Other I know it's hard to find a partner, but...

[kevintheradioguy]

I always get very weary and suspicious when someone PMs you and says "Hey, I want to RP with you!", but you also remember seeing them replying to a dozen of ads that morning, and another dozen the evening before. And you just sit there thinking, "Do you, Caren? Do you really? You're clearly very busy."

I get it, you won't really get a partner the moment you reply to an ad. I've been here for a year, and I got around... zero roleplays. No jokes. Most people don't even reply to PMs (I prefer to think they did not expect someone actually noting them and seriously try to arrange a game). I do get it, it's hard. It's hard af! But I feel a certain distrust to a person who replied to ten ads promising daily multiple replies... It's whether a big fat lie, or a low-quality game to me.

Do you have the same feeling? Am I fundamentally wrong, and you can put my mind at ease?

 

[Idea]

Well, there are certainly are people who are just that impatient and immediately go for the next person if they don't find a partner right away. There are other cases, however, when the issue might be one of compatibility: Maybe they talked to whoever was in those search threads and just found they weren't compatible after all, at least a sufficient percentage of them that the player would still feel they have room for a new roleplay.

To be honest I have a similar feeling when someone randomly PMs me for a roleplay when they haven't seen my interest check. Though in my case, it's because I know the majority of people don't quite live up to my usual standards, not because the usual person is bad or anything, but because I'm an uber-detailed roleplayer and really need that degree of detail and length and to an extent planning.

 

[Tove]

Yes, sometimes, especially if they send that PM "Hey, I want to RP with you!" and nothing else to go with it like a "I read over your request thread. I saw a couple of ideas I would enjoy plotting with you on if you don't mind hearing them." The usual hey I want to roleplay alerts me that they may not be much into actually plotting anything out versus starting a roleplay quickly the latter of which I don't do. Seeing them respond to several request threads makes me really leery. If we were to start a roleplay what if they couldn't keep up?

 

[kevintheradioguy]

If we were to start a roleplay what if they couldn't keep up?

That is my biggest insecurity. Like, my inbox when I cam back a week ago here was filled with about twenty threads about a possible game, and all of them flopped for one reason r the other. We didn't click, or we didn't use the same platform, or we didn't like each other's characters, or we didn't find a decent idea to satisfy us both... I know that most people you write to you won;t start a game with... but at the same time, what if you do? What if that guy who wants to start a game and made another ten requests gets a "cool, let's do it" from all those people? It's so unlikely, and yet, I am paranoid enough to think about this all the time.

 

[Darkmaster006]

Yeah, I feel you. At the least if I have 4 or 5 PMs I stop looking until those are settled. It is usual that some people will just drop or write such short sentences without answering anything that I'm left wondering if they really wanna get on board with actually building a plot, you know? Or when you suggest some plot ideas, they just never answer the PM. It's pretty funny, I guess? The guy who made 10 requests, probably not going to follow through in any of them? Or if he gets many 'cool, let's do it' he'll just have to resort to saying 'sorry i already found a partner or whatever'. But just keep trying, you'll find someone!

 

[Laifan]

Yeah that doesn't necessarily mean they have that amount of roleplays going on. The amount of messages I've sent to people by far surpasses my active roleplays. Depending on how detailed they are with their messages maybe they don't even have any roleplays. When I send people messages I try to present them with plot ideas and characters I'm up to playing. Sending someone a message just saying 'I'm up for anything' will mean a lot of back and forth to try to establish a basic plot - that doesn't really work most of the time. (Those are the immediate red flags for me and I usually don't bother with such search posts, because I feel getting a definite 'what do you want' from such players will be like pulling a tooth).

Even with a plot noted down and characters ready to begin, that doesn't mean the roleplay will be successful. Maybe your writing styles are incompatible. Maybe the other person is not as invested and they don't feel comfortable telling you so they rather drop off the face of the planet out of fear of confrontation. Maybe something really complicated came up in their lives.

I've written down plots, created characters and wrote starters only to get radio silence on the other side.

So, really, even contacting 20 people, if that person gets one active partner they will be lucky.

Edit: this is why I prefer to contact people via PM than in their search posts directly, so others don't feel the need to question my actions. On another website I've had someone question why I chose to roleplay with someone else and not with them. It just so happened I didn't think our characters would match well (also when they suddenly wanted to throw an OP villain at my regular Joe character besides their main character so they didn't really seemed very interested in what I was looking for too). But yeah some people can take things a bit too seriously regarding other players' actions, hence why I think communicating via pms or discord works best. That way nobody gets worried or stressed or whatnot.

New edit: just do you have an idea, out if the 50 pms I've sent since I joined here in October, I currently have...2 active roleplays in this website.

 

[Redfork2000]

I agree. The number of messages to potential roleplay partners does not reflect the number of active roleplays. I for one have talked to dozens of people already, but I don't have dozens of roleplays going on at once. I have four or five going on at most.

Also, this changes from person to person, but some people are perfectly possible to stay active in multiple RPs at once. Maybe that person just has a lot of free time. Maybe that person can produce quality posts faster than average. I know for sure that I'm perfectly able to work on several roleplays at once without giving anyone cheap, low quality posts. So it also depends on the person. I understand most people probably don't have the time to work on so many roleplays at once, but some do. Of course, I don't mean that no one ever bites more than they can chew.

 

[Jannah]

People who reply to a lot of ads are often just "window shopping" so to speak. I know I do it sometimes so I can get a better feel for what the person is envisioning in their desired RP. I then decide from there whether to follow through and start a RP.

 

[kevintheradioguy]

write such short sentences without answering anything that I'm left wondering if they really wanna get on board with actually building a plot, you know?

I think this is an absolutely different thread: post lengths. I have met a few people who wrote very short replies... around 2-4 sentences short, but they were never very descriptive, and preferred to describe action. They moved the plot, and albeit I do not like the shortness of replies, as I'm very descriptive most of the times, and would want some details, I've learned to accept that moving the plot does not equal long replies. In that Fallout RP where I had my last partner like this, she never wrote more than three sentences, one of which was a cue, and yet, together our characters met up in the house, crossed a swamp, got into the sewers, got ambushed by mutated insects, managed to blow most of them up, scrapped some of the insect eggs, got home, got attacked by a raider gang, and managed to weasel their way out. It was rather dynamic, actually.

Then again, my current long-time partner after three games of 6k+ messages each only now learns to move the plot properly, although he's a multi-paragraph player.

this is why I prefer to contact people via PM than in their search posts directly

This gets me very suspicious as well, actually. "What are you hiding", I always think. "Why aren't you replying to search threads? Maybe you ghost people all the time?" XD ...I do sound like a paranoid person.

 

[Tove]

I actually like to contact people via PM too. Very rarely will I post in a search thread because most of the time RT will ask the interested party to communicate by method of PM which I did when I was writing in my own search mainly to see who honestly read the thing entirely and of course there would be the ones that didn't obviously.

 

[smallnscrappy]

I always get very weary and suspicious when someone PMs you and says "Hey, I want to RP with you!", but you also remember seeing them replying to a dozen of ads that morning, and another dozen the evening before. And you just sit there thinking, "Do you, Caren? Do you really? You're clearly very busy."

Do you have the same feeling? Am I fundamentally wrong, and you can put my mind at ease?

Oh man, I'm glad someone else has the same reservations about the partner search madness. I have really been struggling with this! I will find someone interesting, and then they will ghost/fail to respond after so much conversation and leave me hanging. I always wonder what *I* did wrong, but I think our entire community is infected with comittment issues.

I am guilty of the super market sweep approach. I will message 10 people and hope one bites. Maybe its rude or un-authentic, maybe people see that! I'm glad you pointed that out as a red flag.

But I am really discouraged by being blown off.

 

[kevintheradioguy]

I am really discouraged by being blown off.

I want to give you a hug now.

 

[Darkmaster006]

I think this is an absolutely different thread: post lengths. I have met a few people who wrote very short replies... around 2-4 sentences short, but they were never very descriptive, and preferred to describe action. They moved the plot, and albeit I do not like the shortness of replies, as I'm very descriptive most of the times, and would want some details, I've learned to accept that moving the plot does not equal long replies. In that Fallout RP where I had my last partner like this, she never wrote more than three sentences, one of which was a cue, and yet, together our characters met up in the house, crossed a swamp, got into the sewers, got ambushed by mutated insects, managed to blow most of them up, scrapped some of the insect eggs, got home, got attacked by a raider gang, and managed to weasel their way out. It was rather dynamic, actually.

Then again, my current long-time partner after three games of 6k+ messages each only now learns to move the plot properly, although he's a multi-paragraph player.

No, no, I meant answering with really short replies on PM or stuff like 'yeah just whatever' when we are building and plot which means either that you don't care much for the plot or you're not trying to put a least a little bit of effort to build the RP which is the basis of it all. It'll all come tumbling down with such weak foundations.

As for the thing you talked about, I guess it depends? Sometimes moving the plot... for the sake of moving the plot kind of makes no sense, you know? I mean, if you move the plot with sentences that fall too short, you may end up describing the action itself only, while the characters end up as blank cardboards that could be anyone as long as they move the plot along. So it's good to be wary also of the need to interact and further character development and their bond. I can see how with longer posts, though, the RP sometimes gets stalled because of one, too many parallel conversations, two, too many answers to movements that make the characters stay in the same place because none of the RPers break the ice to move, or other stuff. So yeah, it's a fine line. A long post can also be enhanced by writing important things such as a character's thoughts on the other character and their actions that will not drag it down since it's in their mind, and that helps the character grow. But yeah, I've seen both of these extremes, and it's hard to strike a balance, especially when you want to make your RP really full-fledged but don't have the time to put out replies every day, so that if the plot moves slowly, the RP turns never-ending.

 

[kevintheradioguy]

you may end up describing the action itself only, while the characters end up as blank cardboards that could be anyone as long as they move the plot along.

This is exactly why I had to quit that game, actually. The plot moved, but my partner didn't seem to have any character development, or even deep emotions. Came off shallow. It was hard to play with her, and nearly impossible to be empathetic.

 

[smallnscrappy]

I want to give you a hug now.

Please do! I would appreciate a hug! Ive had ten or more partners fall through for any multitude of reasons, work, family, time constraints, but watching so many potentials stories fall through is disheartening.

I hope we can all find the secret formula to a partner search very soon. For anyone reading this, my door is always open :}

 

[Laifan]

I do sound like a paranoid person

Yeah you kinda do xD; I know it's hard but perhaps try to relax and remember not everyone is comfortable with the same things. Some people are OK with making public comments, others feel more comfortable with pms. It doesn't have to mean anything beyond that.

 

[KenKafka]

I can see why you would feel that way, but for me I just don't worry about it. It is like fishing in the way that you don't always want the bites you get and have to throw a lot of fish back. It's more worrisome to me when I get a message and they don't tell me anything about what kind of plot they want or anything at all, but I just chat with them until it's figured out. The reason I don't keep public comments in my search thread might be weird, but it's to protect my partner's identity. In the event that it doesn't work out or something happens and I want to talk about it publicly, I wouldn't want to slander anyone like that. There have also been horror stories I've heard of jealous partners seeking out old partners and harassing them, but I'm sure that's not really a big thing that happens a lot.

 

[Yunalescaa]

Anyone, and I mean ANYONE, who messages me (PMs, Discord, email, wherever) "Hey I want to RP with you!" or "Hey lets RP" will have their message deleted immediately. It tells me that you probably didn't even read my search thread. And it usually means I'm going to be carrying the plotting and the entire roleplay while they sit back and respond/react to everything I'm doing. Like someone said above, sometimes you just have to toss a couple fish back because you don't want them.