Morose

Hello.

I've thought about society as a whole, and I've come to the conclusion that... I'm not really fit to be in one for a long period of time.

Put bluntly, I have a hard time understanding and connecting with others, and I tend to do or say something that keeps me away from others.
If there was a new world created, I would probably hole myself up in a basement or cave, and try to limit my interactions with other humans.

I wonder, if humans are social creatures, and I am unable to socialize, does that make me not human?

Thank you.

Hello.

I've been thinking about heaven.

To be more precise, I'm a Catholic Christian, and in one of my dreams, I was in heaven.
Me and my nuclear family had passed on. We had forgotten our deaths, and basked in the rays of God.

If I had to describe the feeling; hmm- do you know that feeling that you had as a child, when there was something amazing about to happen, and you couldn't wait- like at a amusement park?
That was the feeling.

I wonder, why did this dream occur? I can still vividly remember the feelings, so was God trying to tell me something? Am I straying from his kingdom?

I can't stop thinking about it. It's tantalizing, every day I'm reminded of the happiness and joy I felt.

There are those who deny the existence of such a place. I pity them.

But, to be frank, I'm scared.

I'm scared that I won't be accepted. That all the unspeakable things I've done behind closed doors is too much to forgive. I try to follow in the way, but I am faltering.

I think about it, hell.

I think about how many people have gone there, and what they feel.
I think about if I have a seat ready there, with my name on it.
I think and think, but every day there's a silent shudder in my heart, and I pray that I do not be sent there.

Quietly and alone in my room. I pray and pray and pray. I pray that I may be forgiven by his grace.

He sees us, you know? Every single thing that you do, he observes with infinite knowledge of what you are doing, even thinking.
He knows every single sin you commit; he's even watching me type, and you read.

I'm so scared of hell.

Thank you.

Hello.

I think that I should start "roleplaying" with other people.
The term is a bit weird, isn't it? Reminds you of a 30 year old man who has a sword made of cardboard.

I simply wish to do it for 2 reasons.

1.
I am too lazy to write a book, yet I want something to remain of me.
A bit silly, isn't it?

2.
The purpose of this site is to communicate with other people.
Wouldn't it be wrong to have the legacy of someone who didn't even use the site properly?

This sounds melodramatic, but it's not unnatural to want something to remain of you. Statues, buildings, recordings, these are just natural instincts.

Thank you.