iarouhi
I would eat his heart in the marketplace ❦
Hello!
I’m Tir (or Tireya), I use she/her pronouns.
This will hopefully serve as a one-and-done interest check that I'll refresh as necessary, so buckle up because there’s quite a bit of information coming your way.
I'm in my mid 20s with a preference for writing with those of a similar age or older, and I'm in the GMT time zone. Truthfully, time zones don't matter to me too much, I'm not a rapid fire writer.
My writing interests lie broadly in mythic fiction, science fiction, fantasy and historical fiction with dashes of action, adventure and romance. I’ll get more into what I’m looking for and some ideas later on.
I've split this interest check into tabs to make it more digestible and less wall-of-text.
To get the laundry list out of the way:
✧ I write exclusively in third person, past tense and am looking for others who match that.
✧ RP Nation / Discord / Google Docs.
I typically use discord for ooc and google docs for jotting down world building and character info, otherwise it's in one ear and out the other for me. We don't have to use all three, I'm open to doing everything on site if it can be organised effectively.
✧ Quality > quantity always, but I prefer to read and write more than less.
One liners and single or multiple sparse paragraphs are a no from me. It's possible to write a good amount and it be of quality. I'm flexibly advanced literate; sometimes I write more, rarely I write less but I'm always multi-para. I expect to be met in writing well and engagingly within this "literacy" level.On this note, occasional typos are fine but please proof read. I do the same.
✧ I prefer a highly collaborative environment.
Of the “yes, and” and “maybe this instead?” variety. Any and all opinions, if respectfully conveyed, are welcome on my ideas and my characters and ideally this’d be mutual. Compromise is essential but we can gently propose alternatives to each other's ideas. Let’s love what we write in its entirety.
✧ I do require quite a bit of ooc planning.
Let’s get into the nitty gritty of each other’s characters, their motivations, inner turmoils, interpersonal conflicts, the world at large. I need to understand what I'm working with before I write anything. I create characters based on what I think would be an interesting perspective in the environment and based on interpersonal dynamics. My characters would initially fall flat without a good amount of discussion and wouldn’t that be sad for us both.
As an aside, I write mature content (within the limits of this site), so let's also discuss our comfort levels.
✧ Long term, slow paced, I'm lazy.
Last item on the list (in hindsight, it’s the penultimate item) is that I’m patient and communicative and am looking for the same in return. As I mentioned, I don’t rapid fire. I’m regularly available for spitballing ooc, several times a week unless work has me by the throat, but my posts come when they come and they will come unless I make known otherwise. I put a lot of thought and effort into posting which can take some time. If I had to quantify it, I’d say I can post weekly to biweekly, the latter likely only during life crises (dramatics, although I am due for a quarter life crisis soon...).
But if something slows me down or pulls me away from writing, I’ll let you know. Kindly do the same.
I am semi ghost friendly, I'll likely check in once to see if the interest is still there and if I get nothing in return, consider the message received.
✧ Realistic character visuals.
Oop, one more is that I use realistic face claims, but I’m open to relying on the good ol’ power of descriptive language if that’s preferred.
Finally, we can move on to the juice
of this post!
This is the messy bit if you were wondering.
I insinuated earlier that I love a good character-driven story. The plot is definitely important, but truly the characters are major selling points for me.
A dynamic I’ve been craving recently is ex lovers who still hold a flame for each other but reuniting romantically is a very complicated ordeal due to strong and persisting negative feelings. Whether that’s because an external force now holds them apart (perhaps they’re on opposing sides of a conflict that they’re both unyieldingly loyal to), or it ended awfully between them and there’s a mountain of lingering hurt and resentment preventing them from considering it. But they’ve been returned to each other’s lives in some significant way and must navigate these intricate and layered feelings for each other. Maybe they're able to be tentatively amicable, maybe they apprehensively attempt romance a second time, maybe the hurt is just insurmountable.
I should clarify that I actually don’t prefer romance as the focal plot point, rather as a layer. The draw of the above is the complexity of the conflict between the characters (and how that has potentially shaped their individual relationships with intimacy, things in that vein) more than any romance. With romance, I’m a s l o w burner fan and the journey has to be both realistic and organic. The characters should genuinely feel for each other as opposed to us writers throwing them together for the sake of it.
I also love satisfying platonic (and antagonistic) relationships, they're so underrated.
Other character dynamics I tend to enjoy include but are not limited to:
✧ enemies/rivals to lovers✧ enemies/rivals to friends✧ friends to lovers✧ found family
I previously mentioned mostly writing queer characters.
Although I write M, F and NB characters of any and all sexualities, right now I am particularly looking to write as F in an interesting MxF pairing even if it’s just the one pairing of its kind in a cast of characters : )
AS FOR PLOT IDEAS
✧ Science Fiction:
Currently I’m interested in writing in a cosmic setting, incorporating things like interplanetary travel, a diamond age of space pirates, cybernetics etc. I like the idea of a space opera that doesn’t focus on existence confined to a single spacecraft. If anyone has watched it, I’m thinking a similar-ish technology vibe to Altered Carbon though I won’t intentionally be drawing inspiration from it and I don’t write fandom anything.
I’m always down for large scale conflict and grim, and it would be interesting to incorporate these on an interstellar or interplanetary level!
Truthfully, I’d love to nerd out about this so that I can research to my heart’s content. I’m not necessarily looking for scientific accuracy, I just love writing about science creatively.
✧ Historical Fiction:
I always love playing with a monarchy and I find that that tends to fit quite well into historical fiction. I don't currently have a solid idea for this, but I’m open to collaborating all the same. I'm also absolutely willing to write historical fiction outside of a focus on sovereignty!
(Although I’m reminded of Dune who had an emperor of the universe, which can tie a monarchy element into the sci fi idea (or even a shifting "pecking order" of the governing bodies of states)! I wouldn’t intentionally draw from Dune for this either, I’ve only read half of the first book.)
Within this, I enjoy concepts of impending war, teetering and fragile alliances, international relations, political intrigue, threats of usurp and generally speaking, writing from various circumstances.
✧ Fantasy:
I don't have any existing fantasy ideas, but it's one of my favourite genres to read so I'm always down to write a compelling fantasy idea.
My type of fantasy is one that merges with historical themes, or is high fantasy, I don't typically enjoy writing in the modern day. Leaves room for more exciting and tailored world building, yum!
✧ Mythic Fiction:
Same as above, no ideas but down to write it.
I'm knowledgable in a range of mythology (to varying degrees) and I'm always willing to put in more research efforts for those I don't know as well.
Note: currently not looking for this unless it's an extremely compelling idea!
✧ Miscellaneous:
Dystopia, false utopia, social commentary, colonialism/decolonialism, dark themes, well written tropes and clichés.
Please note that these are characterisation samples. They might contain quite a lot of detailed character thoughts, with references to things my writing partner wrote in their snippets to indicate where I was at any particular point. So, formatting will probably be different, less segmented.
I may not dig so deep into things in in-character posts, but I do enjoy exploring the intricacies of character thoughts and feelings, especially during emotional situations.
- Untitled
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context: ancient greece, childhood "friends" reunited.
Val’s eyes were closed as he floated on the water’s surface. He was thinking of Cassius. He was always thinking of Cass, ever since he learnt that Egypt hadn’t taken him from him. At least not in a way as permanent as death.
No matter how often he disregarded Cassius when they passed by each other, how little he engaged him when it was inescapable, no matter how hard he had tried to move on…
It was always Cass.
For 25 years it had been nothing else.
Even in 25 years of stagnancy, in 25 years of nothing, Valens hadn’t moved on.
At first he had felt utterly pathetic. His childhood friend had returned and with a child in tow, he had made no attempt to reconnect or even to just acknowledge him. That would’ve been good enough… an acknowledgement. It was clear where Valens now stood, yet still he wanted. He allowed himself to desire in the face of unambiguous rejection. Mortifying indeed.
Approaching steps on marble awoke Valens as if in a daze and he was sure the water in his ears meant they were deceiving him. The rhythm of his walk, the fall of his feet… these had not changed. Even if all else had. Even that all else had. Maybe it was all the years spent apart, but Valens was sure he was mistaken and he wasn’t eager to check. He wasn’t sure whether he’d be relieved if it was Cassius, or relieved if it wasn’t. Regardless, he had long since given up hope where it came to Cass.
I’m sorry…
Val’s eyes were open in an instant and shock almost destabilised his float. The words advanced like a violent wave and in that moment, he was sure he would drown.
I’m sorry….
Cassius was there to apologise. To him.
He tried to focus on the stars above, heart racing so loudly it was all he could hear for a short while. He wanted to maintain his composure and appear unbothered, as he always strived for around Cass.
Valens was angry initially. He couldn’t let go of the twenty five years… Twenty five years to apologise, or hold a conversation with him outside of a professional setting. And he knew it was unfair to blame Cassius entirely, he didn’t but he also maintained that he had more of a reason to keep his distance. He wasn’t the one who rose from the dead and with that, forgot all memories they shared together, any connection they might’ve had.
For a time, Valens was convinced that what they had shared wasn’t special to Cassius at all. That he had made up the conversations they had, the tone of Cass’ voice during, the emphasis of certain words… the touches, the sneaking around. Perhaps they had been nothing to Cassius and therefore should be nothing to him too. But try as he might, and he did try, they would always mean something… everything. Cassius would always be important to him, even if the opposite wasn’t true.
After anger settled sadness. Always sadness. Always sorrow. Whenever he thought of Cass misery was sure to follow, as inevitably as the moon follows behind the sun.
Dipping beneath the water a moment Val re-emerged treading water, his hands flattening back the wet hair that had stuck to his face.
“Cassius,” Valens’ voice broke over the familiar name and he cleared his throat.
“Cassius,” He tried again, his tone heavy with poorly masked emotion. Was it possible to convey almost 3 decades of thoughts and feelings in a single night? Perhaps he could try, no matter how it was received. Perhaps he might not drive Cassius further away than he seemed to already have. Yes. He would try.
“I worry that… that it might be too late. Don’t you think that too much lies between us?” Valens almost grabbed his mouth in shock. What was he saying? This wasn’t how he intended to begin. Yet he went on.
“The deception, the antagonism… the time. Is it possible for us to return to the innocence of our youth? You sneaking into my room in the dead of night, me protesting in faux indignance but enjoying the thrill all the same?”
He hesitated briefly before swimming towards Cassius on the pool ledge, his eyes on him all the while. He didn’t bother to conceal the desperation in his tone, he needed him to say yes. To shut him up since he couldn’t do so himself. Even just to say that maybe they couldn’t but that he was willing to try all the same. He would take it.
He paused in realisation and sighed, gazing at the night sky once more. It was a divinely clear night, bright spots speckled across an expanse of deep blue.
He feared he’d take anything Cass offered in that moment, pride be damned.
Back to Cassius. Valens was tired of this. He meant to be honest, he said he would try. He approached again, although just a few feet away he needed to be closer.
“Cassius… I fear I would want you even if you never want me in return.” Valens took in Cass’ form with slow leisure, head to toe, back up again.
He was close enough now to see the subtle shade difference of his scars against his skin. The first time he had seen them, he’d cringed and felt pity for the boy he was then. But he was fond of the man he was now and although he didn’t like that Cassius had been subjected to such violence, his scars were an indication of years long healing. Of survival even in the most harrowing of circumstances. And that, Valens loved.
“I would want you even in death,” he whispered.
Val paused on Cassius’ fist, his tunic gathered in his fingers and on instinct, just because he wanted to, just because he allowed himself to hope for the first time in a long time, he reached for Cass’ thigh. His thumb tenderly stroked his bare skin, his eyes settling on Cass’.
Valens coveted him. He needed this to be his again.
Could he allow himself this hope? Could he permit himself this wish?
“Maybe because it has been so long, I can forgive you for forgetting,” His lips pulled into a smile, full of regret but genuine all the same. “You could never ask something of me that I wouldn’t do.”
- Twisted Ties
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context: aztec mythology, gods, tortured unrequited romance, mature themes (dysfunctional emo boi lol).
It was clear to xem Neza hadn’t expected xyr words even if he didn’t stumble through his first few words in response. In some ways, xe xemself hadn’t known exactly how to respond to Neza, xe never did.
Nōchē hadn’t sat xemself down and thought of all the ways xe would acknowledge Neza’s inevitable profession of want. Whenever he eventually decided to reveal himself to xem, for xe knew he would; xe was bound to win from the moment their game started.
Even when xe denied it for all xe was worth, even when xe knew xyr acceptance of its existence couldn’t be beaten out of xem… xe knew it was coming, and still xe was underprepared.
Neza was privy to all xyr thoughts as they came and were processed, xe had nothing to hide from him. Though in some ways, xe felt xe had everything to hide.
Xyr whole personhood xe wished xe could hide from him, that he didn’t know xem at all and thus could find nothing to love. There was nothing to love, funny that Nōchē was so certain just knowing xem would reveal this to a person.
This whole situation was just teeming with uncontainable, thigh slapping humour…
So past the bounds of laughable, xe no longer found it funny.
Nōchē was tempted to go back through their history and find all the wrong moves xe had made to get to this point. Perhaps it was that xe paid him any mind in the first place, feeling insulted that Neza thought he could lie to xyr face about his feelings for xem.
Back then, xe didn’t pay him enough mind to accept them as anything past a crush. It was easier to pretend they weren’t real, or at least didn’t go as far as xe truly knew. Even when most days with him it stared xem bold in the face, without malice but demanding to be seen.
That was how xe knew. There was no challenge to it, but xe found it anyway.
Maybe this was where xe went wrong, daring Neza to prove xem right.
And he just… didn’t.
It only wanted to make clear what it offered xem and that it expected nothing in return, just for xem to take to xyr heart’s content and be merry.
And at the time xe was so sure it didn’t know xe could take everything. Would take everything and then some. Drain it for all it was worth, and all it wasn’t… and leave it an empty husk freezing in the night air.
No, xe would take that too.
It would surely regret offering xem anything then, if it could regret at all.
Was this it, then? When xe made Neza suffer for xem, when xe actually took.
These days xe couldn’t ignore it if xe tried. It was oh so very funny, Nōchē didn’t think there would ever come a day when xyr clarity in sight brought xem trouble.
Alas, the day had arrived and it was never ending. It burnt xyr skin and seared xyr eyes and left xem aching for even a hint of dusk, a touch of cool freedom.
At every turn, Nōchē had made the wrong move.
Ese es todo qué quiero, ¿sabes?
That’s all I want, you know?
This, xe did know. Xe couldn’t deny how much xe did know anymore. Xe just didn’t know why. Well… even that xe now knew.
So how much longer would xe refuse that xe knew fully?
Xe knew.
Xe knew, xe knew. Xe was so woefully in the know it threatened to burn xem alive.
Neza was a heat Nōchē didn’t know if xe wanted to stand, and he offered xem something xe didn’t know if xe could stand. Xe emerged from the blazing eruptions of mountains, yes, but xe was forged in the cool air. To dip xem back into flames was to prise xem apart on an atomic level.
I want you to allow me to love you.
Nōchē couldn’t even feign shock at his words. What else was the next step here except his overt admittance?
So fucking funny this was what xe was after all this time and xyr receiving it didn’t come with the full satisfaction xe intended it to.
Xyr smile was only slight and one of near incredulity at the situation instead of the full grin xe should have had. Xe didn’t feel celebratory at all.
Xe couldn’t tell him xe wanted him to be with xem. Xe just… couldn’t. Nōchē didn’t clearly know what xe wanted here. It was easy for xem, always to know what xe wanted. Xe had always known, xe rarely had to stop and think.
Nōchē had wanted to flee Omeyocan universes ago, so xe made it happen.
Xe eventually came to want to be the first sun, and that too happened.
Xe wanted to end the first universe.
The second.
The third. Fourth.
Nōchē had desired that bloodbath. All of them.
The horrid, piercing screams hauled from the depths of the soul with sweet terror pulling the rope, xe had received with rapture.
The masses of bodies near voluntarily fragmenting and shattering into unrecognisable pieces of flesh at xyr own fingertips – eager for it, begging for it.
Bones flung clean across the world, clearing whole continents at a flick of xyr wrist.
The way xe had wanted that carnage had been with a fervent chill. An ice solid resolve.
Xe didn’t want like that now. Xe didn’t have this immense desire for Neza.
“Neza, nunca podré ser tu paz. Nunca podré aliviar tu anhelo.”
Neza, I can never be your peace. I can never ease your craving.
“I think… I can only ever use you. Sólo puedo abusar de ti. ¿Ves ahora? Vivirás con esto para siempre. Conmigo, solo puedes sufrir por una eternidad.”
I can only abuse you. Do you see now? You will live with this forever. With me, you can only suffer for an eternity.
“I don’t know if I have in me what you’ll look for y aun no quiero que te vayas. Maybe it's so I can watch you ache for me up close. Así que puedo ver tu cara contraerse de dolor cada vez que te das cuenta de que solo no soy...”
[...] and I still don’t want you to leave […] So I can watch your face contort in pain every time you realise that I’m just not…
Nōchē cut xemself short. To continue denying was pointless, xe could stop xyr own thoughts before Neza had a chance to.
Xe closed the space between them and reached out for Neza’s curls, separating a lock from the bunch and twirling it in xyr fingers with focus.
“Tan hermoso,” xe muttered. Xe loved his coils.
Nōchē’s eyes returned to his face in full, gaze pausing on his lips for a second and xe leaned forward a touch.
Xe wanted to kiss him. To press xyr mouth to his and separate his lips with xyrs, push xemself into him so that Neza might taste xyr black. Xyr vitriol, xyr agony, xyr punishment, the entire weight of xyr baggage and xyr malevolence on his tongue and infuse them into his being.
Just to see if he might die because of it, or if he could truly withstand all of xem as it was poured down his throat. Even when it was ripping apart his insides as xe was his outsides.
Nōchē almost laughed at the thought and pulled back, letting go of his curl, “I think you could.”
Xe had no more last ditch efforts. None that Neza could throw back in xyr face.
Xe almost felt sorry for him. Almost. There was no real pity, but surely it would have been easier to love someone who could love him back. Who had that in them.
Neza wasn’t asking it of xem, but surely it would be. And surely he’d come to demand it.
Surely?
“No quiero dejarte atrás, Neza. Not yet, pero I can’t pretend that your feelings don’t put me on edge. No puedo pretender que la idea de que alguien sienta esto por mí no sea inherentemente absurda.”
I don’t want to leave you behind, Neza. […] I can’t pretend that the thought of someone feeling this way about me isn’t inherently absurd.
Yet even so there was enough of xem that wanted him to stay.
“No quiero que me ames, no quiero que me quieras. I don’t want this weight on me. No deberías pensar en mí, no de esta manera…”
I don’t want you to love me, I don’t want you to want me. […] You shouldn’t think of me, not in this way…
“And I don’t want to want you. I just want you to ache for me. But… creo que en algún lugar crucé una línea, en querer algo más de ti. Algo extra.”
But… I think somewhere I crossed a line, in wanting something more from you. Something extra.
Truly, what sort of sick and twisted ties did they have?
What was it that chained them to each other that xe couldn’t ask him what xe demanded of all others? Just his absence, a simple thing.
If xe knew, xe would cleave it in an instant.
“No sé, yo—”
I don’t know, I—
“I don’t love you. I know that much, and I don’t want your feelings. I just want you for my own fun.”
Sí, this was it. Xe didn’t want to let go of xyr plaything… of course!
Nōchē had been so stuck on toppling Neza’s feelings, so baffled by their continued existence, that xe didn’t even realise when this had perhaps become something independent, disconnected from their game of ‘how much can Neza hurt for his feelings?’
Was it independent? Were they still playing?
“I want to have you so that I can tear you apart. Poke holes in your body and watch you find where I’ve kept your pieces, watch you tremble as you try to stitch yourself back together. I want to bend and break your mind, and watch you shrivel and bloom.”
“I want all that you are. Everything of value and all that is meaningless, so that I can take it from you and see if you rebuild.”
“Esto es lo que quiero de ti. Así es como te quiero.”
This is what I want from you. This is how I want you.
Nōchē couldn’t want anything else, there was no space for it. There should only be one of them delusional enough to believe in a love between them and to daydream of its fruition. It had to be xem holding on to the tatters of reason since Neza was clearly too far gone.
“You’ve told me I can be loved, tal vez estoy empezando a aceptar que es posible… ”
Maybe I’m starting to accept it’s possible…
The only thing there was left for xem to do was come to terms with the tragedy, accept it. That xe had been seen and loved for it, that xe was— lovable… to someone.
But xyr acceptance didn’t mean a readiness to throw xemself into sacrificial flames. To suddenly amass a willingness to be engulfed by love and be content with receiving it, for xe wasn’t. At all.
Nōchē couldn’t see a future where xe didn’t recoil at a display of love, an affectionate touch. Xe didn’t see a future where xe didn’t have this immense apprehension that something like this would inevitably mean xe was asked to give. Even the thought of being asked, even knowing that xe wouldn’t, irked xem.
Neza said he wouldn’t ask anything of xem, sure. He just wanted xyr time and attention, the privilege of knowing xem and being near xem… sure. How long would it be before he wanted more?
I'm always wondering, Noche... if I'm steady enough, sturdy enough, amusing enough as your toy... will you always come back eventually?
Nōchē already knew the answer was no. They were temporary. Xe would grow bored of him just like xe grew bored of everything eventually. Or before then Neza would get tired of pouring into an insatiable vessel that wasn’t made to give in return.
They would go their separate ways. They were always meant to separar limpiamente after all.
separate cleanly.
“… pero I’m not ready to receive it. I can’t give you the pleasure of spending time with me, of knowing me more than you already have. Si tuviera algo que decir en esto, ni siquiera me conocerías tanto.”
If I had a say in this, you wouldn't even know me this much.
“I can’t hold your hand and pretend that no es problema para mi.”
It's no problem for me.
“If I say puedes amarme, tienes mi permiso, knowing that right now you don’t seek anything from me. How long will that last? How long until you’re tired?”
You can love me, you have my permission.
“Me harás experimentar el amor y acostumbrarme, even when it goes against all that I am. I don’t want the loss. I understand you—”
You will have me experience love and get used to it.
“… have love for me, but I can’t receive it knowing that it will end.”
Nōchē knew xyr thoughts on this were no longer absolute. Neza had lasted this long and xe could credit him for that but how long was six universes to a divine? And how long would he last with his loved one much closer than xe had ever been yet still so far out of reach?
He wanted to love xem more than anyone has ever loved anyone, xe could laugh! What would that even look like, xem receiving love as a verb instead of a noun?
Whatever it was, Nōchē didn’t have faith xe could do this for him. It was no longer xem not believing him, it was xem not believing xem and xyr own capacities.
“Neza quiero tu sufrimiento, sí, pero lo quiero sin ataduras.”
I want your suffering, yes, but I want it without strings.
Ok, that’ll be all from me.
If my ramblings have caught your interest, please send me a dm with a writing sample, and your writing preferences and interests, ideas etc. so I can get to know you as well.
Thanks for reading!
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