BYOC (Bring Your Own Coffee) - Now With More Coffee!

[Dusky]

<p>

<span style="font-family:'Love Ya Like A Sister';">What are some reasons you </span><span style="font-family:'Love Ya Like A Sister';"><em>don't</em></span><span style="font-family:'Love Ya Like A Sister';"> write?</span> <span style="font-family:Alice;">Lack of time, lack of inspiration, insecurity, physical and/or emotional exhaustion - all of these can hamper your writing endeavors and result in what is colloquially termed "Writer's Block." While this does give us a convenient handle to use in reference to our current state of not-writing, it's somewhat pretentious. If you don't write, you aren't a writer. It's that simple. That does not, of course, make it any easier. What </span><span style="font-family:Alice;"><em>does</em></span><span style="font-family:Alice;"> make it easier is having regular goals to meet and people to hold you accountable to them, not to mention generally talk writing with you. This is the purpose regular writing workshops and other gatherings serve. It is also the purpose this thread serves. </span><span style="font-family:Alice;"><span style="font-size:10px;">I'd like to add that you really should join a local group in your area and not just rely entirely on this one, but in the absence of that have fun here. xD </span></span><span style="font-family:Alice;"> Anyway, I'll be treating this thread as a sort of weekly mini-contest. Make it a point to post something on here once a week - poetry, prose, script, or anything else in the narrative arts, and length doesn't matter in the slightest - the catch being that it should be something you've written within the last seven days. The idea is to get you creating new content regularly, receiving feedback from anyone who comes 'round here, and growing accustomed to meeting deadlines. I know I could use all of those. On Sundays I will set up a poll where users can vote on the stories submitted over the last week. It won't be anything formal, just an ego boost every time your numbers go up. On Sundays I will also set a theme for the coming week (using </span><span style="font-family:Alice;"><a href="http://www.textfixer.com/tools/random-words.php" rel="external nofollow">this</a></span><span style="font-family:Alice;"> random word generator), but it's not mandatory - more just for those who are lacking ideas. The third thing I will do on Sundays is select someone I have seen giving very helpful constructive criticism within the thread and recognize them. It'll be awesome. I swear. @.@</span>

Note: Friendly writing- and Writers' Weekly-related banter also encouraged. Can't be all business, can we?

• Week 13
• Week 2
• Week 1

• <span style="font-family:'Love Ya Like A Sister';">Critic of the Week: @Mr. Grin[/td]@Mr. Grin.</span> </p> <div style="text-align:center;"><p>Last week's works:

  @Mr. Grin

  @Mr. Grin

  @Jaysun

  @Tronethiel7[/column][/row]</p></div> <p> <span style="font-family:'Love Ya Like A Sister';">@NoviceOfRoleplay - Critic Extraordinaire!</span> <span style="font-family:'Love Ya Like A Sister';">This week's theme: Future.</span>

• </p> <div style="text-align:center;"><p>Last week's works: @Anomaly <a href="<___base_url___>/threads/writers-weekly-byoc-bring-your-own-coffee.170670/#post-4430297" rel="">An indirect Apology</a></p></div> <p> <span style="font-family:'Love Ya Like A Sister';">This week's theme: Burn.</span> No critic of the week, because no criticism. No poll, because only one piece. ( )
• <span style="font-family:'Love Ya Like A Sister';">This week's theme: Invitation.</span>

</p>

 

[Dusky]

I didn't really expect anything on such short notice. ( ) Tell me - which of you are planning to submit something a week from now?


Here's a piece from me - a pantoum, actually. Quite unpolished, I wrote it last weekend. I didn't want to share it, but it looks like I'll be too busy tonight to write anything else.

An Indirect Apology

I couldn't quite put my finger on who he looks like,


but anyway, the date went well.


It's the closest I've come so far


to unfreezing myself.


Anyway, like I said, the date went well.


He's nice. Smart. Funny.


We're frozen into smiles


in a stillframe on his iPhone - but he's not


bittersweet, hungry, an ocean. (I don't recognize his veins.)


I wasn't afraid to lose him,


I keep no stillframe in my heart - in short,


he isn't you. I


wasn't afraid to lose him, but


then I realized who he looks like.


He isn't you, but


he is the closest I have ever come.

 

[Dusky]

This week's theme: Burn.

No critic of the week, because no criticism. No poll, because only one piece. ( )

 

[Lady Odyssey]

This looks fantastic! Totally ready to dig in and indulge in this when I can. c: Just the idea of being able to craft a story with other people doing the same makes my little heart happy. The whole poll thing for an ego boost doesn't sound so bad either.


Anyways, I just wanted to tag my lovelies and see if you guys are interested in doing something like this together, maybe! :3


@P U R I T Y @DisneyGirl @Queenie @BubbleCat

 

[P U R I T Y]

Lovely idea, I'm definitely in! Though it's definitely going to take some getting used to a routine before I have new content ready regularly, I like that this thread encourages my weak spot. Anticipating future antics c;

@boyguro[/URL] hi I'm bugging u again

 

[NoviceOfRoleplay]

I'm in, might as well push myself more for the web series.

 

[Dusky]

I'm in, might as well push myself more for the web series.

I have similar motives, myself. I want to write a book, and I'm internally dying in the interum between having a 9-to-5 and eking an acceptable existence from royalties, so books should happen sooner than later. ( )


I'm really glad there's suddenly so much interest in this! If anyone needs help with inspiration or motivation, there are plenty of people right here.

 

[Lady Odyssey]

Okay, so, first of all, I'd like to state that this is not polished, at all. I wrote it last night when I was feeling especially happy and giddy for no reason. Second, it's pretty short, but I figured, something is better than nothing! (Quote taken from my dear old pops). It's pretty random, has nothing to do with this week's theme, but y'know, whatever! I wrote what I wanted to in the moment; that's all that counts, am I right?


Oh, and question, if we already post a prose and want to write another, are we allowed to do that?


Enough of my rambling! Onto the two paragraphs! x3

Click Me ♥

My arms are spread wide open, embracing the summer breeze getting snuffed in through the truck windows. I feel my throat burn as I sing at the top of my lungs to the radio, my grin as wide as the open road in front of me. Nothing can make the sun seem brighter, make this moment more memorable. Nothing. Genuine, authentic happiness claws at my chest as I inhale and exhale the sweet summer days ahead of me. I’m free. “I’m free!” I yell out the window, my body shaking with hysteric laughter. Nothing can touch me. Not a goddamn thing can bring me down from this. For too long, I've dreamed of this day in so many different lights, but nothing could have prepared me for this... How do I even put what I'm feeling into a single word? Is that even possible? I laugh. I smile. I sing. And that's all that matters right now.


They told me from the start. Like every other teen in this godforsaken town, I’d be trapped here for the rest of my life. Married by twenty-three, kids by twenty-five, and I’d become a stay-at-home mom while I watch my beloved and kids grow old with me. They told me I’d never even come within grasping distance of my far fetched, naive dream. I’d never be able to do the one thing I love. I’d never be able to even get past the town limits with anything short of a plan for a short three day vacation headed for Cancun, Mexico. If they only knew. Mom knows. Dad knows. I know.


I was never meant for Arizona.


Emphasis on never.

 

[NoviceOfRoleplay]

[QUOTE="Lady Odyssey]

Okay, so, first of all, I'd like to state that this is not polished, at all. I wrote it last night when I was feeling especially happy and giddy for no reason. Second, it's pretty short, but I figured, something is better than nothing! (Quote taken from my dear old pops). It's pretty random, has nothing to do with this week's theme, but y'know, whatever! I wrote what I wanted to in the moment; that's all that counts, am I right?


Oh, and question, if we already post a prose and want to write another, are we allowed to do that?


Enough of my rambling! Onto the two paragraphs! x3

Click Me ♥

My arms are spread wide open, embracing the summer breeze getting snuffed in through the truck windows. I feel my throat burn as I sing at the top of my lungs to the radio, my grin as wide as the open road in front of me. Nothing can make the sun seem brighter, make this moment more memorable. Nothing. Genuine, authentic happiness claws at my chest as I inhale and exhale the sweet summer days ahead of me. I’m free. “I’m free!” I yell out the window, my body shaking with hysteric laughter. Nothing can touch me. Not a goddamn thing can bring me down from this. For too long, I've dreamed of this day in so many different lights, but nothing could have prepared me for this... How do I even put what I'm feeling into a single word? Is that even possible? I laugh. I smile. I sing. And that's all that matters right now.


They told me from the start. Like every other teen in this godforsaken town, I’d be trapped here for the rest of my life. Married by twenty-three, kids by twenty-five, and I’d become a stay-at-home mom while I watch my beloved and kids grow old with me. They told me I’d never even come within grasping distance of my far fetched, naive dream. I’d never be able to do the one thing I love. I’d never be able to even get past the town limits with anything short of a plan for a short three day vacation headed for Cancun, Mexico. If they only knew. Mom knows. Dad knows. I know.


I was never meant for Arizona.


Emphasis on never.

[/QUOTE]
I think I'm allowed to review: I believe it's an okay piece, having synonyms next to each other in you authentic-part in the sentence blemish, everything behind that part could also be compressed, emphasis on never is unneeded with your parallelism before hand, sentences could use a bit of fixing.


Still nice piece. You wrote it in a rush; I can tell you were gleeful when you wrote it; however, you already sound like a worried one in writing.


Chill about trespasses.


You got the basic idea of a teenager on a road beyond, fair for little time you had.

 

[Dusky]

Go for it, Ody. The more the merrier.


I'd like to point out that this is a thing.

 

[Lady Odyssey]

I think I'm allowed to review: I believe it's an okay piece, having synonyms next to each other in you authentic-part in the sentence blemish, everything behind that part could also be compressed, emphasis on never is unneeded with your parallelism before hand, sentences could use a bit of fixing.
Still nice piece. You wrote it in a rush; I can tell you were gleeful when you wrote it; however, you already sound like a worried one in writing.


Chill about trespasses.


You got the basic idea of a teenager on a road beyond, fair for little time you had.

Thank you for the feedback! It is greatly appreciated! c:


Yes, I totally agree that most of my sentences could use fixing and tweaking. I might go back and edit it when I'm in the mood for rewriting.


Hmm, could you possibly expand when you said I'm a worried in writing? I'm not sure I follow. Same goes with the trespasses. Can you elaborate a bit more in simpler terms (sorry, my mind is that of a eight year old in mornings, honestly)?


Again, thank you for feedback! c: If anyone else wants to say their piece about my prose, go for it! I'll welcome that with open arms! see what i did there ;3.

Go for it, Ody. The more the merrier.
I'd like to point out that this is a thing.

Uhhhh, what if you don't celebrate Christmas and instead celebrate Chanukah? xD I wanted to join, but... wasn't sure. Haha.

 

[Dusky]

I reeaallly doubt that's an issue. I'm irreligious sooooo xD


I disagree with Nov on a few things and agree with him on some others. Let's start with disagreements. For one thing, I also am not sure what he means by "worried one" or "trespasses." For another, I think the closing sentence is a good end; it has personality. In fact, that is the piece's strong suit; it has voice. It has character.


But it isn't technically perfect. Your word choice is off in parts - "snuffing" denotes smothering something or putting it out, and is also a euphemism for murder. Not a good metaphorical connection. You have some words repeated too closely together here and there, and you overuse modifiers in parts - that's something Nov had spot-on. And, should you choose to expand on this, you won't hold reader's attention without providing context within the first couple of paragraphs. Furthermore, you know that phrase "show, don't tell"? Well, you're sort of doing both. The showing is good, but the telling should be downplayed.


Murder your darlings, friend.


And don't worry about the theme - it's more of a suggestion.

 

[NoviceOfRoleplay]

I thought you were too worried about the quality of your writing, of course that's better then being ignorant and praising, however, your worries need to be restrained, a bit. You start off telling us that this piece is not polished, this bites me a bit. I do understand that you wanted to join this community quickly and believed a writing quickie could do the trick, but, I saw it as being scared: maybe to show a polished piece and hide under the roof of your own time limit of "last night".


The time to make piece is supposed to be the Sunday of the week, so you had time to polish up. Of course, you do say that you just wanted to capture your moment, however, capture a moment of your emotions without polish should be deemed rough draft and not yet ready.


Well, (I'm going back and fore a bit too much) I guess I shouldn't inspect a final draft from a week of work...but I think it would be beneficial for critic and you to show pieces that you say took a good amount of the week and shows the maximum amount of work I could get out in such a small amount of time.


Critiquing a piece from a one-night stand feels odd and forces us to give out too much leniency.

 

[Lady Odyssey]

I thought you were too worried about the quality of your writing, of course that's better then being ignorant and praising, however, your worries need to be restrained, a bit. You start off telling us that this piece is not polished, this bites me a bit. I do understand that you wanted to join this community quickly and believed a writing quickie could do the trick, but, I saw it as being scared: maybe to show a polished piece and hide under the roof of your own time limit of "last night".
The time to make piece is supposed to be the Sunday of the week, so you had time to polish up. Of course, you do say that you just wanted to capture your moment, however, capture a moment of your emotions without polish should be deemed rough draft and not yet ready.


Well, (I'm going back and fore a bit too much) I guess I shouldn't inspect a final draft from a week of work...but I think it would be beneficial for critic and you to show pieces that you say took a good amount of the week and shows the maximum amount of work I could get out in such a small amount of time.


Critiquing a piece from a one-night stand feels odd and forces us to give out too much leniency.

I completely agree with everything you say. Admittedly, this has been my first time ever writing up a prose, not under the pretext of actual roleplaying. I guess I have always been afraid of not living up to standards of quality writing in prose, hence why I never approached writing short stories and things like that. I absolutely agree with you, honestly. But I just want you to understand the "why" behind the sheepish attitude. I did not intend to hide under anything, but rather start out with something simpler and shorter, as this is my first time.


Again, you're absolutely right. I had plenty of time, and yet I haven't taken up to going back and editing. And because of that, it remains unpolished and a rough draft. I agree. But then again, I've done this all with intent. I'm sorry for repeating myself, but I'll say it again; I'm honestly new to prose. I'm afraid of not being good enough, in terms of quality, and like you said, I haven't taken the time to go back and edit because it's foreign to me. I know this, and I do plan to slowly improve. I want to take baby steps, and when I slowly dip into the world of prose, I will start the process of polishing more and more until I'm comfortable with it. And as for critiquing a "one-night stand" piece can be odd, I understand. But then again, you didn't have to necessarily critique it knowing that I stated clearly it wasn't polished at all. So, that ultimately is up to you or anyone else that is looking to critique.

 

[Lady Odyssey]

Hi again, people. So. I have another prose. I took the time to edit this after writing this up a few days ago, and feel that this will be a more suitable piece than my previous one. Critique is, as always, welcome with open arms. c: Enjoy, lovelies!

Spoiler

“Really?” the little girl asked with awe, rubbing her chocolate brown eyes with the back of her hands. He smiled warmly at her, nodding as he gently fixed the purple boa that was loose around her shoulders. She was staring up at him, silently begging for more. The man looked at her thoughtfully, meeting her almond eyes which were now glued to his.


“Really. I heard she gets magical dresses sent from the King himself, too.”


Her eyes widened at this, a slight gasp heard in the otherwise quiet night. As if this completely changed her whole world, May raced to the other end of the room, giggling the whole way. His eyes followed her, watching as she slowly--and carefully--selected a dress from the princess’s wardrobe resting in the bedroom at the very top. Her fingers lingered around the green fabric as she examined it thoughtfully. A few moments passed before she hung the emerald piece back up, her hands reaching for the blue dress instead. Her eyes were bright with excitement as she hobbled back to where he was.


“Look!” May wore wide, dimpled grin as she showed off the newly dressed doll. Though the toy had more than it’s fair share of play time, and had earned quite the collection of marks across its plastic skin, it still served to be the five year old’s favorite.


He examined the doll, his calloused fingers touching the garment’s fringes. He, smiling back at her, handed the princess to her with a chuckle. “Looks beautiful, just… like… you.” He poked her in the stomach, causing a giggle to escape May. He draped both arms around her small frame in a hug, smiling as he kissed the top of her head.

 

[Dusky]

Very good, folks.


I wanted to do some editing to this, but it ain't gonna happen this week. xD

Drummer

I have every gift fit for you.


All can see I’m rich in gold, frankincense, and myrrh

(metaphorically speaking, of course),

but the flitting drumbeat of my heart


is something you can only take my word for,


and it’s the most important thing. So


our puzzle piece fingers clench around whatever

keeps them from each other.

But it seems increasingly plausible that


my tempo will only ever match yours.

 

[Tronethiel]

This was a writing sample I threw together for an rp just a few days ago. Unfortunately, I decided to forego the rp. I figured since it didn't get used, I can post it here. May I post many other things as well.

Spoiler

Cyrus stood gaping at the foot of the so-called Infinite Staircase. The name wasn't exactly literal, but for all intents and purposes it might as well have been. Apparently climbing this monstrosity was what it took to slay a god. Well, at least if one wanted to be close enough to attempt the slaying. The massive stair corkscrewed upward towards a pulsing halo of light at the cavern's apex. The structure itself was little more than a pale outline against the darkness, a porcelain figurine wrapped in swaddling black velvet. Fat beads of sweat broke out on Cyrus's forehead as the sound of his heart ricocheted around the inside of his head. With each beat it grew more unsteady, as if it was thinking of giving up any minute. Maybe that would be for the best. It would save him the trip up, since there probably wasn't going to be one down.


Of course, in an ideal world this never would've happened, but Cyrus had never lived in an ideal world and didn't foresee one popping up in the near future. That being said, this was probably only the second worst shit storm he'd ever gotten himself into, that time in Fargoth excluded, but those had been...extenuating circumstances. This particular ordeal, however, had taught him three important lessons: don't play cards with a priest of the Giyel'Tesh, if you do, play without stakes, and if you happen to play stakes, don't wager something as ambiguous as a single favor, it was a god-awful idea, literally. For a moment, he considered running, but regretted it as soon as he took a step backward. The veins around the symbol on his left hand began to bulge, blackening with the poisonous magicks of the Teshian priesthood. A dullness settled over his limbs, making them feel detached, as if their circulation had been cut off for too long. The feeling didn't subside until he had willingly stepped closer to the stair again.


He knew the truth. There was no turning back. A Teshian seal dictated that the given task be completed within three days time and it was day three. If you refused, well, the punishment wasn't anything socomforting as death. He'd only heard stories and decided it was bet to keep it that way. Cyrus raised his boot to the first step and dragged himself up. Today, he'd find out if he had the stuff to kill a god, and with his luck, tomorrow this would probably end up being only the third worst shit storm he'd ever been in.

 

[Dusky]

@NoviceOfRoleplay - Critic Extraordinaire!

This week's theme: Future.

Good job, guys! @P U R I T Y & @NoviceOfRoleplay, let's see some work from you this week.

 

[P U R I T Y]

@NoviceOfRoleplay - Critic Extraordinaire!This week's theme: Future.

Good job, guys! @P U R I T Y & @NoviceOfRoleplay, let's see some work from you this week.

I'm so ashamed ;c I'll post something this week, it's a promise! Sunday snuck up on me!

 

[NoviceOfRoleplay]

I've had to do my script writing by hand since computer went our...hell, I'll just post pics for the next week.

 

[Tronethiel]

I've had to do my script writing by hand since computer went our...hell, I'll just post pics for the next week.

Initiative! I like it.


Anyone take glance at that writing sample? I need to actually go write a real complete thing as well. I will take a look at the other things people have posted soon.

 

[Saturnity]

Hello all! I'm Saturn, and I just figured I'd try my hand here. I've been on a bit of a hiatus for the past year so I'd like to slowly work my way back into RPN. So I thought it might be nice to do some warm-ups and get opinions on my writing.


So for my first submission, I have "Commitment", more of a train of thought, rather than poetry or storytelling. In any case, I'd like some thoughts and critiques if possible~ Thank you!

Spoiler

Tonight, I lie in my bed while burying myself inside, not truly hiding, but escaping all the same. Despite the comfort, the fabric becomes oppressive, and the warmth of my thoughts suffocates me, stifling any chance of sleep. With shut eyes I lay, determined, as a candy shell masking the bittersweet anxiety within. After a slumber that passes in moments, I would awaken to a realization, a dread pinned to the edges of my mind. In this way, my churning saves me, keeping me barely captive so that waking never comes. The price, however, is torturous; a ceaseless migraine wrought with anticipation. Why must I endure one struggle to avoid another? Am I truly saved?


My prison saturates me with insecurity, while crying to me to move forward. Lashes upon lashes mar my flesh while my blood turns to steam, yet my desperate grimace does not cease. In every moment, I ponder my stagnation, knowing that I would be pulled into tomorrow regardless of consent. Crying, I scrape at the sheets while being tossed away into a spacious and unforgiving land, until finally the curtains unfurl. I am here, unable to retrace my steps, and must accept the truth.


A gleaming horizon spreads before me, yet I remain afraid and unsure. Do I fear that I’ll lose myself in its shine? On cue, the rays stretch toward me as a welcoming hand, while, nervously, I lift my own. It's then that I finally realize: Losing myself might not be a bad thing, so long as it’s with you.

 

[P U R I T Y]

Scratch that, new theme. Working on it.

 

[Dusky]

Ggggaaaaahhhhhhh.


I've written this week, but no poetry or fiction, mostly just roleplay, and some worldbuilding for a book I'm writing. Sorry guys!


Anyway, no critic of the week, as there's no criticism!


No poll, as there was only one piece!


This week's theme: Homicidal.

Sorry guys. I dropped the ball this week. It's been crazy over here.

 

[Grey]

Interesting choice.


Perhaps I'll chip in this week, with criticism at the least. You're doing a good thing here.