Wolfheart
Running, always running and never stopping.....
I know I simply cannot be alone in this.
Do you ever find yourselves a part of something; a video game, a team, a production meeting....anything really involving others....where no matter how much effort you put in...how much you've accomplished...you still feel unsatisfied?
I mean, I've been trying to fight this for years and I still do not quite know how to slay this beast. For example, I'm an actor, I do alot of theatrical productions, and I constantly find myself jealous or envious of those around me in the cast and even the crew for ridiculous and tiny reasons; EVEN if I am a good role!
I am also never happy with myself; how I look, how I talk, how I act, how I THINK!
And every time I try to change it I just...I can't. For a more simple example, I remember when I was severely obese after my father had passed away and suddenly flipping a switch in my head that things need to change. So I went on a weight loss binge got into peak physical shape and still I felt something was missing. If it wasn't my weight it was my longing for a relationship, if it wasn't that it was my job...and I can't get over that feeling.
I don't know what triggered this or why it won't go away but it certainly needs to stop. I'll find myself not finishing things and moving on to other things that interest me because nothing holds my interest or satisfies me. I can't even hold a relationship because I have no attraction to anyone recently, I get scared and run away.
So, if anyone has any advice or has had similar experiences please tell me what you do to get through this. To me it sounds like my problem is a mix of anxiety, depression, and panic attacks....but even that is a shot in the dark. I've taken years of counseling already and at least I can safely say I am sane. If I wasn't I wouldn't be able to write this.
Do you ever find yourselves a part of something; a video game, a team, a production meeting....anything really involving others....where no matter how much effort you put in...how much you've accomplished...you still feel unsatisfied?
I mean, I've been trying to fight this for years and I still do not quite know how to slay this beast. For example, I'm an actor, I do alot of theatrical productions, and I constantly find myself jealous or envious of those around me in the cast and even the crew for ridiculous and tiny reasons; EVEN if I am a good role!
I am also never happy with myself; how I look, how I talk, how I act, how I THINK!
And every time I try to change it I just...I can't. For a more simple example, I remember when I was severely obese after my father had passed away and suddenly flipping a switch in my head that things need to change. So I went on a weight loss binge got into peak physical shape and still I felt something was missing. If it wasn't my weight it was my longing for a relationship, if it wasn't that it was my job...and I can't get over that feeling.
I don't know what triggered this or why it won't go away but it certainly needs to stop. I'll find myself not finishing things and moving on to other things that interest me because nothing holds my interest or satisfies me. I can't even hold a relationship because I have no attraction to anyone recently, I get scared and run away.
So, if anyone has any advice or has had similar experiences please tell me what you do to get through this. To me it sounds like my problem is a mix of anxiety, depression, and panic attacks....but even that is a shot in the dark. I've taken years of counseling already and at least I can safely say I am sane. If I wasn't I wouldn't be able to write this.
