Can I get a opinion?

[DogLover0103]

Hey! I'm wanting to hear what people think of my two characters! Thanks!!
​

~| Quote |~
I'm not single, I'm not taken, I'm simply on reserve for the one who deserves my heart.
~| Name |~
Mike Scott Marie Fernandez
~| Age |~
21
~| Birthday |~ 
December 31, 1995
~| Sexuality |~
Vary's between Asexual and Heterosexual

~| Personality|~
Mike is a kind, sweet, gentle heart. He barely talks outside of his career, singing. He loves to write songs about how he feels. He is rather shy with a funny sense of humor. If you are able to get close to him you will find the sweet, kind side of him. He is funny and maybe even a bit loud. He loves to sit around singing. He usually has no trouble singing in front of crowds, but barely sings for one or two people, with fear he will be judged. He almost never gets irritated at people. He stands up for his friends or people he thinks he can trust. He isn't open about his past much.
~| History |~
As a child he got token from his mother. His dad got full custody of him, but the problem was, he didn't like his dad much. His dad wanted a sporty popular son but he got a shy creative son. He soon remarried a girl and had a kid with her. She understood him more. He always got bullied so he began to sing and write songs. He soon became a song artist.
~| Life Milestone's |~
~~~~1995~~~~~~1998~~~~~~~~~~2002~~~~~~~~2011~~~~~~~~~~2015~~~~~~~
~~~Born~Parents got divorced~Father Remarries~Got his first guitar~Became a music artist 

~| Likes |~
Animals
Singing
Music
Peacefulness 
Motorcycle
~| Dislikes and Fears |~
Water
Mean people
Being judged 

 
​

~| Quote |~
Stars can't shine without darkness 
~| Name |~
Emily Marybelle Louis
~| Age |~
21
~| Birthday |~
August 18, 1995
~| Sexuality |~
Straight

~| Personality |~
Emily is often blunt. She doesn't care how people treat her and always has something to say back. She always has a smart remark up her sleeve. Most people think, by her appearance at day, she would be a model or something, wrong. She acts like a boy most of the time. She is actually a break dancer at nightclubs. She gets shy at times when it comes to sharing her feelings. She is mostly unemotional and always jokes. Most of time it will be little and simple or mean and rude. Maybe you might catch a glimpse of her shy sweet sight....maybe.
~| Likes |~
Loud places
The gym
Funny people
People like her
~| Dislikes and Fears |~ 
Being alone
Quiet places
Really mean people

 
​

 

[Chordling]

Hello @DogLover,


I have moved your thread to the Character Feedback forum.

 

[TwilightFire]

Please, chose different text colors. These are hard to read, and if my screen brightness wasn't low... Ow... also, the BBC is odd. Maybe create a tab for the character pictures, then one for their personality?


elaborate. a lot. Emily doesn't have a backstory, and her only trait is... Being sassy and spunky. I know you can do better than that. Being a humorous, hot, punchline machine doesn't really add anything to a story. and her sweet, kind side? how does she show affection? is she very insecure, and people enjoy hanging out with her? how good of a breakdancer is she? why isn't she a model? where did she grow up?

People like her

what. what does this mean. does she enjoy... having friends??? like most well adjusted humans? does she care about opinions??? is her "cruelty" a mask? does she have any friends, or is she just lashing out? does she just care too much about people?


As for Mike, his sexuality... Wouldn't it be better to say that he doesn't really like sex a lot? asexual normally means unwilling to have sex, whether it be sexual repulsion, lack of feelings for a partner, or something else? Is his kind personality due to anything? Is his dad really not that bad, and Mike someone who doesn't like to admit he doesn't want to compromise? why did his dad get full custody? does he generally dislike people, does he get nervous? Is he an isolationist? Is he waiting for a special someone, what is his motivation for writing music??? Is he scared of being judged to his face? How does he deal with performing? Is he pushing himself, or is he just comfortable on the stage? How is his career going?


(personal note: the actor looks very young. not 21 at all.)

He soon remarried a girl and had a kid with her.

WHERE DID THIS COME FROM. MAYBE INCLUDE SOMETHING ABOUT HIS WIFE IN THE BACKSTORY. Are they happily married? Is she just someone to keep his fans away? What does understand him mean???


now; grammar edits. use the keyboard command control+f to find these.

Milestone's

it's not an apostrophe, because it doesn't belong to anyone.

token

a token is something you spend. taken is the right word.

Vary's

Varies.

got bullied so

*got bullied, so

appearance at day

appearance during the day


all in all: These characters are playable for a short term rp, but I'd work on what their motivations are.