If you are lonely, dim the lights and put on a horror movie. After a while, it won't feel like you are alone anymore.
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He who laughs last didn't get it.
Flopcorn: The unpopped kernels at the bottom of the cooker.
The following statement is false. The previous statement was true.
Make it idiot proof, and someone will make a better idiot.
I really want to go to KFC and ask if they have vegan options. I'm not vegan, just curious.
Apathy workshop canceled due to lack of interest.
Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
why do you sign in as a anon?
Never play leap frog with a unicorn.
Diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.
Currently revisiting my music choices from 5 years ago.
The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so.
Some really strange things show up when you google "monster horse dog." Actually... I'm not sure why I was expecting it to be normal.
Cookies are good. Warm cookies are the best.
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.
You couldn't handle me even if I came with instructions.
Stalking is such a strong word. I prefer "Intense research of an individual."
I wish my wallet came with free refills.
Everyone needs to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink.
That awkward moment when you've already said "What?" three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree.
I want a cactus in a cute little pot and I'll name it after you because you're a fricken prick.
I really really like acoustic music. Thank you Spotify, for the suggestion. So thoughtful. -
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