Blood and Water (♠ Blue Suit ♠)

((I knowwwww D: But we've been planning it so long that it's not quite so painful. . . But still sad))


She felt lighter. Two pounds lighter, several shades lighter. She didn't move. If he loosened his grip at all, her body only lolled to the sides, falling away from him or just sliding down, and he couldn't take it, couldn't let her go. She was so small, and he'd always kept her safe, always kept her well -


Tome. . . Tome. . .


He could hear his name, and he could hear a voice, but he felt lost. As if he were floating in water, and the sound that reached him was dim and incoherent, unable to process. Go. He had to go, and he stumbled to his feet, without a word or a sound and with the fragile, pale form still in his arms. He had to go. He had to take her home to the King. Maybe then he would be put out of his misery for his failures.
 
(Yeah, but still... Tome's reaction. D: )


Mia had to close her eyes as her eyes found their way to Tome's. There was pain, there was sadness, but above all there was a horrible... Emptiness. She felt her heart aching and she couldn't help it but recall the deaths of those she had held dear. She felt as if she had been kicked in the pit of her stomach at the mere memory and she had to push it to the side. Because they were long gone and she couldn't allow herself to break down when she was not the one who needed attention. She couldn't be tied to her past, just... Not now. It was not the time.


"Let's go" She murmured to the guy in front of her, the guy who she thought now appeared to be much more years older than the one who had left her at the bottom of the hill. Softly she tried to help him back to the outside of the cave, she just wanted to leave that bitterly cold place. She didn't try to talk again, nor utter any comforting words, because Mia knew Tome couldn't hear her, he just wouldn't.
 
He felt a push, at his back, and held onto her tighter even as his began to walk. His steps were no longer sure or silent, and his feet slipped several times on the way down the not so steep hill, but he was careful and never fell. Couldn't fall. Couldn't risk dropping her, breaking her, her bones were so fragile.


When they reached the bottom of the hill and the horses tied to a tree, he found his voice, but it was the sound of a broken will, a damage that could never have been done by the King's abuses. ". . . Th . . . The blanket there. . . Lay it out on the ground." He had to protect her still, wrap her up and keep her safe from any outside influence until he got her home. He would protect her. He would take her home to her parents because she loved them, and he would hope to be put into the ground beside her.
 
Mia nodded and she hurriedly walked over the horses and pulled the blanket out, laying it out on the ground as he had told her.


(Sorry if it's short :/ Didn't know what else to write DX)
 
((Its okay, I'm at my friends house again for most of the day so ill be slow and short too :) ))


Tome waited until the blanket was down, then walked over to it and knelt in the center, placing her carefully there and laying her still, her hands folded over her stomach. He didn't want to let her go, didnt want to hide her away and have her be truly gone. But she was gone already, and he stood, started carefully folding the blanket around her until she was just a small, formless bundle. He picked the bundle up and swung up onto his horse with her, holding her carefully with the reigns in one hand. ". . . We'll go now. . . Time to go home."
 
(Ok :>)


In a way Mia didn't know if Tome was talking to Fawn or to her and so she just gave a small nod and got on her own horse herself. Go home Which home was he referring to? She wondered. Either way, she'd follow him, wherever home meant. Because even if Fawn was gone, she couldn't help it but think home was where they were.
 
They traveled for days on end. Fawn's body was cold, the entire trip. The rare times that they opened the blanket to check on her, her body was cool and pale. She did not decay, nor grow rigid as they continued on. If they were to be granted any mercy, the way in which she had died had at least given them that.


When they reached the castle walls, they were, for the most part, ignored. All present knew his identity, and all knew of the princess' help, and none wanted to be near when the King found out. Tome had not spoken more than a few words since the trip had began, and hadnt let go of the bundle of blankets he carried for more than necessary. Even as they walked through the castle doors, he still carried her, cradled carefully in his arms within a new blanket, one he had changed after the other had gotten dirty. Three different servants ran off at the sight of the small party, to spread the word, as it was obvious what had happened. . . Her mother wailed at the sight of them, and no words were needed for the truth to be known. They had all been dreading this day for a long, long time.
 
Mia maintained her head low as they set foot on the castle. That was home? How could that be home? She... She didn't like it there. All the servant's looks. The mother's reaction. Because they loved Fawn and as Tome had told her Fawn loved them, as such, it was indeed Fawn's home. She glimpsed back from over her shoulder before she slowly looked back down.


She didn't care about The King anymore, because the pain of those around her was much overwhelming than her silly desire for revenge. She knew he would suffer because of his daughter's death and she could've never bring herself to be happy because of that, because it was Fawn the one that had died and Mia wouldn't cry because of it, she was not the one who suffered the most because of it.
 
The King did not break down at the sight of them, when he entered the room. He stopped at the door, his eyes going wide and horrified and sad, and walked towards them slowly and unsurely. When he was close and had held out his hands, his eyes finally beginning to well up with tears, Tome set his daughter gently in his arms, and stepped away, watching, waiting. He counted six breaths, three tears, twelve seconds -


"Get out." The King's voice was quiet and unsteady and he only shook his head, refused to look in Tome's direction. "Go."


He did not call for the guards. He did not lock Tome away. He did not have him beaten or killed as was his proper punishment. His expectation. His hope. What was he to do now with this pain? With this knowledge that he had failed her, let her die, wouldn't save her, and wouldn't be given the proper response? He couldn't find a response, couldn't find it in him to know what to do next.


So he did as told, as he always did.


Without his burden to carry, he was at a loss, and only grabbed Mia's hand to pull her out of the castle with him at a quick walk, heart thudding loud and uneven in his chest. The question held over his head and pushing down on his lungs, pulling his muscles tight and uncomfortable.


What now?


. . . what now . . .
 
Mia gasped as Tome grabbed her hand and started to drag her all the way out of the castle. She did her very best to keep up with his pace but he was just walking so fast. "Tome" She said out loud, but it had seemed as if he hadn't hear her, because he didn't stop. She flinched. "Tome" She repeated, again ignored. Maybe she was speaking a bit too low. It hurt! Her wrist hurt and him pulling her like that was not helping at all. He was hurting her. No... She had already hurt her wrist back then and it had already swollen up during the trip back but right now, it felt as if it was burning her.


"Tome we're already out!" She finally exclaimed as she pulled her hand back. For how long had been he meaning to walk? She rubbed her wrist with her other hand as he eyes softened. "We have already exited the castle and are past its walls, Tome" She added in a much nicer voice.
 
When the hand was gone from his, Tome grasped unconsciously back for it and stumbled, nearly falling before regaining his feet and turning slightly wide, lost eyes on Mia. It was just her. Just her, not the small hands he'd folded together and covered in cloth, not the thin body that would soon be lost beneath the earth. And he would never join her, never -


His legs buckled beneath him and he stumbled again, braced a hand against the nearest building's wall and just slid down it o the ground, breathing raggedly. Focus, focus. His chest hurt. He was lost. "What . . ." He shook his head, rested it in his hands and tried to just remember how to breathe. ". . . What now?"
 
Mia felt useless there. She covered her mouth with her arm as a tiny tear rolled down her cheek. She couldn't bear to see him like that. He seemed to broken, so lost. She... She had to pull herself together. She wiped her single tear and stopped the others from flowing. She slowly bended down in front of him and gently grasped his hands away from his face "Tome, calm down" He had to breath normally. "Calm down and breathe"
 
No one ever dared to grab onto him like that, no one but the one that was lost, and for a moment it stopped him breathing entirely. He was reeling, grasping at nothing with nothing there to hold onto, and hands were folded 'round his, holding them back when all he wanted was to curl up and stop. Stop everything.


But he looked at her, and saw familiar eyes but not the ones he yearned for, not the ones he would never see again. ". . . Okay," he breathed finally, letting his head sag forward against his knees, letting her keep his hands where they were without an effort to take them back. ". . . Okay. . ." If he could get instruction from her, maybe he could manage to get up. To walk. To keep moving. He couldn't stay here. He wasnt welcome here anymore.
 
Mia bit down on her bottom lip. She... She... "Let's go" She murmured gently and tried to pull him up with her. He didn't seem to be putting up any resistance and so it helped her to get him to stand up "We should leave" She glanced up at the castle and immediately looked back at Tome. "Come, let's go back" She couldn't bring herself to say Back home. Because, did he even consider that place home without Fawn being there? Mia wasn't enough, she was aware of that, even if for her... Nothing, her nothing.
 
Tome nodded and let her pull him, let her guide him back to where their horses were and then just let his horse follow hers. They were going back. Back to the house that would be empty but so full of her things. He didnt know yet, if he would want to get rid of them or keep them around to remember. Would remembering hurt too much? Did it matter? Maybe she would've wanted to be buried with her books. He was the only one that knew her favorites.
 
Mia glanced back over her shoulder at Tome a couple of times as they headed back to the house, at least to make sure he was following. It was late in the night when they finally reached their destined place. She hopped off her horse and stated the obvious as she carefully took off the saddle "We're here" She declared.
 
Time looked up, finally, when Mia spoke, shaken out of his thoughts enough to look around and realize where he was. He had to focus to uncurl his fingers from the reigns, and to get down was difficult. He steadied himself with the horse's side, and undid the saddle's straps because it was habit when he knew he was done riding. The horses could wander and feed in the grass, and who knew if he would ever need them again. He felt like sleeping, but didnt want to. What would he dream of now? What would he have to sleep lightly for? Should he close his eyes, and just not ever open them again.
 
Mia sighed a bit as she let her horse go. She took a long stride to the house entrance and opened it, stepping to the side for Tome to enter before her "Get inside, it's cold" She said, and though she seemed to be giving him an order, her voice had a rather pleading tone. If he needed someone to tell him what to do, if he needed someone to instruct him things until he was able to move by himself. She would do so. She had patience and dedication. Overall, she wouldn't be able to stand and see him frozen, as if he was just a dead man walking.
 
Tome looked up at the sound of a voice again, realized the horse had long since walked away from him, and finally just nodded and trailed after her. Once inside, he moved mostly on auto pilot, wandering about checking windows and possessions to make sure no one had been here. For what? What had he to protect now?


He went up the stairs, brushed his fingers along the door to his own bedroom and went to hers. It was filled with white and pink and a shade of purple the same as her favorite flowers, toys and books and memories everywhere at once. Was he punishing himself by going in? Of that much, he wasn't sure, but he did it anyway, moved inside past the door and went to her bed like she would be there. It was unmade still, tossed about from where she'd been pulled from it, and the room felt cold.


He only realized the tears when they fell free from his eyes, trailed down his cheeks and off his chin onto his chest. He slipped down to his knees, his fingers tight in the cover of her bed, and his breath caught on an exhale, stopped and strained until it came out a ragged, aching sob. He couldn't stop, after that, even though the involuntary nature of it had his heart beating much too fast. He hated it. He hadn't cried like this since - he couldn't remember when, but he'd learned not to. Crying never helped a thing. It wasn't helping him accept or move past this thing held over his head, pushing down on his shoulders, shoving him into the ground - but he just couldn't stop.
 
Mia didn't follow Tome upstairs when they entered the house. Instead, she went to the kitchen, poured some water for herself and drank it slowly, really, really slowly. After she was done with that, her own little ritual. She washed the glass and even washed all the other things that had been left dirty when they had left the house not so long ago. At the end, with nothing else to arrange, nothing else to clean, she poured some more water and made tea. Her tea. It helped to rest. She made it stronger than usual, maybe that would even help Tome to sleep.


When she was finished with that as well, she poured it in a random mug she found and dragging her feet she walked to that stairs. In a way... in a way she didn't really want to go all the way up and fiund a heartbroken Tome there, because she had never seen his weak side and as such she felt as if she couldn't handle it, she felt as if she could just stand to the side and let him suffer all by himself.


She found him in Fawn's room and as expected she froze like an idiot at the sight of his condition. He was crying! Practically choking on his tears as his big and strong body gave light trembles here or there, as a weeping child. She bit down on her lip so strongly that she thought it would bleed. Her first instinct was to run to him and hug him, comfort him as a kid that just needed someone there for them even if no words were spoken, her reason though, told her to walk away and leave him alone, give him the space he needed.


She took a step back, as if meaning to leave, but really, her body did move on its own. She carefully bended over to place the mug with the hot tea on the floor and with slow and cautious steps she made her way to the crying man who was kneeling by his death sister's bed. She couldn't find her voice and if she could've, she wouldn't have been able to find the words. So, she silently and gently wrapped her arms around him, burying her face on his shoulder lightly "It's okay" She finally muttered "It's okay, just let them flow" Yeah, he just had to cry his eyes out, eventually it would stop.
 
Tome didn't so much as flinch when he felt someone else's touch, heard someone else's voice. He had always detested being held, had learned to do so because any sign of weakness and any attempt at finding comfort had always led to trouble. But there was no one here and he was never going back to the castle, not ever again, he had no reason now, so he didn't have to worry about such things.


Instead, he just shifted an arm beneath his head and grasped for the hand on his shoulder, found it blindly and held tight even as he tried not to let it get worse again, but he was helpless. A pitiful, sobbing sound escaped him unbidden, so harsh it hurt and held onto his lungs for too long before he could make another sound almost just like it. It went on like that, wordless little cries that came between long pauses in which he couldn't breathe, and he hated it, like he was drowning.


And he was.


Drowning in a sea of sorrow and misery and pain, with salt in the water and no oxygen to be had. His stomach lurched so hard with every gasping sob he thought he might hurl. He felt sick enough for it, but he hadn't eaten since the last time food had been shoved into his hands and practically down his throat, hours and hours ago. He'd burned it all away and he was grateful, at least, for that, because he didn't want to throw up on her things.
 
It had been so unexpected. Such a... Wondrous surprise that he was not pushing her away, that Mia couldn't help it but hold on to him a bit tighter, if only because she had just placed her arms around him loosely and tentatively before. Her grip wouldn't be so tight for him though, but it was Mia's own way of giving comfort. As if she was telling him 'It's okay, even if you break down I'll try and keep the pieces and put them back together later'.


It didn't matter if his body shook because she was there to keep him together. If only for a second, if only for the time he allowed her to. She wanted to do something for this man and she didn't really know if it was because she was thankful or if it was because of something else, much more unknown to her, but truth was, she wanted to be there for him as long as he couldn't stand properly on his own. He could cry all he wanted to, because that would release him. For even if some people though crying didn't help, it was of use to others to calm down after the whirlpool of emotions overwhelmed them.
 
Tome fell onto his hip, after a while, leaning his weight into her but with his head and arms still resting on the bed. It went on like that until the sobs turned into just quiet, plaintive sounds, more a whimpered distress than anything, went on until he felt as if he had cried every tear he'd had and still felt miserable. When the harsher breaths had finally gone back to normal, he still didn't move. He dried his eyes and cheeks and chin on his sleeve and the bedspread beneath him, but didn't raise his head or make any attempt to look at her. It had been drilled into his head that breaking down was weakness, and his cheeks burned with shame. But what did it matter, anymore? He had no one left to put on a façade for. No one left to think less of him for it.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Users who are viewing this thread

Total: 4 (members: 0, guests: 4)
Back
Top