Digital FieryBlueBird's Manga Projects

[FieryBlueBird]

Hi!


This story has been in the making for a long, long time. And finally I'm working on it; a manga, called Ground Effect. I love fast cars, so that's what that is all about. I'm still cooking up a synopsis...


Although page 1 has been completed, I'm still looking for errors/inconsistencies, in the art or text. Let me know if you see any, it'd be greatly appreciated.


Originally posted on my Deviantart Page: ORIGINAL LINK

 

[_Line 213]

A few notes from my first pass:


-- What exactly is meant by "I really want to pay my fair share?"


-- "Everything need to come in here, dear. Behind you are some." This is a grammatically incorrect passage, and would read very clumsily even if the wording were strictly corrected to be grammatically proper. I would reword this to something like "help me put everything in the truck."


-- She doesn't actually look like she's lifting that box in the last panel, because no one lifts boxes like that. It looks like she's just leaning against it. If she is, there's no reason why she'd say that it's heavy if we haven't seen her attempt to lift it yet.


-- Be careful when it comes to the positioning of your facial features. The mother's left (her left, to clarify) eye is way too far over. Her face in general feels a little flat, so I'd be careful when it comes to the dimensions of her head.


-- The last panel needs more of a sense of place. I understand that they're in front of their house, but there's no street, no sidewalk, no neighborhood, no nothing. The first few pages of a comic should be set on establishing a sense of atmosphere.


-- Watch your texture usage; the patterns on your page are becoming distracting.

 

[FieryBlueBird]

Thanks for the feedback! Will look into it.

 

[FieryBlueBird]

Intending to redo Ground Effect's character art, after having completed the first page of The Long Way Up, a yuri tale about a competitive High School track runner.


This is not an 18+ story, but I hope the way the girl, in the third frame, is shown won't get me in trouble. I'm willing to make some extra edits to cover various areas, if it is necessary. Please, let me know mods!

 

[Windsock]

I ain't seein' a nipple or an asshole, so I'm pretty sure it's fine.

 

[FieryBlueBird]

The Long Way Up! Chapter 1: Page 2! Uploaded on: TAPASTIC! ^o^

 

[FieryBlueBird]

Page 3 is finally done! But I really need to re-work page 2.

 

[Nozomu]

You're doing a good job! As you continue you will learn tricks and small things that personally work for you, other than that I think it's really cool and hope you continue!

 

[The Mechanist]

Wow you're really good!  can't wait to see more!

 

[FieryBlueBird]

Thanks guys! =)

 

[FieryBlueBird]

You're doing a good job! As you continue you will learn tricks and small things that personally work for you, other than that I think it's really cool and hope you continue!

Yeah, exactly what happened to me. So I have to have the pages match quality-wise. 

 

[Nozomu]

Yeah, exactly what happened to me. So I have to have the pages match quality-wise. 

If you ever need any help with art at all I'd be happy to help! Of course you probably won't want any from a complete stranger haha, but I love your stuff, and keep making it!

 

[FieryBlueBird]

If you ever need any help with art at all I'd be happy to help! Of course you probably won't want any from a complete stranger haha, but I love your stuff, and keep making it!

Help is always welcome. =) I guess the only help I could use, related to the art, are pointers on what could be improved on the pages, or if there's stuff that's missing or whatever may be the case. Other than that, I'm trying to look to find more exposure on other places, like Tapastic. 

 

[FieryBlueBird]

Page 4 is done! C:

 

[FieryBlueBird]

Another page done!

Read it at: https://tapastic.com/episode/609608

 

[Susanoo]

Not too shabby

 

[Vagabond Spectre]

I really love your artstyle! I always wanted to draw a manga ever since. But it seems like i'm never going to achieve it. Keep up the good work