It's Been a While

[GreyZone]

"So you want to...date again?" He hadn't even considered it. He thought she would resurface from that horrible institution with no part of her old self remaining.


His hands slowly drifted down her waist and over her hips. "I had no idea that you would still be interested after you got back. They didn't tell you to quit? What if I was the thing that lead you to drink?"


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[kailey]

Bentley smiled gently. "I think that's sonething we can decide together. You know I still love you," her voice was quiet and slightly raspy.


She shook her head quickly before speaking "I can't say exactly what led me to drink, but I know it wasn't you. I promise." She assured him.


Her hands slid down and her arms loosely wrapped around his shoulders. It was so good to be near him again.

 

[GreyZone]

"I still love you too." He almost couldn't hear his own words, he only hoped that she could. "You know that I do."


In one motion, he had pulled her onto his lap and her head close to his chest. "I don't think you know how long I have just been dying to hold you," he whispered. "And I know it's so cheesy, but it was so hard to go from everything to nothing with you."


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[kailey]

Bentley leaned her head against him, close to his heart. She used to do that when he held her. For some odd reason the sound of his heartbeat had always soothed her.


"Believe me, I feel the same." She pulled back a moment to look up into his eyes, her pale green one's widening slightly.


"I've missed you so much, John. It's been hell without you," she responded quietly. Part of her was surprised he even wanted to touch her, but part of her was craving it so badly that she wasn't going to complain.

 

[GreyZone]

"I didn't even know if you would miss me," he told her honestly, tightening his arms around her. He had ran over this same damn conversation thousands of times in his mind, and all he could come up with was self-conscious and sappy. But why was he surprised in the first place about this?


His lips barely brushed her forehead, the smooth and familiar skin there seeming to soothe an itch he didn't know he had. "What did you learn there'? Do you think you can stay away from drinking?"


If she couldn't, he had no clue what he would do. He couldn't endure a repeat of these last two years, her slow and then rapid decline sliding into her being yanked away from him all together.


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[kailey]

Bentley once again leaned against his chest, burying her head as well as her worries. "Of course I missed you."


"I think I can. It may just be hard at first because of the memories. Like walking passed that bar," her fingers trailed down his back gingerly. "When I went passed it, I had to kind of stop and rationalize because of the damage it has done."


Bentley stole a glance up at John. "It's not that I crave it, it's more like I'm scared of it."

 

[GreyZone]

He nodded stiffly, resting his cheek on top of her head. "That makes sense, I guess. To be completely honest with you,


I don't understand it at all. How could you possibly want something so badly if you know it's killing you?"


Of course John knew all about addiction and how fast it could happen to you. Oh, his brain understood quite clearly how his girl could have been so dependent on a substance that it ruined her.


But his heart didn't. His heart couldn't possibly learn to understand why she had betrayed every single good thing she had for a freaking bottle in the corner of a dingy bar that would never love her back.


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[kailey]

Bentley sighed and tried to focus on his constant heartbeat to calm her. Talking about this sort of thing still put her on edge, she just needed to relax a moment.


"I don't understand it either, John. But it happened, unfortunately. I was weak enough to let it happen." She whispered.


"But it's over. I promised myself and I promise you now, all of that is over. I'm going to get better." Bentley pulled back to look back into his eyes.


"I just need your help. We'll get it."

 

[GreyZone]

"You can't promise that and you know it," he responded quickly with a sad laugh. "You must take me for an idiot if you think I truly believe you can get over an addiction as bad as yours just like that. Bentley, I was in foster care and an orphanage my entire life because of my mom's addiction! She slept with men all the freaking time just so she could pay for that addiction, let alone anything her son needed!"


He instantly told himself to quit. He didn't need to scare her back off as soon as he got her back, and she had never heard much about his childhood. Purposely. Whenever he dwelled on it, it became harder and harder to be pulled back out.


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[kailey]

Bentley pulled back, her eyes widening. She was trying to be optimistic, but then again she deserved whatever he had to say. He was just letting his frustration out, she reminded herself.


"I know... I know. I just... If I set high standards it'll be easier for me to get back to normal." She replied, her eyes dropping to the ground.


"I'm sorry. About your mom. And about me." She whispered sadly. It was rare that John spoke of anything regarding his past, and the whole thing made her incredibly sad.

 

[GreyZone]

"I just--" he had to stop and attempt to recollect his thoughts. "I don't want you ending up like her. I don't ever want you to be one of those women with the thinning hair and the cheap nails, willing to do /anything/ for that thing that has them in a chokehold."


He took her face gently in his hands as if she might break. "I /love/ you. I really do. You mean the world to me, Bentley. Please understand that I'm only being like this because I care about you."


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[kailey]

Bentley looking up and met his gaze as he held her face. She nodded, understanding his worry for her.


"I know, John. Believe me, I know." She informed him.


"It's not going to be easy, and I know that. Just please don't give up on me... " a look of pure vulnerability flashed across her pale green eyes. "I'll try my absolute best."


She reached forward and again ran her fingertips through his hair. It was a comforting gesture for her.

 

[GreyZone]

"Why do you keep acting like I'm just going to leave you?" He laughed uncomfortably, tugging on the ends of her hair. "I don't ever recall being flaky or only putting one foot in with you."


But in all reality, it terrified him, just the prospect of her addiction returning. He couldn't endure it again; it had ruined him once and he wouldn't let it happen again. "You just have to understand that I need to be thinking of myself as well in this. I'm not going to give up on you, though. I just need to be careful."


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[kailey]

"I know you do, and I completely get that. I tried helping some messed up kids back at the center and it only worsened my situation because I began to blame myself for the way they acted, which was so warped and far from the truth," Bentley explained.


Her other hand trailed down his arm as she spoke. "I'm just scared I won't have you again someday," she took a deep breath. "I need you, John."


Her eyes flickered back to the ground as tears began to form in the corners of them. She hated crying in front of people. She had to resist it.

 

[GreyZone]

"It was good of you to try, though," he told her quickly.


But he jumped when she started to cry. "Shh, baby, no." He pressed quick kisses to both of her cheeks. "You're fine. You're okay. /We're/ okay. We'll figure out what we're doing and where we're going and it's going to be okay. I promise."


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[kailey]

Bentley began to shake uncontrollably, but her tears remained silent. She nodded frantically and hid against his chest once more.


God, she hated her life back in rehab. It was horrible and terrifying and made her want to hide in a corner for the rest of her life.


"Okay... Okay," she breathed a sigh and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "Okay, John. I... I love you," she managed a small smile up at him. Stay strong. she thought. She didn't need to keep breaking down in front of him.

 

[GreyZone]

"Bentley. If you can't cry in front of me, who can you cry in front of?" He ran a hand over the length of her hair. "If you need to let it out, I'm not going to think any less of you."


He knew she would despise showing such strong and hurt emotion in front of him, but he had to at least /offer/, right? He had forgotten how hopeless he was with girls as soon as he didn't have to keep one happy anymore.


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[kailey]

Bentley sighed and closed her eyes a moment to regain her composure. "I know," she murmured, suddenly exhausted. It had been an eventful day already.


"Thank you for holding me," she whispered as a blush pinkened her cheeks. She really needed it. Just some sliver of affection to bring her back go reality.


Her nerves began to calm and she relaxed against him, a soft yawn escaping her lips.

 

[GreyZone]

"Here," he barely murmured, pulling down the topcover and tucking her in between his sheets. /Thank goodness I changed them last week./


"Get some sleep." He planned on grabbing the sleeping bag that Jenna used whenever she came, and utilizing the empty space beneath his bed normally used for luggage if you were a normal person and had stuff. Unlike him.


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[kailey]

Bentley nodded gently and gratefully accepted the bed he offered. She curled up around his pillow and buried her face into it. It smelled like John. It was comforting.


"I... I can sleep on the floor if you'd like," she mumbled, already half asleep. The part of her that was still awake felt bad for John having to sleep on the floor.

 

[GreyZone]

"Don't even suggest it," he quickly responded with a slight smile. "The least I owe you right now is your bed."


He got situated underneath her, taking Adam's pillow even though it reeked of some disgusting man spray. Before laying down to read for a little bit, he reached up to find Bentley's hand. "I'm so glad you came back for me."


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[kailey]

Bentley smiled as he took her hand. "Me too." Before long, she had fallen into a rather deep sleep.


---


A warm ray of sunlight shone on Bentley's soft features, waking her up. It took her a moment to catch her bearings and remember where she was.


"J-John?" She called out tiredly as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes. She had surprisingly slept very well and had held the pillow that smelled of him tightly all throughout the night.

 

[GreyZone]

John was sitting at his desk, pounding away at the tough keyboard of his laptop. He jumped a little when he noticed that she was awake, but is features immediately softened.


"Morning, sunshine," he replied with a slightly teasing smile before returning a few books to their designated spots. "How did you sleep?"


His laptop was swiftly shut and he moved over to perch on the edge of her bed, resting a gentle hand on her shin through the blankets.


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[kailey]

Bentley softly and smiled up at him. Her long caramel colored hair was tousled and no doubt she looked pretty crappy, but it was just John.


"I slept great. Thanks for letting me use your bed. How are you?" She inquired as she pushed herself up into a sitting position. She must've been exhausted, because typically it would be very uncomfortable for her to sleep in jeans and a shirt.


Bentley yawned once more and stretched her arms behind her back as she turned to meet his gaze.

 

[GreyZone]

"A little better now that I can actually make sure you're doing okay," he answered a little too honestly, moving to stand up again before he could say anything else that was incredibly stupid.


"You can use my shower, if you want. There's nothing feminine because we have a conjoined one with the room next door, but you are more than welcome to help yourself."


He hated treating Bentley like some random houseguest. He really did. And yet, he couldn't help but ever wonder if they would manage to return to how they were. Even if they were younger and stupider, they had had it good.


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