Gentle Rain

[Red Thunder]

On sleepy nights I often gaze


Out through my window pane


And long to hear the pitter-pat


Of softly falling rain


Like gentle beats of gentle hands


Upon the piano keys


The tears of Gaia's mournful eyes


Caress her stately trees


Then from betwixt the many roots


And branches reaching tall


The countless fauna 'merge to find


A cleansing wash for all


Discovering as something new


The blessing of the sky


Sending to me an empathy


As I sit warm and dry


For every raindrop forms a crown


When parchéd earth it meet


And I give thanks, when this I see


From 'pon my window seat





I am a very amateur poet with no real training, so I'm very happy to hear constructive criticism, that I might become better. Thanks!

 

[Grey]

Structurally sound, with a consistent and pleasing meter.


Word choice is, here and there, questionable, and I feel like it lacks some substance, but the opening stanza is very strong.


Lot of potential and the right attitude to refine it. I heartily recommend looking at the works of Robert Frost for guidance, in your case. Specifically Mending Wall .

 

[Dusky]

Not sure i can actually find anything glaring to fault in this. The title caught my eye, and while it's not necessarily my cup of tea, it's very nice how naturally the rhymes flow. It doesn't come off like a nursery rhyme, and it doesn't appear particularly contrived. It's well written, with extremely clear imagery and motifs. If i were to make a complaint, it'd be that it lacks meaning beyond the extent of "rain is cool."


fjdkj and just as i'm about to click "Post Reply" Grey says it better than i could. Substance is exactly what it lacks. Ah, well. There's my two cents.

 

[Red Thunder]

Thank you both very much. I will definitely research Frost, @Grey .