Elowyn
word-weaver
A Letter to the One who Endlessly Gets on My Nerves Whom I Cannot Get out of My Thoughts:
Please stay the heck away from me.
I hate how I can’t even think when you’re in the same room as I am in.
I hate how you take over my thoughts.
I hate how you come when I most need you but you never stay.
I hate how my soul craves your body but I can’t even touch you.
I hate how I love you even though you’re a weak, un-sporty weakling who gets my church mates sick (you oughta pay for that!).
I hate how you dare to sit next to me and then play the “Friends” card. No, even worse, the “family in Christ” card.
I hate how you turn my insides to liquid flame, arouse my most virulent fears, douse my anxieties yet raise unknowable questions at the same time.
I hate how you’ve turned my life into a reality show full of unnecessary drama when all I want is to get my degree.
I hate how much I want to see you outside of church gatherings.
I hate how I could not even look you in the face the last time we crossed paths. And how could I even speak a word to your father, hm?
Why don’t you just take the first step, boy? Not like you’re scared, right? Mr. I’m-not-scared-of-anything? HA! If you’re not interested, stay the hell away.
Shoot, boy. Are you a man or not? Should not the male be the one taking steps. (Well there goes my plans of being the one pursued…)
And it would be so easy if all this meant nothing to you, if I had just misread all your signs, if my confession to my friends was just emotional reasoning and lust-derived. Then we could walk away, scot-free. I could leave and be my own independent ‘I’m-a-proud-Asian-American-woman-who-don’t-need-any-man’ self.
Sh*t. I could be riding horses right now. I could be practicing gymnastics instead of thinking about you. I could be painting masterpieces to be sold for hundreds of dollars if not for you. And you know what? I’m done thinking about you because I can’t f*cking stand the thought of you anymore. You’re not even worth my time. You’re not worth my energy or emotions. I’m going to make strong bonds with girl friends. I am going to keep within my budget limits because I’m not a materialistic girl. I’m going to excel in school to show the world that I can do perfectly fine without you (or any church boy) in my life.
Yes, that’s right. You’re just another person. Somebody I used to know. I guess I don’t know you anymore.
I-a--lla
P.S. This could have been avoided. Guess we used up all our chances. Now it’s [GAME OVER].
Please stay the heck away from me.
I hate how I can’t even think when you’re in the same room as I am in.
I hate how you take over my thoughts.
I hate how you come when I most need you but you never stay.
I hate how my soul craves your body but I can’t even touch you.
I hate how I love you even though you’re a weak, un-sporty weakling who gets my church mates sick (you oughta pay for that!).
I hate how you dare to sit next to me and then play the “Friends” card. No, even worse, the “family in Christ” card.
I hate how you turn my insides to liquid flame, arouse my most virulent fears, douse my anxieties yet raise unknowable questions at the same time.
I hate how you’ve turned my life into a reality show full of unnecessary drama when all I want is to get my degree.
I hate how much I want to see you outside of church gatherings.
I hate how I could not even look you in the face the last time we crossed paths. And how could I even speak a word to your father, hm?
Why don’t you just take the first step, boy? Not like you’re scared, right? Mr. I’m-not-scared-of-anything? HA! If you’re not interested, stay the hell away.
Shoot, boy. Are you a man or not? Should not the male be the one taking steps. (Well there goes my plans of being the one pursued…)
And it would be so easy if all this meant nothing to you, if I had just misread all your signs, if my confession to my friends was just emotional reasoning and lust-derived. Then we could walk away, scot-free. I could leave and be my own independent ‘I’m-a-proud-Asian-American-woman-who-don’t-need-any-man’ self.
Sh*t. I could be riding horses right now. I could be practicing gymnastics instead of thinking about you. I could be painting masterpieces to be sold for hundreds of dollars if not for you. And you know what? I’m done thinking about you because I can’t f*cking stand the thought of you anymore. You’re not even worth my time. You’re not worth my energy or emotions. I’m going to make strong bonds with girl friends. I am going to keep within my budget limits because I’m not a materialistic girl. I’m going to excel in school to show the world that I can do perfectly fine without you (or any church boy) in my life.
Yes, that’s right. You’re just another person. Somebody I used to know. I guess I don’t know you anymore.
I-a--lla
P.S. This could have been avoided. Guess we used up all our chances. Now it’s [GAME OVER].
