Journal .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

[nymphea]

 

[nymphea]

I hate how when anything bothers me I just shut my mouth and don't say a word about how it made me feel. I sit there and silence and just stare, and think, and I know it's annoying. It annoys even me. I hate that I can already feel I'm messing things up. I wanted to reach out and grab you and say that I was fine but, I'm really not fine. I don't think I'll ever be fine with that. And there was no way in Hell I would apologize to you for that; it wasn't close to being anything to do with me. You knew that and that's why I could feel your heart beating out of your chest. Things like that make me sick when I look at myself in the mirror, I wanted to tell you that. I'm not upset with you. I'm upset at the fact that I can't control these insecure thoughts about myself and the way I look. I hate it all.

 

[nymphea]

Time passes so slowly.

 

[nymphea]

I hate how everything I do, I can't ever seem to think it's worth a shit. I can't draw without putting myself down, write without hating every word, read without my mind wandering somewhere else and I end up putting it down, play a video game without getting bored after five minutes and turning it off. I'm slowly losing total interest in all of the things I used to love to do. I can't bring myself to do them anymore. I feel like I don't have the time, as if I should just be going to work and paying rent, but I know that's not all my life should be, especially right now.

I'm really tired all the time.

 

[narancia]

I hate how everything I do, I can't ever seem to think it's worth a shit. I can't draw without putting myself down, write without hating every word, read without my mind wandering somewhere else and I end up putting it down, play a video game without getting bored after five minutes and turning it off. I'm slowly losing total interest in all of the things I used to love to do. I can't bring myself to do them anymore. I feel like I don't have the time, as if I should just be going to work and paying rent, but I know that's not all my life should be, especially right now.

I'm really tired all the time.

Not sure if you want replies are not (feel free to delete if you want) but i've recently been feeling similar about my situation for about a month or two. It was mostly due to quarantining and online school and I thought I was over it after that hellish month passed but it's back again in full swing!
A lot of the times I have to make a to-do list in my head of what I'm going to do just to get out of bed everyday and I can never think past an hour ahead. It helps a bit to go back to old hobbies of mine, like rping and writing on this site. It's exciting and brings me back to a time when I was a bit more naive and happy?? i guess
all this is just to say, you're not alone