KAOS
it's the small wins that keep me going
Hi, not sure why I'm putting this here on the internet but I'm doing it.
I know no one knows me here and I mean it's a great place to put it out there.
Also, people on this site generally are pretty nice and are not the type of people who are like ya
So, I've had few very important people to me die over the course of the past couple of years. I think it's pretty natural the older you get.
Be it cancer, a car accident, an unfortunate fever,drug abuse. I mean, things happen.
I had a childhood friend, though we hadn't talked in years, who passed away from cancer probably about two years ago now. Though we were like two peas in a pod as kids.
Her husband was my : first crush my first kiss my fist French kiss! I still remember us in the woods silly stupid kids and being like did you just stick your tongue in my mouth!
I was so happy to see they got married and had kids and had a wonderful life. That aside, I hadn't seen or talked to him in years either. We all grew up in a very small devoutly religious community.
Though, it was also a pretty dark place to be. I don't like revisiting the thought of that place. Though, continuing on, I missed her celebration of life.
So, her husband is trying to desperately reach me through my family. I just gave him my number and I have a sinking feeling he wants to share old photographs and I'm going to be a embarrassed mf and say I'm terrified. I'm terrified to revisit the past. Because there is a lot of crap snow balled into it. But I also really want to be there for someone important. I have to be. Like, I've been feeling this strong pull to get in touch with him for years. He's such a good person. A good father. Like crap I'm about to cry typing this now. I feel so incredibly guilty. And frozen all at once.
Any advice on how to approach the conversation? Any advice on how not to cry? Soothing techniques. I'm open to any advice. TRULY.
Thank you so much for reading. I know it's all over the place. But there it be.
I do appreciate shared experiences but do keep in mind this subject can be triggering to some so do feel free to inbox me advice as well. Or what have you.
Peace
just to add: Just found out like three other people died through facebook. Like. Death. Buddy. I can't handle this today!
I know no one knows me here and I mean it's a great place to put it out there.
Also, people on this site generally are pretty nice and are not the type of people who are like ya
So, I've had few very important people to me die over the course of the past couple of years. I think it's pretty natural the older you get.
Be it cancer, a car accident, an unfortunate fever,drug abuse. I mean, things happen.
I had a childhood friend, though we hadn't talked in years, who passed away from cancer probably about two years ago now. Though we were like two peas in a pod as kids.
Her husband was my : first crush my first kiss my fist French kiss! I still remember us in the woods silly stupid kids and being like did you just stick your tongue in my mouth!
I was so happy to see they got married and had kids and had a wonderful life. That aside, I hadn't seen or talked to him in years either. We all grew up in a very small devoutly religious community.
Though, it was also a pretty dark place to be. I don't like revisiting the thought of that place. Though, continuing on, I missed her celebration of life.
So, her husband is trying to desperately reach me through my family. I just gave him my number and I have a sinking feeling he wants to share old photographs and I'm going to be a embarrassed mf and say I'm terrified. I'm terrified to revisit the past. Because there is a lot of crap snow balled into it. But I also really want to be there for someone important. I have to be. Like, I've been feeling this strong pull to get in touch with him for years. He's such a good person. A good father. Like crap I'm about to cry typing this now. I feel so incredibly guilty. And frozen all at once.
Any advice on how to approach the conversation? Any advice on how not to cry? Soothing techniques. I'm open to any advice. TRULY.
Thank you so much for reading. I know it's all over the place. But there it be.
I do appreciate shared experiences but do keep in mind this subject can be triggering to some so do feel free to inbox me advice as well. Or what have you.
Peace
just to add: Just found out like three other people died through facebook. Like. Death. Buddy. I can't handle this today!
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