nikoru
pink-haired megane
TRIGGER WARNING: THIS JOURNAL MIGHT CONTAIN PROFANITIES, ANIMAL ABUSE(?) AND MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES.
june 23, 2024
sunday
rainy weather
most peers i have are either celebrating their graduation high, taking a break to some faraway beach, or maybe focusing for our board examination. and here i am doing none of those because i feel like shit. just a lil bit background for myself: i am a 22-year old psychology graduate who just got my degree this month. it was supposed to be a happy occasion but fuck, i got diagnosed with anxiety instead. one last shitty thing before i leave uni.
how great!
i feel so numb these past few days due to my beloved pet's death, someone i loved dearly like a son. that helped cat me through thick and thin, especially when i was stressing over the isolation and feeling of loneliness i encountered because my ex-friends treated me like a social pariah which spread through my acquaintances and now i couldnt even face them without having a panic attack.
and my cat helped me with those. he helped me go through college and find a reason for my living because i promised myself to spoil the fuck out of my baby once i get a job. so i fought my fucking depression and anxiety just to finish my degree.
but now my cat is dead and treated like garbage.
the night i learned of his death, i just came home from doing all the government id shit i needed to do for my board exam. when i learned that my parents hid it from me and threw him away in the dumpster? i was fucking livid.
first, i felt anger. then, i felt numb. then, i felt helpless because my baby was gone.
i wish i could have hugged him one last time before sending him off to a proper burial in our backyard instead of him being treated like trash.
i really wanted to cry and mourn and move out from this household. i am of age, but heck i do not have a job because most employers require graduates of psychology to have a license before hiring them. i felt like i lost all motivation to do all of the stuff i had to do like review for my board examination because of this.
rest in peace, my baby. i hope you have a warm laptop to rest on wherever you are. i love you so much.
june 23, 2024
sunday
rainy weather
most peers i have are either celebrating their graduation high, taking a break to some faraway beach, or maybe focusing for our board examination. and here i am doing none of those because i feel like shit. just a lil bit background for myself: i am a 22-year old psychology graduate who just got my degree this month. it was supposed to be a happy occasion but fuck, i got diagnosed with anxiety instead. one last shitty thing before i leave uni.
how great!
i feel so numb these past few days due to my beloved pet's death, someone i loved dearly like a son. that helped cat me through thick and thin, especially when i was stressing over the isolation and feeling of loneliness i encountered because my ex-friends treated me like a social pariah which spread through my acquaintances and now i couldnt even face them without having a panic attack.
and my cat helped me with those. he helped me go through college and find a reason for my living because i promised myself to spoil the fuck out of my baby once i get a job. so i fought my fucking depression and anxiety just to finish my degree.
but now my cat is dead and treated like garbage.
the night i learned of his death, i just came home from doing all the government id shit i needed to do for my board exam. when i learned that my parents hid it from me and threw him away in the dumpster? i was fucking livid.
first, i felt anger. then, i felt numb. then, i felt helpless because my baby was gone.
i wish i could have hugged him one last time before sending him off to a proper burial in our backyard instead of him being treated like trash.
i really wanted to cry and mourn and move out from this household. i am of age, but heck i do not have a job because most employers require graduates of psychology to have a license before hiring them. i felt like i lost all motivation to do all of the stuff i had to do like review for my board examination because of this.
rest in peace, my baby. i hope you have a warm laptop to rest on wherever you are. i love you so much.
