Character Critique Thread

Thanks for the advice, @KingHink, I kinda wish I had gotten this post a bit sooner, it might have saved me a lot of hair pulling and nitpicking myself. I do feel like I'm being a bit misunderstood here, I'm not trying to equate ranks to badassery (which is a super power, actually, look it up, it's got Deadpool XD), I suppose I'm just worried that once I set my character in the RP, they have to stay within the front yard fence and never having the chance to push the boundaries of their capabilities, hence the growth concern. I'm not talking about leveling cities or destroying lives, just having the capability to expand the character's repertoire over time doesn't seem to be encouraged, so I'm trying to jam pack my characters with all the potential they can muster from the get go. That's also the reason for the stats being so high, I'd love to make her a lower-ranking character, but again I'm afraid of setting those limitations and then being forever entrapped by them with no room for expansion. 


Another point you hit on, I like simple too. That's part of the problem I'm having, balancing being detailed and covering all the bases with as few words as possible. It's a juggling act, on one hand I'm trying to make sure that it's clear the capabilities and limits that are present, on the other I don't want to write out a novella for every possibility that can happen, which (let's face it) reaches near-infinite numbers in this type of setting especially. (I also like to overload on the limitations, which I'm sure isn't necessarily a bad thing, but I tend to overthink them and lose sleep over "should this be a limitation or just a guideline or is it consequential at all?") 


So, I'm writing up yet another version of this character, this time (hopefully) more cohesive and fits better together. I'm wondering if I just put out the sheer basics of what I want to accomplish if maybe I can get some suggestions for limitations and uses? As I've said before, I like to cover all my bases and my characters have a tendency to be "jack-of-all-trades, master-of-most-of-them", which I'm trying to work out of, since that usually creates flat, featureless characters who are too perfect for their own good :/   I look at everyone else's character with a bit of jealousy at how easily they seem to put their characters together and I just have this jumbled mess of a concept that I'm feebly trying to cobble together piece by tiny piece. XD



No worries, and I do understand you. Though I wasn't talking about you, and they weren't criticisms. I was speaking general words to a general audience.


I still refer to what I said. You don't need high stats for high capabilities. 


However, what you say is a very real concern. And one I harp about often. "What should my char do when the teacher there can mop the floor with any challenge?" This is something I bring up often, and an issue I always try to mention whenever I see it being a possibility. As such, from my end, I try to do what I can so this isn't an issue.


Part of the reason this can be an issue is the volume of high powered amd high ranked supers in the roster. The character committee is really cracking down on this. Hence why we encourage low ranks, and the higher your rank, the higher level of scrutiny you will recieve to make sure there can be balance.


It is my understand of this rp, that the focus is on the students. While there are many roles, I will be the first to advocate that student characters should get the utmost priority in terms of treatment. Yes, the teachers and staff are characters too, but they should not recieve the same focus. They should be nothing more than glorified NPCs whose OOC purpose is to facilitate the fun of the students. Just because a teacher CAN eliminate a hostile threat in two seconds doesn't mean they should FOR THE SAKE OF THEME AND STORY. 


This does not come from a balance of characters. In Aegis, we handle things through episodes. And each episode normally contains several scenes. With each scene  being handled by a GM. Sometimes these episodic GM'S are temporary. 


For example. In the current episode. I am a GM for one of the scenes. I am just a normal player, but I am leading the scene. (But I need a certain telepath to help so I can move it along! Hint hint, @welian) Anyway, as a GM, it is MY RESPONSIBILTY to lead this scene in a way to engage the players and their characters. As a GM it is my responsibility to see to it that those in my scene have fun. As a GM my responsibility is to get you in there. To get your char challenged. To make sure nobody is left on the bench. What I do in my scene is designed around the characters within it, and I will tailor the experience to them. I have the power to fudge things to ensure that no one is left behind. This way, it doesn't matter if you are S rank or E rank. My job is to make sure you have fun. If a char threatens to steal the show? I will throw a wrench in their plans and take them down a few pegs. Is someone having trouble keeping up? I will give them a supportive nudge to help them along, or otherwise make sure they have something special for them too. Priority wise, the students are the focus. 


Anyway. This is the role of a GM, and it is up to the GMs of scenes to see to it that these issues are addressed in game. 


Admittedly,  my view of a GMs duties is daunting. But I have similar views to what should be expected of the role and duties of a player. (Which I won't get into right now because I am already ranting again. I promised myself I wouldn't.)


Make a char that is fun for you. That should be your priority. Go for a low rank. Trust the GMs to open the yard gate for you. As a player, use what you have to encourage your char out of that fence to put them in a compromising position. OOC, bandy about ideas about discuss things that can be done.  Here at Aegis we ALL love to talk about ideas and help each other. We collaborate often and do what we can to make sure that every one of us can have fun and have a moment in the spotlight. 


Your character will expand naturally. And you don't need high stats as a buffer to bookmark it. As I always reccomend, save the stats and rank until you have finished everything else about your character. We will help you with that, not only with ideas, but also execution. Trust us! 


As for piecing together your CS? Fret not! We at the CC have delivered many a black eyes to prospective characters. Some char have been through discussion for a long time before acceptance. You have yet to produce a mess. And you have a fine concept. 


I want you to remember that the character committee is not here just to vote and critique. We are here to help! And we love helping. We will happily discuss your ideas, help you find ways around things, give friendly suggestions, and all around do what we can to make sure you have a char that not only fits well in the rp, but also that you will enjoy as well. Another thing we keep in mind, is not just the short term, but the long term involvement of your char and how they would relate to other characters into the rp. We aren't about to throw you into the deep end. We got your back, fam.


I think I used fam right...


Anyway. I'm gonna shut up now. Because I'm sleepy. And when I'm sleepy, I go into rant mode. 


Tl:dr  - I understand your worries. Don't worry! Trust us. We will help. You can grow and be important. Get the lead out, Weli. And concepts ftw.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
1. Don't fret too much over your rank. Ultimately, it is nothing more than a letter stamped onto a piece of paper. And is worth as bout as much as what it is printed on. Rather than thinking of it as a level of how badass or powerful your character is, instead think of it as just a simple classification based on what a power can do. These people go here, those people go there. As I said, it doesn't ultimately matter. As individual cases vary widely. I love me some extremes, so let us take Aaron "Galactus" Mallory, for instance. An S rank. Even someone as low as an E rank could take him with any technique that is remotely similar to cow tipping. Even given his mighty cosmic scale... he isn't that impressive. As far as heroing goes, he could at least ask bank robbers to kindly give up, as they walk away at a leisurely pace while flipping him the bird. (Sorry @Gus, I still love you.) On the other hand, D ranks can be devestating, badass, and all rek yo shite. Let us take three instances this time. Jordan, a C rank, and other genius supers, could potentially create S level super weapons. Because they geniuses. Next let's have Ophelia, a D rank. While her power is nothing impressive, nothing is stopping her from being badass. As even E rank humans are capable of impressive feats. Lastly, we would have Salem. A D rank. Given the nature of his internet power he could theoretically cripple countries by doing nothing more than breaking the internet. Further more, low ranks could and can be more impressive than higher ranks. Anyway, the moral of this is, don't let yourself be beholden by a need to reach ranks or have high stats. Your individual case will vary. And how how much fun you have will be determined by you, and your character, rather than a few numbers. Also, it should be mentioned that stats have absolutely nothing to do with combat. They are simply a tool to help gauge relative placement and help us understand things about your char. 



First of all, Aaron has dealt with TWO bank robberies in his past. One through negotiation and the other by simply climbing into their idling getaway car's passenger seat and refusing to get out. Since they couldn't shoot him or move the car with him in it, they tried to escape on foot which went about as well as you might imagine. Aaron is perfectly happy to play a supporting role as long as the job gets done.


In all seriousness though, let me augment what hink said about rank. There are no dice in this role-play. No combat system. Just story. So what happens is what you write and what you can convince others to go along with.  You don't die unless you write it. You don't even get hurt unless you write it. You are badass if you write it that way. At a certain point, you might get called on shenanigans if you are dodging automatic weapon fire with ease when your agility says 1 on your CS, but anything you can find story reasons to justify you can write.  


As for growth, powers don't need to get stronger to get more powerful. New application and uses will come up as the story develops.  Especially a simple power that revolves around one fundamental change to how you interact with the world. Changing one thing has consequences for other things. Thinking about how the world looks and feels and tastes and smells to your character will open up new ideas about what they can do with just their existing powers.


Lucas, my first character, was made of electrons. He could pass through conductors, he had accelerated reflexes, and was immune to electric shock. That was all, initially. He couldn't cause electric shocks because his electrons were attracted to each other instead of repelled, so his voltage was zero. Then he started interacting with the world. And the story changed him, bit by bit.  He ate electricity. He disolved in water. He could rebuild himself from electricity. He protected the whole class from a downed power line in a flooded parking lot by dragging all the electrons with him back to the power substation. None of this was on his CS. It just made sense in the story. I didn't plan it out in advance. I just reacted to new circumstances with the toolkit I had. I dunno if this makes any sense outside my head, but to me, this game allows for FABULOUSLY creative development of powers exactly BECAUSE it doesn't allow them to fundamentally change.  Creativity does NOT flow from freedom, in my experience, but from restrictions.  Freedom paralyzes you. Too many options. Too much information. No room for growth, because you end up trying to go every which way at once.


So focus on your restrictions. Nail down what exactly the power does, as simply as possible. Make you peace with being stuck with those restrictions and aim to work within them.  And then watch Claire blossom anyway. She will surprise you. Within the framework you lay down, new ideas will arise. You will confront the world, and the world will change you.  Being able to float free of your body as an intangible conciousness and touch other minds is enough. That is an unfathomably deep change to how you interact with the world. You could plumb just that for a thousand years and never stop finding new uses for it. 
 
Alright, new set of ideas I'm trying out, anyone want to give me some feedback?


Redefined powers:

I looked up Astral Projection, both as a superpower and as a real-world "practice" (which is incredibly strange and slightly unnerving, 0/10, do not recommend doing XD), but one of the interesting concepts I found was this concept of a "silver thread", essentially the connection between your soul and body when you use astral projection. So I got to thinking, what if Claire had the ability (as a supporting power) to attach these threads to things and people she had a mental bond with, basically leaving a little bit of her consciousness invested in it like a place-marker or something. She'd only be able to attach them after some requisite had been met, such as @Syrenrei suggested, getting to know a person and being able to attach this thread to them when a certain level of emotional connection had been reached. In the case of objects, she'd have to spend some amount of time with the object, getting to know it and familiarizing herself with it, the more time spent and more familiar she was with it the stronger the bond. This would act as a tether to Claire, able to follow along it to the object or person on the other end, leading to her second supporting power, "possession". Now, she wouldn't actually possess a person, she couldn't twist their head around in a circle or even have the ability to control their actions at all, but it would allow her to submerge herself in their mind, able to feel their emotions and transfer selected thoughts to communicate (but only what they think directly to her, she can't pick through their head at will), she could be the eyes in the back of their head or help supply fellow psychics with her mind's power to keep them from exhausting themselves. As far as objects go, she actually would be able to possess them, moving them about with her consciousness in a way that's pretty much really basic telekinesis to an outside observer, though she's not extending her will outside of herself, she's putting her consciousness inside the object instead. 



 Significant limitations:

 The limitations on both supporting powers are pretty varied, but I think they're enough to justify the actions. Her tethers have a straight-line distance range of, let's say, a mile, any farther than that and they break and must be formed again, and there's a limit to how many she can form at once, let's assume only a literal handful, 5-10, one thread for each finger. She has to apply the tether in person, meaning she has to physically touch the person or object to attach it (though eventually she may be able to apply them at a distance through her consciousness but that's irrelevant at this point in time). The further the tether is stretched, the weaker the connection, meaning she has to expend more energy to travel along a longer tether. Psychic/telepathic powers can affect the tethers, allowing an outsider to "tap" into it and read what thoughts she's sending along it if any, or break the connection with only a moderate amount of force. The "possession" power has its own set of limits, such she can only lift or manipulate objects she would be able to with her bare hands, so tossing boulders or stopping trains with her mind power is out of the question. Any object she inhabits is essentially her body, if it breaks, she'll feel pain as if she had her own body broken.She can use another person that she's tethered to as a "rest stop" to regain her limit of time spent out of her body, but at a slower rate than if she was in her own body.



These are in no way complete, just the general gist of the idea I had and I wanted to get some feedback for fine tuning them. I know what I want Claire to be able to accomplish, I'm just trying to integrate it so that it makes sense as well as fits her persona :/  It's a lot harder and I'd probably be better off starting a simpler character, but she's really the only one I want to get into action, I just have to get some outsider opinion to see what looks good and what needs adjusting... At this point, I'm just ignoring the stats and rank right now, I'll integrate those in later once we get what she actually does out of the way and settled.
 
I like the sound of that, except that adding a 'silver cord' seems to be moving in a more mystical direction rather than less, you know?


I would avoid the use of the word 'possession' as that does not line up intuitively with what you are describing. Maybe 'cohabitate' or 'ride shotgun' or something along those lines?


If you are committed to the tether idea (and presuming that welian doesn't forbid that) what about if navigation is difficult outside your body? What if it were like taking a spacewalk for an astronaut? Suppose that more than just being able to see living beings that was ALL you could see! Without landmarks, tethers would be your only way to navigate. And then breaking the tether becomes a potentially terrifying experience, like an astronaut drifting away from the safe harbor of the ISS with no tether.
 
@welian @KingHink @St Stare @Teh Frixz


Here is my submission for testing technician for commonwealth:


I am having trouble thinking of other limitations and would appreciate any feedback from anybody about that, as well as anything else that seems odd or wrong.
 
I like the sound of that, except that adding a 'silver cord' seems to be moving in a more mystical direction rather than less, you know?


I would avoid the use of the word 'possession' as that does not line up intuitively with what you are describing. Maybe 'cohabitate' or 'ride shotgun' or something along those lines?


If you are committed to the tether idea (and presuming that welian doesn't forbid that) what about if navigation is difficult outside your body? What if it were like taking a spacewalk for an astronaut? Suppose that more than just being able to see living beings that was ALL you could see! Without landmarks, tethers would be your only way to navigate. And then breaking the tether becomes a potentially terrifying experience, like an astronaut drifting away from the safe harbor of the ISS with no tether.



That was kind of the idea, using the "threads" as anchors through unknown space, since, as pure consciousness, she can't really interact with or fully perceive physical objects since they have no "soul" unless a) they're being manipulated by someone else's psychic power, which she can interact with, or b) have been "tagged" by one of her tethers previously. That's why having the tether connected from her consciousness to her body is so important, it's literally her lifeline, otherwise she has to push off of other consciousnesses to navigate or pulling herself along the threads she leaves. Eventually she may be able to throw out lesser tethers while in her Astral form, just to pull herself along almost Spider-man style, attach, pull, release, attach, pull release, but that would open up some more limitations and possibly even open her up to being "snagged" by some psychic who can grab onto her tether and snare her up or pull her in. Since she's basically sentient psychic energy in this form, she'd be a pretty valuable commodity for a psychic who has some means of capturing her and tapping into her power like a battery for their own use.


This is just me taking the same character and extending in a different possible direction. I'm trying to solidify how her powers would work, and honestly, trying to simplify them is evading me, so I thought I'd at least make them interesting if they're going to be complex. I am highly dependent on feedback for developing my characters, so feel free to make any comments or critiques you feel applicable. I'll take them all in stride but I really appreciate having something to bounce my ideas off of. 
 
 I am highly dependent on feedback for developing my characters, so feel free to make any comments or critiques you feel applicable. I'll take them all in stride but I really appreciate having something to bounce my ideas off of. 



Likewise I am sure. I will bring it to the committee. Like I said I think it sounds neat, but welian is the final judge of flavor for the 'verse. Any thoughts on Anthony?
 
Likewise I am sure. I will bring it to the committee. Like I said I think it sounds neat, but welian is the final judge of flavor for the 'verse. Any thoughts on Anthony?



He seems like an interesting character. I envy your ability to encapsulate such a put-together character in so few words, I probably would have tripled the word count just in the backstory XD He seems practical enough, plenty of opportunity to use his ability and learning seems to be a great part of this setting, discovering how and why things work the way they work. 
 
Looking over my character yet again, I've come to the conclusion I don't know what I'm doing XD I mean, as I've said what feels like a hundred times, I know what I want her to do, but not how I want her to do it. So, basically I'm going to put down the very barest of basics here and turn it over to the community here for help. I'm running low on creative input, I feel like all my ideas are good ones, even when they aren't, or like they're decent enough even when I'd like them to be better XD So, I guess what I'm really looking for is some straight-up help getting this character off the ground.


Character Concept in a nutshell:

Theme: Astral Manipulation/ Ghostly Consciousness


Main Power: The ability to send her consciousness from her body and navigate through the world on spiritual/mental/sub-physical level.


Supporting Power 1 (Applied power): An ability that allows her to interact with or manipulate the environment through her subconscious ( Astral tethers, 'silver cord', ghost tendrils, metaphysical constructs, whatever)


Supporting Power 2 (Social power): An ability that allows her to interact and communicate with other characters on a subconscious level (inhabitation, thought linking, empathic bonding, whatever)



That's really the bare bones of what I'm looking for in this character, that's what makes her tick, all of my previous versions of her have been this format in some way or another. I've gotten some ideas from here and there, but they're all so jumbled up in my head right now that I can't really decide how to put this together into a cohesive and functioning character. Help please XD
 
Guess who i just fixed? Everyone's or well maybe just me favorite sun child, Naran!


I haven't touched the Heroism Point yet because i am tempted to fill it all with 9s. Is that even allowed?








Also, quick question: Are we allowed to create a Punisher-like character? Normal human who has the skill and capability to kill supers?


Guess who i just fixed? Everyone's or well maybe just me favorite sun child, Naran!


I haven't touched the Heroism Point yet because i am tempted to fill it all with 9s. Is that even allowed?








Also, quick question: Are we allowed to create a Punisher-like character? Normal human who has the skill and capability to kill supers?
 
5 hours ago, too much idea said:



I haven't touched the Heroism Point yet because i am tempted to fill it all with 9s. Is that even allowed?








Also, quick question: Are we allowed to create a Punisher-like character? Normal human who has the skill and capability to kill supers?




3

If her body part is protected when augmented, how did she break her arm in the test?


You say her excess kinetic energy comes from her own motion - does that mean that, unless she uses the power, she walks very slightly slower than average, or has to put slightly more energy into any movements? Does she tire quicker than most if she's not using the power?


Is there a limit to how much power she can store? Does it dissipate?
 
Submitted for critique as if it were a character:






It is actually a list, but it is meant to be a living document. Have at it folks!
 
Alright, Maximilian's History is done. Personality and Relationships are tomorrow me's problem to deal with and one that will probably take FAR less time than it did with the history. Most of it checks out, I think, but the last few paragraphs revolving around his induction into Commonwealth/AEGIS might need a few fact checks.


Also, I bumped him to an A-Rank and changed his Max Skills back to 30 to signify a slightly stronger than before Maximilian. I know this was an issue you brought up before @St Stare, I wanted to alert you about this and see what you thought about the change.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Wish I could like it twice! (and not only for the double post!)



Oops

13 hours ago, The J said:



If her body part is protected when augmented, how did she break her arm in the test?


You say her excess kinetic energy comes from her own motion - does that mean that, unless she uses the power, she walks very slightly slower than average, or has to put slightly more energy into any movements? Does she tire quicker than most if she's not using the power?


Is there a limit to how much power she can store? Does it dissipate?




 






 

1. "Her strength may be enchanted, but her body does not. If she keeps attacking using high percentage power output, she might end up breaking her own limbs."


2. Everything is normal, with each small movement she kept building her own kinetic energy. So she can jump into a fight anytime she wanted.


3. However, "After she used the charged energy, she will have to generate it again before she can use her power again. ". After launching the first attack, it'll take time before she could launch another attack.
 
Oops


1. "Her strength may be enchanted, but her body does not. If she keeps attacking using high percentage power output, she might end up breaking her own limbs."


2. Everything is normal, with each small movement she kept building her own kinetic energy. So she can jump into a fight anytime she wanted.


3. However, "After she used the charged energy, she will have to generate it again before she can use her power again. ". After launching the first attack, it'll take time before she could launch another attack.






 


Oops


1. "Her strength may be enchanted, but her body does not. If she keeps attacking using high percentage power output, she might end up breaking her own limbs."


2. Everything is normal, with each small movement she kept building her own kinetic energy. So she can jump into a fight anytime she wanted.


3. However, "After she used the charged energy, she will have to generate it again before she can use her power again. ". After launching the first attack, it'll take time before she could launch another attack.






 

1) In the limitation "One at a time" you say that it's strengthened and made capable of destroying concrete walls. Unless she breaks her bones with every single attack, that's got to imply a durability increase. Same with the idea that she can break bones just with a punch or a kick - unless she aligns her body correctly, she'll be liable to break her bones, so she must have some sort of durability increase.


2) So she just generates energy while moving, not from moving. Slight difference there. Also, it's mentioned in the "Self-generated" limitation that she can't generate energy if restrained. By this do you mean totally immobilised, or just chained to a wall or something? Because if, as you say, she can create energy by just flailing, then she'd need to be totally immobilised for this to apply.


3) Are you saying that she can only have one attack charge at any time?
 
I am not sure if I went overboard with the limitations and should prune a few, or if more need to be added. I am open to suggestions and feedback from anyone. =x
 
I am not sure if I went overboard with the limitations and should prune a few, or if more need to be added. I am open to suggestions and feedback from anyone. =x



That is an impressive number of limitations.  Could probably lose 'infertility' from the list as it is mentioned in the history. Exit as you entered is kind of covered in the timeless part of the description, so could maybe drop that, likewise size 4 not 24. Special touch could probably merge with imperfect gateway. That gets you down to five which is still a lot for D rank. Not that there is anything wrong with CS as is, just if you want a more manageable list, that would be how I would prune it.  


Gots my vote.
 
That is an impressive number of limitations.  Could probably lose 'infertility' from the list as it is mentioned in the history. Exit as you entered is kind of covered in the timeless part of the description, so could maybe drop that, likewise size 4 not 24. Special touch could probably merge with imperfect gateway. That gets you down to five which is still a lot for D rank. Not that there is anything wrong with CS as is, just if you want a more manageable list, that would be how I would prune it.  


Gots my vote.



I was trying to keep it simple, erring on the side of making more limitations that were clearly defined rather than joining similar/related limitations into one robust paragraph. I know in Discord and my conversations with you the limitations were important to make it easier to understand what could and could not be absorbed. That being said I'm all about clarity! Do you think combining them would make it more clear?
 
I was trying to keep it simple, erring on the side of making more limitations that were clearly defined rather than joining similar/related limitations into one robust paragraph. I know in Discord and my conversations with you the limitations were important to make it easier to understand what could and could not be absorbed. That being said I'm all about clarity! Do you think combining them would make it more clear?



Not necessarily, just a thought. I think you could probably drop the infertility though, and exit as you entered if you want.


Personally, I'd call that a stylistic choice and leave it to your discretion. (I only even mentioned it because you asked.)
 
Maximilian Shulze is completed! Feedback would be wonderful!

Looks solid to me.


Given the length of the history, the relationships section is a little short, but then again, if you are not the sort to remember people, moving on effectively cuts ties to the vast majority of your acquaintances I suppose.


Got my vote.
 
On 1/26/2017 at 11:03 PM, The J said:





1) In the limitation "One at a time" you say that it's strengthened and made capable of destroying concrete walls. Unless she breaks her bones with every single attack, that's got to imply a durability increase. Same with the idea that she can break bones just with a punch or a kick - unless she aligns her body correctly, she'll be liable to break her bones, so she must have some sort of durability increase.


2) So she just generates energy while moving, not from moving. Slight difference there. Also, it's mentioned in the "Self-generated" limitation that she can't generate energy if restrained. By this do you mean totally immobilised, or just chained to a wall or something? Because if, as you say, she can create energy by just flailing, then she'd need to be totally immobilised for this to apply.


3) Are you saying that she can only have one attack charge at any time?




 



1. AAAAAHHH yes yes, i should change Power Output to Durability then


2. Flailing, flicking her finger, headbanging can generate kinetic energy but only of a small number and it will take long before she could use it to break free... That if she did not tire herself first.


3. Yes. She's a powerful hitter limited by cooldown time, she need to strike fast and precise to win the fight early in the start.
 

Users who are viewing this thread

Back
Top