Exalted Chuck Norris

Jukashi

Jukashi

Four Thousand Club
It began innocently enough...


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Jukashi : Doesn't Chuck Norris live outside Fate? :P


CW : oh he does


CW : he roundhouse kicked Kejak once, only by Ducking Fate fifteen times did he live


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Then... it grew...


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Jukashi : Beat the US in an arm-wrestling match, too.


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CW : I heard he banged all five Maidens at the same time


Jukashi : And Gaia.


CW : with Luna watching like the perv It is


Jukashi : Not her fetish, either.


Jukashi : Fetich.


Jukashi : However you spell it.


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Jukashi : That time the Emissary took of his mask and blasted that guy?


Jukashi : It was because the revelation that he was fighting Chuck Norris caused him to give up. On life.


CW : lol


Jukashi : Chuck Norris practises the ultimate MA: the Roundhouse Kick of the Perfected Lotus.


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Jukashi : Chuck Norris makes the Wyld mutate.


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Jukashi : Every time Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicks someone, Gem blows up.


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Jukashi : Chuck Norris doesn't Duck Fate. Fate Ducks Chuck Norris.


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Jukashi : The Scarlet Empress is marrying the Ebon Dragon. Why? Chuck Norris turned her down.


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Battousai : Perfected Roundhouse Kick. Type: Simple (speed 3, dv -0) Keywords: Hella Obvious, Combo-Ok. Cost 10motes, 1w, minimums: martial arts 5, essence 5.


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CW: The Yozis wait. Chuck Norris does not.
 
The Sixth Maiden was created in order to give Chuck Norris his proper destiny, however the paradox in the Loom caused by his roundhouse kick strangled the Sixth Maiden. When Pattern Spiders came to Chuck Norris to politely ask him to leave, he digested every single one of them telekinetically. That's why Autochthon had to remake every one of them mechanically, so they wouldn't be as easily digested.


...shit, that was longwinded.
 
Chejop Kejak's unintelligible roar means "THE KUKLA!!!!" The Kukla's unintelligible roar means "CHUCK NORRIS!!!!"
 
When the WW developers realized that when Ess 10 Solar PCs have defeated the Incarna, the Yozis and the Neverborns, the only fitting antagonist was Chuck Norris, they included the Abilities War and Integrity. War, to act against past and future roundhouse kicks of Chuck Norris. Integrity, to keep their souls from falling apart into infinite shards from bearing the fact they will face Chuck Norris in his true shape.


Chuck Norris can keep Gem from blowing up.


The reason Neverborns are so eager to sink everything into the Oblivion is because of a prophesy they heard; When everything that exists is condensed into a single concept, Chuck Norris will manifest. Then, Chuck Norris will grant the Neverborns their true death they so desire, and he will end being-nonbeing himself in the end.


Maybe if I'm not tired I could come up with funny ones. >_>
 
Little is it known but...


The great contagion started with Chuck Norris as cold.  The 1 in 10 survival rate wasn't because of the contagion but the people who blamed him for getting them sick.


Leviathan currently roams the western seas because he knows Chuck would kick his ass.


So many gods are out of a job in Yushan because the majority of creation prays to the true power in the world; Chuck Norris.


It was Chuck Norris who originally created the Primordials.  They grew envious of his power and so they created the gods to over throw him.  The gods knew who was boss and bitch slapped the primordials into oblivion for every daring to question Chuck Norris.


Even Nara-O doesn't understand the inner workings of Chuck Norris' mind; some secrets are just too great even for gods.


The Lunars originally lost their castes because they kept trying to shapechange into the likeness of Chuck Norris and Luna cursed them for their hubris.
 
Sato said:
The Lunars originally lost their castes because they kept trying to shapechange into the likeness of Chuck Norris and Luna cursed them for their hubris.
Click to expand...
Victorious.


The duty of the Maiden of Endings is limited to endings which promise a new start, because the governance of true conclusions is reserved for Chuck Norris' right leg and the oversight of ends of hope is reserved for Chuck Norris' left leg.
 
Chuck Norris' right arm contains the Shard of a Lunar Exalted, for his fist slams whatever stands in his path with bestial might. Chuck Norris' left arm contains the Shard of a Sidereal Exalted, for his punch strikes as if the future of his victory was prewritten in destiny. Chuck Norris' left leg contains the Shard of an Abyssal Exalted, for his feet crushes the weak en masse with brutal glory. Chuck Norris' right leg contains the Shard of a Solar Exalted, for nothing can stay afoot against his infintely just roundhouse kick.
 
Lame fact spammage!


Chuck Norris can combo Charms without spending a point of Willpower.


Chuck Norris can use other Exalts' Charms without paying mote surcharge.


Chuck Norris can make a social attack with Perception + Martial Arts.


Chuck Norris has additional HL equal to Charisma + Presence. Mechanically he can survive the Oblivion.


In Creation, a Wyld Zone forms around Chuck Norris. In Wyld, a bubble of stability shapes around Chuck Norris.


Chuck Norris can kill Deathlords in his line of sight by spending 1 mote.


Chuck Norris is allowed to use his Abilities in shaping combat.


Chuck Norris can attune to MMs out of his Exalt type (which is none) without rolling Intelligence + Lore.


Chuck Norris has no Intimacy.


...I'll stop.
 
Jukashi : Chuck Norris doesn't Duck Fate. Fate Ducks Chuck Norris.
Click to expand...
:D

Battousai : Perfected Roundhouse Kick. Type: Simple (speed 3, dv -0) Keywords: Hella Obvious, Combo-Ok. Cost 10motes, 1w, minimums: martial arts 5, essence 5.
Click to expand...
Now, why the hell would he want to Combo it? He only needs one anyways...
 
The Great Curse is not put by the Primordials. It is actually Chuck Norris' lingering wrath, caused by the fact that since Exalts have jailed the Primoridals inside Malfeas wrapped in Cyntherea's infinite desert, he has to walk a little longer to kick Primordials around.
 
Oh jesus chuck norrisisms and exalted...


All charms are considered reflexive for Chuck Norris because anything else would imply that he has to use effort to activate his supernatual prowess.


Did you know Chuck Norris has his own type of exalted


When Chuck Norris chooses a worthy soul to exalt, the walker texas ranger theme will be heard faintly on the wind, the candidate will have visions of of eyes staring into the very core of his ability watching him, judging him. He will then feel a slight wind to his back and when he turns the last thing he sees in his mortal life is of the divine roundhouse kick Chuck Norris will deliver unto him to gift a portion of his power to that mans soul... it's too bad no one could EVER survive a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris.


Chuck Norris' DV does not mean defense value, because why would Chuck Norris need to "defend", no DV for chuck norris is a statistic representing how many times your character will die for attacking chuck norris.


Chuck Norris does not spend willpower because Chuck Norris IS an automatic success.


Chuck Norris does not pay attunment costs, Artifacts pay him essence for the honor of being held by...Chuck Norris.


Chuck Norris has won the Games of Divinity... in one turn


In the library of Denandsor is a forgotten tome of sorcerous lore titled "Chuck Norris Circle Sorcery" refer to fact #2 to learn why it has never been used.


The last supplicant sleeps so that he may awake in a time when there is no Chuck Norris to worry over


The loom of fate was created by the universe to simply account for the exsistance of Chuck Norris. The reason why everythning else is in there is because one day chuck norris will run out of things to have sex with and roundhouse kick


The blessed Isle was where chuck norris invented his mighty roundhouse kick, thus the name
 
I wonder how much humour one could make by taking normal Chuck Norrisisms and replacing "Chuck Norris" with "Chejp Kejak". Just to make fun of the idea that Ketchup's the uber-Exalt in Creation.
 
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