Doctor Nope
The Geodoodle
Ok, so I'm working on a book, but I want feedback for what I have so far. The first chapter is nowhere near complete and on my document it shows as being around a page and a half.
[COLOR= rgb(0, 0, 0)]Chapter 1 - [/COLOR][COLOR= rgb(0, 0, 0)]Shenanigans[/COLOR]
[COLOR= rgb(0, 0, 0)]The floor was cold and hard, which shouldn’t have been a surprise to Davis. This was his own room, after all. What really surprised him was the speed at which he had been sent down after being hit on the head by his opponent’s weapon. A groan escaped from him as he started to get back on his feet, and the opponent assisted him. At this point, Davis wasn’t really sure what he was expecting to happen, as to this day he had yet to defeat Aryn in a plastic sword duel. He doubted he ever would, as Aryn Besnik became a true force to be reckoned with whenever he was armed with his polymer weapon of choice. [/COLOR]
[COLOR= rgb(0, 0, 0)]“So...was this the only reason you called me over here at six thirty in the morning?” Aryn questioned with a bored expression. Evidently, he wasn’t amused with having to lose out on precious sleeping time on a school day. [/COLOR]
[COLOR= rgb(0, 0, 0)]“Pretty much, I really needed something to help me wake up and this seemed like the best option” Davis replied in a victorious tone, believing that he had achieved his goal. Aryn gave him a confused look, questioning both his friend’s logic and his soundness of mind [/COLOR]
[COLOR= rgb(0, 0, 0)]“So you chose to wake yourself up by having me beat you in a sword fight?” Aryn asked.[/COLOR]
[COLOR= rgb(0, 0, 0)]“Don’t judge me, peasant!” Davis retorted at what was now his apparent underling, trying to ignore the fact that Aryn had just completely wrecked him in their duel. Davis proceeded to further explain his reasoning, hoping this would make him sound smart to his intellectual superior “Anyway, I needed to wake up early so we’d have time to get our group together for the trip.” [/COLOR]
[COLOR= rgb(0, 0, 0)]“Davis, nobody is going to be at school this early, we’re not going to see anyone for a while. There was no need to wake up this earl-” [/COLOR]
[COLOR= rgb(0, 0, 0)]Aryn’s explanation was cut short when Davis interrupted him, yelling “THE EARLY BIRD GETS THE CEREAL” as he rushed out of his room, leaving Aryn with no choice but to reluctantly follow him to school. Aryn only protested by quietly remarking that birds did not eat cereal, knowing that Davis would acknowledge the fact either way. [/COLOR]
[COLOR= rgb(0, 0, 0)] [/COLOR]
[COLOR= rgb(0, 0, 0)]Now meandering around the near empty school, Davis realised how stupid of a decision this was and concluded that this was the result of a drowsy mind. Obviously he blamed Aryn for this, claiming that he had not defeated him thoroughly enough to wake him up. Aryn didn’t try to respond to this, knowing nothing would convince Davis otherwise. [/COLOR]
[COLOR= rgb(0, 0, 0)]They would have continued to wander aimlessly, had their attention not been caught by someone yelling at them from across the hall. Lillianna Savvian stormed up to the two, bellowing “Sanderson, Besnik, what the [/COLOR][COLOR= rgb(0, 0, 0)]hell[/COLOR][COLOR= rgb(0, 0, 0)] are you two doing here?! Only the science club is authorised at school this early!”[/COLOR]
[COLOR= rgb(0, 0, 0)]“Then I suppose I could ask you the same thing, Savvian” Davis responded in the snarky tone he usually used when addressing Lillianna.[/COLOR]
[COLOR= rgb(0, 0, 0)]“Uh, Davis, she’s the highest ranking member of the club” Aryn whispered to his friend. Davis’ eyes widened a bit, realising how stupid he had made himself look. In his attempt at a snarky comeback, he had forgotten the most defining fact about Lillianna that he knew of so far. [/COLOR]
[COLOR= rgb(0, 0, 0)]Chapter 1 - [/COLOR][COLOR= rgb(0, 0, 0)]Shenanigans[/COLOR]
[COLOR= rgb(0, 0, 0)]The floor was cold and hard, which shouldn’t have been a surprise to Davis. This was his own room, after all. What really surprised him was the speed at which he had been sent down after being hit on the head by his opponent’s weapon. A groan escaped from him as he started to get back on his feet, and the opponent assisted him. At this point, Davis wasn’t really sure what he was expecting to happen, as to this day he had yet to defeat Aryn in a plastic sword duel. He doubted he ever would, as Aryn Besnik became a true force to be reckoned with whenever he was armed with his polymer weapon of choice. [/COLOR]
[COLOR= rgb(0, 0, 0)]“So...was this the only reason you called me over here at six thirty in the morning?” Aryn questioned with a bored expression. Evidently, he wasn’t amused with having to lose out on precious sleeping time on a school day. [/COLOR]
[COLOR= rgb(0, 0, 0)]“Pretty much, I really needed something to help me wake up and this seemed like the best option” Davis replied in a victorious tone, believing that he had achieved his goal. Aryn gave him a confused look, questioning both his friend’s logic and his soundness of mind [/COLOR]
[COLOR= rgb(0, 0, 0)]“So you chose to wake yourself up by having me beat you in a sword fight?” Aryn asked.[/COLOR]
[COLOR= rgb(0, 0, 0)]“Don’t judge me, peasant!” Davis retorted at what was now his apparent underling, trying to ignore the fact that Aryn had just completely wrecked him in their duel. Davis proceeded to further explain his reasoning, hoping this would make him sound smart to his intellectual superior “Anyway, I needed to wake up early so we’d have time to get our group together for the trip.” [/COLOR]
[COLOR= rgb(0, 0, 0)]“Davis, nobody is going to be at school this early, we’re not going to see anyone for a while. There was no need to wake up this earl-” [/COLOR]
[COLOR= rgb(0, 0, 0)]Aryn’s explanation was cut short when Davis interrupted him, yelling “THE EARLY BIRD GETS THE CEREAL” as he rushed out of his room, leaving Aryn with no choice but to reluctantly follow him to school. Aryn only protested by quietly remarking that birds did not eat cereal, knowing that Davis would acknowledge the fact either way. [/COLOR]
[COLOR= rgb(0, 0, 0)] [/COLOR]
[COLOR= rgb(0, 0, 0)]Now meandering around the near empty school, Davis realised how stupid of a decision this was and concluded that this was the result of a drowsy mind. Obviously he blamed Aryn for this, claiming that he had not defeated him thoroughly enough to wake him up. Aryn didn’t try to respond to this, knowing nothing would convince Davis otherwise. [/COLOR]
[COLOR= rgb(0, 0, 0)]They would have continued to wander aimlessly, had their attention not been caught by someone yelling at them from across the hall. Lillianna Savvian stormed up to the two, bellowing “Sanderson, Besnik, what the [/COLOR][COLOR= rgb(0, 0, 0)]hell[/COLOR][COLOR= rgb(0, 0, 0)] are you two doing here?! Only the science club is authorised at school this early!”[/COLOR]
[COLOR= rgb(0, 0, 0)]“Then I suppose I could ask you the same thing, Savvian” Davis responded in the snarky tone he usually used when addressing Lillianna.[/COLOR]
[COLOR= rgb(0, 0, 0)]“Uh, Davis, she’s the highest ranking member of the club” Aryn whispered to his friend. Davis’ eyes widened a bit, realising how stupid he had made himself look. In his attempt at a snarky comeback, he had forgotten the most defining fact about Lillianna that he knew of so far. [/COLOR]
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