Blackquill's Desk

[SimonBlackquill]

Hello, I am Simon Blackquill.


A Prosecutor by profession, there are times where I just wish to take down my pen and write down whatever comes to mind.


Be it poetry, stories, haiku, prose, it does not matter. You are free to criticize, and I will take them into consideration in hopes of making better content.


This is mainly an excercise of me wanting to vent out and having a place to post my pieces.


I also update on http://curryandcyro.blogspot.com/


10/18/2016


"Dreamer"


"Is it a sin to dream?
To be someone who likes to see the world in a grandiose light, 
someone whos perception is altered by powerful emotions.
Of love, of anger, of admiration, of bliss, of jealousy, of worry. 
Dreams of both positive and negative nature,
a powerful imagination lead by the power of a thinking mind.
Overthinking at times. Maybe more often than not.
The mind of a dreamer whos smitten by those that lead his or her heart to feel these complex emotions
The mind of a person whos goals in life are not limited by what they see or own at the present day.
Is it a sin to be a dreamer? 
To be someone who is willing to go through lengths not bound by the present, 
to be someone who is willing to work hard in order to make the dream a reality.



We are all dreamers at heart. Having our own desires in life, we all want these things to happen. But the difference is that some accept the reality of their situation, and do not want to dare to live their dream. Living their lives how they are comfortable.
And some, dare to chase after their dream, no matter how ridiculous, how difficult, how farfetched it may sound.
It is not a sin to be a dreamer,
nor is it a sin to play it safe.
But we should not deny the bravery of those who dare to live out their dream.


Because dreamers know how it is like to live a life full of passion and love, I can only salute them for it, hoping to be just as brave."

 

[SimonBlackquill]

11/5/2016


Waiting for Godot
=No context story of the same name.=


Voice 1: And here I am, waiting for Godot.
Ah, what a bright evening we have tonight.
Truly bright, the darkness permeating through the sky.
When will you take me, my old friend?
I await your embrace, it has been a long time.
I see your sickle has been through a lot.
Have you toiled enough land, or is there room for more?



Voice 2: Must you jest, I do not make mistakes with my work on this land.


Voice 1: Ha-ha, you assume I am kidding.
Well, perhaps tying the knot is better


Voice 2: Settling down, that would take much more effort.


Voice 1:Though more time consuming, than reaping for fertile soil.
It depends, truly.


Voice 2: Perhaps you need a cane, your feet must be weary from this barren travel.


Voice 1: Hmm? A cane?
Why do I need one.


Voice 2: You cannot fool me, you are lost, are you not?


Voice 1: Lost, but I have already been through the walks of life, no?
Education, friendship, love, blissful times.
But also disappointment, betrayal, rejection, nightmares.
Being young and growing old.
Why is there a need for it, I can still continue walking.


Voice 2: And yet you lay around, weeping.


Voice 1: I do not need a savior for my legs to bring me further. I lay around not to weep, but to wait! Waiting for Godot to appear.


Voice 2: But are you truly, or is that just more of your droll, wanting to depart as soon as I can take you? 
You truly need a cane, perhaps, even a wheelchair.


Voice 1: ...
Perhaps, I do. 
But, you know. 
It isn't that bad.
To envelop myself in this black horizon.


Voice 2: But it will be cold.
You may not find peace in such a world.


Voice 1: Perhaps it is a good thing.
A single trip is all that is needed, no?


Voice 2: A single trip, and one that will send you off a long way away.


Voice 1: Yes, that is quite true. 
It reallly would be quite a trip.
With no way to return?


Voice 2: With no way to return.


Voice 1: Hmm... Let's give it a countdown, dear friend.
Voice 2: How symbolic, to bribe me with a countdown of your own violition.


Voice 1: Now, it isn't much! Let us give it 10 days!


Voice 2: You tempt me, my friend, but you are being too hasty, are you not?


Voice 1: With the time that has past, I find it to be appopriate.


Voice 2: Perhaps I will toil your land when the hand ticks to 12.


Voice 1: That would be a great idea, opposed to tying the knot!


Voice 2: That would take much too long.


Voice 1: Much much, too long.


Voice 2: I wish you luck my friend, perhaps your crutch, your cane, will arrive yet in the nick of time.


Voice 1: I can promise you I will wait, and you shall help me walk it through.


Voice 2: And with that I bid adieu.


Voice 1: Ah yes, I bid adieu!


Voice 3: Waiting, just waiting. Will Godot ever come?

 

[SimonBlackquill]

すでに死んで


10-24-2016 


expletis tempore, mors mea venit dissimulato.


すでに死んで、私は無用です


Quiero ser salvado por ti


All I wanted to do is to help


pero ang lahat ng ginawa ko, ay ang kabaligtaran.
杀我,
나는 죽고 싶지
parce que je suis sans importance




je pensais que vous comprendriez


우리는 좋은 친구 야...권리?


但是，即使你伤害了我......


ito masakit higit pa, hindi kawalan ng kakayahang upang makatulong sa iyo


In a time that you're all alone... I want to help bear your burden.


me empujó lejos... "Deja de mandarme mensajes!"


あなたは私を必要としません。しかし、私はあなたをとても欠場します。



salvum me fac... stultus ego do illa. ego puto de morte


私はそれが唯一の解決策だと思うので


If I want to make you happy.


私はむしろ死ぬだろう。

 

[SimonBlackquill]

10-24-2016


A translation.


Already Dead.


Expired time, my death in disguise.


Already dead, I am useless.


I want to be saved by you.


All I wanted to do is to help.


But everything that I do, is the opposite.


Kill me,


I want to die.


Because I am unimportant.


I thought you would understand me.


We are good friends...right?


But even if you hurt me...


It hurts more, not being able to help you.


in a time that youre all alone... I want to help bear your burden.


Pushing me away... "stop sending me messages!"


You do not need me, but I miss you so much.


save me... I am a fool... I think of death.


Because I think it is the only decision.


If I want to make you happy.


I would rather die.

 

[SimonBlackquill]

To My Dearest Friend


11/12/2016


We have all felt it before. Frustration, anger, disappointment, sadness, mourning, happiness, excitement, bliss, longing, helplessness, neglect, despair, and maybe this one, not everyone can relate: suicidal ideation. These are all emotions that we go through in our lives based on what happened to us or people we care about.


I have felt all of this just recently, in the span of just over a month. It's safe to say I am quite an emotional one, yes, but this is not a piece about me, but of my dearest friend that may be going through the worst of times. Of course, I want to help, but as we have learned along the way, there are people who will refuse the help, because of pride, maybe. But there are other reasons. Not wanting to show weakness, to not be a burden to anyone else, and so on.


My friend is one of such. In fact, you can say it would go as far as even completely ignoring and pushing me away because of the knowledge that I have had tried to kill myself in the past. Pushing me away, in order to prevent me from knowing the pain they are going through. It is for my own benefit, but also their own. Because I don't know, there's no reason to be concerned, and they get to deal with their problems as best they can, coping with it in their own way.


It's sad to say that this only had the opposite effect. I felt as if I was held up with a piece of string,hanging on cloud 9, only for the string to be cut off, causing me to plunge into unknown depths. Someone who is so dear to me, just stopped caring altogether about my existence. So suddenly, and so stern about it, the conviction to leave me in the dark so strong that no matter what there will be no response. It was just as foreign to me as the acts of friendship we had shared, it scared me, and I felt tiny, insignificant. Convinced that I am just garbage, someone that people could use and just throw away when they are through with me.


But not with her. Not with you. I realized something important, you see. I reaffirmed my honest feelings about all of this not even one week ago.


You are precious to me. In fact, you are to me what the sun is to a flower. Your shine, your smile, the way you joke around and can confidently state your beliefs. You know what you want, and you walk down that path to go ahead and get it. This lit a spark in my heart that I had once thought would never reignite. I adore you, and admire you.


And it pains me to see you in this way, much more than being ignored or neglected, this feeling of hopelessness, knowing that there is not a thing I can do to help you when you have no plans in accepting my hand to assist in your time of weakness... That is truly the most painful thing about this experience.


You no longer look like the sun that I had made you to be, covered in these grey clouds, with the downpour of rain. You have lost your shine, and I, the flower, have lost a dear friend.


You are a stitched together, mangled heart.
But you heed my words, I will do my part. 
No matter what it may be... I accept your pain.
It doesn't matter, what I will gain.
Our bond of friendship in which I took part..?
I believe in it, and have no plans of bidding adieu.
Mosaics are made of broken pieces... still art.
And this will also apply to you.


Nobody is perfect, but we can all agree that this is not a bad thing. To everyone around here with their loved ones just look around you. These are the faces of imperfection, the faces of people who have gone through their own walk of life, their own sets of joyous and painful experience.
And yet we embrace each other with the warmness of our hearts because we understand what it is like... To live.
We accept one another as human beings.


Your hands are starting to shake, you can't breathe properly and your heart is pounding, everything is just starting to hurt with no signs of stopping. Just slow down, and breathe. Life goes on, and we can't expect things to go our way as much as we want them to. We cannot please everyone. Remember yourself, my dear friend. You are of human heart, just like everyone else around here, and you need to be nurtured. You deserve love, and you deserve life. I ask for nothing more, than for this message to reach you. I will continue to wait, and will continue to hold on to this string that bonds us together, and until you cut this tie that I believe in so much, I am here for you for better or for worse, I have said it before, and now once again...


I love you, please, take care, my dearest friend.

 

[SimonBlackquill]

11-15-2016


[Haiku Combo]


To the uninitiated, Haiku are in the 5-7-5 format.


sunlight


I remember the sun...
Was not this shade of crimson,


Indeed, it is strange.


Klutz
Perhaps this is due 


To my own carelessness that


I find myself downed.


Fallen warrior


My aching spirit


What a shame, that this occurred


Defeated with ease.


Acceptance


Trying bore no fruit.


I find myself lost, ashamed.


Why can't I succeed?


Effort


I lost once again,


I can now close my eyes shut


I did well, I tried.


Goodbye.


There are just  some things


We will never come to beat.


Time to bid adieu.

 

[SimonBlackquill]

Whatever Will Be, Will Be.


11/17/2016


Difficult, yeah?


To try to forget about an important part of your life.


Unexpected, to even be in my position.


Not much I can do, though.


There are times that you have to wait, and be patient.


Que  sera  sera.


If truly one cared, effort would be made to keep


another in their life. This is  simply one of those times .


Either they care, and return,


or they never return, and you find out that you are wrong


Once again, that you are wrong.


But well... At least we were honest.