuality: Gay (Lesbian)
Personality Elements: A clear headed young girl just looking to spice her every boring day life up. Yearns for someone to understand her and be by her side yet feels like she cant trust anyone. Loves babies but knows she could never have one of her own. Loves getting into fights but comes home mostly injured.

More To Come!

 

[Loli]

Firstly, I adore her name, it’s quite lovely, if you ask me. I also love that she’s a boxer, but has a soft spot for small children. Her backstory is a tad bit cliché, but I love that she had turned on her newer family and ran off. Overall, I think she’s a keeper!

Thanks so much! I was super scared that my description was really horrible! I know that the backstory is cliché but I just really love that cliché type background.

 

[Loli]

You’re welcome, and I totally get it! I have a few clichès myself, and they’re some of my favorite ocs.

Same! Though i havent really done as much detail to any of my other ocs as i have to this one. I just cant help it i adore sebastian!

 

[Idea]

I have to say, in pretty much every way the character feels disjointed. I'll be assuming Sebastian is some neutral name, since I was pretty convinced it was a male name up until today, but my main complaint rests in her backstory. You have some pretty unique personality elements (which you chose to call bio for some reason, but anyway...) and her boxing is half-expected because most characters are experts in some form of unarmed combat but boxing specifically is not seen that often.

That said, the backstory is completely unconnected, overdramatic and unconsequential to the character. I'm sorry for being so harsh, but I have to point this out if you want feedback. There is no reason, anywhere in the character, why her parents would have to die. No reason why she would have to be raised in an oprhanage. Why she would go from a good family to a family of crooks. In fact, the character has every reason NOT to go into such clichés: the personality is too lighthearted, and her worries too mundane for that kind of backstory. The only thing you get out of it is waisting narrative potential: You no longer have access to the world shift of a good family to a bad one or no family, you don't get the crucial NPCs parents can be for plot and character purposes.

But the worst part of it is not that you wasted narrative potential using a series of cliché developments to add drama to a character that didn't need it: The worst part is that you did all of this and you went nowhere with it. There isn't a single visible consequence in the character from her backstory apart from pity points and maybe her general distrust of people, but you don't need to go that far to get such an effect.


The remaing complaints about the character are both small. The first is that "gets out of trouble fast" is a meaningless statement at best, since it is so vague the only way to make it true is to make the character a Mary Sue that instantly shuts down any plot points that might arise, which I am assuming was far from your goal. The second complaint is more subjective in that I personally am not a fan of such short character sheets, but again, that's just me.


So in short, your character has great potential. You had some great ideas going on, but you really went ham with the backstory which by itself kinda trashed the whole CS. I suggest taking a good look at the character and scrapping the bakcstory to something that actually fits the character. It doesn't need that much drama. A simple life has enough of it for a character.

 

[Loli]

I have to say, in pretty much every way the character feels disjointed. I'll be assuming Sebastian is some neutral name, since I was pretty convinced it was a male name up until today, but my main complaint rests in her backstory. You have some pretty unique personality elements (which you chose to call bio for some reason, but anyway...) and her boxing is half-expected because most characters are experts in some form of unarmed combat but boxing specifically is not seen that often.

That said, the backstory is completely unconnected, overdramatic and unconsequential to the character. I'm sorry for being so harsh, but I have to point this out if you want feedback. There is no reason, anywhere in the character, why her parents would have to die. No reason why she would have to be raised in an oprhanage. Why she would go from a good family to a family of crooks. In fact, the character has every reason NOT to go into such clichés: the personality is too lighthearted, and her worries too mundane for that kind of backstory. The only thing you get out of it is waisting narrative potential: You no longer have access to the world shift of a good family to a bad one or no family, you don't get the crucial NPCs parents can be for plot and character purposes.

But the worst part of it is not that you wasted narrative potential using a series of cliché developments to add drama to a character that didn't need it: The worst part is that you did all of this and you went nowhere with it. There isn't a single visible consequence in the character from her backstory apart from pity points and maybe her general distrust of people, but you don't need to go that far to get such an effect.


The remaing complaints about the character are both small. The first is that "gets out of trouble fast" is a meaningless statement at best, since it is so vague the only way to make it true is to make the character a Mary Sue that instantly shuts down any plot points that might arise, which I am assuming was far from your goal. The second complaint is more subjective in that I personally am not a fan of such short character sheets, but again, that's just me.


So in short, your character has great potential. You had some great ideas going on, but you really went ham with the backstory which by itself kinda trashed the whole CS. I suggest taking a good look at the character and scrapping the bakcstory to something that actually fits the character. It doesn't need that much drama. A simple life has enough of it for a character.

Thank you so much! Ill look into it and revise. Yes, sebastian is a boys name but I think that its adorable and didnt really want to make a boy as I like to do unusual things with really common names. Most of my ocs are a bit unusual in the name Department, though, i do think thats what makes them special in their own way.

 

[Idea]

Thank you so much! Ill look into it and revise. Yes, sebastian is a boys name but I think that its adorable and didnt really want to make a boy as I like to do unusual things with really common names. Most of my ocs are a bit unusual in the name Department, though, i do think thats what makes them special in their own way.

Understood. Then why not work that in then? You're aware that the character's name falls into the wrong gender, so why not work that into the backstory?

Just a suggestion of course