Character Critique Thread

[The J]

Ohhhhh! Okay. That makes a lot of sense >w<

Everything has been properly edited now.


Kudos to @Gus that whilst editing the vocabulary ALSO decided to input the power changes in : O
Really, SO MUCH efficiency!!!! QUQ Thank you so so much~~~

Looks great!

 

[The Suspicious Eye]

If anything should be changed I'm happy to do so. It's not my best work, but I hope it's acceptable.

 

[Teh Frixz]

Excellent. I'll give a further critique later but damn, nothing's glaringly out of place. Well done. 

 

[DamagedGlasses]

Alright! Excitement! Oliver McGenty recently hit 5 posts, so here's my 'villain', MAINFRAME. Let me know what you think. Formatting is an issue I need to work on, due to the multiple appearances I have to give, but character information wise, the History will be up late tomorrow after Christmas celebration. o wo)-b Merry Christmas everyone.

 

[The One Eyed Bandit]

So, as Vivian hasn't been approved, could I find out why so I can fix whatever needs fixing? Or is she just not reviewed yet?


Also, Merry Christmas!

 

[Teh Frixz]

Merry Christmas. Looked over Vivians sheet and nothing seemed out of place, lots of effort put into the relationship section. Does her power also involve kinetic energy, like delaying knocking over a book or something?


also putting my own WIP upon the chopping block. 

 

[Gus]

So, as Vivian hasn't been approved, could I find out why so I can fix whatever needs fixing? Or is she just not reviewed yet?


Also, Merry Christmas!

Sorry, I hadn't seen the updates to history. Last I saw that was still blank.  Looks good! 


I did notice under relationships you put down mother as being an 'only mother'? Perhaps you meant single mother, as opposed to coupled.

 

[Gus]

Alright! Excitement! Oliver McGenty recently hit 5 posts, so here's my 'villain', MAINFRAME. Let me know what you think. Formatting is an issue I need to work on, due to the multiple appearances I have to give, but character information wise, the History will be up late tomorrow after Christmas celebration. o wo)-b Merry Christmas everyone.

Looks cool, first glance. Not sure if we are admitting recurring villains in episode 4 or not, as there is already a lot going on. Maybe they could show up in a mission board? Nice use of remaining 4 CCPs though!

 

[The One Eyed Bandit]

Merry Christmas. Looked over Vivians sheet and nothing seemed out of place, lots of effort put into the relationship section. Does her power also involve kinetic energy, like delaying knocking over a book or something?

??? The relationship section is like, super brief tho.


Yeah, kinetic energy is what I meant by force. Her power effects kinetic energy and sound. Actually, on second thought, kinetic energy would let her affect sound too, right? So maybe just kinetic energy, if one'o'them physics geniuses can confirm that for me.

I did notice under relationships you put down mother as being an 'only mother'? Perhaps you meant single mother, as opposed to coupled.

Ah, those are basically synonymous here. I'll tweak for clarity tho.

 

[Gus]

Yeah, kinetic energy is what I meant by force. Her power effects kinetic energy and sound. Actually, on second thought, kinetic energy would let her affect sound too, right? So maybe just kinetic energy, if one'o'them physics geniuses can confirm that for me.

Yes, sound is a form of kinetic energy. Also heat. 


The main difference between a speeding bullet and the sound and heat thereof is the degree of entropy of the energy. 


The bullets energy is concentrated, low entropy energy. Heat and sound dissipate into less and less concentrated states, i.e. higher entropy.


Total energy says the same, it just can't be brought back to concentrated state without effort.

 

[The One Eyed Bandit]

*Also


What do you guys think of chopping off 3 points (2 INT 1 AGL, probably) to downgrade to D? On second thought, I think 5 INT might be a bit excessive.


That, or just staying C and redistributing the points. Probably to take DFNS up to 2 and maybe ENRG up to 3.

Yes, sound is a form of kinetic energy. Also heat. 


The main difference between a speeding bullet and the sound and heat thereof is the degree of entropy of the energy. 


The bullets energy is concentrated, low entropy energy. Heat and sound dissipate into less and less concentrated states, i.e. higher entropy.


Total energy says the same, it just can't be brought back to concentrated state without effort.

Mkay. Just kinetic energy then. I'll edit that real quick.

 

[Gus]

Neat!


I had an idea like this for a hero where the symbiont was a cape the host would wear, granting strength speed and flight  as well as healing.


Makes a good villain though. Less contrived, and more… icky.

 

[DamagedGlasses]

Looks cool, first glance. Not sure if we are admitting recurring villains in episode 4 or not, as there is already a lot going on. Maybe they could show up in a mission board? Nice use of remaining 4 CCPs though!

Yeah, maybe. Gotta wait and see about all that, haha. I hadn't expected to get a cut of the Episode 4 time with MAINFRAME, but yeah, missions would definitely curb my MAINFRAME post desires. Thanks for the comment! o wo)-b

 

[Gus]

*Also


What do you guys think of chopping off 3 points (2 INT 1 AGL, probably) to downgrade to D? On second thought, I think 5 INT might be a bit excessive.


That, or just staying C and redistributing the points. Probably to take DFNS up to 2 and maybe ENRG up to 3.


Mkay. Just kinetic energy then. I'll edit that real quick.

She does seem like a solid candidate for D rank, yes.

 

[The One Eyed Bandit]

She does seem like a solid candidate for D rank, yes.

Cool! That's changed, then. Final version now, I'd say.

 

[Gus]

Cool! That's changed, then. Final version now, I'd say.

Got my vote.  Probably have to wait until Wellian lands to get confirmation, but as Gus Gustavson might say "All signs point to yes!"

 

[DamagedGlasses]

Alright, I've updated MAINFRAME's history! It's a tad long, but that's to be expected for a character that has 5 different backstories that converge into one. Honestly, if the 5 different backstories mattered more, there would be more, and I can expand on them in the future. o wo)-b

 

[Teh Frixz]

Fully updated and finished 

 

[Gus]

Fully updated and finished 

Looks pretty solid! Only things that jump out at me are that if Gender is N/A then eye color and ethnicity ought to be too?


related note: Moses was Egyptian, not Anglo Saxon (though having met a fair few WASPs in my day I get the joke, even if they don't as a rule)

 

[Teh Frixz]

Looks pretty solid! Only things that jump out at me are that if Gender is N/A then eye color and ethnicity ought to be too?


related note: Moses was Egyptian, not Anglo Saxon (though having met a fair few WASPs in my day I get the joke, even if they don't as a rule)

 Good catch, I'm throwing in what she was rather than what she is now. I'll fix it. 

 

[The Suspicious Eye]

Is there any blatant changes that my character needs?

 

[Gus]

Is there any blatant changes that my character needs?

Behind on critiques with holiday stuff and posting. Will go and have a look

 

[Lemon Boy]

@Teh Frixz  Oooooo I like her. 


Adds a new and interesting power to the table without being overpowered. 


History is done equally so; Not too tragic but enough to stir up sympathy whilst also being realistic. 


I like her quite a bit!


Especially the low stat score, most of the characters we got have balls of steel so far but It's nice to some a change in that! XP


Ya got my approval! 

 

[Teh Frixz]

Is there any blatant changes that my character needs?

 None that I can see. I'm giving my tentative approval! 

 

[Gus]

Ok, so that took me longer to get to than anticipated.


Here are my thoughts about characters in waiting:


MAINFRAME: very interesting. Different. Clever. Two problems I see: Firstly LA is pretty far from baltimore, and while I get that hacking is non-local, the heroes are pretty local thus far. So if you want to be relevant to the story, probably relocate to at least Maryland or something. Second, it seems wildly unlikely to me that all five of them would have the same latent power and all be in same program at same time, you know? My suggestion there is that maybe one of them is the primary mutant, the patient zero as it were. Perhaps their version of the gene is promiscuous and spread to the other four by some kind of viral vector? I am not a biologist, but I know horizontal gene transfers are possible through viruses. Admittedly this is comic book land, so comic book science is a thing, but five identical mutations becoming one person strains credulity for me. One that spreads to the other four seems less of a stretch.


Rothlundt, as I mentioned elsewhere seems pretty solid and interesting. No further notes.


Bianca seems pretty cool. I would suggest, given that her ability to lift cars comes from gravity manipulation rather than muscular strength that she have strength 2 and energy 8. This allows her to use the power defensively (as a shield) as well as offensively (throwing stuff)  Also, from a physics standpoint, there are two kinds of mass: inertial mass (the tendency to maintain velocity) and gravitational mass (the exertion of force on other mass) They are different properties, but for some reason they are equivalent. Both are important too, in throwing things and stopping things. If she can manipulate gravity, she ought to also be able to manipulate inertia, meaning she could make massive things accelerate with a small push, OR make small things all but impossible to accelerate.  Which brings me to gyro kinetic combat. Sounds cool, but gyro is relating to spin, and sets off my inner pedant.  Maybe change to gravitic-inertial manipulation? Would allow throwing a small thing to do enormous damage by increasing its inertia, as well as stopping a massive thing cold without even damaging it by reducing its inertia. Plus flight and what not. The main thing though is that as written, her primary stat should be energy, not strength.


Alvarenga: Did all my notes in PMs. nothing more to say. She is ok with me.


Ibarhasvad: made notes previously. Similar to Bianca, should be energy stat not strength. No new notes.


Vivian: looks good, on the cusp of approval. Just waiting for official word from welian.


That's all I got time for right now. Gotta get to recycling center before it closes


Later all!