Advice/Help I’m really at a loss here…

[LouiseMcDoozler]

I don’t understand RP Nation‘s community or the lack there is…
I’ve had people begging to rp in threads, messaging me in hopes to rp and right when we’re in the middle of discussing a plot or even when we have just started rping…. Ghosted. 6 people, ghosting me.

I understand being busy with personal matters but then why do I see them roleplaying and engaging in conversation with other people and leaving me on read for an entire week??? Why are they still posting threads in pleas to find other rp partners?! Why doesn’t anyone know how to communicate?!! If you’re busy or you wanna end the rp- just say so!

I’ll give it 3-4 days and then send a DM to remind them of the rp and they will read it but still never respond. I’ve even made fanart, takes a long time to finish btw. No response. Thanks a lot.

I don’t understand what I am doing wrong? I don’t understand why people who were once so willing and excited to rp suddenly grow cold and absent before we even get started.

I feel like there are people who can relate to this or I’m just overeacting or however you take out of it.
I just really need some advice here…

 

[Kaiju Cat]

I have no good advice for you, I’m sorry for that. However, I can relate to getting ghosted too many times it’s hurtful. And, I have the same questions.

 

[Edric Blight]

Man I envy you, only 6 people ghosted you? Rookie numbers!

I jest (not really) but,

That being said, honestly when you’ve been around RPing for a while you learn to get used to it. It sucks, it really does, I get it.

It bewilders me that people enjoy wasting their time reaching out and plotting when they never had plans to write with me in the first place.

Anyway, I’m sorry to hear this has happened to you. Hang in there and I’m wishing you the best of luck in the future.

 

[LouiseMcDoozler]

Man I envy you, only 6 people ghosted you? Rookie numbers!

I jest (not really) but,

That being said, honestly when you’ve been around RPing for a while you learn to get used to it. It sucks, it really does, I get it.

It bewilders me that people enjoy wasting their time reaching out and plotting when they never had plans to write with me in the first place.

Anyway, I’m sorry to hear this has happened to you. Hang in there and I’m wishing you the best of luck in the future.

Thank you
It really sucks. Especially when you like the person’s vibe and the rp plot you both came up together. Then they just leave without any explanation.

Even though 6 partners may not seem like a lot, for them to all begin to ghost me and for their to be zero notifications coming thru seemed oddly suspicious.

I just don’t know what I am doing wronggg like literally I have no rps going now because they’re all put on hold.

 

[Edric Blight]

Thank you
It really sucks. Especially when you like the person’s vibe and the rp plot you both came up together. Then they just leave without any explanation.

Even though 6 partners may not seem like a lot, for them to all begin to ghost me and for their to be zero notifications coming thru seemed oddly suspicious.

I just don’t know what I am doing wronggg like literally I have no rps going now because they’re all put on hold.

Exactly. I feel the same way. Can’t tell you how many times I think I’m vibing really well with them and boom, they’re gone. I also typically don’t reach out until two or three days after like you as I don’t wanna pester them but still, usually hear nothing. So at that point I leave them alone and give up.

Honestly I was messing with you with the 6 comment just because I’ve been ghosted so many times like that in just like a week sometimes so I was sympathizing with the fact that you couldn’t get anything going. But no, 6 is a lot. It’s frustrating. But, it happens, not that it makes it any easier. I think it’s just the nature of the hobby itself. Your feelings are valid tho, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I totally feel what you’re going thru, it’s not fun.

I’m not sure it’s anything you’re doing wrong, it’s probably just down to bad luck really. It’s actually very rare to find a few stable partners so really it’s all about trying and trying until you do find that one that sticks. But I will say it doesn’t make the whole vibing with someone, going thru all the trouble to plot, then getting ghosted thing, any easier.

I’m really hoping for the best for you. Just hang in there and if it gets to be too much, just take a break. That’s what I do sometimes when I’m in a drought for partners and stories and I’ve been ghosted a lot. Try not to stress yourself out too much and take care of YOU first. (:

 

[LouiseMcDoozler]

Super relatable!!! Thank you for your support and encouragement 33
I hate pestering people too because I always feel like I might be too impatient or obnoxious if I send them a reminder, so I do wait a few days. But holy moly it sure is something when they’ll even leave THAT on read!
As I said before, I have no problem with ppl being busy for if they wanna stop the rp but why is it so difficult to just communicate that

 

[Edric Blight]

Super relatable!!! Thank you for your support and encouragement 33
I hate pestering people too because I always feel like I might be too impatient or obnoxious if I send them a reminder, so I do wait a few days. But holy moly it sure is something when they’ll even leave THAT on read!
As I said before, I have no problem with ppl being busy for if they wanna stop the rp but why is it so difficult to just communicate that

Of course! :3

And yea I’m literally the same way.

I’m absolutely ok if you need to drop the RP whether your busy or uninterested but all I ask is that people tell me honestly.

That’s why in my interest checks I’ve been stressing I need a good communicator and I’m NOT ghost friendly. It’s been working because I’ve laid out strictly that I’m here to write, not to be a passing waste of both mine and someone else’s time.

 

[LouiseMcDoozler]

Yesssss exactly!! Communication is key 100%!

There’s this one person who keeps saying that they’re just busy with family matters but then why are you online so much? Why have you made a new thread and accepted in another rp partner!? That’s not called “being busy with family matter”

Like don’t lie to meee just say you don’t wanna rp with me anymore! Because what happens is, when you say, you’re just busy, I have to wait, but since you’re not actually planning to come back to the rp, that’s not fair to me at all! Here I’m gunna wait for an eternity still holding on to fake promises.

 

[Edric Blight]

Yesssss exactly!! Communication is key 100%!

There’s this one person who keeps saying that they’re just busy with family matters but then why are you online so much? Why have you made a new thread and accepted in another rp partner!? That’s not called “being busy with family matter”

Like don’t lie to meee just say you don’t wanna rp with me anymore! Because what happens is, when you say, you’re just busy, I have to wait, but since you’re not actually planning to come back to the rp, that’s not fair to me at all! Here I’m gunna wait for an eternity still holding on to fake promises.

I’ve never related more to a post haha. Yes exactly! I feel you.

And yea I see that happen too. It’s annoying but I just shrug it off at this point. Clearly if they’re willing to lie like that then they’re just not a good person I wanna associate myself with or write with.

I just wish people would be honest. I’ve had a few people say “look I’m too busy for this” or “I’m no longer interested” and we’ve mutually respectfully parted ways. I always appreciate a heads up. I just wish people were more communicative.

 

[Kaiju Cat]

Edric Blight I can relate to you and LouiseMcDoozler it’s frustrating to be lied to and left in the dust with no notice. It happened to me too many times now. I agree it comes down to communication. I feel you and wish people were more honest.

 

[LouiseMcDoozler]

Bro you seem like such an amazing person ngl I seriously need to meet more people like you!

And ya know if you’re ever interested in role playing with me don’t be shy to send a PM. My preferences and basic info are always on my about

And hey if we don’t have the same interests that’s totally fine! It’s just great knowing there’s more ppl out there who understand the importance of communication

 

[LouiseMcDoozler]

Edric Blight I can relate to you and LouiseMcDoozler it’s frustrating to be lied to and left in the dust with no notice. It happened to me too many times now. I agree it comes down to communication. I feel you and wish people were more honest.

YASSS SEE YOU GET IT TOO!

 

[Edric Blight]

Bro you seem like such an amazing person ngl I seriously need to meet more people like you!

And ya know if you’re ever interested in role playing with me don’t be shy to send a PM. My preferences and basic info are always on my about

And hey if we don’t have the same interests that’s totally fine! It’s just great knowing there’s more ppl out there who understand the importance of communication

Thank you so much! It means a lot to hear that! (:

You’re awesome too

I’d totally be down for a roleplay! My only thing is I’m pretty limited in what I do haha. I’m more flexible with realistic original plots but in terms of my favorite which is fandom, I only do one fandom lol. But, I’ll take a look and send you a dm if I see anything.

I’m glad you too understand the importance of communication in this crazy thing we call our hobby of roleplaying. I’m glad I could be of any help and comfort. (:

 

[LouiseMcDoozler]

Sounds good with me!!!
Again thank you for lifting my spirits!!

 

[Daisie]

I think I linked someone to this thread recently... But whenever I see people questioning their own abilities based on the frequent ghosting, I like to recommend them this thread to read.
This really put it into perspective to me just how rare a good, reliable RP is.

Other - "Why won't anyone roleplay with me?"

Or, "Why do I keep getting ghosted? Should I quit roleplaying? Is it just not for me? Is there something wrong with me?" Etc. I keep seeing a lot of ya'll getting discouraged and, heck, a lot of times I get discouraged while RP partner searching too. It's frustrating to plan out a roleplay, get...

www.rpnation.com

 

[LouiseMcDoozler]

I think I linked someone to this thread recently... But whenever I see people questioning their own abilities based on the frequent ghosting, I like to recommend them this thread to read.
This really put it into perspective to me just how rare a good, reliable RP is.

Other - "Why won't anyone roleplay with me?"

Or, "Why do I keep getting ghosted? Should I quit roleplaying? Is it just not for me? Is there something wrong with me?" Etc. I keep seeing a lot of ya'll getting discouraged and, heck, a lot of times I get discouraged while RP partner searching too. It's frustrating to plan out a roleplay, get...

www.rpnation.com

Thank you this really does help! I’m gunna keep searching!

 

[Jet]

Too many people lack commitment in this community, and have no respect for the time and effort others put into a project. I've tried speaking about this but was swarmed by a large number of users in the discussion section, for saying that it's inconsiderate and immoral to rope people into doing a ton of work, only to abandon them as soon as your initial interest dies down. The general attitude is basically,

"The second I'm not having fun, I should leave/end the RP because it exists to entertain me, and because it's just a hobby, other people's work doesn't count as work. If you have a problem with that then you're a boomer and touch grass."

There's little consideration for the 100s-1000s of hours other people invest into projects.

Thankfully there are some people who don't think that way, and you're best bet is to find them and hang onto them for dear life. I've managed to run a long running group RP (almost two years) because I found good people and kept them close, and went to them when I had a good idea. If you don't want to build that kind of community from scratch, look for one on the website — maybe an RP that's been running for a while and may let you in. If you only want 1x1s then I guess it's harder to find that kind of community, but a good group often gives you good partners for 1x1s, so maybe expanding to group RPs would help you?

But yeah, overall point is that it takes time and when you find someone that's committed and doesn't run away as soon as the initial enthusiasm dies down, make a connection and keep them in your inner circle.

 

[Edric Blight]

Too many people lack commitment in this community, and have no respect for the time and effort others put into a project. I've tried speaking about this but was swarmed by a large number of users in the discussion section, for saying that it's inconsiderate and immoral to rope people into doing a ton of work, only to abandon them as soon as your initial interest dies down. The general attitude is basically,

"The second I'm not having fun, I should leave/end the RP because it exists to entertain me, and because it's just a hobby, other people's work doesn't count as work. If you have a problem with that then you're a boomer and touch grass."

There's little consideration for the 100s-1000s of hours other people invest into projects.

Thankfully there are some people who don't think that way, and you're best bet is to find them and hang onto them for dear life. I've managed to run a long running group RP (almost two years) because I found good people and kept them close, and went to them when I had a good idea. If you don't want to build that kind of community from scratch, look for one on the website — maybe an RP that's been running for a while and may let you in. If you only want 1x1s then I guess it's harder to find that kind of community, but a good group often gives you good partners for 1x1s, so maybe expanding to group RPs would help you?

But yeah, overall point is that it takes time and when you find someone that's committed and doesn't run away as soon as the initial enthusiasm dies down, make a connection and keep them in your inner circle.

Couldn’t agree more with every inch of this post.

 

[LouiseMcDoozler]

Too many people lack commitment in this community, and have no respect for the time and effort others put into a project. I've tried speaking about this but was swarmed by a large number of users in the discussion section, for saying that it's inconsiderate and immoral to rope people into doing a ton of work, only to abandon them as soon as your initial interest dies down. The general attitude is basically,

"The second I'm not having fun, I should leave/end the RP because it exists to entertain me, and because it's just a hobby, other people's work doesn't count as work. If you have a problem with that then you're a boomer and touch grass."

There's little consideration for the 100s-1000s of hours other people invest into projects.

Thankfully there are some people who don't think that way, and you're best bet is to find them and hang onto them for dear life. I've managed to run a long running group RP (almost two years) because I found good people and kept them close, and went to them when I had a good idea. If you don't want to build that kind of community from scratch, look for one on the website — maybe an RP that's been running for a while and may let you in. If you only want 1x1s then I guess it's harder to find that kind of community, but a good group often gives you good partners for 1x1s, so maybe expanding to group RPs would help you?

But yeah, overall point is that it takes time and when you find someone that's committed and doesn't run away as soon as the initial enthusiasm dies down, make a connection and keep them in your inner circle.

I agree! Thank you for your wise words

I strictly don’t participate in group roleplays…
I only do 1x1 and since Quotev died I have no idea what other rp websites are out there-
I don’t have very many options apart from reaching out to other ppl and posting threads. I guess I really do just gotta be patient

 

[Jet]

I agree! Thank you for your wise words

I strictly don’t participate in group roleplays…
I only do 1x1 and since Quotev died I have no idea what other rp websites are out there-
I don’t have very many options apart from reaching out to other ppl and posting threads. I guess I really do just gotta be patient

Best of luck then. The 1x1 world seems more finicky and harder to find partners. I've heard it's more about passing vibe checks than writing talent or character creation... which sounds tough to me .

If you post 1x1 advertisement then message me and I'll post it in my server, maybe one of our members will reach out to you? I can't promise that someone will join your project, but they will stick around if they do.

 

[LouiseMcDoozler]

:0 HOLY MOLY ARE U KIDDING ME??!! You have that kind of connections?! Bro you’re awesome! I’ll def reach out to you!

 

[Jet]

:0 HOLY MOLY ARE U KIDDING ME??!! You have that kind of connections?! Bro you’re awesome! I’ll def reach out to you!

Not many connections but a few of them, and good ones at that! We have about 15 writers and all are extremely dedicated. I'm most definitely not one of the bigshots of RPN

But I'm happy to help! We gotta keep our numbers up so that one day, when I've clawed my way to RPN headquarters, I can make a good case for the individual RP forums to come back.

 

[LouiseMcDoozler]

Not many connections but a few of them, and good ones at that! We have about 15 writers and all are extremely dedicated. I'm most definitely not one of the bigshots of RPN

But I'm happy to help! We gotta keep our numbers up so that one day, when I've clawed my way to RPN headquarters, I can make a good case for the individual RP forums to come back.

Well to be honest all my rp information is on my about! You can totally copy it down! I really appreciate this dude! I hope you get the higher position!!

 

[Daisie]

I know I already contributed this thread a little, but I just realized I feel like my experiences might help a bit?

So I've had startlingly little issues with ghosting. One thing to keep in mind as I gab on is that I really don't collect new partners/groups all that often... maybe once or twice a year. That could skew my data a lot, but then again, I don't look for new partners because I'm really quite happy with the ones I have already established long-term. So just take all of this as you will.

I don't know if this is a sound strategy (Study case of one here, lol) but I suspect it has something to do with the fact that I really enjoy making friends before making RP partners. I use RpN mainly for the social aspect nowadays, chatting with new folks and catching up with old ones on occasion. I have to wonder if my own personal success comes from my propensity to prioritize the relationship over the RP.

After all, it's one thing to ghost a complete stranger, but it's a much more serious act to ghost someone who you've been talking to semi-regularly for two months, and then decided afterwards to start a RP with, lol.

Another thing that might help! One of the RPs I'm in right now was one I joined by leafing through the active Group RPs. I picked one that looked interesting, saw that it had been around for multiple years, read up on it for a little while, and then private messaged the GMs asking to join. Didn't even bother looking for an interest check. Sure, I might have been lucky they accepted me - that probably won't happen for every group RP you peruse - but if you're looking for something long-term, what better way than to join something that's already been long-term?

The results of all this?
• My main RP partner is one I've been RPing with since 2016, and is my best friend. That bit is probably just luck lol. Still though, food for thought to the idea of "friends first, RP partners later".
• My secondary RP is one I joined in 2021, so I've been involved in it for about 3 years. It's slow moving, but was originally started in 2018.
• Those are the only two RPs I have currently, but I also have two people from that same group RP that I occasionally do 1x1s with. They're casual 1x1s and we've picked them up/dropped them off as we please.
• The couple of RPs I did before those ones lasted for 3 and 4 months, and one of these we could probably pick back up anytime if we wanted. I still have their contact info and I'm sure they wouldn't mind a poke. Both of them, though, at least touched on something exciting. Fight scenes, character dialogue, stuff like that. We made it past the introductory phase.
• All that being said... There was one RP I can remember fizzling out, in recent years. It was 2021, and we didn't even get past the aforementioned character introduction phase. I only got to post three times. And wouldn't you guess it? It's the only one I joined via interest check.

So in all truth I have used interest checks probably less than 5 times over the course of 8 years on RpN. The vast majority of my RPs are ones that I have joined by making friends, who then invite me or I invite them, to RP. Better yet, I have multiple friends in my list who I'm sure would be happy to indulge in my RP ideas if I only asked them to. I don't mean to come off braggy about it or anything, but I figure there must be some reason I've gone so long with so much success in the world of RP, whereas a lot of folks struggle so much. This is the best I can come up with. Networking skills.

Either way, I hope you (and everyone else) has fantastic luck getting good RP partners, and even greater friends!

 

[LouiseMcDoozler]

I know I already contributed this thread a little, but I just realized I feel like my experiences might help a bit?

So I've had startlingly little issues with ghosting. One thing to keep in mind as I gab on is that I really don't collect new partners/groups all that often... maybe once or twice a year. That could skew my data a lot, but then again, I don't look for new partners because I'm really quite happy with the ones I have already established long-term. So just take all of this as you will.

I don't know if this is a sound strategy (Study case of one here, lol) but I suspect it has something to do with the fact that I really enjoy making friends before making RP partners. I use RpN mainly for the social aspect nowadays, chatting with new folks and catching up with old ones on occasion. I have to wonder if my own personal success comes from my propensity to prioritize the relationship over the RP.

After all, it's one thing to ghost a complete stranger, but it's a much more serious act to ghost someone who you've been talking to semi-regularly for two months, and then decided afterwards to start a RP with, lol.

Another thing that might help! One of the RPs I'm in right now was one I joined by leafing through the active Group RPs. I picked one that looked interesting, saw that it had been around for multiple years, read up on it for a little while, and then private messaged the GMs asking to join. Didn't even bother looking for an interest check. Sure, I might have been lucky they accepted me - that probably won't happen for every group RP you peruse - but if you're looking for something long-term, what better way than to join something that's already been long-term?

The results of all this?
• My main RP partner is one I've been RPing with since 2016, and is my best friend. That bit is probably just luck lol. Still though, food for thought to the idea of "friends first, RP partners later".
• My secondary RP is one I joined in 2021, so I've been involved in it for about 3 years. It's slow moving, but was originally started in 2018.
• Those are the only two RPs I have currently, but I also have two people from that same group RP that I occasionally do 1x1s with. They're casual 1x1s and we've picked them up/dropped them off as we please.
• The couple of RPs I did before those ones lasted for 3 and 4 months, and one of these we could probably pick back up anytime if we wanted. I still have their contact info and I'm sure they wouldn't mind a poke. Both of them, though, at least touched on something exciting. Fight scenes, character dialogue, stuff like that. We made it past the introductory phase.
• All that being said... There was one RP I can remember fizzling out, in recent years. It was 2021, and we didn't even get past the aforementioned character introduction phase. I only got to post three times. And wouldn't you guess it? It's the only one I joined via interest check.

So in all truth I have used interest checks probably less than 5 times over the course of 8 years on RpN. The vast majority of my RPs are ones that I have joined by making friends, who then invite me or I invite them, to RP. Better yet, I have multiple friends in my list who I'm sure would be happy to indulge in my RP ideas if I only asked them to. I don't mean to come off braggy about it or anything, but I figure there must be some reason I've gone so long with so much success in the world of RP, whereas a lot of folks struggle so much. This is the best I can come up with. Networking skills.

Either way, I hope you (and everyone else) has fantastic luck getting good RP partners, and even greater friends!

Thank you