Melody Lovegood
New Member
So i started my own universe and i am have begun to work on a dragon tribe within that, it's a pretty long history and i have only written half of it and i was wondering if their was anything i could add/improve on, This is a thread for feedback on the story and not my grammer though.
The Arkimus tribe
Roughy founded around 5000 years ago by three dragons, swampy, fargo and scarlet where very wise and respected out of all their own tribes of origin and each one stood out in thier hatchling groups while growing up, each of them became the leaders of their respective tribes and knew that those inparticuler about the tribes did know that the leaders where not to be messed with, however each of the three leaders did take an interest in eachother and formed a mutial friendshp and after years had past and the three of them soon realised just how messed up and corrupt the magical world could be. The three after weeks of heavy discussion, decided that each of them would leave their current respective tribes and headed to the islands section of the magical world and their they would settle on top of the tail cliff islands in the middle of the water and make this land their home for htheir tribe, an elite one that would seek to rid the magical world of darkness and keep peace, They created a very strict code that all of their members should follow, it is a code of understanding and fairness although some of these rules have had exceptions,change and breakings to them. Although the tribes started with good intentions, it had a rough start, at first a number of dragons joined whom at first seemed understand enough but each one eventually showed their true colors and where exhiled, in the end only two of the these recruits had managed to stay in the tribe. The three founders decided that from then on, their shall only be members in the arkimus tribe whom have been raised from birth or from a young age, Older adult creatures have been allowed into the back under some specific circumstances, it took a few hundred years but the tribe had actually became a tribe, having 35 members at that point and establishing the main setting for their quaters on this branch of land that had became the home of the tribe for at least five thousand years at present, although right now it was their home for about 500-900 years. Throguhout the years the arkimus tribe helped many and it became very well known throughout the magical world, so much that most thought that the section the tribe lived in was more of the tribes very own section itself entirely, the tribe continued to grow until they receuved a very important oppertunity, a god had come to them, bringing with her two eggs of an extinct bird species that had exsisted over 30 billions years ago these eagles where very large and very dangerous, both of these eggs were infected witht he same disease that had killed their specices, after heavy consideration the founders decided that they would take one of the eggs and hatch it for it to die naturally and so they did and one hundred years later the diease in the bird seemed to have faded, which brung up even mroe questions and concerns of the eagles survival, since the eagle was still fairly young and they had already named it Blizzard. It was decided that hte eagle be taken into the tribe, although due to it's giant size it had to be relocated, Blizz is the oldest surviving member of the arkmimus tribe, having actualy been raised by the founders and still exsists to the present, although due to his extreemly large size he can rarely take place in actualy arkmus business and activites but He is still allied with the ones that had raised him.
The rasing of blizzard was kept top secret, even now only the Diamond and saphire council know of blizzard's exsistance as a member.So during the past time, while blizzard being raised was being handled, life continued as normal although the upcoming 1000th year of the arkimus tribes exsistance was only four years away, which was when a new dark thread, a bloody demon in the form of a horse emerged. Blooshed is what he declared himself to be when he first strolled into the tribes island, attacking and killing several members before going off to scheme. Afterwards the small attack was enough to concern the founders and even made them prepare for war against the demons. The war did come eventually but before that, the arkimus tribe did struggle, A number of dragons did join bloodshed but out of all those the most of them was Air dragon types which resulted in a temporary ban on air dragons being that they were afraid of traiters if any had joined now, they even did end up exhiling some of the more recent members and although this seemed to be for the best, it did hinder their numbers greatly, they even did consider asking Blizzard to take care of bloodshed but they thought that the eagle was still too young. Thus the war begun, for three years their was endless fighting against the demons and air dragons, finally they had managed to kill bloodshed although their was a very big cost, Fargo, one of the members of the tribe, had died in the battle which cause a heavy drop in the tribes morale, especially since that a prohpecy had come to light, that Bloodshed would return 4000 years later on the same night of his death, The night of bloodsheds survival would be remembers for thousands of years although on the actual night of bloodsheds death gathered the entire tribe to center of their home, not to celebrate their victory like all other creatures in the magical world, But for the arkimus tribe that night was one of silence and sadness as they burnt Fargos body and said goodbye to one of their most trusted friends and leaders.
After a few struggling months the two surviving founders managed to get things back to normal, Air dragons where still banned however due to the fear of bloodsheds surviving followers still being active. The death of fargo had caused a very big hole in the founders relationships, causing a strain between the remaining two and they had often threatened to quit the tribe, although they didn't and eventually moved on without fargo, swamp and scarlet formed a new council of eight, made up of the oldest and wisest members , this new council was trained and to act the top source of authority when the other founders would pass away. In total about three councils were made, Emerald which would consist of 4 members whom would intake the opinions of the normal members and deal with them, they where more of a council that delt with the normal everyday problems, also being respnsible for organising. The saphire council, Made up of five, was a bit more important, It had the power to make some decisions depending on the serousness and how little time their was to make them, They also oversaw any renovations done to the island and food storage for the winter. The Diamond council, made up of six members have the highest authority and final say in everything in the tribe, They are the most respected dragons in the entire tribe and even in some sections of the magical world, they make decisions that effect the arkimus tribe as a whole and they take into account every single dragons future aswell as the tribe as a whole, In the entire history their have only been 16 dragons that were apart of the diamond council, including the two founders.To date no Air dragons have ever been apart of any of the councils.
With these three new councils in place, the two founders gained a bit more peace of mind that the tribe would be in good hands when the two of them had passed, Although now they realised that they couldn't ignore the threat of Bloodshed any further,They searched for months for some way to stop from coming back or to even confirm that this prophecy of him being resurected was true, after months of searching and seeking help from the darkest of magic users, nothing turn up about him although every year the tribe searchs for a way to prevent him from returning as an evil precaution although aside from a few details about Bloodsheds powers, nothing turned up.
About three hundred years past and the duties of the arkimus tribe finally returned to normal, during these they tried to invent new technoligies to use, The first few were simple and had already been adpated to the other creatures in the magical world, Some dragons were encouraged to experiment with new things and thus in their free time the dragons tried to make their homes more comfortable, building fireplaces and bed, the beds varied, some had gone to the great difficulty of making matresses while some bought lots of pillows to pile up and others did just sleep on leaf piles, although all dragons of the arkimus tribe evnetually did use actual matress's, As the saphire council saw benefits in their members having a comfortable nights sleep. These small ventures into invention would be a large part in some of the future affilitions of the tribe and would help the tribe see the benefit in crafting and inventing, helping them be prepared and having more modern tools to assist them in everyday tasks although it would be years before they managed to do anything revolutionary as they still saw little benefit in inventing when they could be spending that time with more important duties.
After existing for almost one thousand five hundred years, it seemed that the founders dreams and hopes for the tribe had seemed to have become a reality and it was with that they proudly stood, generations of lives had Been made so much better, as their was now a new generation of some of the magical worlds creatures, which the decision for those younglings to learn about the tribe had been made, the arkimus tribe told the story of they had come to be ands also of those who had fought and died for them, they thought about removing bloodsheds demise from that version of the story,in fear that is legend may gain new followers,in the end however they left him on, thinking that it would be a disgrace to fargos memory if they removed it from the story.
Around when the tribe was one thousand five hundred years old, they met with the eraqus guild, a guild that had been round for one hundred thousand years and where protectors of the skies and guardian angels to anyone with a good heart, they were a very secret guild, living in sky temples up above and made entirely of Griffins, they were impressed with th akrimus tribes actions over the last few generations and their handling of the raising of blizzard, The eraqus guild had even watched the battle between bloodshed and the Tribe, Having seeking years for a worthy Tribe to ally themselves with which after years of negotations and planning, The arkimus tribe allowed Griffons to be entered into tribe aswell as eagles or large birds as They already had Blizzard as a member.
After the merger things in the arkimus tribe were a bit strange, With the dragons getting used to the new addition of raising baby griffons and that some of the other griffon's from the guild were joining the tribe among that and the two remaining founders had started a relationship,It was a strange change for the tribe as a whole and it took them years to adjust to it.
About after 1750 of knowing eachother, scarlet and Swampy became life mates and mainly ran the tribe together,It was something that gave the arkimus tribe a short shock but it was a welcome change and a celebrated one.
Shortly after the merge with the Eraqus guild, The arkimus tribes headquaters had it's first extension, inquiring the help of some of miners from the crystal cave section of the magical world,it took years but they finally managed to construct another entire island for it, connected by a wooden bridge for the ones that didn't want to fly, The new island was considered an extension to the main island, It's a lot of the new griffon members lived and also some of the newer dragon members resided and that they were able to cover more ground for the tribes activities.
Things had returned to normal in the arkimus tribe, the members returned to their duties and adjusted to the presence of the eraqus guild within the tribe, aswell as the ban of air dragons finally being lifted, although around year 1750 a saphire council member managed to retreive a mystical orb from the very deep depths of crystal cavern,the orb held magical properties beyond anything known to currently exist at the time, the first and only use of it was by the founders of the tribe and resulted in it opening a ligjt blue portal that led into a magical dimension, one where it seemed that space and water were combined, their was very little earth to stand on apart from the old abandoned lighthouses and shipwrecks,the entire world let off a vibe of blue glowing energy and it seemed it was never day time and gravity seemed to hardly exsist,as even non-winged creatures could float nd glide into the endless voyage of space above, after a few months of exploring this dimension and meeting cora,a magical glowing creature whom seemed to be bonded with the world. The arkimus founders had decided they had seen enough and closed the portal,feeling that world should be protected from the evil of their own, as for orb that was a gateway to the ‘milkyway’ dimension ,it was hidden and only to be found incase of emergencies, only the founders and their decesendants know of where the orb is hidden.
The 2000 year mark of the arkimus tribes exsistance and the 1500 years that followed were well known, although the start of it brought on events that caused great distain amoung the tribe, for one they had a memorial party for their fallen founder fargos which was mostly nights of momets of silence and hushed whispered among the older surviving members of the tribe whom told tales of bloodsheds downfall and the sacrafice of the other tribes members during it, the memorial lasted only four days instead of seven like had been decided due to some of bloodsheds old followers attacking the island and burning several huts and injuring some of the younger members, after this incident another ban on air dragons joining the tribe was set and from then on their would be a temporary ban on air dragons joining the tribe on the aniversary of bloodsheds demise.
After months of repairing and even more months of discomfort and a disgust of what had happened during fargo’s memorial week, things at the arkimus tribe finally managed to get back to normal, with the eraqus guild increasing it watchful eye on the darkness that loomed all over the land, it was during the winter season of the magical world that something very threatening began to take place, the snow fell heavier then it had before whoch at first was pleasent to watch as the millions of snow flakes falling onto the water although this soon became suspicous as the water of the ocean began to freeze over and that the snow had barely stopped since it began, the strangest was that it had snowed in all sections of the magical world, except that it had even snowed in the three sections that had never had snow, although this snow stopped a few days after it had begun.
It was getting more and more difficult to live on arkimis island, their was a bunch of snow that kept having to be pushed away and the increasing cold had made begun to make some of the younger memebers sick and they had begun to lose hatchling eggs, it took a few days for the eraqus guild to find where the source of the snow was coming from,finally, they found that it the source was another orb of power, sitting activated in the mountains, sending a small amount of dragons and griffona to retreive the orb they found the orb and that were eager ti bring it back incase it could access another dimension like the other orb had granted them access to the milkyway, however when they were just about to pick the orb up, they were betrayed by a griffon whom on the spot killed another griffon and dragon in the small team and smashed the orb, asorbing its power and her feathers turning a frost white and blue
Thoughts?
The Arkimus tribe
Roughy founded around 5000 years ago by three dragons, swampy, fargo and scarlet where very wise and respected out of all their own tribes of origin and each one stood out in thier hatchling groups while growing up, each of them became the leaders of their respective tribes and knew that those inparticuler about the tribes did know that the leaders where not to be messed with, however each of the three leaders did take an interest in eachother and formed a mutial friendshp and after years had past and the three of them soon realised just how messed up and corrupt the magical world could be. The three after weeks of heavy discussion, decided that each of them would leave their current respective tribes and headed to the islands section of the magical world and their they would settle on top of the tail cliff islands in the middle of the water and make this land their home for htheir tribe, an elite one that would seek to rid the magical world of darkness and keep peace, They created a very strict code that all of their members should follow, it is a code of understanding and fairness although some of these rules have had exceptions,change and breakings to them. Although the tribes started with good intentions, it had a rough start, at first a number of dragons joined whom at first seemed understand enough but each one eventually showed their true colors and where exhiled, in the end only two of the these recruits had managed to stay in the tribe. The three founders decided that from then on, their shall only be members in the arkimus tribe whom have been raised from birth or from a young age, Older adult creatures have been allowed into the back under some specific circumstances, it took a few hundred years but the tribe had actually became a tribe, having 35 members at that point and establishing the main setting for their quaters on this branch of land that had became the home of the tribe for at least five thousand years at present, although right now it was their home for about 500-900 years. Throguhout the years the arkimus tribe helped many and it became very well known throughout the magical world, so much that most thought that the section the tribe lived in was more of the tribes very own section itself entirely, the tribe continued to grow until they receuved a very important oppertunity, a god had come to them, bringing with her two eggs of an extinct bird species that had exsisted over 30 billions years ago these eagles where very large and very dangerous, both of these eggs were infected witht he same disease that had killed their specices, after heavy consideration the founders decided that they would take one of the eggs and hatch it for it to die naturally and so they did and one hundred years later the diease in the bird seemed to have faded, which brung up even mroe questions and concerns of the eagles survival, since the eagle was still fairly young and they had already named it Blizzard. It was decided that hte eagle be taken into the tribe, although due to it's giant size it had to be relocated, Blizz is the oldest surviving member of the arkmimus tribe, having actualy been raised by the founders and still exsists to the present, although due to his extreemly large size he can rarely take place in actualy arkmus business and activites but He is still allied with the ones that had raised him.
The rasing of blizzard was kept top secret, even now only the Diamond and saphire council know of blizzard's exsistance as a member.So during the past time, while blizzard being raised was being handled, life continued as normal although the upcoming 1000th year of the arkimus tribes exsistance was only four years away, which was when a new dark thread, a bloody demon in the form of a horse emerged. Blooshed is what he declared himself to be when he first strolled into the tribes island, attacking and killing several members before going off to scheme. Afterwards the small attack was enough to concern the founders and even made them prepare for war against the demons. The war did come eventually but before that, the arkimus tribe did struggle, A number of dragons did join bloodshed but out of all those the most of them was Air dragon types which resulted in a temporary ban on air dragons being that they were afraid of traiters if any had joined now, they even did end up exhiling some of the more recent members and although this seemed to be for the best, it did hinder their numbers greatly, they even did consider asking Blizzard to take care of bloodshed but they thought that the eagle was still too young. Thus the war begun, for three years their was endless fighting against the demons and air dragons, finally they had managed to kill bloodshed although their was a very big cost, Fargo, one of the members of the tribe, had died in the battle which cause a heavy drop in the tribes morale, especially since that a prohpecy had come to light, that Bloodshed would return 4000 years later on the same night of his death, The night of bloodsheds survival would be remembers for thousands of years although on the actual night of bloodsheds death gathered the entire tribe to center of their home, not to celebrate their victory like all other creatures in the magical world, But for the arkimus tribe that night was one of silence and sadness as they burnt Fargos body and said goodbye to one of their most trusted friends and leaders.
After a few struggling months the two surviving founders managed to get things back to normal, Air dragons where still banned however due to the fear of bloodsheds surviving followers still being active. The death of fargo had caused a very big hole in the founders relationships, causing a strain between the remaining two and they had often threatened to quit the tribe, although they didn't and eventually moved on without fargo, swamp and scarlet formed a new council of eight, made up of the oldest and wisest members , this new council was trained and to act the top source of authority when the other founders would pass away. In total about three councils were made, Emerald which would consist of 4 members whom would intake the opinions of the normal members and deal with them, they where more of a council that delt with the normal everyday problems, also being respnsible for organising. The saphire council, Made up of five, was a bit more important, It had the power to make some decisions depending on the serousness and how little time their was to make them, They also oversaw any renovations done to the island and food storage for the winter. The Diamond council, made up of six members have the highest authority and final say in everything in the tribe, They are the most respected dragons in the entire tribe and even in some sections of the magical world, they make decisions that effect the arkimus tribe as a whole and they take into account every single dragons future aswell as the tribe as a whole, In the entire history their have only been 16 dragons that were apart of the diamond council, including the two founders.To date no Air dragons have ever been apart of any of the councils.
With these three new councils in place, the two founders gained a bit more peace of mind that the tribe would be in good hands when the two of them had passed, Although now they realised that they couldn't ignore the threat of Bloodshed any further,They searched for months for some way to stop from coming back or to even confirm that this prophecy of him being resurected was true, after months of searching and seeking help from the darkest of magic users, nothing turn up about him although every year the tribe searchs for a way to prevent him from returning as an evil precaution although aside from a few details about Bloodsheds powers, nothing turned up.
About three hundred years past and the duties of the arkimus tribe finally returned to normal, during these they tried to invent new technoligies to use, The first few were simple and had already been adpated to the other creatures in the magical world, Some dragons were encouraged to experiment with new things and thus in their free time the dragons tried to make their homes more comfortable, building fireplaces and bed, the beds varied, some had gone to the great difficulty of making matresses while some bought lots of pillows to pile up and others did just sleep on leaf piles, although all dragons of the arkimus tribe evnetually did use actual matress's, As the saphire council saw benefits in their members having a comfortable nights sleep. These small ventures into invention would be a large part in some of the future affilitions of the tribe and would help the tribe see the benefit in crafting and inventing, helping them be prepared and having more modern tools to assist them in everyday tasks although it would be years before they managed to do anything revolutionary as they still saw little benefit in inventing when they could be spending that time with more important duties.
After existing for almost one thousand five hundred years, it seemed that the founders dreams and hopes for the tribe had seemed to have become a reality and it was with that they proudly stood, generations of lives had Been made so much better, as their was now a new generation of some of the magical worlds creatures, which the decision for those younglings to learn about the tribe had been made, the arkimus tribe told the story of they had come to be ands also of those who had fought and died for them, they thought about removing bloodsheds demise from that version of the story,in fear that is legend may gain new followers,in the end however they left him on, thinking that it would be a disgrace to fargos memory if they removed it from the story.
Around when the tribe was one thousand five hundred years old, they met with the eraqus guild, a guild that had been round for one hundred thousand years and where protectors of the skies and guardian angels to anyone with a good heart, they were a very secret guild, living in sky temples up above and made entirely of Griffins, they were impressed with th akrimus tribes actions over the last few generations and their handling of the raising of blizzard, The eraqus guild had even watched the battle between bloodshed and the Tribe, Having seeking years for a worthy Tribe to ally themselves with which after years of negotations and planning, The arkimus tribe allowed Griffons to be entered into tribe aswell as eagles or large birds as They already had Blizzard as a member.
After the merger things in the arkimus tribe were a bit strange, With the dragons getting used to the new addition of raising baby griffons and that some of the other griffon's from the guild were joining the tribe among that and the two remaining founders had started a relationship,It was a strange change for the tribe as a whole and it took them years to adjust to it.
About after 1750 of knowing eachother, scarlet and Swampy became life mates and mainly ran the tribe together,It was something that gave the arkimus tribe a short shock but it was a welcome change and a celebrated one.
Shortly after the merge with the Eraqus guild, The arkimus tribes headquaters had it's first extension, inquiring the help of some of miners from the crystal cave section of the magical world,it took years but they finally managed to construct another entire island for it, connected by a wooden bridge for the ones that didn't want to fly, The new island was considered an extension to the main island, It's a lot of the new griffon members lived and also some of the newer dragon members resided and that they were able to cover more ground for the tribes activities.
Things had returned to normal in the arkimus tribe, the members returned to their duties and adjusted to the presence of the eraqus guild within the tribe, aswell as the ban of air dragons finally being lifted, although around year 1750 a saphire council member managed to retreive a mystical orb from the very deep depths of crystal cavern,the orb held magical properties beyond anything known to currently exist at the time, the first and only use of it was by the founders of the tribe and resulted in it opening a ligjt blue portal that led into a magical dimension, one where it seemed that space and water were combined, their was very little earth to stand on apart from the old abandoned lighthouses and shipwrecks,the entire world let off a vibe of blue glowing energy and it seemed it was never day time and gravity seemed to hardly exsist,as even non-winged creatures could float nd glide into the endless voyage of space above, after a few months of exploring this dimension and meeting cora,a magical glowing creature whom seemed to be bonded with the world. The arkimus founders had decided they had seen enough and closed the portal,feeling that world should be protected from the evil of their own, as for orb that was a gateway to the ‘milkyway’ dimension ,it was hidden and only to be found incase of emergencies, only the founders and their decesendants know of where the orb is hidden.
The 2000 year mark of the arkimus tribes exsistance and the 1500 years that followed were well known, although the start of it brought on events that caused great distain amoung the tribe, for one they had a memorial party for their fallen founder fargos which was mostly nights of momets of silence and hushed whispered among the older surviving members of the tribe whom told tales of bloodsheds downfall and the sacrafice of the other tribes members during it, the memorial lasted only four days instead of seven like had been decided due to some of bloodsheds old followers attacking the island and burning several huts and injuring some of the younger members, after this incident another ban on air dragons joining the tribe was set and from then on their would be a temporary ban on air dragons joining the tribe on the aniversary of bloodsheds demise.
After months of repairing and even more months of discomfort and a disgust of what had happened during fargo’s memorial week, things at the arkimus tribe finally managed to get back to normal, with the eraqus guild increasing it watchful eye on the darkness that loomed all over the land, it was during the winter season of the magical world that something very threatening began to take place, the snow fell heavier then it had before whoch at first was pleasent to watch as the millions of snow flakes falling onto the water although this soon became suspicous as the water of the ocean began to freeze over and that the snow had barely stopped since it began, the strangest was that it had snowed in all sections of the magical world, except that it had even snowed in the three sections that had never had snow, although this snow stopped a few days after it had begun.
It was getting more and more difficult to live on arkimis island, their was a bunch of snow that kept having to be pushed away and the increasing cold had made begun to make some of the younger memebers sick and they had begun to lose hatchling eggs, it took a few days for the eraqus guild to find where the source of the snow was coming from,finally, they found that it the source was another orb of power, sitting activated in the mountains, sending a small amount of dragons and griffona to retreive the orb they found the orb and that were eager ti bring it back incase it could access another dimension like the other orb had granted them access to the milkyway, however when they were just about to pick the orb up, they were betrayed by a griffon whom on the spot killed another griffon and dragon in the small team and smashed the orb, asorbing its power and her feathers turning a frost white and blue
Thoughts?
