mogy
your mom's friend
Oates Oates
" podcasts, amirite? "
" podcasts, amirite? "
@bigO has set their status to:
...
@bigO has set their outfit to:
jeans, shirt, jacket
@bigO has set their location to:
park
@bigO has interacted with:
kian, slater, felix
mogy has mentioned:
geminiy , ohdittoh , Winona
Oates didn't particularly pride himself on his smarts. He wasn't good at things like math or physics, but when it came to social interaction, he could've been freaking Einstein. There was knowledge in every single action happening around him, from body language to actual words leaving Kian's mouth, and at this point, it was probably more of a curse than it was a blessing to understand it all. Had he not followed, would he have not felt humiliation and despair as he hopelessly attempted to fix the ground crumbling underneath him. He was even aware that by just trying to help, he was digging himself into a deeper hole, however, saving himself as others suffered wasn't a viable option in his mind.
He did have trouble reading Kian's eyes as eye contact never truly was established, though, one thing had been fairly obvious:
Pain.
Undeniably painful were rejections for any teenage boy, but this had roots deeper than most things—destroying back many years of laughter and joyous memories—and it led the taller boy to pain Oates had never seen him at before. For Oates, this wasn't Kian. The anger and yelling and maliciousness in his voice definitely couldn't have been him because Kian wouldn't yell at Oates? He wouldn't despise the lone sight of Oates, right? This wasn't the guy whose window Oates remembered throwing pebbles at; it wasn't the Kian he wanted to even believe existed, no matter the evidence of what was going on around him and of all the bullets shot towards him in hopes of landing a fatal shot. Maybe, after all, the two weren't the same as before... Maybe, it wasn't only Kian who changed so drastically...
Where did the curly-haired boy even learn to hurt people so much? Why did everybody around him end up miserable? Was he really such a bad person?
It was his fault this whole thing was happening, and he couldn't stop reminding himself of it, even amid Kian speaking down to him as if he was some worthless speck of dust not worthy of the taller boy's time. Oates was supposed to defend himself and stand up for what he believed in, but with every word leaving Kian's mouth, he felt shorter and shorter, weaker and weaker in front of the boy's declarations. All of the pain the taller boy was feeling had, in its entirety, been Oates' fault, and he deserved to suffer for it, so he accepted everything being said, guilt now, fully, showing on his face.
He would've continued to accept it until he felt smaller than an atom because it maybe made a difference to Kian. After all, there was a chance it would've taken away some pain from him, and that was worth it. But as people entered the scene, he managed to contain the tears slipping away from his eyes, wiping them and shifting his gaze at one unfamiliar face, and another just barely familiar.
Felix, the guy he bought drugs from for Callum once a while back, and, after his introduction, Damien, the guy from Twitter who seemed like a fun person to hang out with, had it not been for the circumstanced the two were introduced in if this even could be called a proper introduction.
But despite his usual, rather social personality, Oates' mouth remained shut throughout the awkward interaction. He dared not cross the invisible line Kian undeniably put down for Oates as he spoke to the two other boys. He had already been mad and hurt enough, and at the same time, Oates didn't feel like saying anything because he might have burst in tears instead—thoughts running rampant in his mind.
As the three boys walked away, led by Kian, Oates remained in one place. Kian left the blanket, the spread of food, and some parting blows for Oates, which he didn't even take to heart. It would've been too much.
He waited. Until Kian and the boys were far away; until he managed to comprehend everything that took place just a few minutes ago, to sit down, or more so fall down on the brown blanket, and when the three were no longer anywhere in sight, tears just started rolling down his cheeks, silence surrounding him.
He really did ruin everything.