s0ufflecake

Sorry. And goodbye.

But then again, nobody is gonna help me at all. Nobody's there for me. I can' talk about how frustrated I am with the lack of control I have over my life with my mother who I know would say against it. I can't talk about my grievances with my family or tell them to stop to my own relatives. And I know damn well that my older cousin doesn't want to hear about all this depressing shit I've kept in my brain.

The only place where I was most expressive was the internet, and it hurt me more than I would say. Who knew that clicking away at my keyboard was gonna how I'd express my frustrations?

But then again, I really am alone. No one's coming for me, and there's nothing that will help me.

I feel left out, to be honest. No matter how many places on the internet that could offer me that chance, I still don't have one.

I look at all of my classmates. There's people just as shy as me that have somebody special to them, or hell, even aren't as judged as me.

But here I am, sitting in the corner with nothing but myself to accompany with. I can't even make up small talk without fumbling or getting made fun of behind my back minutes or hours later. Or doing something so impulsive that people stay away from me. Or the way they look at me and think of some freak of nature.

I hate it. I want someone who wouldn't just look at me and think of an person. Not anything extravagant, but a normal human being with the same emotions as them, but still unique in my own way.

Trusting people gets hard for me. What if they are just calling me a loser in another language or behind my back? What if they don't actually care at all? What if they laugh about how I look when I'm out of their earshot? Or they're just manipulating me?

I hate it. I really do. But damn it, I really just want to have a person that I know wouldn't do all of that.

But it's gonna take a long time. Especially when my family and my mother's friends just feed onto this stupid fear I have.

Sometimes..

Sometimes I wish I had someone to be vulnerable with truly. A person who I can really rely on, and someone that I definitely trust to be intimate with me and to not judge me. A person that wouldn't hate or drop me over some petty reason. One that could be okay with the idea of helping each other, but still let me have control over what I can do. An person that can play games with me, spend time with me, and talk about our shared interests.

But there's nothing. Not at all.

I have to go to the parent-teacher conference.. Are you kidding me

How is it Wednesday yesterday it felt like Thursday

school…..

why do people love grape juice. i do not get the appeal of it at all