Post it notes

[TheMadHatter44]

post it


notes



​

Rattled tattered brain, unkempt thoughts on paper


Thin ink running down the walls of my home,


Open books with labels of pink and blue hunt


The very hours of my youth.


Days spent without sleep, colorful thoughts and


Broken promises carried on the wind like


Wingless birds who sought flight but never


Made it because of the strong gust


Heartache , Violence, Hate and heat of the moment


Litter every household in this world on thin strips


But wonder, ideas, creative thoughts amount to


Piles of trash in garbage dumps because of rejection.


A post-it Note is like a candy bar that is broken into chunks


And left in the open to be devoured by ants or stolen by crows.


Heartfelt apologies and friendships made because of a single


Scrap of paper.

 

[Grey]

I think that this lacks consistency. Thematically it works; I understand what you're aiming for and it's emotive, sincere. But I feel like you could tighten up the choice of wording, here and there, apply a little more structural discipline. It's very... guileless, I think. You just miss the nuance and grace I think you might be capable of.