Boyfriend Being Inconsistent, AND ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY

[BookDragon]

Ugh. I swear he has no spine when it comes to making decisions and it's killing me. One moment he tells me he wants to marry me and can't wait to move out and be on his own, yet he now "needs more time to convince people he knows" that he can handle life on his own. What I'm confused about is why, if he is financially stable and has a good hold on his life, has he not moved out yet? If he is serious about all the things he is telling me then he needs to make some decisions FOR HIMSELF and get his butt in gear and move out and start preparing for me!c I just got a second job to be able to keep saving for a car and I'm looking for a room to rent, I'm more ahead than he is it seems!


I just need somewhere to rant and people to give me advice and stuff. ( ")

 

[call me rae]

My mom can be like that.. well not the marrying or getting a job bit obvie ... but very much a roller coaster decision maker. Like one moment: Yes let's do this thing! .. next moment - Maybe it's not such a great idea... then I get off work and she's done it anyway... And sure enough shortly later it's... maybe this wasn't such a great idea.


Like omg just make a decision and stick to it.


I'd do what my sister does with her husband. Like : No your going to make a decision. Stay or Go. But I don't want to here this maybe but not really because bullshit.


But that's my very low-tolerance for wishy-washy people talking so I'm not advocating you have to listen to me.

 

[BookDragon]

@readingraebow


Yeah I know right? It's totally infuriating. I'm planning on laying down the law later after work and just tell him to get his butt in order if he is serious. I hate people who take twelve years and 1700 people's opinions to make a simple decision!

 

[kianainactive1234]

Hey @BookDragon! I had an experience with my boyfriend (bless him) just about a week ago, where we both said some stuff and found things out about each other that both shocked and hurt us. However, we both sat down, talked through it, and moved on. I suggest you both do the same! Sit down, really talk it out, and see how to meet in the middle and help each other solve your lives out.

 

[YareYare]

I'm going to contradict your infuriation, but hopefully not too harshly. While it's possible that your boyfriend doesn't actually want to or has concerns, maybe asking him if he has concerns is the best way to deal with it. And sometimes not moving out is because of other people. It doesn't mean he doesn't care about you or want to be with you, because moving out shouldn't be the only important thing in your relationship. Which I'm sure it's not anyway. Do what you think is right, but bear in mind that decisions like these maybe drawn out by the involvement of other people he cares about. You may not be the only person he cares about, so sorting things out with them before he rushes into things headfirst may be his decision. Or it could, once again, be doubts or concerns. Clearly if he hasn't chosen to move out, something's holding him back. And your focus should probably be on what the solution to those things are, not the fact that you think he's spineless.


Anyway, I hope things work out for the two of you and you can happily live together. Do your best to be patient, while also trying to help the process along to your end goal.