Advice/Help How Soon Is Too Soon To Assume You’ve Been Ghosted?

[beautyofthebeast]

As the title says, how soon is too soon to assume you’re being ghosted? I’ll say I’m not talking about any partners on this website, so don’t worry about that; it’s a different site.

But I have one partner that hasn’t responded to me in a month, and initially I thought it was because of a new job I knew they had, but now they’re involved in a pretty sizeable group RP and still not responding to me. I’ve sent a few messages, but have stopped now just because I don’t want to be labeled as irritating.

As far as I know, the RP was going just fine, there was no argument or personality or style clash at all (which is common in RP ghosting), and they’re certainly online a decent amount.

What should I do, or should I even do anything? Is it time to just shut the book on that one? I don’t want to give up on it since it is an AMAZING rp, but it’s been almost a month. Even if the RP is dead I’d enjoy talking to them, but I can’t even get that. I don’t want to send any more messages, but I’m a step away from sending a “What Gives?” message with overuse of capital letters and punctuation.

 

[Tove]

It seems you have done everything you can do. If it has been a month with no response to your roleplay or messages you've sent and they are actively replying to another thread you should probably leave it alone. I understand the roleplay is amazing but you might want to put it down. It's unfortunate that it has happened it's just one thing associated with roleplay people do ghost. Hopefully you will find someone else that will appreciate your time and be up front with you about things in the future.

 

[rae2nerdy]

So for future reference here is my go to tips.

1. Check if the person is online. If they haven’t been online since near the last point they contact you than they’re busy and just wait.

2. If they are online send them one message at about the point when you expect a post.

3. If they do not respons within two days AND they are active on the site than they have ghosted.

3b. If they are not posting on the site but they appear to be online I would wait one more post cycle before leaving.

4. If they respond ask them if there are any problems then repeat /3b as you wait for a response.


Post Cycle = how long you wait for a reply. So if they usually reply within a day than you wait for one day. If they usually reply on the weekend than you wait for the weekend.

If you have sent them a post and they do not respond than do not send additional posts.

They have ghosted and it’s best to just move on.

 

[S h i s h a]

I've gotten to the point where I don't really ask people if they've ghosted or not. I have people who only post once every 3-4 weeks which is fine by me. Heck, sometimes I can't post for week myself (but I do try to touch base ooc). I don't want to ask or beg or nag at this point in my life. I understand they may have innocently forgotten to post, it happens. But at the same time I just assume someone has ghosted if it's been 7-10 days of inactivity. I may drop a line in a rare instance but I hate seeing if someone is online and active elsewhere. It would just drive me crazy and if they're active with others, well you have your answer. That said, when I do message, I say something like "Hey, I know you're busy and I'm not fishing for a post, but just checking in. If you need a break, feel free to message me any point in the future. If something is up, let me know otherwise good luck with your writing ventures." And kind of leave it there. Often though, I don't reach out to people but I stress that people can come back any time they want.

So for me it's like 7-10 days and maybe a message, but mostly I just let them go. I'm not about to hound someone to stick around and post. And some days I log on and post for some (or none) and leave bigger posts for another time when I have the chance to sit down and put focus on a vital post.

 

[beautyofthebeast]

I've gotten to the point where I don't really ask people if they've ghosted or not. I have people who only post once every 3-4 weeks which is fine by me. Heck, sometimes I can't post for week myself (but I do try to touch base ooc). I don't want to ask or beg or nag at this point in my life. I understand they may have innocently forgotten to post, it happens. But at the same time I just assume someone has ghosted if it's been 7-10 days of inactivity. I may drop a line in a rare instance but I hate seeing if someone is online and active elsewhere. It would just drive me crazy and if they're active with others, well you have your answer. That said, when I do message, I say something like "Hey, I know you're busy and I'm not fishing for a post, but just checking in. If you need a break, feel free to message me any point in the future. If something is up, let me know otherwise good luck with your writing ventures." And kind of leave it there. Often though, I don't reach out to people but I stress that people can come back any time they want.

So for me it's like 7-10 days and maybe a message, but mostly I just let them go. I'm not about to hound someone to stick around and post. And some days I log on and post for some (or none) and leave bigger posts for another time when I have the chance to sit down and put focus on a vital post.

I actually really like your message; I may steal that!

 

[Idea]

If you've doner things that should have gotten through to them and more than a week has passed, either they got into some kind of accident or they ghosted you. Either way, I'd say you have a right to move on at that point.

 

[S h i s h a]

I actually really like your message; I may steal that!

Sure, feel free to modify it as needed!

 

[Onmyoji]

There isn't universal "ghosting time" but the tips other members gave are universal enough. If they're active in another RP but not responding to you it's safe to assume they ghosted.
Sad when it happens with amazing rp, but it's better to let it go.

 

[Yunalescaa]

So for future reference here is my go to tips.

1. Check if the person is online. If they haven’t been online since near the last point they contact you than they’re busy and just wait.

2. If they are online send them one message at about the point when you expect a post.

3. If they do not respons within two days AND they are active on the site than they have ghosted.

3b. If they are not posting on the site but they appear to be online I would wait one more post cycle before leaving.

4. If they respond ask them if there are any problems then repeat /3b as you wait for a response.


Post Cycle = how long you wait for a reply. So if they usually reply within a day than you wait for one day. If they usually reply on the weekend than you wait for the weekend.

If you have sent them a post and they do not respond than do not send additional posts.

They have ghosted and it’s best to just move on.

Quoting because I like this model. But I think a good average is about two weeks. I'm definitely the type of person who doesn't have the spoons to write a reply every day. But I do my best to keep in OOC chat and let them know when I'm getting to a reply. If this person is still OOC chatting with me then it's all good. Unless they specify otherwise, I usually just assume I got ghosted pretty quickly.

If they're online and replying to other things and ignoring you, they're outti. I wouldn't take it personally. It sounds like they weren't interested and didn't have the heart to tell you. Just, keep'er goin'!

 

[rae2nerdy]

Quoting because I like this model. But I think a good average is about two weeks. I'm definitely the type of person who doesn't have the spoons to write a reply every day. But I do my best to keep in OOC chat and let them know when I'm getting to a reply. If this person is still OOC chatting with me then it's all good. Unless they specify otherwise, I usually just assume I got ghosted pretty quickly.

If they're online and replying to other things and ignoring you, they're outti. I wouldn't take it personally. It sounds like they weren't interested and didn't have the heart to tell you. Just, keep'er goin'!

Well my post cycle is a post a week. So what happens is I wait until a week after last contact to send the update reply “Are you okay?”

Then I wait one additional week for a response.

So that is basically two post cycles.

If your cycle is one post a month than you wait two months. If it’s a post a day than you wait two days.

And so on and so forth.

 

[beautyofthebeast]

Fun fact: I sent them the previously mentioned message and they responded almost instantly, saying a post would be up last night.


No post.

 

[rae2nerdy]

Fun fact: I sent them the previously mentioned message and they responded almost instantly, saying a post would be up last night.


No post.

Well that doesn’t mean anything. I say that all the time. And I end up being too tired, get distracted, or have some IRL thing come up last minute.

I wouldn’t take that personally they could have intended to have a post up just not gotten the chance.

Now if you personally are tired of waiting and would like to leave the roleplay I would just let them know.

I mean don’t be rude about it but say something like “I’m sorry but I am no longer interested in this idea. “.

Doesn’t have to be true but it’s a nice way to let them off the hook without feeling attacked.

 

[Windsock]

If they haven't responded in a week it's time to yeet.

 

[Yunalescaa]

If they haven't responded in a week it's time to yeet.

I'm laughing so hard at this and idk why

 

[Windsock]

I'm laughing so hard at this and idk why

If they won't give you a post, you won't stop with the roasts.

 

[poison goth]

Probably maybe a week.

 

[Kipsy]

It's been a month since the last response for me, too. Maybe that's the threshold for when we should give up for good...

It's very sad when the roleplay was going so well, but there's really no pushing someone into doing something they no longer have interest in. Especially around now, with the holidays coming up and people are bound to be busy.

You can either keep crossing your fingers (like I am) or move on. Alas, neither are easy in any sense of the word.

 

[Blessing]

If they haven't responded in a week it's time to yeet.

this is so good

 

[poison goth]

this is so good

XD

 

[Blessing]

If they won't give you a post, you won't stop with the roasts.

please keep these rolling

 

[poison goth]

please keep these rolling

XD

 

[Blessing]

Depends on the expected post length. If it's just a paragraph or two, yeah. A week is fine I guess. Not really. I like posting multiple times per day, usually. Even if school is 'in the way' I take care of it quickly to get back to my hobbies. If it's super long, like 5 paragraphs or something then I guess a week or two.

I get bored and lose interest if I go too long without a post, and also I prefer that my partners are just as enthusiastic as I am.

No point in us writing if you barely want to post in the first place. Not like I can force my partner to post if they don't want to, but people make time for what they like. But I rarely bother someone if they don't bother posting. Lol. Just leave it be.

 

[poison goth]

If they still talk to you, chances are they've lost interest in the roleplay or have forgotten about it.

 

[Windsock]

If they act like a ghost, time to make them toast.
If they skedaddle you should tattle.

 

[rae2nerdy]

If they skedaddle you should tattle.

Wait who am I tattling to? Do I have to find their parents? OOOH do I get to pull the CONCERNED ADULT?

Mr. and Mrs. Username you will not believe how RUDE your child is being! Leaving my roleplay without even so much as a by your leave.