"Been a while since we went on a road trip like this, hey, Jojo?" the blonde in the driver's seat asked, her tone annoyingly casual to Joanna's ears. Aunt Lisa had made several futile attempts at conversation throughout the trip, but this one came as they neared the end of their ride. The older woman sighed longingly. "Feels just like it did when you were younger. I really can't believe how long it's been..." she went on, absently trailing off by the end of her remark. After a few moments, she glanced over at her niece, sitting in the seat beside her.
The silence that hung between the pair was suffocating, and it was painfully obvious how desperate the older woman was to break up the tension in the vehicle. Nearly twelve hours of driving had come and gone--her aunt switching radio stations every time they moved out of range of the previous one, trying to make small talk with Joanna every few breaks in song, never receiving anything beyond a quiet "yeah," or "no," in response. The dark-haired girl stared out the side window, watching as Montana's picturesque landscape of rugged mountains, wind-swept plains, and open sky blurred past, the interstate stretching on ahead of them for miles. She'd always loved the state, but she'd never gotten the chance to visit until now. If only it had been under better circumstances.
Joanna hardly heard her aunt over the radio. The ringing in her ears persisted. "Joanna?" Lisa spoke again, hesitantly, as though she were reluctant to provoke a cornered animal.
"Yeah," she answered after a second, her voice distant. The older woman let out a small, defeated sigh, falling silent.
The pavement had ended a good five miles back, and the rusted 88' Ford pickup now bumped and rumbled over the rough gravel that had taken its place. Joanna had shifted positions since exiting the interstate, sitting upright now, with her legs neatly crossed. Her hands sat in her lap, her fingers restlessly fidgeting with the denim fabric of her jeans. Aunt Lisa looked over at her every few minutes, like she wanted to check on her, make sure she hadn't thrown herself out of the truck while she wasn't looking. But she said nothing, as though she'd finally realized that any effort she made to interact with her would be in vain.
Up ahead, a large cabin-like structure was beginning to peek through the trees lining the road. As far as the brunette could see, there were some cars parked in the lot out front, but there were few other indications of life besides that. Joanna felt the muscles in her shoulders grow tight with apprehension at the sight, though she didn't quite understand why. After all, it wasn't as if she had just now found out where they were headed--her aunt had told her days ago. But perhaps seeing it in person made the whole thing real for her.
Nine weeks. Just over two months away from her parents. "They just need time, Joanna. This'll be good for you both," her aunt had gently assured her. "They only want what's best for you, sweetheart." Of course they did--her parents loved her, she knew that. Her parents, who had struggled to look at their daughter the last time she'd seen them.
Two months away from home--from Riggs, from her friends, from her life. Two months away, and then Christmas. Surely that wouldn't feel as long as she thought it would. As terrifying. Christmas wasn't so far away, she could last that long. She was sixteen years old--she'd be okay.
Strangely enough, "okay," was just about the furthest thing away from whatever it was that she was feeling at the moment.
Mood > Content
Location > Journey's End
Interaction > No one
She sat back. Her finger grazed the tip of her moist tongue and flipped the page. It was a peculiarly beautiful book. Its smooth creamy paper, a little yellowed by age. Julia had seen it lying in the window of a well-kept dorm. Reading was a developing pastime of hers. In the isolating composition of this establishment, one must stimulate the brain, or suffer insanity; albeit what activity is more acclaimed than reading?
A gust of wind whipped up a tornado of leaves and caused a shiver to run up her already frigid backside. Not a shiver of cold, but anxiety. Notwithstanding the sky being clear, the temperature was dropping. This showed Christmas was coming.
Two months. Two months till she could see her parents. Julia used “parents” loosely. Parent. A parent is the caregiver of the offspring in their own species. In humans, a parent is the caretaker of a child. Julia’s were nothing more than tyrants; mere adults who controlled her life. Parents provide, care, protect, teach, console, they’re one’s role model. Julia had to earn the right to eat breakfast, she knew how to fix roofs before learning how to speak. At seventeen, Julia did not have a single memory where her parents said they were proud. Everything could be better.
She watched in awe as a girl walked past, head to toe in fur clothing. Howbeit, Julia could handle the cold. Her parents taught her how to. She wore only a white shirt (of which the camp provided) with the sleeves rolled up - no layers.
When her parents found out about her sexuality, no anger ensued. They met her sexuality with disappointment. It took less than a week before she was in the family car, being sent to the camp. There was no doubt her parents suspected something: she never talked about boys or brought one home.
When Julia arrived, she was a wreck. She refused to see a soul, including the therapists. Julia used the darkness which consumed her and wrapped it around herself like a blanket. When one gets told they are worthless enough times, they believe it. She became aggressive. No matter the threats or punishments the camp delivered, she would always act up: causing fights, vandalism. If there was a sliver of hope, it could get her excluded, she would do it. Destructive. The best word for this camp.
She sat back. Her finger grazed the tip of her moist tongue and flipped the page. It was a peculiarly beautiful book. Its smooth creamy paper, a little yellowed by age. Julia had seen it lying in the window of a well-kept dorm. Reading was a developing pastime of hers. In the isolating composition of this establishment, one must stimulate the brain, or suffer insanity; albeit what activity is more acclaimed than reading?
A gust of wind whipped up a tornado of leaves and caused a shiver to run up her already frigid backside. Not a shiver of cold, but anxiety. Notwithstanding the sky being clear, the temperature was dropping. This showed Christmas was coming.
Two months. Two months till she could see her parents. Julia used “parents” loosely. Parent. A parent is the caregiver of the offspring in their own species. In humans, a parent is the caretaker of a child. Julia’s were nothing more than tyrants; mere adults who controlled her life. Parents provide, care, protect, teach, console, they’re one’s role model. Julia had to earn the right to eat breakfast, she knew how to fix roofs before learning how to speak. At seventeen, Julia did not have a single memory where her parents said they were proud. Everything could be better.
She watched in awe as a girl walked past, head to toe in fur clothing. Howbeit, Julia could handle the cold. Her parents taught her how to. She wore only a white shirt (of which the camp provided) with the sleeves rolled up - no layers.
When her parents found out about her sexuality, no anger ensued. They met her sexuality with disappointment. It took less than a week before she was in the family car, being sent to the camp. There was no doubt her parents suspected something: she never talked about boys or brought one home.
When Julia arrived, she was a wreck. She refused to see a soul, including the therapists. Julia used the darkness which consumed her and wrapped it around herself like a blanket. When one gets told they are worthless enough times, they believe it. She became aggressive. No matter the threats or punishments the camp delivered, she would always act up: causing fights, vandalism. If there was a sliver of hope, it could get her excluded, she would do it. Destructive. The best word for this camp.
Hooded brown eyes lazily followed the gravel path that stretched on ahead of the truck. The final lyrics of ABBA's 'Slipping Through My Fingers' played softly through the stereo's speakers, cutting through the quiet that had once again settled between the driver and her passenger. At this point, there wasn't much to be said by either of them, and so neither made any final attempts at conversation.
The skylight blue pickup rounded a bend in the road a few moments later, pulling into a parking lot as the cabin Joanna had spotted through the trees came fully into view. Three cars were lined up neatly out front of the building, which resembled a large summer camp lodge. It was a single-storey, built with sturdy looking cedar logs that only added to the rustic feel of the whole place. A wooden sign was hung fron the rafters of the cabin's porch by two chains, neatly displaying the camp's name in hand-painted blue letters:
Journey's End
How fitting, Joanna absent-mindedly thought; their half-day trip had certainly felt like a journey, albeit one from Hell. Joanna watched as the sign swayed back and forth with each gust of autumn wind that breezed through the trees around them. The afternoon sky above was grey, just barely visible through the dry, gently-rustling foliage that still clung to the branches of the trees. Joanna shivered in her seat despite the truck's warm interior, wrapping her windbreaker around herself more securely.
"Oh, this place is lovely," Aunt Lisa softly remarked, drawing the girl's attention to her as she pulled up beside a rusted old station wagon. Joanna was unsure if she was speaking to her, or if the older woman was merely trying to convince herself of that fact aloud, so she shifted her gaze back to the cabin without a word. Nailed beside the only visible door at the front of the building was another wooden sign, this one with the words 'check-in' painted across it in a similar style to the other.
A dark-haired man, probably in his mid-forties, came out of the door right as Joanna's aunt jammed the truck into park. He was dressed plainly, in a plaid button-down that was tucked neatly into a pair of brown chinos. Lisa glanced over at her niece, nodding with encouragement as she unbuckled and pushed the door open, stepping out of the truck. The man drew closer to them as Joanna moved to join her aunt on the other side of the vehicle, and she couldn’t help but notice how kind and warm he looked. His face was creased with soft laugh lines around his eyes and mouth, and his bushy eyebrows quirked upwards when he smiled.
“Hello there!" he greeted them, politely extending his hand. His voice was just as cheery as his looks made him seem. "My name’s David Johnson, you must be Lisa! It’s a pleasure to meet you.” The man, David, shook hands with Lisa as she returned his greeting. Shortly after, he turned his attention to Joanna with a kind smile, “And you must be Joanna," he said, extending his fist to her in a similar gesture. Hesitantly, Joanna bumped her knuckles against his, and the older man's face lit up. "Nice one, kiddo! Not many of you guys get that at first," he beamed. Joanna gave a tight-lipped smile in return. Unfazed by her reaction, he continued, "You can call me Reverend David, that's what the others do. It’s a pleasure to have you here, Joanna," he told her, his tone sincere.
“...Yeah, thank you,” she replied slowly, offering him a polite smile that ended up resembling more of a grimace.
The older man gave her a sympathetic look then, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Hey now, there’s no need to be nervous--you’ll get used to this place in no time," he assured her, his eyes softening, "I can already tell you'll get along nicely with the others." Joanna nodded slightly, somewhat grateful for his fleeting attempt at reassurance. Despite her rigid body language, the response seemed to satisfy the man well enough that he stepped back, letting his hand drop from her shoulder.
Reverend David's face fell back into a smile as he looked at Lisa. "Alright!" he exclaimed, clasping his hands together, "Now, I'll have someone come grab your bags for us, and bring them to your room so we can get you all set up," he explained, shifting his gaze back to Joanna. "In the meantime, I’m going to have you both come in here with me so we can get some paperwork signed, and then I'll take you and your mom over to the dorms to meet your roommate--how does that sound?”
"Excellent!" Aunt Lisa replied, smiling tightly. She snuck a glance over at her niece, as if to see whether she would bother correcting him or not. Joanna bit her tongue, turning to Reverend David with her most confident smile yet.
"That sounds good," she replied, worrying the fabric of her jacket in a nervous habit. The man gave an enthusiastic thumbs up and smiled in return, turning on his heel and gesturing for them to follow him into the cabin. Joanna set off after him before she could catch her aunt's reaction, a strange feeling twisting in her gut.
"Great! With that, we're all good to go," Reverend David beamed, taking the paper and pen back from Joanna. Her messy signature glared back at her from the sheet in red ink, her first act of submission. It disappeared from her view as the man slipped the forms into a filing cabinet and turned back to the pair with his trademark smile. "Welcome to Journey's End! You're well on your journey of self-discovery already," he went on, "May you find the strength for change, not only in God, but within yourself," he finished, folding his arms across his chest.
The words sounded rehearsed to her--forced, even--so much so that she wondered briefly if they held any weight at all to him. But rather than pressing the matter, Joanna simply nodded, offering him another polite smile. "Thank you, Reverend...I hope to," she replied softly. Aunt Lisa's hands appeared on her shoulders then, giving her a gentle, reassuring squeeze. To her own surprise, she reached up and touched the older woman's fingers affectionately.
"And here we are, cabin two!" Reverend David called back to them, turning around from his spot on the porch of the lodge. Joanna held onto her aunt's forearm as they walked, her expression and mannerisms similar to those of a timid young child. The cabin looked nearly identical to the first, only a sizeable, wooden number 'two' was nailed beside the door in place of a sign. David waited with his hands resting on his hips, pausing to let them join him on the porch before continuing. "You'll be sharing this space with five other girls, but don't worry; you'll be separated into pairs," he went on, opening the screen door and ushering them inside first. "Now, if I remember correctly, your roommate will be...Julia Laine," he smiled, "Come with me."
Joanna and Aunt Lisa followed the older man down a hallway, stopping at the last closed doorway on the right side, which the Reverend knocked on before turning his head to them. "You'll be staying right in here," he told her, turning back to the door. "Julia, I'm coming in!" he announced firmly, turning the handle and stepping inside without waiting for a response. The dark-haired girl was overcome, suddenly, with a feeling of uneasiness at the man's abrupt actions, his complete disregard for privacy. Rather unsurprisingly, she said nothing. The pleasant aroma of cedar wood and fresh air mixed together as she silently followed David into the room, her aunt close behind them.
Mood > Irritated
Location > Journey's End
Interaction > Reverend David
“Julia.” Her eyes twisted upwards to confront the spindly man. Reverend David stood stock-still, watching her intently. “We will have a new member of our community soon. Seeing as everyone else already has a roommate, she’ll be staying with you.”
Julia slipped a bookmark in between the pages and heavily closed her book. “I like my privacy Reverend.” If she could be alone, she did not miss the chance. Julia spent more time nose deep in literature during a one-month period, than she interacted with the other girls in a year. These girls were only inmates and ‘Journey’s End’ was a detention center which confined those sent there. The Reverend found morbid contentment in calling them “his children” or “his girls”. This use of parental terms gave the outside world a false sense of security. Reverend David was their father, their protector, their guidance.
The Reverend placed his hands on his hips, “I know you do, but we can’t have her sleep in the mud, can we?” Julia spoke but Reverend David cut her off and continued in a disappointed voice. “I hope you show more hospitality to her than you’ve done with the last few.”
Two girls suffered the misfortune of entering Julia Laine’s domain; expecting friendship and consolation. Howbeit, she shunned each one as if they were lepers. Whatever names their parents damned them with, Julia could not retrieve them within the chaos and entanglement of her psyche. Nor did Laine care to remember. The first girl dealt with an unhindered wish to borrow Julia’s belongings. “Borrow”, was not correct; they returned a mere several. Julia found bits in the depths of the girl’s bag - others lost to the ages. It was obvious these actions narked Julia, but the girl insisted that she did not know how they got there. She offered a blatant lie that the item never entered her possession.
A partial sense of guilt was present for the second girl. No drastic issue became frequent. Notwithstanding the amiable nature of the girl, she did not smell pleasant. It was a peculiar mixture of onions and sweat. Pungent to the extremity of sending Julia into a tantrum. She believed it justified her outburst. One should not allow their hygiene to suffer so much to where it troubled another’s wellbeing.
“And if I don’t listen to you?” Julia inquired.
The Reverend smiled. A smile of pity. A smile which warned Julia of her error. He leaned forward with precision. Ensuring that he was close enough for her to hear his shaking breath. “I hope it doesn’t come to this,” he lowered his voice. “But I’ve heard you aren’t a fan of small spaces.” A sense of helplessness descended upon her. She loosened her tie. Silence fell between the two as Julia stared off into space for a long moment. She opened her mouth, and it seemed as if she wanted to speak but words were not being processed. Reverend David jolted his knees as he went to lift a leaf from the mud-filled ground. He investigated the transition of green to brown, and said, “It’s fascinating, isn’t it? Autumn is my favorite season you know.” The leaf was enveloped in his palm, now crinkled.
Julia let out a tired sigh. It was her way of releasing pressure, so she didn’t blow. “I understand.”
“You should get to your dorm. Make sure it’s tidy.”
She folded the book under her arm and dusted off her skirt. Laine took her time to return to her room. Turning the knob, she entered the soulless and plain room. The book was launched onto the bed and her head grasped by her hands. A threat. This feeble, frail shell of a man threatened her. How dare he consider it possible; with the use of her phobia against her. Julia preferred to pretend there was no assemblage of fear, but the threat still intimidated her.
>>
She leaned against the desk chair sipping her coffee, watching birds dart outside her window.
“Julia, I’m coming in!” A voice announced beyond the sole object that concealed her privacy.
Coffee dripped from her mouth as she swiveled her heard to the door. “Way to give someone privacy Dave.” Julia scorned. Her gaze dropped to the petite girl behind to him. Of the average height, skin one could be jealous of, eyes to lose one's life in. She was pretty. Julia’s lips developed a gentle smile.
“Care to introduce yourself, Miss Laine?”
“Uh, yea.” She took a tissue and wiped the spots of coffee off her chin like a shot. “Julia. Some people call me Jules. It depends if I like you.”
“Julia.” Her eyes twisted upwards to confront the spindly man. Reverend David stood stock-still, watching her intently. “We will have a new member of our community soon. Seeing as everyone else already has a roommate, she’ll be staying with you.”
Julia slipped a bookmark in between the pages and heavily closed her book. “I like my privacy Reverend.” If she could be alone, she did not miss the chance. Julia spent more time nose deep in literature during a one-month period, than she interacted with the other girls in a year. These girls were only inmates and ‘Journey’s End’ was a detention center which confined those sent there. The Reverend found morbid contentment in calling them “his children” or “his girls”. This use of parental terms gave the outside world a false sense of security. Reverend David was their father, their protector, their guidance.
The Reverend placed his hands on his hips, “I know you do, but we can’t have her sleep in the mud, can we?” Julia spoke but Reverend David cut her off and continued in a disappointed voice. “I hope you show more hospitality to her than you’ve done with the last few.”
Two girls suffered the misfortune of entering Julia Laine’s domain; expecting friendship and consolation. Howbeit, she shunned each one as if they were lepers. Whatever names their parents damned them with, Julia could not retrieve them within the chaos and entanglement of her psyche. Nor did Laine care to remember. The first girl dealt with an unhindered wish to borrow Julia’s belongings. “Borrow”, was not correct; they returned a mere several. Julia found bits in the depths of the girl’s bag - others lost to the ages. It was obvious these actions narked Julia, but the girl insisted that she did not know how they got there. She offered a blatant lie that the item never entered her possession.
A partial sense of guilt was present for the second girl. No drastic issue became frequent. Notwithstanding the amiable nature of the girl, she did not smell pleasant. It was a peculiar mixture of onions and sweat. Pungent to the extremity of sending Julia into a tantrum. She believed it justified her outburst. One should not allow their hygiene to suffer so much to where it troubled another’s wellbeing.
“And if I don’t listen to you?” Julia inquired.
The Reverend smiled. A smile of pity. A smile which warned Julia of her error. He leaned forward with precision. Ensuring that he was close enough for her to hear his shaking breath. “I hope it doesn’t come to this,” he lowered his voice. “But I’ve heard you aren’t a fan of small spaces.” A sense of helplessness descended upon her. She loosened her tie. Silence fell between the two as Julia stared off into space for a long moment. She opened her mouth, and it seemed as if she wanted to speak but words were not being processed. Reverend David jolted his knees as he went to lift a leaf from the mud-filled ground. He investigated the transition of green to brown, and said, “It’s fascinating, isn’t it? Autumn is my favorite season you know.” The leaf was enveloped in his palm, now crinkled.
Julia let out a tired sigh. It was her way of releasing pressure, so she didn’t blow. “I understand.”
“You should get to your dorm. Make sure it’s tidy.”
She folded the book under her arm and dusted off her skirt. Laine took her time to return to her room. Turning the knob, she entered the soulless and plain room. The book was launched onto the bed and her head grasped by her hands. A threat. This feeble, frail shell of a man threatened her. How dare he consider it possible; with the use of her phobia against her. Julia preferred to pretend there was no assemblage of fear, but the threat still intimidated her.
>>
She leaned against the desk chair sipping her coffee, watching birds dart outside her window.
“Julia, I’m coming in!” A voice announced beyond the sole object that concealed her privacy.
Coffee dripped from her mouth as she swiveled her heard to the door. “Way to give someone privacy Dave.” Julia scorned. Her gaze dropped to the petite girl behind him. Of the average height, skin one could be jealous of, eyes to lose one's life in. She was pretty. Julia’s lips developed a gentle smile.
“Care to introduce yourself, Miss Laine?”
“Uh, yea.” She took a tissue and wiped the spots of coffee off her chin like a shot. “Julia. Some people call me Jules. It depends if I like you.”
First impressions meant a lot when it came to one's enduring impression of another. The Taylor family--consisting of the happily married, beloved pastor Elijah, his born-again wife Abigail, and their little angel of a daughter--knew this better than most. Faithful, compassionate, and charitable, the Taylors were the very embodiment of a model Catholic family in the eyes of their conservative church and town. In light of this, they'd grown accustomed to existing in the public eye, aware that nearly every detail of their lives was thrust out into the open for the community to see. In time, Joanna had come to realize that preserving a favourable image of their picture-perfect family took top priority over everything for her father. It had to; the church was his very identity. Their approval meant more to him than anything. Thus, any measures taken to maintain said image were justified; to Joanna, to her parents, to the town. Joanna didn't blame her parents for their choice. How could she? It was for her own good, justified. Merely ridding the community of a problem before it could escalate further.
Her first impression would be good. Excellent.
The brunette forced her shoulders to relax as she appeared from behind David, exhaling a long breath and stepping just slightly to the left of the doorway as she entered the little dorm. She wore an unassuming look, taking more care than usual not to allow her well-practiced, neutral expression to falter. Hands buried in the pockets of her jacket, Joanna let her eyes wander around the room before falling to the face of a girl, delicately holding a ceramic mug and apparently interrupted mid-sip by the reverend's abrupt entry. She looked to be about her age, perhaps slightly older. A set of dusky brown eyes, just a shade or two lighter than her own, had been turned in her direction; dark and brooding, the colour of rain-soaked earth or ground espresso. Skin that practically glowed in the daylight, full brows, quirked upwards sightly. Soft lips that had curled into a small smile--not necessarily a friendly look, but rather nonthreatening. Polite, perhaps practiced. A look that seemed neither unnatural, nor completely relaxed. And residing in the depths of her eyes, a scrutinizing look. Joanna felt self-conscious suddenly, under the other girl's watchful gaze, and promptly shifted her attention to the man beside her as he spoke. "Care to introduce yourself, Miss Laine?"
Joanna's eyes flicked back to the brunette, who had turned her attention to the older man. The girl answered him flatly before swiping at a few stray droplets of coffee beneath her lower lip, the offending liquid staining the white tissue she held with spots of yellowish-brown. Withdrawing her hand from her face, she shifted her gaze back to Joanna, who resisted the urge to glance away again. "Julia," she answered. "Some people call me Jules. It depends if I like you." Julia. The pretty name had a melodic ring to it, rolling sweetly off the other girl's tongue. Joanna's eye was caught then by a glint of light off metal, and she found herself suddenly fixated on a small crucifix hanging above the headboard of her new roommate's bed. She remained silent for several seconds, her eyes distant. Behind her, Lisa stepped forward and gently placed a hand on her niece's shoulder, as if trying to get her attention. Flashing a pained smile towards Julia, the older woman began to speak. "'Jules', I love it!" she responded cheerily. A beat of silence passed. Gesturing to Joanna, she continued. "Well...she's usually more talkative, but this is Joanna," she chirped, smiling. "I'm sure she'd be alright with you calling her Jo--"
"--Joanna is fine," the brunette sharply interjected, jolted back to the present by her aunt's rambling. "Just Joanna." The last thing she needed was to be reminded of her family while she was stuck at this place for the next two months--hearing anyone, let alone some stranger, call her by the name her father always had would surely only worsen the blow. The thought alone left a bitter taste in her mouth, and it was then that Joanna decided she would try her very hardest to keep her life back home separate from what went on here, however difficult that would prove to be. Swallowing and slowly drawing a hand from her pocket, she offered the other girl a small wave. "Uh--it's nice to meet you," she added softly, returning her hand to her pocket and taking the opportunity to take in the rest of the dorm room. The walls were bare, apart from the identical crosses hanging at the head of each bed. Plain linen sheets were tucked into the single mattresses of two beds, barely visible beneath the dark quilt that had been laid on top of them. A stack of clothing similar to what the other girl wore was folded neatly on one of the blankets, and Joanna found her duffel bag of belongings at the foot of the bed, resting on a small trunk with the flap and zipper left open. Immediately, her mind went to the other girl--the thought of her rooting through the only personal items she'd taken with her irked her to no end, but she held her tongue.
"Well, 'Just Joanna', you'll be sleeping right over here," David informed her, offering her a goofy, lopsided smile at his own joke. "There's a trunk for all your things, and a uniform for you to change into later on," he went on, leveling his gaze at her. He must have noticed her studying the bland interior of the room, because he turned away then, gesturing to the walls. "Right, sorry. Here at Jounrey's End, certain privileges will be granted with your progress," he explained matter-of-factly. More rehearsed bullshit, she thought bitterly--surely an attempt to dispel any doubts or concerns about the credibility of this place to newcomers. Joanna noticeably grimaced as she nodded, prompting a sympathetic look from the man. "Don't worry, I swear it's not as bad as it sounds--just decorating and contact, really. Most of our girls get there in a few weeks." Joanna didn't feel comforted by his words in the slightest, but she took care not allow her neutral look to waver again. David turned to Lisa before continuing. "We've found that unrestricted mail and phone privileges can hinder progress in some individuals, so the staff have decided it's best to start this way and work up from there. It's all spelled out in the contract." Lisa nodded thoughtfully as he finished, but rather surprisingly, had nothing to input. The greying man turned back to Joanna, pointing to her bag. "Oh, and this. I've had one of the other staff conduct a mandatory search of your belongings, just to make sure there was nothing concerning in there," he said gently. "It's protocol upon arrival, but I had faith we wouldn't find anything of the sort, and I was right! You're all good to go." Despite his seemingly friendly demeanor, Joanna flexed her fingers anxiously inside the pockets of her jackets. As she flicked her gaze over to him, she just barely caught the sidelong glance cast in her roommate's direction before the rangy man looked back at her, hands clasped together with enthusiasm. "Okay then! I'll get out of your hair now, but listen: if you have anyproblems at all, don't hesitate to let me or one of the other staff know. Your comfort and well-being comes first here, understand?"
There was a slight edge to his tone that made her uneasy, but Joanna merely nodded again. "Thank you, Reverend," she answered mechanically, ducking her head in acknowledgement. How reassuring, a voice grumbled internally. Glancing back over at Julia, Joanna allowed her eyes to linger on the other girl's hands for a moment before turning back to her aunt. Opening her mouth as if preparing to speak, the younger girl found herself searching for the right words--unsurprisingly, considering the circumstances. What was she supposed to say to her? Bye Lisa! See you in two months, hopefully I'm all better by then. Say hi to mom and dad for me! The thought made her scoff internally.
In the end, it was Lisa who spoke. "Reverend Johnson, would you mind giving us a moment to...say goodbye?" she asked, her expression unreadable.
"Certainly, take as long as you need," he nodded. "Once that's out of the way..." he went on, glancing briefly down at the watch strapped to his wrist, "It looks like it's almost time for dinner, so you'll get to meet the other girls soon, Joanna. Until then...you two will have some time to get to know each other," he finished, gesturing between the two campers. Joanna nodded, exchanging a brief look with the other girl. Beside her, Reverend David's stare bore into her peripheral.
"Great," Joanna mumbled.
"Alright then! Dinner is at six o'clock, set up starts at quarter to," he beamed. Turning to Aunt Lisa, David nodded to the open door. "I'll see you to your truck when you're all finished." With that, he turned on his heel and headed into the hallway, closing the door behind him.
Joanna swallowed hard against the lump forming in her throat. Dark eyes shifted towards her roommate, darting back up at her aunt's face before she caught the other girl's gaze. Her mouth felt dry suddenly. "I...um, I guess I'll see you around Christmas," she began, her voice lowered slightly.
Lisa let out a long sigh, like a kettle releasing steam. Drawing in a slow breath, she nodded a few times. "Yeah, we'll come down this year. Little Ava misses you, Jo," she went on, her eyes softening with sadness. After a few seconds of silence, she chuckled softly. "I'll bring the dogs too," she added. "I'm sure Riggs misses old Doris, hey?"
Joanna winced as though she'd been poked in the side. "Yeah, I'm...sure he does," she answered, folding her arms over her chest. A failed attempt at a weak smile. Another sigh.
"Oh Joanna," the older woman mumbled, drawing her into a tight embrace. She leaned her head forward, pressing a kiss into her niece's hair. "It's going to feel like forever," she whispered, blinking rapidly as tears began to well in her eyes. "Your mom and dad love you, they really do, Jojo. I'm sorry. Just--give this a chance for us. You'll be okay." Joanna's jaw tightened at her words, but no tears came. Lisa pulled back, gripping the shorter girl's shoulders tightly. "I love you, Joanna," she told her, wiping her cheeks with the heel of her palm. "I think you're going to do really well here. Please write us, or call when you can. Talk to your parents."
"I love you too, Aunt Lisa," Joanna responded, her voice hoarse. Unfolding her arms, she slipped her hands into her windbreaker again. Swallowing, she stared at a scuff in the wood flooring and nodded a few times for good measure. "And yeah, I will."
The older woman's lips were pinched into a thin line as she pulled away. "I...well, I guess that's it, then, isn't it," she murmured to herself. "Take care of yourself, sweetheart."
Another nod. A smile, footsteps retreating. The soft click of the door as it closed behind her, followed by muffled voices disappearing further down the hall and out of earshot. Joanna drew in a deep breath, slowly turning herself towards the only other body in the room. She swallowed as silence settled over the space again, having nearly forgotten the other girl was there in the first place. "Um..." she mumbled, drawing a hand from her pocket to absently comb her fingers through her hair. Another breath. "Hey, so, like...what's the deal with this place?" she asked tentatively, slowly glancing up to meet the brunette's eyes. Joanna paused. "And...what happened to the last girl?"
Mood > Uncomfortable
Location > Journey's End
Interaction > Joanna
She shifted to the bin and released the grubby tissue. It drifted into the bin as she returned to look towards the three. Awkwardness circulated through Julia when no response ensued from her half-hearted welcome. Would she hear an introduction, or did they not care about manners? The conversation continued, at last, when the older woman commented on Julia’s nickname. Either a mother or an aunt, Julia could not figure who she was. Albeit, she seemed convivial. Her demeanour showed that their trip developed from a place of love. A presence that one would look forward to at a family gathering; it even gave Julia comfort. Julia’s parents never offered more than “We hope you get better soon,” and a wave goodbye. She recognized the falseness in their statement with minimal effort. What they wanted to tell her was she needed to halt this delusion of her interest in women, otherwise, she would not experience the warmth of sunlight again.
The Laine family did not have many Christian beliefs. They were nothing compared to the infamous Ku Klux Klan’s beliefs. The overwhelming disdain arose from her father. Elias Laine. The story came from Julia’s grandfather, never her father himself. Grief and guilt sewed Elias’ mouth shut, it prevented him from confessing. As a child, Elias’ family visited a family friend. A middle-aged man. Her grandfather never offered his name to Julia, but she did not persist with learning it. A name validated someone. It granted someone recognition and power their desperation and insecurity craved. But the man appeared gentle - a clone of Mr Rogers. He nurtured Elias, acted as a second father. They played the generic games together: dress up, tag, hide and seek,
It came as a bombshell, no one expected to hear those words. He was a person you discussed your difficulty with, and he listened. Offered advice sometimes. An ideal soul. Those one least expects to, can do the worst. A disastrous turn of events showed tragedy. Despite being married to a woman, he was homosexual. He used their faith as leverage to abuse Elias. Whenever his family left the man alone with Elias, whatever they did, Elias dared not repeat. The tormented boy evoked an image of homosexual people: don’t trust, respect, or talk to them.
He wasn’t alone in this. Miriam, Elias’ wife, held a similar perspective. Naivety allowed someone to manipulate the woman. Miriam was closer to the lenient side than her husband when they learned about Julia. But Julia’s grandfather accepted her, to an extent. He considered her interest in the same sex to be a choice. She permitted his ignorance to believe it. If one member of her family did not mistreat her, a drop of ignorance did not bother her. To the unfortunate girl’s dismay, her grandfather refused to confront his son. He proclaimed it will do more harm than good. Hatred engulfed Elias. And this subject produced nothing except anger. Julia saw her grandfather’s fear as pathetic. How could one fear their child? One should tighten a grip of dominance over their offspring and not ignore how they treat another. Forgiveness was impossible, it meant they won.
“Joanna.”
This intruder’s first word for the entire ordeal. “Uh, it’s nice to meet you,” Joanna continued with a soft wave. Julia acknowledged Joanna’s greeting with a smile, but other than that did not respond. Joanna stood juxtaposed to her guardian. Their presence contrasted each other. Whereas the older woman presented assertiveness, the girl showed uneasiness. A welcome party might have sufficed. Eased her into the torture she would experience. But Julia did not hold Joanna accountable. It was expected and understandable. An atrocious place such as this daunted Julia during her arrival. Though she had grown accustomed to it.
Reverend David proceeded with his typical, frivolous speech. Every word perfect. Hours spent in front of the mirror to achieve pinpoint accuracy. Or so Julia assumed. From what she knew of him, it was plausible. She had heard every word countless times. The exact tone, and pitch. A cyborg spared no difference to the Reverend. No human was more superficial than the one standing between them. No one aside from the staff had their comfort and well-being prioritised. What they prioritised for the kids was their indoctrination. Convince them they were lying to themselves. Julia made her displeasure known with looks and a huff. The Reverend ignored the petulant actions of Julia as he provided information on dinner. Not long after, he exited the room and left the older woman to pay her farewell to Joanna.
Julia rubbed the mug with pained slowness. It always felt uncomfortable to listen to someone else forbid their family goodbye. A crack in their voice, tear-soaked eyes - it reeked of emotion. She despised it.
They left the two girls alone after saying goodbye. Julia focused on Joanna when she asked, “So what’s the deal with this place? And what happened to the last girl?” Julia placed the mug on a silver coast that rested on her desk.
“You’ve been here less than ten minutes and you’re already asking questions. Dave didn’t tell me you would interrogate me,” she grunted. Laine leaned against the chair behind her. The chair emitted a squeak. She ignored it and kept her eyes at the new girl. “You come here to get cured when you’re gay or whatever. And the last girl is beyond me. Probably murdered or something.” Sarcasm rang in her voice.
“I have two rules. Number one, don’t smell. Please, just shower. You look like you do so I have faith. But number two, stay away from my stuff. You don’t touch my stuff, you don’t look at my stuff. If I found out you’ve touched my stuff, I swear to-” Her eyes swooped to the floor for a second. “Just follow those two rules and me and you will get along Joanna.”
She scratched her eyebrow with her thumb, “Must feel great having someone love you like that. My parents fuck off as soon as they drop me off here... Anyway, you can put your outfit on after dinner. You get so much shit if it gets dirty.” Julia rolled down her sleeves and fastened the buttons. She gestured for Joanna to follow her to the cafeteria. The two entered the musty open space, tables set out in two rows with two small tables connected to each other. Julia noticed the seats were wearing thin these days. A reestablishment was due for the entire building. Someone had already set a majority of the plates and cutlery down, but Julia went to take her share of items.
“These girls aren’t your friends. I suggest not talking to them.” Her hand outstretched while a finger hunted an unlucky girl. “There. Short ginger hair.” A girl was leaning over, chatting with two others. “She enjoys giving hugs to everyone. It bugs me I don’t know why.” Her finger flashed to another, “The fat one across from her. She’s just weird. I sometimes feel like I’m in a fucking mental asylum.”
Her finger curled around a fork and ambled over to an isolated section at the edge of the table nearest to the door.
She shifted to the bin and released the grubby tissue. It drifted into the bin as she returned to look towards the three. Awkwardness circulated through Julia when no response ensued from her half-hearted welcome. Would she hear an introduction, or did they not care about manners? The conversation continued, at last, when the older woman commented on Julia’s nickname. Either a mother or an aunt, Julia could not figure who she was. Albeit, she seemed convivial. Her demeanour showed that their trip developed from a place of love. A presence that one would look forward to at a family gathering; it even gave Julia comfort. Julia’s parents never offered more than “We hope you get better soon,” and a wave goodbye. She recognized the falseness in their statement with minimal effort. What they wanted to tell her was she needed to halt this delusion of her interest in women, otherwise, she would not experience the warmth of sunlight again.
The Laine family did not have many Christian beliefs. They were nothing compared to the infamous Ku Klux Klan’s beliefs. The overwhelming disdain arose from her father. Elias Laine. The story came from Julia’s grandfather, never her father himself. Grief and guilt sewed Elias’ mouth shut, it prevented him from confessing. As a child, Elias’ family visited a family friend. A middle-aged man. Her grandfather never offered his name to Julia, but she did not persist with learning it. A name validated someone. It granted someone recognition and power their desperation and insecurity craved. But the man appeared gentle - a clone of Mr Rogers. He nurtured Elias, acted as a second father. They played the generic games together: dress up, tag, hide and seek,
It came as a bombshell, no one expected to hear those words. He was a person you discussed your difficulty with, and he listened. Offered advice sometimes. An ideal soul. Those one least expects to, can do the worst. A disastrous turn of events showed tragedy. Despite being married to a woman, he was homosexual. He used their faith as leverage to abuse Elias. Whenever his family left the man alone with Elias, whatever they did, Elias dared not repeat. The tormented boy evoked an image of homosexual people: don’t trust, respect, or talk to them.
He wasn’t alone in this. Miriam, Elias’ wife, held a similar perspective. Naivety allowed someone to manipulate the woman. Miriam was closer to the lenient side than her husband when they learned about Julia. But Julia’s grandfather accepted her, to an extent. He considered her interest in the same sex to be a choice. She permitted his ignorance to believe it. If one member of her family did not mistreat her, a drop of ignorance did not bother her. To the unfortunate girl’s dismay, her grandfather refused to confront his son. He proclaimed it will do more harm than good. Hatred engulfed Elias. And this subject produced nothing except anger. Julia saw her grandfather’s fear as pathetic. How could one fear their child? One should tighten a grip of dominance over their offspring and not ignore how they treat another. Forgiveness was impossible, it meant they won.
“Joanna.”
This intruder’s first word for the entire ordeal. “Uh, it’s nice to meet you,” Joanna continued with a soft wave. Julia acknowledged Joanna’s greeting with a smile, but other than that did not respond. Joanna stood juxtaposed to her guardian. Their presence contrasted each other. Whereas the older woman presented assertiveness, the girl showed uneasiness. A welcome party might have sufficed. Eased her into the torture she would experience. But Julia did not hold Joanna accountable. It was expected and understandable. An atrocious place such as this daunted Julia during her arrival. Though she had grown accustomed to it.
Reverend David proceeded with his typical, frivolous speech. Every word perfect. Hours spent in front of the mirror to achieve pinpoint accuracy. Or so Julia assumed. From what she knew of him, it was plausible. She had heard every word countless times. The exact tone, and pitch. A cyborg spared no difference to the Reverend. No human was more superficial than the one standing between them. No one aside from the staff had their comfort and well-being prioritised. What they prioritised for the kids was their indoctrination. Convince them they were lying to themselves. Julia made her displeasure known with looks and a huff. The Reverend ignored the petulant actions of Julia as he provided information on dinner. Not long after, he exited the room and left the older woman to pay her farewell to Joanna.
Julia rubbed the mug with pained slowness. It always felt uncomfortable to listen to someone else forbid their family goodbye. A crack in their voice, tear-soaked eyes - it reeked of emotion. She despised it.
They left the two girls alone after saying goodbye. Julia focused on Joanna when she asked, “So what’s the deal with this place? And what happened to the last girl?” Julia placed the mug on a silver coast that rested on her desk.
“You’ve been here less than ten minutes and you’re already asking questions. Dave didn’t tell me you would interrogate me,” she grunted. Laine leaned against the chair behind her. The chair emitted a squeak. She ignored it and kept her eyes at the new girl. “You come here to get cured when you’re gay or whatever. And the last girl is beyond me. Probably murdered or something.” Sarcasm rang in her voice.
“I have two rules. Number one, don’t smell. Please, just shower. You look like you do so I have faith. But number two, stay away from my stuff. You don’t touch my stuff, you don’t look at my stuff. If I found out you’ve touched my stuff, I swear to-” Her eyes swooped to the floor for a second. “Just follow those two rules and me and you will get along Joanna.”
She scratched her eyebrow with her thumb, “Must feel great having someone love you like that. My parents fuck off as soon as they drop me off here... Anyway, you can put your outfit on after dinner. You get so much shit if it gets dirty.” Julia rolled down her sleeves and fastened the buttons. She gestured for Joanna to follow her to the cafeteria. The two entered the musty open space, tables set out in two rows with two small tables connected to each other. Julia noticed the seats were wearing thin these days. A reestablishment was due for the entire building. Someone had already set a majority of the plates and cutlery down, but Julia went to take her share of items.
“These girls aren’t your friends. I suggest not talking to them.” Her hand outstretched while a finger hunted an unlucky girl. “There. Short ginger hair.” A girl was leaning over, chatting with two others. “She enjoys giving hugs to everyone. It bugs me I don’t know why.” Her finger flashed to another, “The fat one across from her. She’s just weird. I sometimes feel like I’m in a fucking mental asylum.”
Her finger curled around a fork and ambled over to an isolated section at the edge of the table nearest to the door.
Joanna raised her eyebrows, crossing her arms over her chest with a soft snort. "Well my apologies, but it's not exactly like I have an abundance of other sources to refer to," she retorted, her soft voice thick with sarcasm. Interrogate, seriously? she scoffed internally, God forbid I inconvenience you with a few questions. Despite her irritation at the girl's hostility, Joanna did feel as though she'd stepped out of line somewhat. She was new here, after all, and her tone had come off a little sharper than she'd intended it to. More importantly, the last thing she needed was to make an enemy in her first hour at this vile place. Thus, the sharp response was followed by a small, defeated sigh. "Look, I'm sorry," she went on, squeezing her eyes shut and pinching the bridge of her nose. She recognized that her irritation was misdirected, and it wasn't fair to lash out at the other girl because of it. "I'm not here to interogate you, okay? But unless we get some sort of, 'De-gaying 101' handbook that I've not yet received, I'm afraid you're gonna have to deal with some questions here and there--at least for a little while, until I'm nice and...settled in," she finished, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear and leveling her dark gaze at the other girl. The line between pushover and agressor was difficult to walk, especially in her tired state, but she tried her best to read her roommate's expression for a reaction. So far, so good.
Joanna watched, lower lip pinched between her front teeth, as Julia went off on a tangent about boundaries. It was almost comical to her, that Julia was telling her of all people not to touch her things. As far as she could tell, the camp's staff had a complete disregard for privacy, but here she was being lectured on the importance of respect, boundaries, and...hygiene.
With a curt nod at her roommate, Joanna held up two fingers as she spoke, dropping them as she numbered them. "Got it...practice basic hygiene, and don't get nosy. Simple enough," she answered. With another sigh, she gestured to her bag, still lying open on the trunk. A frown pulled at her lips then, and she crossed the distance to her bed in a few short paces. "Same rules apply to my things," she added, zipping the fabric flap closed again before turning back to Julia, hands resting on her hips, "But I have a feeling you're not the one I need to worry about," she finished, eyeing the other girl as she pondered something.
"Must be nice having someone love you like that," Julia remarked absently. "My parents fuck off as soon as they drop me off here..."
A shadow came over Joanna's face at the mention of her aunt. The bitterness in Julia's tone set her on edge, but she merely stuffed her hands into the pockets of her jacket and shrugged slightly. "Oh, Lisa? Yeah, she means well," Joanna said, nodding a few times. As passive as she was, afraid to rock the boat by challenging her brother's beliefs or parenting style, Joanna knew the older woman cared for her. Unlike her father, Joanna was certain her actions stemmed from a place of love, rather than the interest of self-preservation.
Brown eyes followed Julia's movements as she stood up, adjusting the cuffs of her shirt. Joanna gave a nod of acknowledgement as the girl continued on about her uniform, stepping aside to let her past. A few seconds of silence followed, Joanna flexing her fingers repeatedly within her pockets, before she went on. "I mean, if it makes you feel any better, my parents won't even look at me, let alone drop me off at this fu--at this place," she added, averting her gaze for a second. She shrugged. "I don't know, this is all relative. I just mean I kind of get how awful that must've felt," she finished, following her roommate out of the dorm without another word.
Joanna settled into step behind Julia as they entered a stale smelling room. The building had relatively high ceilings, a number of windows letting daylight through, and a food counter at the back that reminded her of the cafeteria at her school. She hoped the food was better here than it was there, but somehow she doubted it would be. Her eyes scanned the layout of the space, flicking from the tables, to the stack of utensils and dishes laid on the end of one, to a small group of girls huddled near the other side of the table. The pair seemed to have been the last of the campers to arrive in the dining hall, as a good portion of the places were already neatly set. Joanna counted four girls, one of which was sitting apart from the other three, her head bent down towards the wooden tabletop.
Joanna mirrored Julia's actions, picking up only a fork for herself, as it seemed the others had already set their places. Just as she finished her assessment of the group, Julia began her introductions. A small grin tugged at the corner of her mouth at the other girl's words, and she followed her outstretched finger to a red-haired girl. She seemed friendly enough, engaged in a lively conversation with the two other girls. "Duly noted," Joanna said, nodding thoughtfully. Her gaze followed Julia's finger again, landing on the girl sitting down at the table. Joanna didn't like to make premature assumptions about anyone before she met them, but she did notice the girl mumbling to herself about something, fingernails digging into the wood table. A mental asylum...fantastic, she absently thought, watching the girl tap and scratch at the old wood of the table. Joanna's eyes swooped downwards as the girl turned her attention towards her suddenly. Slightly embarrassed at having almost been caught staring, Joanna turned around sharply and found herself alone. Julia had drifted away from her without another word, and was now heading towards a more isolated spot at the end of one of the tables, apart from the other four. Joanna was hit with the sudden realization that while she wasn't expected to sit with her dorm mate, she didn't know a single other soul at this retched place, nor did she have the energy required to socialize with the seemingly vibrant bunch. She decided she'd rather stick with familiarity and face whatever snarky comment Julia had for her than meet any of the girls she'd been forewarned about, and quickly redirected herself towards the brunette. "Julia!" she called softly, pacing quickly to catch up to her. "Hey, would you mind if I sat with you?" she asked hurriedly, casting a brief glance back at the rest of the girls. "I'm not sure I'm eager to meet any of the others just yet, especially after--"
"--You must be the new disciple Reverend David was telling us about at group!" a voice chirped from behind her, startling the dark-haired girl. Turning around, Joanna came face-to-face with the ginger from before. The other girl's lips had widened into a broad smile that left her crooked front teeth on display, and she was staring up at her with wide green eyes. Before Joanna had the chance to do anything more than nod, a finger was enthusiastically jabbed towards her, making the taller girl flinch slightly. "Ah, what was your name again?" she asked, narrowing her eyes with a puzzled look. "Don't tell me...Joan! That was it, right? Or...Jane? I swear it started with a 'j'..."
Joanna smiled politely, though the gesture was half-hearted to say the least. "It's Joanna, actually, but...you were close," she gently corrected her, shrugging slightly. Her response prompted a disheartened "aw, darn!" from the ginger, followed by another lopsided smile. Joanna smiled in response and shifted her gaze across the table, as though looking for an escape.
"Anywho, I'm Erin, it's great to meet you!" she continued, still smiling ear-to-ear. "You're gonna love it here, Reverend David is such an inspiration. He used to struggle with SSA too, did he tell you that?" Erin went on, cocking her head at the new girl.
Joanna narrowed her eyes in confusion, shaking her head slightly. "Uh--I don't think so...what's 'SSA'?" she asked slowly, tilting her head slightly.
"Right, you haven't been here that long, duh!" she giggled, waving her hand dismissively. "Sorry. SSA stands for 'same-sex attraction'. You'll learn more in group tomorrow, don't worry," she assured her, placing a hand on her elbow and patting it gently. Somehow, Joanna didn't feel reassured in the slightest.
Joanna offered a weak smile, but was interrupted by the ginger again as she tried to speak. "Here comes David now! It must be time for dinner. Let's go get a seat, I'll introduce you to everyone!"
Joanna opened her mouth to protest, casting a desperate glance back at Julia, but was half-lead, half-dragged towards the other end of the table before she was able to speak. She watched as Reverend David strode into the room a few seconds later, scanning the space with watchful eyes. His gaze landed on Julia, and a frown developed on his lips. Joanna turned away before she caught their interaction, now facing three pairs of expectant eyes. She swallowed nervously, withdrawing her free hand from her pocket to offer an awkward wave.
"Um, I'm Joanna," she introduced herself, quickly returning her hand to its place. The two other girls proceeded to greet her with easy smiles, rhyming off their own names. There was Dana, a tall blonde with soft blue eyes, Rowan, a short Hispanic girl with glasses perched on the bridge of her nose, and Bethany, introduced by Dana. Bethany had short brown hair, deepset eyes, and didn't talk much, she learned. Joanna nodded along, greeting each of the girls with a polite smile in return.
"That's everyone, then," Dana told her, folding her arms over her chest. She sat with her back against the edge of the tabletop, one leg propped up on the bench beside her. The other girl's eyes flicked over to Julia briefly, then back to the new girl. "I assume you've already met that ray of sunshine," she scoffed, lowering her voice and nodding towards the other girl. "Looks like you're stuck with her for a roommate now that Emily's gone, huh? Lucky you."
Joanna nodded, allowing her eyes to linger on Julia for a few seconds. "Yeah. I'm...stuck with her alright," she agreed slowly, glancing back towards the others. She swallowed uncomfortably, ready to change the subject. "So...when's dinner?"
"Right now!" Reverend David called from behind her. She turned to see him approaching, a few other adults tailing him whom she guessed to be staff members. "Have a seat, and we'll start with prayer," he told her, smiling. "The food's almost done, you must be hungry."
Joanna nodded, fighting the urge to look over at her roommate. "Sure am," she answered flatly.
David offered her a sympahetic smile before shifting his beady eyes to the blonde girl next to her. His expression soured. "Dana, that's not how a lady sits, you know better," he scolded her, shaking his head with a disapproving frown.
Dana blinked at him a few times befote sliding her foot off the bench and back onto the floor. "Right...yeah. Sorry Reverend," she sighed, obviously irritated by the remark but compliant nonetheless.
Mood > Frustrated
Location > Journey's End
Interaction > Reverend David
She listened with a brief interest. The attention span required to care lacked in Julia’s brain. Julia already welcomed her roommate (to an extent), so they completed the requested hospitality from the Reverend. No one appreciated persistent pestering. A second voice soon cut off Joanna’s pitiful question. Following the shrill vocals, a displeased stare lingered on Erin. One hundred feet was the minimum distance Julia desired be between them. To file a restraining order was long over-due. Albeit, she did not fancy fabricating a lie that maintained the distance. Even someone such as Julia kept a list of morals.
She focused on the metal mayhem beneath and shuffled the cutlery, avoiding the tips. A grimace emerged on Julia’s face. Grease melded with the metal as if fungus-infected. The institution seemed to pride itself on health hazards; it’s cutlery and furniture being crummy alike. Her eyes diverted back to the two while she continued to fiddle.
Julia deciphered a sparse amount of words from their conversation. Another introduction no doubt. One could hardly construe Erin’s words as genuine. Julia struggled with specifying what was malicious about her. But it felt misleading. As if Reverend David planned to use a spy to further the camp’s succession. The absurdity of this existed in only a fictional novel. Your stereotypical antagonist recruiting a person to play the role of someone’s friend. Then they reveal the public facade and their elaborate plan. Howbeit, if the likelihood of it became clear, who would believe her? It would be a one-way trip to a mental asylum if one discussed this risible theory.
Finally, the Reverend announced it was dinner, but a prayer preceded it. Julia intertwined her fingers and mimicked the words during grace. “Amen.” The word pulsated through the room when everyone finished.
David signalled for people to collect their food. From the table nearest to the door, one by one, the girls stood up and formed a queue beside the metal counter. The other table followed in pursuit. A variety of options available were few and far in between. The same thing again, Julia thought. Their menu today comprising half-alive salmon, sloppy mashed potatoes, withered vegetables, and a chocolate cupcake which looked like a worm dug a home inside. Lunch ladies slapped them onto the plates and ordered for the next challenger to risk their life; either escaping the dinner hall or succumbing to sickness.
A malevolent figure loomed closer; it watching, preying on her. “What do you think of Joanna?” David sat beside her, the chair groaned underneath despite his fragile frame, and he said, “She’s shy, but I’m sure she’ll come around. Even you did at some point.” David rested a hand on her back and his finger rubbed against it delicately, almost as if it was a peculiar attempt to comfort her. Slamming him into the table seemed ideal, but David’s earlier threat taunted her. It left a notice of future consequences. He was hammering down on Julia now, his patience dwindling. Every ruckus Julia generated broke another part of him. Stubbornness flourished though, determined to rescue her delusional mind. That is if it was possible to rescue someone through indoctrination. Harmful and obscure, David’s ideology brought the opposite of salvation to the girls.
“I presume you welcomed her?”
“Sure.”
His eyes narrowed. “Julia.”
“I said yea. What else do you want me to say?“ Julia sliced into the salmon and tore it apart. She scraped the chunks of it onto her fork and slid them into her mouth. “Go ask her if you don’t believe me, she’ll tell you I did.”
Well, she hoped Joanna would respond with a similar answer. If not, it’s a send-off to the closet. Not the metaphorical closet in which homosexuals come out of. But a literal closet of torture, where staff locked students in for a minimum of ten minutes. It was too small to fit over one human at a time, but it did not prevent the staff from challenging this limit.
“I will when I can.” David glanced at his watch. “I guess I’ll leave you now, enjoy the rest of your day.”
He exited her personal space, leaving her to shift into a more comfortable position. Julia gobbled the rest of her plate, except for an unappealing cupcake. Taking her plate towards the garbage bin, she shook any remaining crumbs off, then placed the plate on a tall metal trolley where staff collected them. Back through the wooden corridors, that creaked under even the weakest of footsteps. God help Joanna if she confessed to the Reverend about Julia’s misdemeanour. Someone must suffer from a strengthened form of stupidity to snitch on a nugatory and harmless action.
However, if the Reverend monitored her behaviour and poked his deformed nose into her business, then she may have to be friendly with Joanna. When others were in proximity, she will pretend to be her friend, and divert their attention to something equally meaningless.
She listened with a brief interest. The attention span required to care lacked in Julia’s brain. Julia already welcomed her roommate (to an extent), so they completed the requested hospitality from the Reverend. No one appreciated persistent pestering. A second voice soon cut off Joanna’s pitiful question. Following the shrill vocals, a displeased stare lingered on Erin. One hundred feet was the minimum distance Julia desired be between them. To file a restraining order was long over-due. Albeit, she did not fancy fabricating a lie that maintained the distance. Even someone such as Julia kept a list of morals.
She focused on the metal mayhem beneath and shuffled the cutlery, avoiding the tips. A grimace emerged on Julia’s face. Grease melded with the metal as if fungus-infected. The institution seemed to pride itself on health hazards; it’s cutlery and furniture being crummy alike. Her eyes diverted back to the two while she continued to fiddle.
Julia deciphered a sparse amount of words from their conversation. Another introduction no doubt. One could hardly construe Erin’s words as genuine. Julia struggled with specifying what was malicious about her. But it felt misleading. As if Reverend David planned to use a spy to further the camp’s succession. The absurdity of this existed in only a fictional novel. Your stereotypical antagonist recruiting a person to play the role of someone’s friend. Then they reveal the public facade and their elaborate plan. Howbeit, if the likelihood of it became clear, who would believe her? It would be a one-way trip to a mental asylum if one discussed this risible theory.
Finally, the Reverend announced it was dinner, but a prayer preceded it. Julia intertwined her fingers and mimicked the words during grace. "Amen." The word pulsated through the room when everyone finished.
David signalled for people to collect their food. From the table nearest to the door, one by one, the girls stood up and formed a queue beside the metal counter. The other table followed in pursuit. A variety of options available were few and far in between. The same thing again, Julia thought. Their menu today comprising half-alive salmon, sloppy mashed potatoes, withered vegetables, and a chocolate cupcake which looked like a worm dug a home inside. Lunch ladies slapped them onto the plates and ordered for the next challenger to risk their life; either escaping the dinner hall or succumbing to sickness.
A malevolent figure loomed closer; it watching, preying on her. “What do you think of Joanna?” David sat beside her, the chair groaned underneath despite his fragile frame, and he said, “She’s shy, but I’m sure she’ll come around. Even you did at some point.” David rested a hand on her back and his finger rubbed against it delicately, almost as if it was a peculiar attempt to comfort her. Slamming him into the table seemed ideal, but David’s earlier threat taunted her. It left a notice of future consequences. He was hammering down on Julia now, his patience dwindling. Every ruckus Julia generated broke another part of him. Stubbornness flourished though, determined to rescue her delusional mind. That is if it was possible to rescue someone through indoctrination. Harmful and obscure, David’s ideology brought the opposite of salvation to the girls.
“I presume you welcomed her?”
“Sure.”
His eyes narrowed. “Julia.”
“I said yea. What else do you want me to say?“ Julia sliced into the salmon and tore it apart. She scraped the chunks of it onto her fork and slid them into her mouth. “Go ask her if you don’t believe me, she’ll tell you that I did.”
Well, She hoped Joanna would respond with a similar answer. If not, it’s a send-off to the closet. Not the metaphorical closet in which homosexuals come out of. But a literal closet of torture, where staff locked students in for a minimum of ten minutes. It was too small to fit more than one human at a time, but it did not prevent the staff from challenging this limit.
“I will when I can.” David glanced at his watch. “I guess I’ll leave you now, enjoy the rest of your day.”
He exited her personal space, leaving her to shift into a more comfortable position. Julia gobbled the rest of her plate, with the exception of an unappealing cupcake. Taking her plate towards the garbage bin, she shook any remaining crumbs off, then placed the plate on a tall metal trolley where staff collected them. Back through the wooden corridors, that creaked under even the weakest of footsteps. God help Joanna if she confessed to the Reverend about Julia’s misdemeanour. Someone must be suffering from a strengthened form of stupidity to snitch on a nugatory and harmless action.
However, if the Reverend monitored her behaviour and poked his deformed nose into her business, then she may have to be friendly with Joanna. When others were in close proximity, she will pretend to be her friend, and divert their attention to something equally meaningless.
"Bless us, oh Lord, and these your gifts which we are about to receive from your bounty. Through Christ our Lord we pray."
"Amen."
The word rippled through the gathered group, familiar to Joanna's ears and lips. Notwithstanding how out of place she felt in the company of strangers, it was almost comforting in a way to hear the same custom she'd used before each and every meal in her home. In another, it merely served as one more painful reminder of who and what she'd be away from for the next nine weeks.
Joanna opened her eyes as the prayer finished, allowing her clasped hands to fall to her sides. She followed Dana towards the other end of the dining hall when her table was called upon, mimicking her actions as she grabbed a tray and plate from the stacks on the end of the grimy counter. When it was her turn to be served, the brunette's gaze fell to the spread of food. A look of disgust crossed her face which she struggled to conceal--one that surely would have earned her a lecture from her father on the importance of manners had he witnessed it. But she couldn't help it--God, salmon dinner had never looked so unappetizing. Fortunately, Joanna was starving and frankly lacked the effort required to express her distaste to its full extent.
"Thank you," she murmured, eliciting a grunt from the cook. With that, she returned to her table and mentally prepared herself for the onslaught of questions she'd surely be facing from the others.
Joanna sat rigidly beside Rowan, leg bouncing anxiously beneath the table as she stared down at her meal and what she guessed to be a pile of wilted green beans .
"So, Jo! Where are you from?" Erin piped up in what seemed to be her naturally obnoxious, annoyingly high-pitched whine, breaking the almost comfortable silence that had begun to settle over the group as they began to pick away at their meals. Joanna swallowed and took a sip of water as Dana decided to contribute to the lively discussion instead.
"Erin, why don't you give her, like, five seconds to eat before the questions start?" Dana asked in a tone casual enough to almost disguise her passive-aggressive request.
Erin frowned in return, snapping her head towards the other girl as she set her fork down. "Jeez, Dana, I was just trying to be--"
"--Yeah, trying to be friendly, we know," she snapped back. "Maybe you could just lay off--"
"--Hey, hey, it's okay," Joanna interjected, flicking her gaze between the two girls across from her and raising a hand to try and cease the bickering. She shot the blonde a grateful look before settling her gaze on Erin with a soft sigh. "It's fine, Erin. I'm from Washington. North Bend."
Rowan glanced over at her then, narrowing her eyes as if trying to work something out in her head. "That's...pretty far from here, no?"
"The drive was...eleven hours, or something. So...yeah," she answered nonchalantly, sliding a piece of salmon into her mouth with a small shrug. Dana raised her eyebrows but said nothing, begrudgingly stabbing at a vegetable on her plate while Erin stewed silently beside her, glaring daggers into her food.
Rowan cleared her throat, prompting Joanna to glance in her direction again. "Um, well...what's it like there?"
"Nothing special, really," the other girl replied. "It's...kind of small. Everyone knows everything about everyone, you know?" she went on. "I mean, there's one high school in the whole town, if that gives you an idea."
Rowan nodded thoughtfully, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose. "Sounds like the place I grew up, actually," she answered. "I'm from Arizona, but I've lived in Wyoming most of my life. My dad moved for work when I was six." Rowan swallowed a bite of her food and stirred around the pile of cold mashed potatoes, making no further attempt to maintain the conversation.
"I mean, since you're apparently fine with being interrogated, what do your parents do in a town like that? Fix tractors? Grow...corn?" Dana asked, earning herself a cold look from Erin and a lopsided smile from Joanna.
"Close. My dad's a pastor at, like, the only church for ten miles in every direction," Joanna explained, prompting a giggle from Rowan. "And my mom...she used to work at a bookestore, but she waits tables at the diner downtown now," Joanna continued. "Real exciting stuff."
Dinner continued like that, each girl asking Joanna some relatively insignificant question to avoid silence and paint illusion of getting to know her better, each girl receiving an increasingly dull answer until the conversation dwindled and died out completely nearing the end of the meal.
Joanna picked her way back to her room carefully, taking her time to take in a bit more of her surroundings. She'd purposely refused Rowan's offer to lead her back to her dorm, stating that she'd need to get used to the route eventually and wanted some time alone, if that was alright with her. Rowan was understanding, offering her a sympathetic look and a wave before heading back inside to help with clean up.
The camp looked different this time of day. The setting sun cast shadows across the ground and the sides of the cabins she passed. Every few steps, the brunette veered off course to crush one of the dried leaves that had fallen from the trees beneath the soles of her sneakers, fingers idly playing with the silver crucifix on her necklace. The thin material of her jacket did little to ward off the evening chill, but it was better than nothing. At least the air smelled fresh and clean, not unlike the mountains of North Bend in the summer. If she closed her eyes, she was home.
Joanna wandered down the path stretching out ahead of her, quickening her pace to keep her tired mind from doing the same.
Joanna stepped out of her shoes just inside the door and padded down the hallway towards her room, glancing down at the cracked floorboards each time they creaked beneath the weight of her footsteps. Withstanding her roommate's earlier lecture on privacy, the door to their dorm was closed. Joanna approached quietly, pausing with a palm on the door handle to weigh her options. Knocking was certainly considerate, but was it necessary? The dorm was a shared space, one which she bore just as much right to as Julia. Would she be ridiculed for her polite gesture? If she'd gathered anything from her brief time with the other girl, she guessed she'd have something to say regardless, so what did it matter?
One drawn out sigh and a borderline pathetic amount of hesitation later, she raised her hand and knocked quietly.
Mood > Distraught
Location > Journey's End
Interaction > Joanna/David
Knock knock knock.
The silent and dull room amplified the timid knock. Julia squirmed on her bed as her head pounded alongside it. She surveyed the door to see if it opened. It took several moments of nothingness before she mustered enough energy to arise. Was it disturb Julia day? Her heart ached every time someone spoke to her today.
With an uneasy twist of the doorknob, she opened the door - paint peeling off on the upper left corner. Joanna stood awkwardly, shoes in hand. Relief washed over Julia when she saw her. The inquisitive girl’s presence did not please Julia, albeit her face did not make Julia’s blood boil at least; better Joanna than David or Erin’s posse. Daunting silence filled the gap between them as Julia eyed Joanna. “Who are you waiting for, the Queen of England? David allows us to wear shoes,” she jeered.
Only now had Julia realised their similar height. Joanna’s anxious demeanour, compared to Julia’s boldness, made Julia feel ten times taller.
Slowly, her lips crept upwards. She attempted a pathetic smile, but a smile. “I’m playing with ya, come in.” She stepped backwards, away from the doorframe and towards her bed. “I see Erin has already acquainted you with her goons. I mean hang out with anyone you want new girl, I don’t care. But to be honest, watch yourself. We ain’t here to make friends.” The gang of scoundrels had enough members already.
She sat back on the bed facing Joanna directly. Limbs flopped next to her as she eased up. Julia surprised herself with the sudden relaxation; These situations made her tenser than ever. She continued, “You’ve got a lot to learn. This ain’t an ordinary summer school buddy.” Julia contemplated for several seconds. It wouldn’t hurt to help Joanna and it meant David would stop pestering her about “hospitality” bullshit. “I’ll do you a deal. I’ll show you around - a tour per se. You can ask whatever, but don’t bother me, at all, afterwards.” Julia swung her feet onto the bed and laid with her hands behind her head. “We’ll go after your first group session… Your first group session. Hope you’re prepared new girl.”
A tinge of empathy surged through her. No one enjoyed “group” - the girl’s shortened version of the horrific group session - except for David believing he performed “God’s will”. Mindless discussions about their experiences, why it started, the consequences if they didn’t repent. The dreadful reminder haunted Julia constantly. It tugged at her brain and never ceased to torment her and the other girls trapped her. She tried to stop the thought before it consumed her.
The clocks tick dragged as if it knew Julia desired peaceful sleep. 10:30 pm at the latest. Afterwards, David prohibited anyone from leaving their rooms aside from using the toilet. Staff occasionally roamed the grounds to ensure no one disobeyed, checking rooms as if prison cells. They threw those who disobeyed into a tiny room; complete and utter isolation. It ranged from fifteen minutes to a full day depending on the severity of their crime.
She gave a quick rundown. Presenting useful facts, she informed Joanna about the basic guideline. It passed the time at least.
The next morning, Julia shook her roommate awake. Thick grogginess hungover her. Outside, the world appeared desolate with grey clouds looming overhead. Light drizzle skimmed the window. On the field, leaves whirled around. From how it looked, Julia hoped aliens from War of the Worlds would appear.
She got dressed and made her bed. Everyone’s bed needed to be tidy before they left - checked routinely by a staff member. After getting ready, she headed for breakfast. Cardboard flavoured toast, and a bruised apple. Breakfast stayed the same every day but lunch and dinner regulated Monday to Friday. Fascination festered within her like whatever disease the tainted food gave her. She took another secluded spot and tucked into her meal. Julia preferred Joanna to anyone else. She had split the girls: kind but not interesting or thoughtless sociopaths. Erin fit the latter. She didn’t want to befriend Joanna but she could finally talk to someone.
They sat on chairs arranged in a circle. David scribbled notes on a pad. He examined everyone eagerly and then pointed at someone - Lauren. Taller than average with thin round glasses a ginger ponytail. His judgemental gaze caused her to shift around. Questions shot at her faster than a machine gun, a few more personal than others. David moved onto the others, analysing them, dissecting them. Some girls hesitated while several wished to answer; the ones closer to believing David. David congratulated each person, telling them every honest answer helped their journey to salvation.
“So Julia.” She shrivelled in her chair at her name. David rested his arm on his knee, he leaned forward and planted his head on his palm. “You made progress last time. It’s taken longer than I hoped but progress is progress,” he declared.
She hated it. How the questions hacked at her, tearing down her defences. David knew his persistence would wear her down.
“Your father isn’t kind, correct?”
Julia’s eyes darted between everyone. “No, he isn’t,” her breath shaky and quiet, “He’s the flipping opposite.” Cursing meant fifteen minutes in isolation. However, David accepted substitutes.
David jotted something down but she couldn’t read it. Tapping the pen against his chain, he said “You fear men. The main male figure in your life treats you poorly. In response, you subconsciously convinced yourself men are evil.”
She recoiled at the prospect. Her mind scrambled to process it. Logically, it made sense. Julia wiped her sweaty palms on her skirt. “Maybe. I don’t uh-”
“No maybe,” David interjected, “You fear men. I suggest you think about it.”
Similar questions to the others proceeded and Julia continued to give blunt answers. The usual tough demeanour stripped away and left the damaged girl she was before arriving. He repeated the same phrase about salvation before everyone’s eyes turned to Joanna.
Knock knock knock.
The silent and dull room amplified the timid knock. Julia squirmed on her bed as her head pounded alongside it. She surveyed the door to see if it opened. It took several moments of nothingness before she mustered enough energy to arise. Was it disturb Julia day? Her heart ached every time someone spoke to her today.
With an uneasy twist of the doorknob, she opened the door - paint peeling off on the upper left corner. Joanna stood awkwardly, shoes in hand. Relief washed over Julia when she saw her. The inquisitive girl’s presence did not please Julia, albeit her face did not make Julia’s blood boil at least; better Joanna than David or Erin’s posse. Daunting silence filled the gap between them as Julia eyed Joanna. “Who are you waiting for, the Queen of England? David allows us to wear shoes,” she jeered.
Only now had Julia realised their similar height. Joanna’s anxious demeanour, compared to Julia’s boldness, made Julia feel ten times taller.
Slowly, her lips crept upwards. She attempted a pathetic smile, but a smile. “I’m playing with ya, come in.” She stepped backwards, away from the doorframe and towards her bed. “I see Erin has already acquainted you with her goons. I mean hang out with anyone you want new girl, I don’t care. But to be honest, watch yourself. We ain’t here to make friends.” The gang of scoundrels had enough members already.
She sat back on the bed facing Joanna directly. Limbs flopped next to her as she eased up. Julia surprised herself with the sudden relaxation; These situations made her tenser than ever. She continued, “You’ve got a lot to learn. This ain’t an ordinary summer school buddy.” Julia contemplated for several seconds. It wouldn’t hurt to help Joanna and it meant David would stop pestering her about “hospitality” bullshit. “I’ll do you a deal. I’ll show you around - a tour per se. You can ask whatever, but don’t bother me, at all, afterwards.” Julia swung her feet onto the bed and laid with her hands behind her head. “We’ll go after your first group session… Your first group session. Hope you’re prepared new girl.”
A tinge of empathy surged through her. No one enjoyed “group” - the girl’s shortened version of the horrific group session - except for David believing he performed “God’s will”. Mindless discussions about their experiences, why it started, the consequences if they didn’t repent. The dreadful reminder haunted Julia constantly. It tugged at her brain and never ceased to torment her and the other girls trapped her. She tried to stop the thought before it consumed her.
The clocks tick dragged as if it knew Julia desired peaceful sleep. 10:30 pm at the latest. Afterwards, David prohibited anyone from leaving their rooms aside from using the toilet. Staff occasionally roamed the grounds to ensure no one disobeyed, checking rooms as if prison cells. They threw those who disobeyed into a tiny room; complete and utter isolation. It ranged from fifteen minutes to a full day depending on the severity of their crime.
She gave a quick rundown. Presenting useful facts, she informed Joanna about the basic guideline. It passed the time at least.
The next morning, Julia shook her roommate awake. Thick grogginess hungover her. Outside, the world appeared desolate with grey clouds looming overhead. Light drizzle skimmed the window. On the field, leaves whirled around. From how it looked, Julia hoped aliens from War of the Worlds would appear.
She got dressed and made her bed. Everyone’s bed needed to be tidy before they left - checked routinely by a staff member. After getting ready, she headed for breakfast. Cardboard flavoured toast, and a bruised apple. Breakfast stayed the same every day but lunch and dinner regulated Monday to Friday. Fascination festered within her like whatever disease the tainted food gave her. She took another secluded spot and tucked into her meal. Julia preferred Joanna to anyone else. She had split the girls: kind but not interesting or thoughtless sociopaths. Erin fit the latter. She didn’t want to befriend Joanna but she could finally talk to someone.
Uncomfortable anticipation built up inside her. Part of her cared to learn about Joanna. Her history.
They sat on chairs arranged in a circle. David scribbled notes on a pad. He examined everyone eagerly and then pointed at someone - Lauren. Taller than average with thin round glasses a ginger ponytail. His judgemental gaze caused her to shift around. Questions shot at her faster than a machine gun, a few more personal than others. David moved onto the others, analysing them, dissecting them. Some girls hesitated while several wished to answer; the ones closer to believing David. David congratulated each person, telling them every honest answer helped their journey to salvation.
“So Julia.” She shrivelled in her chair at her name. David rested his arm on his knee, he leaned forward and planted his head on his palm. “You made progress last time. It’s taken longer than I hoped but progress is progress,” he declared.
She hated it. How the questions hacked at her, tearing down her defences. David knew his persistence would wear her down.
“Your father isn’t kind, correct?”
Julia’s eyes darted between everyone. “No, he isn’t,” her breath shaky and quiet, “He’s the flipping opposite.” Cursing meant fifteen minutes in isolation. However, David accepted substitutes.
David jotted something down but she couldn’t read it. Tapping the pen against his chain, he said “You fear men. The main male figure in your life treats you poorly. In response, you subconsciously convinced yourself men are evil.”
She recoiled at the prospect. Her mind scrambled to process it. Logically, it made sense. Julia wiped her sweaty palms on her skirt. “Maybe. I don’t uh-”
“No maybe,” David interjected, “You fear men. I suggest you think about it.”
Similar questions to the others proceeded and Julia continued to give blunt answers. The usual tough demeanour stripped away and left the damaged girl she was before arriving. He repeated the same phrase about salvation before everyone’s eyes turned to Joanna.
The cabin remained quiet. Satisfied that Julia was elsewhere, Joanna moved to reach for the handle, but hesitated at the sound of soft footsteps on the other side of the aged wood. The door was pulled open a second later, her roommate looking only mildly irritated by her arrival -- a good sign.
"Hey," she greeted, nodding politely at her, "Wasn't sure if you were back from dinner yet, sorry to make you get up," she went on earnestly, gesturing in the direction of the cafeteria.
In the doorway, the weary brunette stood -- the setting sun backlit the other girl's slender frame, outlining her slumped shoulders and creased button-down with a soft glow. In spite of her impassive expression, brown eyes actively studied her. Scrutiny quickly turned to derision as those same eyes then fell to her hands.
"Who are you waiting for, the Queen of England?" She scoffed at her own quip. "David allows us to wear shoes."
Joanna glanced down at the pair of worn out sneakers hanging from her fingers. "Oh," she mumbled. The sneakers soon found a place beside the door, Joanna releasing a tired sigh as she straightened back up. The hour-long interrogation at dinner had completely exhausted her. She was far less inclined to fire back a defensive retort, nor did she have the energy to exchange any further pleasantries, frankly. Her head throbbed, her heart ached -- more than anything, she longed to close her eyes and sleep. In spite of this, Joanna gave a half-hearted smile. "Got it." She shrugged. "They didn't mention that in their little welcome tour, but they also didn't mention that the food here is practically a biohazard, so, you know."
After the ensuing beat of silence (something Joanna had already come to expect from their intial few interactions), Julia seemed to relax. For a split second, Joanna swore she caught a glimpse of something like sympathy soften her dark eyes.
"I'm playin' with ya, come in." The weakest attempt of a smile graced her lips as she stepped back to allow her inside -- it wasn't much, but it was something. An effort, at least, and one that didn't go unnoticed.
Joanna padded past and sank down onto her bed's stiff mattress, folding one leg neatly underneath her. She watched her roommate expectantly, anticipating her next words. "I see Erin has already acquainted you with her goons," Julia noted. Though she appeared indifferent, a slight edge to her tone suggested otherwise. Joanna acknowledged the remark with a soft snort, but said nothing as the other girl moved to her own bed and sat down so the pair were facing each other once again. "I mean hang out with anyone you want new girl, I don’t care. But to be honest, watch yourself. We ain’t here to make friends."
For the first time that day, Joanna could tell Julia was being completely genuine. She nodded once, twice.
"Yeah, I've gathered that."
Julia went on, "You’ve got a lot to learn. This ain’t an ordinary summer school buddy." She fell silent then, as if weighing up her next words. "...I'll do you a deal. I’ll show you around - a tour per se. You can ask whatever, but don’t bother me, at all, afterwards."
Her tone suggested there was no room for negotiation, so Joanna simply shrugged. "Fine by me," she replied, toying with the zipper of her jacket, "Thanks."
Julia kicked her feet up and stretched back across her mattress, looking uncharacteristically relaxed sprawled across the dingy quilt, whilst Joanna remained as tense as the unforgiving mattress beneath her. The disparity between the two girls was almost comical, though Julia's next words were anything but -- they caused a sickening feeling of dread to settle in the pit of her stomach, one which would persist for the rest of the night and into the morning:
“We’ll go after your first group session… Your first group session. Hope you’re prepared new girl.”
_____
Needless to say, Joanna was not prepared.
She awoke the next day to a gentle but persistent shaking, blinking her bleary eyes open to unfamiliar surroundings and overcast skies. Julia was already dressed by the time Joanna fully got up, but they exchanged little more than glances as the pair got ready. Joanna mimicked the other girl, fixing her bed and hair and turning away to pull on her uniform -- a navy plaid skirt that fell just above her knees with a tie to match, a white blouse that fit too loosely and a pair of white socks that were surprisingly comfortable.
Breakfast was a blur of sleepy introductions and more bland food, albeit this time the meal wasn't the cause of her queasiness. After meeting a few more of the other girls, Joanna managed to slip away to her roommate's table, where she observed the rest of the girls from afar. Too anxious to eat, too hungry to completely skip the meal, Joanna kept to herself and picked at her food until Reverend David announced the start of their group session in the main cabin.
David sat directly across from her. Julia two seats to her right, Dana beside Rowan, three seats from Julia. Erin sat beside David. A number of other girls whom Joanna didn't recognize were dispersed throughout the circle. Most hadn't given her more than a second glance, while a few openly stared at her -- their eyes filled with either sympathy, or curiosity, or a combination of the two in some cases.
The reverend began his interrogation promptly, his first victim a freckled ginger who looked like she would have rathered be anywhere else in the world but sitting in the rusted folding chair that shrieked in protest whenever she shifted position.
David was relentless with his questions. Each one tinged with a slight hostility that was so unlike the man who had greeted she and her aunt with a beaming smile the day prior, he asked them about their childhood, their parents, their lives back home. Listening to the girls open up about themselves, about their own struggles with 'same sex attractions', as David called them, and their progress with treatments felt completely and utterly wrong. Each time a girl was forced to speak, Joanna felt like she was intruding on some deeply personal conversation that she had no business being apart of. Consequently, she tried her best to tune out the other campers -- but when Julia's name was called, selfish curiosity got the better of her.
"So Julia." All heads swivelled towards the brunette, who seemed to cringe at Reverend David's voice alone. "You made progress last time. It's taken longer than I hoped but progress is progress," he went on. Joanna wondered then how long the other girl had been at this wretched place. She found herself staring, her face a mixture of pity and concern as David tore into her.
"Your father isn't kind, correct?" He knew that,she thought -- she then wondered how much he already knew about her. Julia's gaze flitted around the group warily, like a cornered animal searching for an escape that didn't exist.
"No, he isn't. He's the flipping opposite." Heads turned to David -- he took note of something and cleared his throat. Back to Julia. Silence, anticipation.
"You fear men," he declared, so matter-of-factly that it surprised Joanna. To his left, Erin nodded thoughtfully. A few seats down, Dana scowled and whispered something to Rowan, who had glazed-over after her own interrogation and didn't seem to hear her. David continued, "The main male figure in your life treats you poorly. In response, you subconsciously convinced yourself men are evil."
Joanna couldn't help but consider his words, and the way he said them -- less like a hypothesis, more of a conclusion. She sat back, glancing over at Julia, who seemed to squirm under the accusation.
"Maybe, I don't uh--"
"--No maybe." David held up a hand, silencing her. "You fear men. I suggest you think about it."
With that, he continued his assault. Joanna couldn't bear to watch as Julia grasped for control, fighting a losing battle with the older man. Tuning them out again, Joanna trained her eyes up to the skylight above them, watching grey clouds drift past and trying to ignore the guilt eating away at her from the inside out.
And then there was one.
"Now, I'm sure some of you have already met our newest disciple, Joanna Taylor. She'll be with us for the fall session," Reverend David explained, "I trust you'll make her feel welcomed here."
Joanna worried the cuff of her sleeve, avoiding the gazes of her fellow disciples as they turned to face her. Her foot had fallen asleep, and she carefully uncrossed her legs, smoothing down the fabric of her skirt in wait for the onslaught of questions. "Joanna." She heard her name but hesitated before looking up at David, who smiled at her. "I understand you're nervous, but there's no need for that. We're here to help you, remember that." He glanced down at his notes, tapping his pen against the clipboard for several seconds. "I suppose we should start from the beginning. No siblings, correct?"
She shook her head. David squinted at his notes again and scribbled something down. Questions about her parents followed. Then about her childhood, her teen years, friends and interests. She answered them all willingly and honestly in the hopes of satisfying the man, but her words almost seemed to have the opposite effect. He grew more insistent, determined to dig up some traumatic event in her past that had fucked her up so badly, she'd had no choice but to start kissing girls to cope. He made very little progress for a very long time.
And then.
"Casey Thompson. Who is she to you, Joanna?"
Joanna's chest tightened at the name. Her mouth went dry, her throat swelled with emotion. She swallowed and glanced away, forcing a shrug. "Just a...a friend. A friend from back home," she finally managed, hating how weak her voice sounded. Reverend David leaned forward eagerly, elbows resting on bony knees, knowing he'd struck a chord.
"Don't lie to me, Joanna," he warned, "And speak up. There's no hiding from God."
"I'm sorry, Reverend. I just...I don't want to talk about her," she went on, squeezing her interlocked fingers together so tightly that her knuckles paled. David raised an eyebrow at her.
"You're here for a reason, Joanna. Confession is the first step on your journey to salvation."
Joanna let out the shallowest of breaths. She forced her hands to relax, taking several deeper breaths to calm herself before finally nodding.
That morning, staring at the back of her head, at all the soft wisps of hair that had escaped her neat French braids, Joanna hadn't given any thought to the consequences of her actions. It's not like we haven't done this before, Jo.
And she was right. All summer, unable to resist temptation. Her mouth was the sweetest sin she'd ever known.
That afternoon, sitting in the principal's office beside her, Joanna hadn't cried. Casey had, though. She'd cried a lot, as had her mother. You're sick, corrupting our daughter like this.
She never had this in her. But you, you took advantage of her.
Much like Casey's father, her own father had fully refused to acknowledge her. Her mother had looked incredibly tired, sitting there beside him. You turned your back on the church, Joanna. On your own family, your faith. On your Lord and Saviour!
What do you expect in return?
That evening, sitting around her kitchen table with her mother and father, with Father John and Aunt Lisa, she'd wondered if God really had turned his back on her for what she'd done. She'd wondered why it was still so hard to ask Him for forgiveness, even now. God helps those who help themselves.
Do you wish for help, Joanna?
That night, sobbing into her pillow until tears no longer came, she'd wondered why God had made other girls so right and normal and good, yet her so broken. She'd wondered how she was to ask for strength to change when God Himself had put this thing inside of her. Heavenly Father, please. Either help me or take this away from me. I don't want this anymore.
Those next few days were the very worst days of her life. She'd locked herself in her room, refusing to eat or talk to anyone. Shame festered inside of her like a disease. Lisa is coming by early tomorrow to pick you up.
God help you on your journey to salvation, Joanna. She hadn't protested.
"You asked me about Casey."
Reverend David nodded, pen poised to take down another note. Joanna released a shaky breath.
"Her family moved to North Bend...two years ago. I met her at school...we were in the same Bible study," she went on, eyes flicking around the group, "We were close."
"It seems that way," David hummed. His pen tapped against the clipboard once, twice. "What was she like?" She was perfect, she wanted to say. Instead, Joanna paused and carefully selected her next words. "She was...easy to get along with. The kind of girl you could talk to about whatever, and she would listen no matter what. I mean, pretty much all the guys at school liked her -- she was really smart, and pretty -- but...she always said she didn't want to date anyone until after high school."
David nodded again. More writing. "You speak very highly of her," he remarked. Joanna gave a hesitant nod after a second, unsure of where the conversation was headed. His tongue swiped over his bottom lip as the reverend set his pen down. "Tell me, Joanna...would you say you felt...you feel...jealous of this girl?"
Joanna furrowed her brow. It didn't take much thought, but she paused anyway before answering. "No. I mean, not really," she answered, shrugging.
David shook his head, clicking his tongue. "Oh, you poor girl. You can't even see it, can you?" he asked. Joanna frowned. "You're confused, Joanna. You look at this perfect girl and you think you want to be with her, when you really wish to be like her. You wish you got the attention she did from those boys -- you're jealous of her, you compare yourself to her and know that you don't measure up," he explained. With a firm nod, he sat back in his chair. "I want you to reevaluate these feelings in the coming days. You'll surprise yourself, I guarantee it." Joanna opened her mouth to protest, but he'd already gotten to his feet. He said a prayer of thanks before dismissing them, and that's when his words finally began to sink in.
Joanna stayed put as the girls filed out of the room, a deep frown still hanging on her lips. The worst part of the whole conversation wasn't the fact that it had stirred up painful memories -- it was the fact that what he'd said had actually made some sense. Perhaps she had confused her feelings for her friend. In that moment, it was certainly easier to chalk her problem up to jealousy than to come to terms with the fact that she might be attracted to girls for no reason at all.
The room felt a lot smaller suddenly, despite how few people remained. In the cabin's humid air, she struggled to catch her breath. Joanna stood up promptly, wiping her sweaty palms on her skirt, and made her way to the front doors in search of Julia -- she'd remembered the other girl's deal, and prayed a tour would take her mind off of things for at least a little while.