Advice/Help Do you ever get discouraged with roleplaying?

[GraceofAutumn]

Hey there friends!! I hope you’re having a wonderful day! Today I’d like to open a discussion to the question above with some context. I have been rping for around 8 years and have met many wonderful friends from it. Naturally, as is life, many have moved on to bigger and better things. This past year has been almost impossible to find any partners, and if I do, they leave a few weeks later. I don’t blame them of course as I understand life happens, but it’s been discouraging. This is a hobby I genuinely love in my downtime that I’ve found myself growing more and more saddened with. The issue for me is that I’m not ready to let go of this passion, but it almost feels as though I have no say.

So my question is, does anyone else feel this way, or has anyone ever felt like this at one point?

I appreciate you listening to me vent, and I wish you all nothing but light and happiness!

 

[Krill]

I can't make the decision for you, but there's nothing wrong with taking a break. I've done that before - sometimes with the feeling that it might be The End - but I think we really do love this hobby, and we find our way back, over and over again. So, if it's becoming a drain, if it's not worth it right now, then don't feel like you need to keep giving this hobby more than its giving you. Take a break.

And when you come back - there will be people who cherish your presence. There are a LOT of people coming in and out of this hobby all the time. Some of them are here for a couple days or a couple weeks; some of them are here for life. With so much flow in and out of the hobby it's no wonder that we rarely find people who are flowing with us. But eventually, hopefully, you'll find that overlap with someone, where the two of you are in the hobby for the same duration of time.

There are a LOT of fish in the sea, and unfortunately that means you can only catch the best ones every so often. But they are out there, and when you find them, I think it will all be worth it. Good luck

 

[Idea]

For better or for worse, you can rest assured you are nowhere near alone in that feeling. A lot of roleplayers feel discouraged due to the problem of ghosting or quick death of roleplays in general.

That said, the fact is it's not a flaw of the system but the feature, that is to say, the high death rate / ghosting rate for RPs is not an abnormality. I won't go into the causes for this, but the point I'm making is that this is going to happen, this is virtually inevitable and it will go on.

As such, I recommend rather than focusing on avoiding the issue, it's better to learn to cope with it. To accept that it will happen and finding a method that works for you to accept it. Because if one can't, then maybe roleplaying isn't for them.

For me personally, I cope by making sure everything I make for roleplays has value even if that roleplay goes nowhere. I make characters, plots, posts, etc... all which I pour my heart into to ensure that I will never look back on them and feel it was a waste of time. Even if the roleplay ends up just flicking out, I want to be able to know my contributions had value in of themselves, and to be able to go back and look proudly upon what I've made.

Hope this helps. Best of luck and happy RPing!

 

[GraceofAutumn]

For better or for worse, you can rest assured you are nowhere near alone in that feeling. A lot of roleplayers feel discouraged due to the problem of ghosting or quick death of roleplays in general.

That said, the fact is it's not a flaw of the system but the feature, that is to say, the high death rate / ghosting rate for RPs is not an abnormality. I won't go into the causes for this, but the point I'm making is that this is going to happen, this is virtually inevitable and it will go on.

As such, I recommend rather than focusing on avoiding the issue, it's better to learn to cope with it. To accept that it will happen and finding a method that works for you to accept it. Because if one can't, then maybe roleplaying isn't for them.

For me personally, I cope by making sure everything I make for roleplays has value even if that roleplay goes nowhere. I make characters, plots, posts, etc... all which I pour my heart into to ensure that I will never look back on them and feel it was a waste of time. Even if the roleplay ends up just flicking out, I want to be able to know my contributions had value in of themselves, and to be able to go back and look proudly upon what I've made.

Hope this helps. Best of luck and happy RPing!

I love this, thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts I may potentially take a break, or at the very least not put so much effort into searching. I think I’m just afraid because my life is pretty... mundane at the moment, and I enjoy this hobby as an escape. But I’ll definitely consider the break for sure!

 

[Idea]

I love this, thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts I may potentially take a break, or at the very least not put so much effort into searching. I think I’m just afraid because my life is pretty... mundane at the moment, and I enjoy this hobby as an escape. But I’ll definitely consider the break for sure!

Uhm... Given the response I believe you meant to quote Krill ?

 

[GraceofAutumn]

Uhm... Given the response I believe you meant to quote Krill ?

Yes I apologize, I hit send to the wrong message newbie here!

But your ideas are wonderful too, and I’ll definitely try to pour more passion into my characters and ideas on the side/get thicker skin

 

[Idea]

Yes I apologize, I hit send to the wrong message newbie here!

But your ideas are wonderful too, and I’ll definitely try to pour more passion into my characters and ideas on the side/get thicker skin

It's fine it happens. It was a sweet message on your part, would have hated for a small mistake like that to prevent it from going into the right hands... or eyeballs in this case.

 

[Krill]

Honestly, Idea's ideas are probably a far more practical approach, because of how rare it is that you find that 'perfect match' in roleplaying. I think my approach is biased by my early experiences with RP - I basically just RPed with one person for the first two or three years I was in the hobby, we grew a lot together as writers, as roleplayers, probably even as people. For a long time, I think I was chasing that high. Now a days I probably do follow Idea's advice a lot more than I follow my own, but I don't think they're incompatible. Every roleplay I join has to be worth it, and maybe one of them becomes the "Next Great Roleplay" that I'll look back on as fondly as I do my first.

 

[Idea]

but I don't think they're incompatible

Indeed they aren't incompatible. It's important to expect what's normal to happen- that there will be a lot of failure- but that doesn't mean you won't strike gold on occasion, and when you do it's all the sweeter knowing you've managed to persevere.

Furthermore, as you gain more experience and learn more about yourself, you will gradually learn how to improve your odds and individual experience with every "trial". I know that for me personally, the better I learned what I actually wanted and how to express it, the better my average experience with new partners became.

 

[Krill]

-snip-
I know that for me personally, the better I learned what I actually wanted and how to express it, the better my average experience with new partners became.

This, absolutely. Since I returned to RP in January (after a long hiatus), I've put a lot of work into the theory of what makes a good interest check. It's had good results.

 

[GraceofAutumn]

This, absolutely. Since I returned to RP in January (after a long hiatus), I've put a lot of work into the theory of what makes a good interest check. It's had good results.

How I think I’m going to approach things going forward for the time being is not advertising so much and getting so invested. I sometimes go overboard with my passion for this hobby, and while I won’t dilute myself, I’ll definitely pace myself and try to find love in other facets of my life.

I’ll look at other people’s ads and let other people come to me, but for now, I think I just need to accept things as they are.

 

[cloudyskies]

I’ve felt that way a lot lately. I consider every RP partner able to bring something new to the table with their writing and characters, and even writing out the same plot with another person you can never really replace it.
That’s why I think I get so disappointed when I’ve been ghosted or someone moves on from the hobby.
But usually when that happens I’m anxious that it was personal—that I must be a bad writer, and whether I should keep roleplaying at all because of that.
That usually isn’t the case and it’d be hypocritical of me to say that I can’t understand ghosting someone or leaving a rp. Sometimes it just doesn’t work out and you have to just keep looking. People will always come and go and there’s not much you can really do to prevent it.

 

[CookieGalaxy]

All the time

 

[Chordling]

This past year has been almost impossible to find any partners, and if I do, they leave a few weeks later.

The past year was also filled with a lot of unseen changes in society, so, there might be a bit of correlation to that.

Plenty of us have felt discouraged before in a number of hobbies we partake in. I don't think it's something to look down upon though. In typical circumstances, it can be a sign that you are looking to improve or change the way you enjoy the hobby. I hope you will be able to find a new sense of joy in your roleplaying. Feel free to private message me if you want some advice.

 

[Murdergurl]

I get discouraged ALL THE TIME. lol
I've been doing RP for a little over 20 years and have taken breaks of several months in between dry spells. But whenever I come back, it seems like it's the same or worse. And it has definitely had an impact on my disposition when trying to continue the perpetual search.

I wish I had some advice to give... but I don't. I'm in the same boat as you. The only thing I can really say is that if you give up, then it will absolutely never happen. So keep at it for as long as you're motivated to, and hopefully someone will bite at some point.

 

[Syntra]

I'm gonna be the odd one out, but... not really. It's a matter of mindset, I think. I expect every roleplay I start to fail, but I don't mind. I mean, writing posts on its own is fun-- there's no need for all of the plots to reach fruition, so to speak. That being said, if you're patient enough, you will definitely find regular partners! I've had one roleplay for over a year now, with almost daily replies, finished other in the last year, and there are three more where I'm reasonably sure that we will be able to reach a satisfying conclusion. I recommend not getting too invested till you reach a certain IC post count.

 

[Murdergurl]

... finished other in the last year, and there are three more where I'm reasonably sure that we will be able to reach a satisfying conclusion...

Hot-damn! Can we get a slow clap for this person? An actual finished RP?! Holy Bajeezus! lol

 

[Doomevil]

Recently I felt this way after feeling like my ideas and opinions aren’t as valid as others. Sometimes I feel like I want to take a break from the hobby and do something different, but there’s this aching feeling where I can’t and miss out on a lot of events. Overall, I can’t shake off the feeling and stuck in a trap. Hopefully I can get better throughout the year.

 

[GraceofAutumn]

Thank you to everyone who’s responded! I really appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts. If you didn’t see above, my game plan is to stop searching for awhile and take a step back. If I see an ad I like in passing or get messaged, wonderful! But I won’t be trying as hard to find roleplays for now.

 

[Out Of Words]

Toward the end of 2019, I had a RP partner and IRL friend decide they were done with Rping, and also they didn't 'make friends' so the friendship was done as well. This is after ten years of RP and what I see in hindsight as a fake friendship used to get whatever it was she had wanted out of me. Needless to say, this sent me into a pretty solid depression and RP just wasn't in the cards. I lost myself in games, and a whole lot of sleep for about five months, then had the RP need again. I found RPN, and lurked a while, tried out a handful of group RPs only to have them all die out, some never even left the ground. So I made my own and it was just what the 'doctor' ordered, so to speak.

So take that break, find something else to keep you occupied, and know that when you're ready again, it may take a little bit to find, but RP is there. Even if you have to make it yourself.

 

[Malphaestus]

I wouldn't be so sure as to say it is a discouragement of roleplaying, but certainly all who roleplay face some issues at some period in their roleplaying life. For me, sometimes I just can't write something when I sit down and try to write it. I habitually link my writing with an external activity, like brewing and drinking coffee, for such instances. But sometimes it doesn't work. The key then is to simply power through, as I believe it anyway, and take your time to make something. Anything. The key to roleplaying is to not stop. That is, if you enjoy it. If a roleplay ends, that is just the ecosystem of roleplaying taking its course. People cannot be expected to hold interest in something indefinitely, and people face real-life issues which can put them off from roleplaying.

If you do something you enjoy, you should not want to stop doing it. And therefore you should not stop doing it. If it takes you an age and a half to continue, then that age and a half was well-spent.

You can always try joining things out of your comfort zone if you feel like there's nothing for you available. It's what I did this past year.

 

[Gish_Sky]

One of the biggest discouragements is creating something that no one joins or being unable to find a few good RPs. Or being unable to find people who have the same interests.

 

[GraceofAutumn]

One of the biggest discouragements is creating something that no one joins or being unable to find a few good RPs. Or being unable to find people who have the same interests.

I feel this Bulbasaur buddy!

 

[lightbox]

For me, the biggest challenge for an RP is time. Because of the irl things that I have to do daily, I can’t dedicate as much time as I’d like to in terms of replying or even finding interested parties to write with.

The actual writing and collaborating and plotting and all that good stuff is something I genuinely enjoy.

Sometimes, I feel discouraged when I don’t respond “on time”. It’s never an external pressure from a partner, but I somehow think to extend a deadline for myself. It’s honestly really weird and probably stems from a people pleasing behaviour/mindset. I get disappointed when I can’t finish a response so I try to finish off something even when it’s not my best. This is something I’m working on though. Working through this people pleasing mindset is hard work.