Character Critique Thread

Focus on his history and his superpower section for now.
 
@welian If you have time could you please check the CS again and tell me if I'm on the right track? I've updated some stuff and remixed others.
 
Going to edit the thread title ^^


Thank you really much for your critique @welian and @St Stare.


Now that you mention it, i didn't even saw the inconsistency with the power and the wording yesterday, making it almost impossible for any reader excepted me to understand it. 


So, i took the emotion absorption path, removed anything else in the power section and tried to make supportive powers related to the main one, putting " the out of energy " part into the limitation section along with the maximum distance for the power in hope it will be much more clearer and understandable then before.


You were right, reducing lifespan was probably too harsh for a rank B, so i also removed it.


About the trait enigmatic, it was my bad. I didn't saw i placed it on the positive trait. Thanks for telling me this error !
 
@welian -  Were there any other revisions that needed to be done to Julie or is her CS currently good as is? Note: I did change her history to that she is planning on joining AEGIS, but has not officially joined yet.
 
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I personally think Julie is good to go now! All that's left is for the rest of the Character Committee to add their votes to our spreadsheet, since a character needs four of of six approvals to be added to the roster.
 
welian said:
I personally think Julie is good to go now! All that's left is for the rest of the Character Committee to add their votes to our spreadsheet, since a character needs four of of six approvals to be added to the roster.
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Got my vote. 
 
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@SweetNicole Some thoughts were brought up by the wonderful @KingHink concerning Julie that the committee agree upon and could be improved on.

  • For a character with enough strength to bend metal bars; a meager 3 seems ever so slightly underwhelming. A four would most likely be far more accurately represent her abilities in the physical department. Although, this could also be mitigated by simply lowering her strength instead If you want to make her stats better reflect what she can do.
  • The line in her energy blast thingy, "Capable of causing pain to highly durable targets" seems ever so slightly poorly worded and comes across as somewhat Godmoddish, though I doubt that was your intention. Perhaps instead you could say she is "Capable of inflicting great pain to targets" would be better as It leaves out the durability. An example matching these concerns would be her up against someone like Red, who has a full on 9 in defense. I don't think she'd be capable of causing him pain, but the wording of her powers certainly make It sounds like that. 
  • Though this isn't too much of a problem, she seems to have a bit much going for her. Flight, Superstrength, Shrinking and lasers capable of dishing out significant damage. Some streamlining of her abilities would be nice and add more focus to a singular form of her powers rather than attempting to have so much stuff to deal with as many scenarios as possible. Merely being strong whilst retaining the ability to shrink & flight is more than interesting in itself without having to throw in lasers to the mix. Feel free to modify as you see fit, but we'd certainly appreciate some more definite focus. 

@DamagedGlasses Thoughts regarding Max. MAINFRAME looks pretty good to me, though, and I'm sure they'll be accepted soon! 

  • Although you've certainly done the best possible in adding in weaknesses to compensate for his power, I myself personally, feel like they're still rather Meta overall. I'm a bit wary of it in general because of how easily abused It can be. Maybe limit the number of skills he can possess to something smaller as to make the limit more impactful? 30 Is a pretty huge limit. Maybe 10-15? 
 
Maybe instead of the lasers, she projects tiny needles (appropriate as a sting). The kicker that when she reverts to normal size, the needles grow with her, dealing damage to anything they're stuck in.
 
@St Stare

  1. It is possible for humans to bend steel at an average strength, even more so for someone who is at the peak of human strength. I'm not saying she's going to be ripping the doors off of cars. Simply being able to bend a steel bar depends on the thickness of the steel. It would require her using just about all her strength to bend such steel, but she would be physically capable of doing so. For example this video.
  2. The way her power works is that it doesn't actually cause damage to the target. She's not going to physically render them unconscious with her blows. It's like a bee sting that pricks your skin. You're not going to pass out or die from a bee string, but it going to hurt, probably distract you, and piss you off. It's a non-lethal power akin to a mini-shocker that is at best able to annoy you and distract you with the pain.
  3. Her entire form relies on her ability to stay agile and moving around. Beyond that, she has little in the way of rending a person unconscious or killing them. Her stringer power isn't going to kill someone. The only way she can really do any damage is from striking people with her strength and that requires her to get in close which greatly increased her risk given her vulnerable size and such. She's very good at dodging and weaving, but that's her real strength, staying alive in the fight for long periods of time, not necessarily doing much damage. Even then, she has peak of human strength, but not super human strength. 

I see Julie as an incredibly great dodger/survivor/moving about the fight with very little in the way of real offensive powers, taking some shots here and there, but mostly distracting her targets for other people to clean up. She's a great assist-maker, but not a great point guard.


@St Stare Do you have a link to the character Red you're referencing?
 
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@SweetNicole All of those are valid points.

  • However, a point was brought up about her strength being proportionate with her size. I'm not knowledgeable in this department as the critique wasn't brought up by myself, so feel free to educate me on that If need be. I can see her as being strong in her regular form but what about her smaller size?
  • A good point brought up as well was how her body withstands striking something with such strength without breaking her bones in her smaller form. You can certainly punch a wall in real life, but you're definitely gonna get some broken knuckles for doing it. Some explanation on this would be nice. 
  • I certainly like @The J's idea on replacing her slightly random energy projection with actual needles, which works with her Physiology powers. It makes her a bit more unique rather than a power copy of The Wasp.
 
@St StareI'm trying not be annoyed, but this is beginning to feel nit-picky, arguing over tiny details and semantics of an already relatively under-powered offensive with little to no defense, relying solely on their agility to stay alive character instead of trusting in my ability as a writer to play such a character with reasonable strengths and weakness in balanced way.

  1. Yes, if we were doing this in a perfect simulated physics environment 100% equatable to real life, Julie wouldn't be able to keep the same strength in her smaller form. We can say it's simply some denser particles, cells, or something when she changes forms that enables her to keep it.
  2. See answer #1 - Yes, striking a wall would probably hurt or break bones. If it applies to someone who'd be at the peak of human strength, it applies to her too.
  3. Are we going to deduct points for being unoriginal now? Yes, it's similar to the Wasp. I used those powers as a template because they're interesting and unique powers coupled with an interesting character who I feel would fit into a role in this roleplay that is different from most other characters. Basically any power you've ever come up with, I can find some character that has similar or same powers. There are no new ideas on the sun.



Edit: To be clear to everyone, I'm in no way upset at anyone for doing their jobs. I swear I'm not as ornery as I sound.
 
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Sorry about the nitpickiness. Julie is a lovely character, and we're just trying to make sure the technical details match up with her power description. It stems from me as a GM, since I had a lot of trouble when this RP was first made a year ago with players who didn't quite seem to grasp that powers beget stats beget rank, in terms of character creation. I've ended up having to deal with a few characters here and there whose stats didn't reflect their powers in the slightest; and as a result the Character Committee as a whole is a bit anal about details (because I tell them to).


Of course, you're obviously not one of those problem players I've dealt with in the past. You've been very patient, and asking a lot of questions, which is a good thing.


Mostly what these critiques come down to is making sure that players can explain their powers to the GM (and therefore the rest of the RP) in a logical, consistent manner. That's all, I promise!
 
The J said:
Maybe instead of the lasers, she projects tiny needles (appropriate as a sting). The kicker that when she reverts to normal size, the needles grow with her, dealing damage to anything they're stuck in.
Click to expand...



Plot twist: In a "Power Swap" B-episode, @Teh Frixz's Tabitha and @SweetNicole's Julie swap their size shifting powers. With this suggestion, Julie is now a Dark Souls 2 boss, throwing Lightning-infused Great Lances down on you insignificant maggots.
 
Thank you for reminding me about that! I think I can work it into Episode 5, for an off-location training montage, somewhere in the Southern Hemisphere where it's summer - maybe @Necessity4Fun can recommend a beach in Brasil?
 
Why not ALL OF THE OPTIONS!!??  ^D^


LET'S HAVE ALL THE SPIN OFFS, ALL OF THEM!

welian said:
maybe @Necessity4Fun can recommend a beach in Brasil?
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I've only been to the beach twice. But nothing researching can't help >w<


One of the places I've been to, It's not all that tourist friendly and requires quite the walk to get there but OMG the sand was so white and beautiful +O+ And there were rock formations and the water was a greenish blue~~ *nostalgic sigh*


The place I've been to more recently was a rather isolated place with more mud then actual sand, BUT the mangue was right there beside us! We saw baby crabs hiding in the margin, that was quite the adventure!


Most tourists go to Rio or Santos, those are places I haven't been to myself >w<


Hahaha this is the wrong thread for this I think... Oops?! 
 
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Since it seems there is some confusion as to how the stinging work exactly, I'll try to offer the best explanation I can. I'm happy to answer more questions about it or try and explain it further.


When the energy (which we'll refer to as a laser) is fired from Julie's hands, it travels in a line like a bullet fired from a gun. It has a small radius (about the size of Julie so 1/2"), but can penetrate even high density, metallic structures, leaving behind a hole as it goes like a bullet, although it does lose velocity like a bullet and after a certain point will dissipate entirely. When it makes contact with the body (living cells), it continues to penetrate (but does not leave holes in living cells) just beyond the surface level of the living cells, frying off the pain receptors (nerve endings) there. It feels and hurts like you've been stung, even though there's no physical evidence of it on your skin. So even though someone may have incredibly durable, impenetrable skin to bullets or even be made of rock skin, the pain will still hit them because they still have pain receptors that are fired off. Again, this pain is only like that of a sharp string or small rock hitting you. It is not a lethal pain, more annoying or distracting than anything. It can be more distracting/painful depending on the location. For example, if she flew inside the mouth of a giant creature and fired one off, that would hurt a lot more than one that its outside membrane. It's common for someone to try and slap the spot where the pain receptors fired off as an immediate, instinctive reaction. Someone who did not have pain receptors/nerves would feel nothing.
 
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@SweetNicole - Just to throw this in (I'm NOT part of the Character Committee, just for reference) it's possible to make an S-rank character that has absolutely no offensive skills whatsoever. When I made my character I made her regenerate and her stats put her at A-rank. I could have also cranked something into defense or put more in willpower to make an S-rank but still have maintained all she is good at is taking hits really well. If Luke Cage had his near-invulnerability without any strength, he could have been a high-ranking super and had no offensive abilities as well. I just wanted to put out there it's possible. Rank, stats, and how 'strong' a character is doesn't necessarily correlate directly to how much damage they can do. Given the facility's history I wouldn't blame anyone for making a higher-ranked super who focuses on dying less easily...


I can see justifying bending bars with three strength, but maintaining that strength in a smaller form I would think would be a sink in energy or some other stat, though. Maybe the GMs/committee can explain the energy sink as being the ability to retain human strength in bee form? There could be a character, conceivably, that can morph into a bee form and NOT have the human strength and be completely reliant on their natural abilities. I think there were/are shapeshifters in this RP when I was going through the gazillion pages of character applications.


I would maybe make the strength of a human in bee form a supporting power? Just a suggestion. Or you could sacrifice human strength in bee form and just have super amazing lasers of death. Pewpew! Personally I like the more defensive/dodging times for my style of play because I can't write combat to save my life!
 
Syrenrei said:
@SweetNicole - Just to throw this in (I'm NOT part of the Character Committee, just for reference) it's possible to make an S-rank character that has absolutely no offensive skills whatsoever. When I made my character I made her regenerate and her stats put her at A-rank. I could have also cranked something into defense or put more in willpower to make an S-rank but still have maintained all she is good at is taking hits really well. If Luke Cage had his near-invulnerability without any strength, he could have been a high-ranking super and had no offensive abilities as well. I just wanted to put out there it's possible. Rank, stats, and how 'strong' a character is doesn't necessarily correlate directly to how much damage they can do. Given the facility's history I wouldn't blame anyone for making a higher-ranked super who focuses on dying less easily...


I can see justifying bending bars with three strength, but maintaining that strength in a smaller form I would think would be a sink in energy or some other stat, though. Maybe the GMs/committee can explain the energy sink as being the ability to retain human strength in bee form? There could be a character, conceivably, that can morph into a bee form and NOT have the human strength and be completely reliant on their natural abilities. I think there were/are shapeshifters in this RP when I was going through the gazillion pages of character applications.


I would maybe make the strength of a human in bee form a supporting power? Just a suggestion. Or you could sacrifice human strength in bee form and just have super amazing lasers of death. Pewpew! Personally I like the more defensive/dodging times for my style of play because I can't write combat to save my life!
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Yes, it is of course possible to make a character that plays something akin to a tank that who does nothing but absorb shots or a speedster who avoids them entirely. I don't think anything I said implied that such a character build wasn't possible? If it came across that way, that wasn't my intention. 


I think the confusion relies in the terminology for strength. Even though strength is a specific talent or ability, there's still a wide range of things that such an ability can cover, and it's not defined clear cut the difference between say someone with strength of level four and five beyond some general guidelines. When I was working on creating the character with @Gus's help, we both came to the conclusion that strength points should be allocated for strength to make it clear. I understand that perhaps it might make more sense to put the strength points into energy and use that as the explanation, but I thought it best to put strength points into strength.


There are some shapeshifters that have either been created and accepted. I'm not sure if Julie would be classified as a shapeshifter, considering she still (for the most part) retains human attributes and appearance. She draws on the attributes of Apoidea, but does not one become one. If you're referring to changing completely into creatures, then I would say she isn't, but if you're referring to just in general being able to alter one's form then yes, she is. In general, I think you can take any power that any character has in this roleplay and alter it in terms of power or slight changes abilities to make a different working character with a slightly different working set of abilities. 


The intention with the character was never to give her lasers of death nor incredibly strong strength, but somewhat painful (not lethal) lasers and being able to land a painful punch or two. If I made lasers stronger, the character becomes much less fun to write and use. I love having a character that can be a general pain the ass, but if enemies just ignored said character, said character is powerless to stop them, which fits Julie's powers perfectly. She can get some shots in, but she's not going to take down people by herself. They can't be a solo hero, stopping supers by them-self. Sure, they can probably stop some low-life thugs quite easily, but dealing with supers is a whole other matter entirely. It forces a character to work and rely on teamwork which to me is the ultimate strength and enjoyment of fight scenes. Sure, it's fun watching two supers clash it out mano and mano, but when it's multiple supers using their combinations in sync, playing off of each other's strengths and weaknesses, to achieve their goal? That's the kind of fight scenes I love and love to write.
 
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