Len Auphydas

I
I think I'm just
Done with math. Other than review, which I'll have to do occasionally to actually remember it.
From what I hear, calculus isnt necessary for biochemistry
So the 15% of calculus I did wasnt even necessary.
And I finished precalculus so...
I think I'm just... Done.

...Huh.

And thats a 93% on the first calculus unit test!
not too shabby.

So I'm watching "Turnip boy robs a bank", right?
And guess what I found.
if you guessed "dead siblings" then GOD DAMMIT YOU WOULD BE RIGHT
WHY ARE THE SIBLINGS ALWAYS DEAD

ITS LITERALLY TURNIP BOY ROBS A BANK
WHY IS THEIR SISTER DEAD

UGH
I'm so done with these dead siblings in every god damn thing
In demon slayer I literally made a game out of guessing how many dead siblings would be in every arc because the dead siblings just. Won't. Stop. Ever.
Like yeesh give me a break already why is it so much to ask to have siblings that aren't dead.

And there we are, last unit in precalculus done!
Now I will need to review for a couple weeks for sure, but still. Thats another class knocked out.
now I can go take my nap, ha.

Thanks for taking a look at my recruit thread

Things that should be beautiful, yet arent.
Thats something I find quite disturbing.
It bugs me.
I can't really resent them. I never made any real attempt myself. It was never supposed to be anything special.
Yet, I can't help but feel bitter regardless. Unfair, I know. Just... how it is.
I always feel melancholy at gatherings. Reminders of what I don't, can't have.

Well that was a big project. But I have made a timeline of my entire life! Basically an autobiography, its like eighty pages long. Not in that much detail of course, but stilll. Its interesting. Had to try to estimate when things happened based on their proximity to other events.

Alright, thats enough feeling bad for myself! Time to get back to work! Got a proper nights rest now I need some breakfast and its all writing and studying for me. Lessgo!

The hardest part is over. The long drawn out goodbye keeps going, though. It took so long, to find any real closure. To truly make myself believe that our paths are never to converge. Thankyou, Stardust, for telling me the words I needed to hear. I cant be satisfied with this ending- These bitter ashes of defeat. I fought a war for your soul, and I lost. But I have others who need me, more battles to fight... Theres nothing left to do but pick myself up and forge ever onwards. I'm sure, in the long run... I'll be better for it. No more will that lingering specter of blind hope hang over me. Its such sweet agony, yet... I know... In the long run, this will be a relief. The guillotine is no longer over my head. The sentence has been cast. Now I just need to pick everything up and move onwards.

I know you never believed in me, Stardust.
But I promise you, I'll prove you wrong.
I'll show this world what it can be
No matter how insane you might think I am.

Whew
They're finally here.
All this tension can finally go somewhere.

I'm trying to keep a handle on my emotions. I'm doing... Ok, for now. But there's definitely an anxiety and dread simmering beneath the surface. Trying not to dwell on it too much. Stardust should be here, today. I haven't seen them yet but... It is the day. Maybe they're still at work. It could be a long while.

Ugh, I'm not looking forward to this, but at this rate I think I'd just prefer to get it over with. I hate having something hanging over my head like a guillotine. No matter how dire it is, it'll be a weight lifted once its over.

Guh, 2:00 and can't sleeeep. And only one day still its time to see Stardust...

Man- My cousin was just reading this very promising story, right? Read what he described as the 'biggest green flag ever', then rushed over to share it with me. So we started reading it. And then the very next panel after my cousin stopped reading it to share with me, they had to hit me with that "Oh we're not actually related one of us is just adopted!". Which, we all know what that leads to.

Even if by some miracle they're not going to be gross about it, that's still just very disappointing. I swear, I have to write all the siblings myself...

Its upsetting how I always gotta take the bad with the good
Couldn't I, just have the good, on it's own, one of these days?

I've pretty much spent the entire day just reflecting on my own sense of self-superiority.
Ya know, I probably am a narcissist when I get down to it...

Blech... I really need to stop translating cute sibling pictures. Stahp.

My eyelids hurt and I have a headache
Rrrgh

I dyed my hair again-
Am I cute yet