Advice/Help Are these good ground rules for rp?

[ButterflyBlueLady]

Hope I don't get in trouble for posting this, but here it goes. I am about to head to bed but wanted to post this so I can come back in the morning hopefully to advice. I don't have an rp partner but would like to be prepared. I strictly do rp in discord servers with partners, this is so that we can do things that wouldn't be approved of on site but it's also just better in general for my OCD.

I generated some rules strictly for this, I'm wondering if they are okay rules, if they needed to be better worded or just reworded because I sound mean or if maybe I am missing a rule. The rules were in fact, yes, made because of my last two partners were being overly controlling and rude.

1: Turn based post: This does not mean you can post whatever you want during your turn, it still needs to be discussed.

2: For an idea to move forward it must be discussed between partners, both must be comfortable and both must agree. If a partner is uncomfortable with anything, the idea is to be dropped or make it comfortable. Not force the uncomfortable. ((This one really just connects onto the first one))

3: Oc's: Unless your opinion is asked for, do not ask or suggest changes. Unless the comment is positive, keep it to yourself. I won't be changing my character's to better suit you, nor would I ask the same. ((I wish this one sounded better))

4: Veto Law: if an idea is flat out vetoed, that is end of discussion. This does not mean you can't use the character, just that current idea is out.

5: If you feel something is headed in a direction you dislike, especially on your own post, say something. People are not mind-readers, they aren't going to check in every reply. I certainly ain't going to ask if you don't say anything. To me, this indicates everything is going well. If I'm not complaining, then that's also an indication that things are going well.

6: Metagaming: You may not use knowledge that you have learned OOC that your character would not actually know IC unless they themselves learned it.

7: Keep all things related to RP discussion within the server, I don't need it mixed into my DMs. I do not wish to be talking about taco tuesday and rp at the same time.

8: Do not lore break: This also includes being OOC while in character. I am okay with slight OOC but not something that is largely OOC. If something is to be slightly OOC it still needs to be discussed and approved on by us both. Unless this character is gradually changing through our story and it's agreed upon, characters should stay in character. ((am I too controlling on this?))

9: No main character syndrome: It's a very large, vast universe with many pocket realms, your character is not the only existing character. ((Dumb rule? I only bring it up because of my last partner.))

10: Controlling behavior: This is a collaboration, you do not dictate what the other character does or owner of said character. Efforts should be made for both parties to discuss and agree. You also don't get to schedule in NSFW RP, it's not gonna be an every other post thing or every third post, etc, etc. I might not be in the mood for it, you might not be in the mood for it, this is something to be discussed and agreed upon. Not treated like scheduling in a dentist appointment. ((This one I also want to reword because I feel I am being a bit mean.))

11: Post Failure: If your post bombs, this means you can make another. There will be a three-day wait period before you can post again. ((Is it unreasonable to make them wait three days. I also worry they will choose not to interact with me again till they can get their own post going again.))

12: Post Freezing: If you have become stuck on a post, inform your partner. If need be, the post can be paused, and we can come back to it later. To temporarily pause a post, respond with [Pause.] ((I used to put a 'pause' on certain post when I'd stop feeling them, this was only ever with NSFW post because he did it so much. I'm not even sure if this is needed))

13: Posting Ending: When you feel a post has reached it's conclusion, discuss it first, if agreed, sign it off with [End]

Obviously, I myself with be following my own rules. They aren't just there for whoever will be my future partner, but also for myself. I want ground rules for myself and my partner because honestly I am TIRED of people trying to fight me and bulldoze me into whatever they want. If I have the rules, I feel it will chase away people who are most likely going to be unreasonable and might try to control me the way my last two partners did. I did consider adding a No Gary Stu/Mary Sue rule but realized that wouldn't work since a lot of people who make them, don't see their characters as being Stu/Sue.

I also wanted to add a rule about keeping headcanon's to one's self since my last partners forced theirs onto me, but felt that might be a bit much, nor do I know where that would even go.

Welp, lay it on me.

 

[Hakaider]

i need to get more rules down myself delt with bad metaplayers who wanted to backseat drive my rp

 

[nerdy tangents]

So you cannot advertise NSFW roleplays on RPN. Or any other kind of roleplay that breaks the rules of this site.

It doesn’t matter if the roleplay itself takes place off site if you are going to advertise on this site the roleplay has to comply with site rules.

Think of it this way. You don’t like it when your partners try to work around your boundaries through sneaky means. The Staff don’t like it either.

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As for the rules themselves I think a lot of them can be condensed into the following.

Roleplay is not a right, if I feel like you are disrespecting me or my ideas I will leave. You are welcome to do so as well with no hard feelings.

Because I feel like at this point just giving your partner and yourself permission to leave the roleplay without having to get into a prolonged back and forth might be the best thing for you going forward.

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Also I’m not sure I understood the post specific rules?

Initially I thought you meant that you take turns posting but the additional rules just confused me. Are you saying you want people to post on specific days? Are you working together to write each post?

Just a little clarification on those specific terms might help.

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Lastly I think the rules I would keep as is are 4-7 and 9.

For 8 I feel like 9 covers the crux of the problem better. It’s not that you don’t want characters to be OOC it’s that you want to make sure one character isn’t hogging the spotlight.

 

[kawaiiyote]

Hope I don't get in trouble for posting this, but here it goes. I am about to head to bed but wanted to post this so I can come back in the morning hopefully to advice. I don't have an rp partner but would like to be prepared. I strictly do rp in discord servers with partners, this is so that we can do things that wouldn't be approved of on site but it's also just better in general for my OCD.

I generated some rules strictly for this, I'm wondering if they are okay rules, if they needed to be better worded or just reworded because I sound mean or if maybe I am missing a rule. The rules were in fact, yes, made because of my last two partners were being overly controlling and rude.




Obviously, I myself with be following my own rules. They aren't just there for whoever will be my future partner, but also for myself. I want ground rules for myself and my partner because honestly I am TIRED of people trying to fight me and bulldoze me into whatever they want. If I have the rules, I feel it will chase away people who are most likely going to be unreasonable and might try to control me the way my last two partners did. I did consider adding a No Gary Stu/Mary Sue rule but realized that wouldn't work since a lot of people who make them, don't see their characters as being Stu/Sue.

I also wanted to add a rule about keeping headcanon's to one's self since my last partners forced theirs onto me, but felt that might be a bit much, nor do I know where that would even go.

Welp, lay it on me.

hi op! i've got ocd as well. it sure can make rp "interesting" sometimes. anyway, my thoughts on each rule...

1. is this for 1x1 rp, or group? if it's 1x1, i don't think you need a rule about turn based replies. if it's a group rp, i would divide this into two separate rules - one stating that posting rounds are turn based, and another stating major actions need to be discussed first and auto-hitting is not permitted.
2. becomes redundant if the above advice is taken ^
3. great rule; i'd simplify the language to something along the lines of: "i am not open to making changes to my characters. their appearances, personality, abilities, etc. are non-negotiable." (as applicable)
4. seems unclear; who has the power to veto? part of the clarity issue for me comes from not being sure if these are 1x1 or group server rules.
5. consider the phrasing: "please don't be afraid to speak up if things are headed in a direction you don't like, or if something is making you uncomfortable. i am communicative, so if i am not complaining, it's safe to assume i am enjoying the rp. it's important to me my writing partners feel safe talking to me about making changes to the rp."
6. good rule; classic.
7. in a group setting, "no ooc in ic spaces; keep all content in its relevant channels." if one on one, i'd nix this rule. you can correct them -if- they try to ooc in an ic space.
8. i do think this is very specific and once again, better to correct on an as-needed or first-time-it-happens basis vs a whole rule. alternatively, you could make one rule that's, "no auto-hitting, meta-gaming, or egregiously ooc behaviors."
9. feels specific and bitter. again, you established you're communicative, so i'd just communicate about this matter if you see it happening.
10. feels redundant, even though it's a good rule. i'd have one rule about this: "i like to communicate about that happens next in the story. let's decide together what's going to happen rather than spring it on each other. i check in frequently." then, just lead by example.
11. i take it this is a group, then? i think 3 days is a good window. depending on how quickly things move in the server, maybe 24 hours is a good rule? or a certain number of open starters permitted at once, and they can be archived or reposted after 3 days?
12. good rule.
13. good rule.

not sure 1, 12 & 13 need to be rules, per se; they could be "how rp works here" material.

i think the main takeaway here is: condense the rules as much as you can while still being clear about the things you're firm on. double, triple-check your grammar. i see a couple mistakes, and mistakes in official postings such as rules and lore can turn people off very easily.

the more "digestible" the rules, the more likely people are to read them.

they do seem reasonable and i think all are conducive to a healthy rp experience. best of luck to you, op!

 

[ButterflyBlueLady]

So you cannot advertise NSFW roleplays on RPN. Or any other kind of roleplay that breaks the rules of this site.

It doesn’t matter if the roleplay itself takes place off site if you are going to advertise on this site the roleplay has to comply with site rules.

Think of it this way. You don’t like it when your partners try to work around your boundaries through sneaky means. The Staff don’t like it either.

---

---

---

As for the rules themselves I think a lot of them can be condensed into the following.



Because I feel like at this point just giving your partner and yourself permission to leave the roleplay without having to get into a prolonged back and forth might be the best thing for you going forward.

---

---

---

Also I’m not sure I understood the post specific rules?

Initially I thought you meant that you take turns posting but the additional rules just confused me. Are you saying you want people to post on specific days? Are you working together to write each post?

Just a little clarification on those specific terms might help.

---

---

Lastly I think the rules I would keep as is are 4-7 and 9.

For 8 I feel like 9 covers the crux of the problem better. It’s not that you don’t want characters to be OOC it’s that you want to make sure one character isn’t hogging the spotlight.

With the post specific rules, turn based, it just means if they want to do a different story that do it during their turn. My first partner had a lot of stories he wanted to do and would do back to back postings without ever allowing me a chance.

I almost forgot to add, I'm not asking they post on specific days. I would like to work together to write each post, but sometimes partners have other stories they also want to play out and not just one.

 

[ButterflyBlueLady]

hi op! i've got ocd as well. it sure can make rp "interesting" sometimes. anyway, my thoughts on each rule...

1. is this for 1x1 rp, or group? if it's 1x1, i don't think you need a rule about turn based replies. if it's a group rp, i would divide this into two separate rules - one stating that posting rounds are turn based, and another stating major actions need to be discussed first and auto-hitting is not permitted.
2. becomes redundant if the above advice is taken ^
3. great rule; i'd simplify the language to something along the lines of: "i am not open to making changes to my characters. their appearances, personality, abilities, etc. are non-negotiable." (as applicable)
4. seems unclear; who has the power to veto? part of the clarity issue for me comes from not being sure if these are 1x1 or group server rules.
5. consider the phrasing: "please don't be afraid to speak up if things are headed in a direction you don't like, or if something is making you uncomfortable. i am communicative, so if i am not complaining, it's safe to assume i am enjoying the rp. it's important to me my writing partners feel safe talking to me about making changes to the rp."
6. good rule; classic.
7. in a group setting, "no ooc in ic spaces; keep all content in its relevant channels." if one on one, i'd nix this rule. you can correct them -if- they try to ooc in an ic space.
8. i do think this is very specific and once again, better to correct on an as-needed or first-time-it-happens basis vs a whole rule. alternatively, you could make one rule that's, "no auto-hitting, meta-gaming, or egregiously ooc behaviors."
9. feels specific and bitter. again, you established you're communicative, so i'd just communicate about this matter if you see it happening.
10. feels redundant, even though it's a good rule. i'd have one rule about this: "i like to communicate about that happens next in the story. let's decide together what's going to happen rather than spring it on each other. i check in frequently." then, just lead by example.
11. i take it this is a group, then? i think 3 days is a good window. depending on how quickly things move in the server, maybe 24 hours is a good rule? or a certain number of open starters permitted at once, and they can be archived or reposted after 3 days?
12. good rule.
13. good rule.

not sure 1, 12 & 13 need to be rules, per se; they could be "how rp works here" material.

i think the main takeaway here is: condense the rules as much as you can while still being clear about the things you're firm on. double, triple-check your grammar. i see a couple mistakes, and mistakes in official postings such as rules and lore can turn people off very easily.

the more "digestible" the rules, the more likely people are to read them.

they do seem reasonable and i think all are conducive to a healthy rp experience. best of luck to you, op!

It is 1x1, The turn based rule, it just means if they want to do a different story that do it during their turn. My first partner had a lot of stories he wanted to do and would do back to back postings without ever allowing me a chance. I do like to work with people on their stories but never getting a chance to post my own was kind of a bummer.

I won't lie, some of the rules are a touch bitter because of my past experiences. I should run the rules through a word program since my dyslexia seems much more interested in messing with me lol

 

[nerdy tangents]

So I think the "two stories" thing might be more of a trick your previous partners pulled to railroad you. It's actually not a particularly common thing in my experience with 1x1s. People might offer to write two distinct pairings (ex. I write a pair for you if you write a pair for me) but those usually take place within the same central story. It's just four protagonists instead of two.

But the vast majority of the time people are perfectly happy to do two protagonists and keep the story simple. They can always find someone else to do the second story with if they really want to write it.

So for now I think you might want to make things easier on yourself and just stick to writing one story with each partner.

 

[ButterflyBlueLady]

So I think the "two stories" thing might be more of a trick your previous partners pulled to railroad you. It's actually not a particularly common thing in my experience with 1x1s. People might offer to write two distinct pairings (ex. I write a pair for you if you write a pair for me) but those usually take place within the same central story. It's just four protagonists instead of two.

But the vast majority of the time people are perfectly happy to do two protagonists and keep the story simple. They can always find someone else to do the second story with if they really want to write it.

So for now I think you might want to make things easier on yourself and just stick to writing one story with each partner.

This might sound odd, but do you think rules will actually scare away controlling partners? Or do I have a lot of wishful thinking?

 

[nerdy tangents]

This might sound odd, but do you think rules will actually scare away controlling partners? Or do I have a lot of wishful thinking?

Not really, because that type of personality doesn't respect rules to start with.

The only way to scare them off is to refuse to play their game. The second they start trying to control the roleplay walk away.

Don't argue with them. Don't try to find a middle ground. Just say :

"I'm sorry but I don't think we're going to be a good match. I wish you luck in your endeavors."

And go about your day.

If they want to throw a tantrum then block and report.

 

[snicker_sage]

Metagaming is basically when a character know who the other is, right?

 

[Daisie]

Metagaming is basically when a character know who the other is, right?

Metagaming is when someone projects their OOC knowledge in-character for unfair gain. So generally like... If you (OOC) know a piece of info about the villain that your character doesn't know, and your character suddenly uses that info to their advantage with no reasonable explanation as to how or why, that's metagaming.

 

[snicker_sage]

Metagaming is when someone projects their OOC knowledge in-character for unfair gain. So generally like... If you (OOC) know a piece of info about the villain that your character doesn't know, and your character suddenly uses that info to their advantage with no reasonable explanation as to how or why, that's metagaming.

Holy sh-, i already hate that!