Comments & Feedback & Suggestions

[rplover0701]

Hello anybody who is reading this!


I'm new to this site and i want to get involved right away! I wanna start my own rp! I know its probably not a good thing to wanna start a rp on your first day here but hey I'm a crazy girl! ( )


Anyway feel free to comment suggestions, feedback, and criticism. I do want criticism but only when its stated in a way that wont bu hurtful or rude. If you criticize I would like it to be in a nice way and making sure its giving me helpful suggestions on how to improve my idea. Thank you! (:*)


Rp Name; Finding Heaven in Hell


Type of RP; Romantic


How many people; 1 on 1


Characters; Two {duh xD }. My character will be a girl but I'm not gonna say that means your character has to be a boy. The two characters will fall in love eventually but I am a supporter of gay / lesbian rights and even though I myself am not a lesbian I am OK with you making a girl character to fall in love with my girl character.


Setting; Modern day. It mainly takes place in a huge ass forest located in Montana.


*Note my character will be called Skeeter and to make things easier I will refer to the character YOU will make as Alex, which is a unisex name.*


Plot; Skeeter is a snobby, whiny, and super rich girl. Her parents are oil barons that have made millions. She has everything she wants, and if she ever wants something else her parents buy it for her right away. Even with everything in the world she still complains about EVERYTHING in her life.


Alex is a ex-criminal. They were arrested for a murder / homicide. {its up to you, to decide if they were guilty or not}. Alex lives in Montana and was sent the the prison there. One day though Alex escaped and managed to run into the woods a couple of miles away from the prison. He wanted to go home to his friends and family but he knew that the police would have his house on surveillance. Alex made a comfortable life in the woods and decided to enjoy the quite life.


Skeeter has family in Montana, her aunt is a business owner whose based in Montana. Her parents sent her there because frankly they were tired of her complaining and whining. Skeeter though, while at her aunt's, shoplifted $500.000 worth of stuff. She was scared her aunt was gonna find out so she decided to fly home. She was driving to the airport, in her new Corvette to the airport when she went off the road and crashed in the woods. She was seriously injured and unable to walk back to the town due to the fact that one of her legs was badly sprained and the other one was broken.


Her phone had been charging in the car and wasn't even able to turn on. She was stuck in the middle of nowhere and nobody knew where she was. She had left a note for her aunt telling her that she was going back to her parents and she had told her parents she was staying at her aunt's for a while longer. Neither of them really cared about her so they just assumed she was telling the truth. The woods are in the middle of now where so Skeeter doesn't know where to go back.


Alex takes pity on Skeeter and takes her in. Alex has learned how to heal wounds and survive in the woods so he takes Skeeter to his "cabin" and heals her, though it takes several months. They eventually will fall in love though it'll take a while.


Eventually Alex and Skeeter will have to make the decision of whether they are gonna stay together in the woods or go back to the town, and risk being separated.Plus Skeeter will most likely be arrested because she has a history of shoplifting.


Tell me what you think, make suggestions, and if you would be interested in this just tell me!


Thanks for reading this! ( )

 

[Mordecai]

Hi there!


Well, it's a unique idea, but there are some strange plot holes. First off, I don't know about you, but I can't leave without my phone. My phone is permanently adhered to my side. That said, even if she did forget her phone by accident, don't limos have phones in them anyways nowadays?


Next, why the heck is someone living in the woods-- even if they were an escaped prisoner, most escapees go to hide out at friends/family? Then, why would a rich, snotty, spoiled girl suddenly decide to abandon her posh life to live in woods with them? I'm not rich or super snotty as people go but I would not be able to abandon the comfort of my life for some "rough living" just because I found some nice dude/chick in the woods (like, what rich "B" word would want to take a loo trip out in the woods?). That leads me to another problem-- where the heck are the police/the parents/the family and why aren't they looking for her? People don't just go missing like that. Eventually, someone would find the limo and eventually, someone would probably find them.


These are just questions that popped into my head as I read your premise.


This story is really far-fetched and not based in reality as we know it, but I suppose that's the joy of roleplaying, right? To write stories that probably would never happen. If you like it and want to write it, try and post an interest check for it. (:


My best suggestion would be to try and find a motive for why your character decided to stay in those woods and not try and find home. Is she harbouring a secret of her own (perhaps she was driving away to try and avoid getting in trouble for tax fraud?). See what I mean? Giving her a reason to not leave the woods seems way more convincing then "Oh, she found this nice person and decided to abandon everything for him/her!"

 

[rplover0701]

Thank you for your feedback! I'm glad you pointed out some plot holes so I can tie them up! I'll be sure to giver her a motive and tie up the loose holes.


Thank you again for saying this. Since I'm new, like I said, I'm just starting out so I'm glad you gave me some feedback in a nice and polite way. ( )

 

[Mordecai]

No worries!


Even the most experienced roleplayers need feedback. Sometimes when you're writing out a story, it makes so much sense in your head, but then you post it and people go: huh?


Just keep writing and good luck! Don't hesitate to message me at any time if you would like some feedback. (:

 

[rplover0701]

Wow! Thanks! When I joined this website I didn't know the people would be so friendly. Maybe I'll message you when I have it re-written with the plot holes closed up as best I can.

 

[Mordecai]

Yea, the community here is really awesome.

 

[rplover0701]

Well I'm glad I'll be surrounded with other friendly rp'ers. Well I'm gonna get back to work. Thanks one more time. I'll message you if you don't mind once I'm done re-writing so you can re-read it.