It's Been a While

[kailey]

Bentley shook her head and took another bite of her salad. She was starting to realize that nothing would ever go back to normal, which was all she wanted.


She just felt like if she got better and tried her best, she could go back to her life and pick everything up where she left off because she had tried. She had put in the countless hours to break her damn addiction, and now it was just blowing up in her face.


She had no job or apartment or even really friends, beside John. Even though she was almost certain that he probably didn't feel the same about her.

 

[GreyZone]

"Just...come clean with me," he begged of her, more than slightly desperate. "Tell me what you're thinking. We're not in high school any more, Bentley, and I'm too old to bullshit my way through all of my relationships. Tell me what you're thinking, what you're feeling, what you're wanting right now."


To be painfully honest, he was terrified to hear her answer. Would it be better to loose her and know how she truly felt, or to be locked in a never-ending circle of awkward hours together, blind and ignorant? "I need to know," he whispered.

 

[kailey]

Bentley stared at him a moment, a bit taken aback by how forward he was being. But he had a point. She took a moment to formulate her answer.


"John... I feel like it was a waste of those two years getting help if I'm just going to be regarded as the 'girl who had a drinking problem.'" She shook her head, trying to organize her thoughts.


"I went through hell. But I didn't just do it for me. Shit, I wasn't even thinking about myself through the whole damn process."


"I did it for my family so they wouldn't have to worry about me anymore, not that they really gave a shit anyways. I did it for my friends who lost hope in me, to show them I was still that strong girl I used to be."


"And most importantly, I did it for you. Because believe me, I hated myself and I still do because of what I put you through, and I wanted to get better so I could apologize and somehow maybe make it up to you, if you'll let me. I'm still Bentley. You know as well as I do these things take time. I'm trying, damnit and I'm sorry." Her voice cracked a little as she tried to regain her composure. She wasn't angry at him, at all. She was just frustrated with herself.

 

[GreyZone]

"Hey," he whispered, taking her hand across of the table. "And you did it for all of the right reasons and I am so proud of you. You easily could have allowed this drinking shit to ruin you. But you didn't. You made it right to the best of your ability, and that's all I could ever ask of you."


John was beaming inside at her forwardness, that she had still been thinking of him through the process. "So you weren't trying to forget me that whole time," he stated slowly, phrased more as a question. Again, he wasn't positive that he wanted to hear the answer.

 

[kailey]

She shook her head, squeezing his hand lightly. "Of course I wasn't." She whispered as her gaze shifted up to his eyes.


"I wouldn't ever want to forget the best thing that's ever happened to me." She stated simply, a sort of warmth spreading across her hazel eyes.


The drinking wasn't to forget him, it was to forget everything bad and terrible in the world. The rehab wasn't to forget him, it was to make herself... Well, herself again. And she'd made it through and she was damn proud of herself as well.

 

[GreyZone]

John's eyebrows skyrocketed. Yes, they had had an excellent relationship, but they never made broad proclamations like that. Was he really the best thing that had ever happened to her? It seemed impossible.


"I will do my absolute best to understand you," he swore to her running over her knuckles with his thumb. "And I can't pretend that I do, I really can't. But we'll figure this out, okay? We'll take it one day at a time and we will do stupid shit like its our job." He laughed faintly. "I love you, Bentley."

 

[kailey]

Bentley nodded, content with his answer. She offered him a warm smile before speaking. "I love you too, John."


Before long, the two had finished up their meals-well, Bentley partially did-and we're waiting for a waitress to bring the bill.


She finished off one more glass of water and furrowed her brow. "I wish I could help you pay for this." She admitted.

 

[GreyZone]

He shrugged her off as he mentally did the math, figuring what he could cut to compensate for the cheap meal. Maybe he would just halt on laundry for a while; he would dig through more than his usual five or so outfits for a lunch with her.


"Don't even think about it." He stood, folding the cash down to the penny with the bill. Every painstaking penny. "Where are you planning on stsying tonight?"

 

[kailey]

Bentley couldn't help feeling a bit of guilt as he paid for the meal, noticing how precise he had been. She wanted to help, but she was completely and utterly broke as far as she knew.


She turned to face John as he asked. With a shrug, she spoke, "No clue, to be honest." She didn't want him to feel bad for her. After all, maybe she could phone someone she kind of knew to see of she could crash at their place. She didn't want to be an inconvenience to John again, making him sleep on his floor.


"I'll figure it out." She finished off saying. Hopefully.

 

[GreyZone]

"I mean, you can definitely stay with us if you don't mind the colossal ball of fun that is Adam... Actually, his girlfriend Libby should be in our room right about now, playing a fascinating game of tonsil hockey. We can go be spectators if you want," John retorted with a ghost of a smile.


Regardless to her answer, he took her hand as soon as the check had been payed and they were standing up from their table. "You know that if I actually had an apartment, I would let you stay with me in a heartbeat, no questions asked. I really wish I could do something for you. The last thing that you need to feel right now is abandonment, I'll tell you that."

 

[kailey]

Bentley shrugged, but couldn't help but smile at his description, laughing lightly. "Whatever you want. I have nowhere else to go."


The of them walked out of the place, hands still linked. It was a nice day and just being outside in semi-fresh air calmed her nerves quite a bit.


"Thank you for lunch," Bentley muttered shyly as her eyes wandered around, everywhere but John. She still felt guilty about making him pay.

 

[GreyZone]

"It was my pleasure." He squeezed her hand tightly as they walked back out to his old car. "I do too much for an intern where I'm working. I think I'm going to demand money because I steal quarters from Adam's gym shorts whenever I have to actually, you know, wash my clothing and fun things like that."


He laughed a little. "We might need to he hobos together, Bentley. I can't think of anyone I would rather experience it with."


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[kailey]

Bentley walked around to the passenger side door, waiting until he unlocked it before getting in.


"I'm sure we could think of a way to make it fun. Plus, that means cold nights so lots of cuddling." She winked and raised an eyebrow to John teasingly.


"Alright so... Where to next, my lovely chauffeur?" She asked him as she curled her feet up on the seat with her.

 

[GreyZone]

"Where do you want to go?" He asked with a shrug, leaving it up for debate. "I don't do anything but work and study and occasionally sleep and eat. I couldn't even tell you how to have fun anymore if my life depended on it."


John would never tell her, of course, but he was supposed to meet his friend Jenna. He had assumed that the reunion they would have would be terse and awful--he had prepared himself for the entire night before to be unattached, to go in expecting the worst. But that would just have to be rescheduled.


"We could always go pick out a street corner to reside on!"

 

[kailey]

Bentley shook her head. Typically she would choose shopping or to the movies or what not, but neither of them had the resources for that.


"Uh... I don't know. This is going to sound sappy, but I just kind of want to spend time with you, you know?" She mumbled, not meeting his eyes.


She wanted them to work, even if she had majorly screwed up. She just wanted to show John she was still the same girl he fell in love with.

 

[GreyZone]

John smiled faintly at that, resting their conjoined hands on the console of the car. "Where exactly do you want to do that? I mean, if you get off watching Adam and Livy suck face, my room is the perfect place for us to hang out in."


Hey. Are you coming? I wanted to listen to that new album if you're still free. He quickly shoved his phone back in his pocket when the text from Jenna came in.

 

[kailey]

Bentley couldn't help but laugh, a pure genuine laugh. "I'm not entirely sure that's something I'm into. Unless you are, I mean." She winked.


She gently rubbed one of her fingers over one of his knuckles and raised her eyebrow as he quickly stuffed the phone away.


"Who was that?" She inquired, not really for any particular reason. Just a conversation starter.

 

[GreyZone]

"Oh, you know I love to watch my jackass roommate get lucky," John said with a chortle. "The first night I moved in, they went right at it! Didn't mind be being there at all... I honestly can't remember ever being more terrified."


He shrugged, trying to look casual. "Jenna."


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[kailey]

Bentley laughed. "I get you enjoyed the show," she teased, poking his arm playfully.


At the mention of Jenna, she froze a little but quickly brushed it off. "Oh, cool." She decided to leave it at that.


"No seriously, where should we go?" She asked him again, trying to distract herself from the thought of Jenna.

 

[GreyZone]

He shrugged, plugging his phone into the aux chord and playing the album he was supposed to be listening to for the first time with Jenna. "We could... Hmm. I'm trying to think of something that would still be fun that won't break me. Hence, it has to be free."


A smile lit up his face and he urged the old beater to go faster, reaching his dorm room. "Hang on. I will be right back."


John returned fifteen minutes later with his guitar in a case and a bag. "Let's go to the park. I'll play for you."

 

[kailey]

Kaliyah smiled as John returned. She had always loved it when he played guitar for her. It was one of her favorite things.


The two headed to the park, guitar in tow, and she couldn't have been happier and more excited.


It would be like old times, hopefully. She stole a few quick glances over at John, beaming at him.

 

[GreyZone]

John laid back under one of the trees, closing his eyes and resting his guitar on his stomach. "Talk to me. Tell me what you see yourself doing in twenty years," he requested, absentmindedly strumming.


A few other people milled about the park, a few stopping to listen momentarily. The air was heady with the scent of food sold from vendors and the sweet smell of flowers. "I come here when I'm loosing my sanity a lot," he told her. "It's good to work outside of my dorm. This reminds me that I'm not as big as I sometimes think I am."

 

[kailey]

(I noticed I used the wrong name in the last post, my apologies!)


Bentley sat across from John, her legs crossed and arms back. She shrugged at his question, considering it.


If it were ideal, she would see herself with a nice husband and a family, possibly a cute dog. Steady jobs, nice neighborhood. But at the moment, that seemed so far fetched she wanted to cry.


"I don't know, to be quite honest with you. I just hope it turns out for the best." Her voice was quiet as she listened to the soothing sound of him strumming.

 

[GreyZone]

(I didn't even notice! xD )


He continued to strum his guitar, frowning slightly at her vague answer. "That could be anything, though. Tell me about your ideal future, Bentley. There's...a girl. And you are her doll, but you can tell her exactly how to play out your future. Design your perfect Ken doll husband, all of your children, with blonde pigtails and the like, your dream house...."


John looked over to smile at her, squinting lazily in the sun. "I am expecting a well-developed answer her. Strong thesis, opening paragraph, three body, and a closing. Go."

 

[kailey]

Kaliyah laughed gently and rubbed the back of her neck, thinking.


"Hmm... I'd have the most perfect husband. He would be kind and gentle and loyal and cuddle me every single night. Among other things." She winked.


"I would have one boy and one girl, but the boy first. They would be extremely adorable and perfect. I would have a German shepherd... And a yorkie and a grumpy old fat cat."


"I would have a two story old house with a modern vibe, if you understand what I'm saying. And a hottub." She smiled, imagining it,